Do you pass or not?

[Northern Star Girl]

This is a really fascinating thing to me.  Because here I thought there was no way in hell I could ever have a chance at passing.  And I allowed that fear to control me for many years and allowed it to keep me from transitioning a long time ago.  Now, here I am, coming up on 8 months on HRT, and have reached a point where for the first time, when I put my wig and makeup on, I actually "feel" like a girl, and when I look in the mirror I "See" a girl.  And I have gone out in public a lot more lately in "girl mode" and get very very few funny looks now. Mostly people just glance at me like I am any other girl walking through the store, and they go back to what they were doing.  So I guess that means that from a distance anyway, I must be pretty well passing now.  Because in the past, everyone would look at me and whisper something to the person they are with.  So it has been an incredibly amazing experience for me to see this shift recently. 

  Over this past weekend, I dressed up all day Friday, Saturday and Sunday, and it was the most incredible feeling in the world to finally get to be myself!  My wife and I had lots of fun, going shopping together, and to a baby shower, and out to coffee with friends, out to a bar for beers with friends, and everywhere I went, I was treated very nice, and normal, and people just talked to me like normal even though I have a lower voice that does not sound feminine at all.  With the exception of one chinese restaurant.....I stopped in there to pick up a to go order, and when I went in, the lady called me "Sir".   Kind of knocked me back a bit after a couple days of not a single misgender incident.  But that's okay.  Many many more of those incidents in my future.  I can accept that.  ha ha

  I even went by myself to a thift store to look for some more clothes since I am at an extremely fun period of my transition right now, where I am finally starting to really see a lot of feminzation happening to my face, and therefore it is far easier for me to "Want" to dress as myself more, and I have been having tons of fun experimenting with new outfits.  It was so nice, to be able to walk around that thrift store just like any other girl there shopping.  I got zero funny looks, I found a new dress, and a cute skirt, and a couple cute shirts, and went and tried them all on, and then went up front and paid, and the cashier was friendly, and just acted as if she had no idea.  I know she must have because I actually talked to her, and once my voice comes out, it's all over. ha ha  But even if she did know, thank God for people like her who just go with it and treat us like normal.

  If a person were to tell me that I should not go out dressed like a girl until I am able to pass, I would get very upset at that person.  Because yes, many of us desire to "pass" because we identify as female, in every way, including wishing we were born cis females.  Don't get me wrong.  I love that I am trans for the amazing opportunity that it has allowed me to see the world in a different light.  I am thankful for the growth opportunities it has offered me, and I would never even remotely imply that someone who doesn't pass is somehow lesser.  But.........if I could have my wish, I would wish that I had been born a cis girl, and could now just live my life not having to worry about whether I pass or not, and what potential physical harm and emotional struggle that could bring.


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@ LaRell:  I think that in your pictures that you look as if you pass very well... even close up in my opinion.

You look terrific and quite feminine in appearance.  Go out there presenting as a female and display confidence and self-assurance and you should do fine.
Aspiringperson

[Anne Blake]

Passing is a big issue for most of us; do I pass, I need to pass if I am to live as me......It has been that way for me a lot of the time. But as I get on with my journey I have come to realize that acceptance is what I am truly seeking. I want/need to be out in the world and both treated and accepted as a human, a person. Do I pass? Most of the time, maybe, I am not sure. I get sir'd on the phone and occasionally I see folks whispering between themselves at neighboring tables. It is my desire to be out and open with my transgender position and will take any opportunity to teach inquiring minds so we are often overheard discussing transgender issues, that will raise an eye from most in earshot. My wife and I have both been collecting years for some time now and that makes it easier for me; no one really looks at an old lady and rarely will they treat one rudely to one. Pass, don't know but I am happy living openly and accepted in my world.

Tia Anne

[Coyotesdawn]

Well, I seem to have a good knack of doing drag makeup or otherwise wearing clothing in such a way to fool people that I'm a guy. I've also sported a physically androgynous appearance, because my build is such and I used to be relatively muscular for an FAB person.  I especially knew how to make a very convincing stubble with nothing more than eyeliner or watercolor.
While I haven't been actively trying to pass for a couple of years, when I did I often passed well even with my high-pitched voice.  Sometimes I didn't need makeup or do anything to my body (I'd just look like an overweight 14 year old boy or something...which I guess wasn't always great but I was happy to have something work :p). 

[Northern Star Girl]

In the middle of my 2nd year of HRT I started to pass almost all the time, that is when I became full-time.
Then things really progressed soon after that, by the end of my 3rd year of HRT I feel that I am convincingly female and have both male and female friends that only know me as female.  In fact I have a group of 5 cis girl friends that I frequently go to the local gym with and there has never been a comment nor a stare... and I even got through the locker room scenario without any issues or questions.... that locker room thing was one of my biggest fears.

So yes, I feel I pass.

[amberwaves]

In the middle of my 2nd year of HRT I started to pass almost all the time, that is when I became full-time.
Then things really progressed soon after that, by the end of my 3rd year of HRT I feel that I am convincingly female and have both male and female friends that only know me as female.  In fact I have a group of 5 cis girl friends that I frequently go to the local gym with and there has never been a comment nor a stare... and I even got through the locker room scenario without any issues or questions.... that locker room thing was one of my biggest fears.

So yes, I feel I pass.

I'm surprised it took until your second year for you.  With your smaller frame and great features I have the feeling you were passing consistently long before that.

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[LaRell]

Yes, I can very easily see how there would be no question at all as to whether you are "female" or not.  You look very much like you are a cis female.  It's amazing and that makes me so incredibly happy for you!

In the middle of my 2nd year of HRT I started to pass almost all the time, that is when I became full-time.
Then things really progressed soon after that, by the end of my 3rd year of HRT I feel that I am convincingly female and have both male and female friends that only know me as female.  In fact I have a group of 5 cis girl friends that I frequently go to the local gym with and there has never been a comment nor a stare... and I even got through the locker room scenario without any issues or questions.... that locker room thing was one of my biggest fears.

So yes, I feel I pass.

[BT04]

No, but I'm not trying to.

In fact I'm going out of my way to make sure I don't pass (without making myself dysphoric) because I'm not ready to come out just yet.

[Colleen_definitely]

Yes.  On the phone and in person.  I still get a few longer than average stares and people who knew me from before transition still screw up pronouns here and there. 

I don't get much in the way of guys hitting on me, but they do check me out.  I suppose a 5'11" chick with dark hair and a solid build (as in she could take you in a fight) is kind of intimidating.  On the other hand, lesbian bartenders LOVE me. 

[Allison S]

I'm surprised it took until your second year for you.  With your smaller frame and great features I have the feeling you were passing consistently long before that.

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I thought that too!! I'm 5'7" but if I was shorter it would be even better. Especially because I love wearing heels

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[KathyLauren]

@LaRell OMG, what a cute couple you and your wife are!

[amberwaves]

I thought that too!! I'm 5'7" but if I was shorter it would be even better. Especially because I love wearing heels

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5'10" no issues with passing or heels.

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[Shellie Hart]

I pass quite well, but (unfortunately) only from the neck down. I am a freak of nature (and HRT).....

[The Flying Lemur]

I never get anything but "ma'am," on the phone or in person, so I guess not.  I'm hoping the T will lower my voice until I can at least pass over the phone.  No luck so far, though.

I'd feel safer going out in public if I passed, but I suppose it's not a disaster that I don't.  I feel much better when I present as male, and that's what's really important to me.

[CarlyMcx]

I have been on HRT for 3 years now.

Today, I was walking on the beach and I stopped to face into the wind and brush my hair out of my face. I heard some cheering and hooting and I looked up to see about a dozen men staring at me.

I would call that a pass. Don't you think so?

😁😁😁😁😁😁❤️💕

[JeannieLuv13]

I get so many more feminine pronouns now, that is the main thing I care about.  I have gotten odd looks sometimes, but I consider that a sign of going in the right direction.  If they are confused, I must be doing something right.

I'm 5'7" but my hands and feet are huge...[emoji17]

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I am 5'8" and size 12 shoes.  I'd say it isn't the size, but really the shape.  The shape of my feet look more feminine so I don't find the size an issue.  I love my left hand, but hate my right middle finger.  Though I probably never should have cracked my knuckles for so long, and come to think of it, I mostly cracked my right hand.

I have seen lots of cis women with larger hands and fatter fingers than me.  I hope that gives some perspective.

[steph2.0]

@LaRell OMG, what a cute couple you and your wife are!

I agree with Kathy! Absolutely no worries, LaRell. You need to quit doubting. You've got it, girl. And that picture with your wife is heart melting!

Stephanie

[steph2.0]

Well, I guess I have to admit that I'm passing pretty well. I attended the weekly trivia contest with my wife at a local restaurant, and our team was bantering with the neighboring table. One of the guys came over and wondered who the new ringer was (I got there late). He was doing all the familiar things that guys do - hand on my arm, hand resting on my back, a little inside my personal space. [Mini-squeee]

My wife decided to go home right after the contest, but it's such a beautiful night I hung around the square, shopped the vendor tents, and stopped into StarSchmucks. Got ma'amed, and of course had Stephanie written on my cup. On the way out a nice gentleman held the door for me with a smile.



Earlier in the day after my Hot Needle Torture, I ate AlFresco at a nice restaurant with no weirdness.

I was even fairly happy with my voice tonight.

So yeah... SQUEEEEEE!

Stephanie

[Allison S]

I get so many more feminine pronouns now, that is the main thing I care about.  I have gotten odd looks sometimes, but I consider that a sign of going in the right direction.  If they are confused, I must be doing something right.

I am 5'8" and size 12 shoes.  I'd say it isn't the size, but really the shape.  The shape of my feet look more feminine so I don't find the size an issue.  I love my left hand, but hate my right middle finger.  Though I probably never should have cracked my knuckles for so long, and come to think of it, I mostly cracked my right hand.

I have seen lots of cis women with larger hands and fatter fingers than me.  I hope that gives some perspective.

Oh thats great! Are you on hrt and for how long? If you don't me asking, how old are you?

Trying see whether this is workable for me or if I should back down..

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[Julie -2010]

I pass except for making phone calls. Love ordering a Pizza and going to pick it up and get the yes Ma'am your husband phoned this in for you etc... Or calling a home owner to set an appointment for an appraisal and then showing up and them asking where is the man I spoke to on the phone?! I just tell them he is my assistant and makes my appointments. I keep debating VFS, just have not heard a lot of wonderful results. I do practice daily and see a speech therapist 1 to 4 times a month so will see...

Loved your post.  It made me smile.  I can just picture the people... but where is the man.  He's just my assistant.  Plus you photo does look really good.

[Julie -2010]

Funny story on passing.  I just got off work, I'm in boy mode with male jeans and polo shirt.  I'm on HRT so my breast are little and don't stick out much.  I thought I looked 100% male.  My wife and I go to Red Robin restaurant and as the hostess seats us she says have a good dinner ladies.  Here I'm not even trying and I called a lady and sometimes when I really try I get mis-gendered.  go figure.  Julie