Do you pass or not?

[Margaret_B]

Loved your post.  It made me smile.  I can just picture the people... but where is the man.  He's just my assistant.  Plus you photo does look really good.

It makes me smile now too, it did not for a long time just figured out a way to cope with it. To be honest some times when I hear miss or ma'am I still look about.. Then it hits me OH ME!
I did not stop getting misgendered until about 7 months on HRT(at 15 months as of today on HRT) then it just stopped. I should look for an old picture of me and post it, my partner might have some. I am an oddity on HRT I guess... I went from 272 when I started, now down to a bit over 200 it goes up and down 3 to 5 lbs. I was 6'1 when I started now lucky to hit 5'11 on a good day. My feet have moved down 2 sizes, I am guessing it is weight loss and not squishing them. Body hair is mostly gone or super fine if any is to be found, beard hair is still there but finer might be because I did laser for a year and it got rid of half or a bit less now it gets the thunder stick an hour a week or more depending on if Nanci can get me in.

[Anne Blake]

An update to my previous post on this thread. I have pretty much believed that I pass and often go weeks at a time without even giving it a thought. This morning I was at the gym and changing after my workout. I was down to pretty much just my panties and putting on my skirt when a woman that I had never met before walks up saying, "you are trans aren't you?". Then she began to talk about her transgender child. I am fully open for discussing my transgender nature and helping folks learn and cope.....but golly, right in the changing room with women coming and going and me half naked.....I wanted to just melt into the floor. So much for being pretty stealth and comfortable and cool with it all.

Tia Anne

[meatwagon]

at around 4 months on t, I would say it's about 50/50.

[Mendi]

I can also update do I pass or not: I Do Not Pass.

Few days ago one of my collegues asked me, that where does my name come. How did I choose that? What was my name before.

So, I still look like a 100% male. No change at all.

I'm quite tired of living to be honest. I just don't find anything worth of celebrating of being trans. That's the problem. If I would be proud of being trans, then I guess it wouldn't bother me that much, that I just look like a guy in dress, but as I'm not proud at all...just so tired.

[CarlyMcx]

It does not matter if I pass.  I'm not quite famous but I am a trial attorney in the Los Angeles criminal courts and as a guy, everybody knew my name and face.  So it really does not matter how feminine I am, somewhere in the courts people are going to be talking about how I used to be "Mr. _______."

I did not do this to prove myself to others.  I did this because in order to love myself I had to love the girl in the mirror no matter how she looks.

Fortunately in my eyes the girl in the mirror is a cutie, and I'm happy with that.  And to me that is all that matters and all that should matter.

[I Am Jess]

It does not matter if I pass.  I'm not quite famous but I am a trial attorney in the Los Angeles criminal courts and as a guy, everybody knew my name and face.  So it really does not matter how feminine I am, somewhere in the courts people are going to be talking about how I used to be "Mr. _______."

I did not do this to prove myself to others.  I did this because in order to love myself I had to love the girl in the mirror no matter how she looks.

Fortunately in my eyes the girl in the mirror is a cutie, and I'm happy with that.  And to me that is all that matters and all that should matter.

Did we ever have a case together ?  I've been an LA County Deputy DA for 30 years and have worked in the downtown courthouse area for most of my career (except for a few years working in the Sylmar Juvi court for a few years).  I've been in transition for 3 years and I look nothing like my old self. I'm still running into people who haven't seen me in years and they can't believe I'm that guy who used to always wear cowboy boots. I knew I couldn't hide my past (not that I even want to) so I am very open about being me. I think people are somewhat in awe of how dramatic my change has been.  It's funny that me and Mia used to be Springsteen going buddies as our old selves and we have both transitioned.  I've had nothing but respect from the LA legal community in my transition. So now I'm courious if you've heard anything about my transition from the defense bar.  Hugs girl. Keep rocking it girl ❤️

[JMJW]

In the right photo and on video - provided I don't talk - yeah, but irl, no. Not in the harsh light of day.

[LaRell]

I am still super new to the whole concept of even going out in public.  I've only just recently started going out presenting as female, and mostly only on the weekends.  Today was one of those days.  And something interesting that I've noticed.......I know there's no way I "pass".  I mean, certain pictures from just the right angles can look really good, and I feel like I look okay in the mirror, but go out knowing that I am not passing.  However something interesting I have noticed.........there is no indication whatsoever from the people around me that I come into contact with when out and about, that I am not passing.  I mean, people just walk right by me and don't even take a second look, they talk to me like normal even though I have not succesfully feminized my voice yet.  It is the strangest thing.  It's as if transness is so normal to the people I go around, that either I really am passing for the most part, or they just simply do not care and think of me as "normal".  It is so weird!  Because naturally, pretty much every trans person when going out dressed up for the first while, is super paranoid and worried about what people are thinking.  And I was in the beginning (I still am in the beginning) but after a few times out, and realizing the world didn't come to an end, I felt so much more confident going out more.   I used to only be able to go out if my wife was with me.  Because I liked to have her support and knowing that it tends to take away some of the awkwardness people feel, when you are with someone else.  Since it kind of tends to make you look more "normal" to people, since "normal" people have friends I guess. ha ha. 

  But anyway.........it is so weird, because I know I have a large manly upper body, and still have fairly big upper arms, and I still walk like a "man", and I know surely there is no way I actually "pass".  But peoples reactions out in public are really confusing to me.  If I was NOT passing, I would expect to get a lot more double takes, or people outright staring and things.  But it's as if I am just the same person I've always been.  And so it builds up my confidence tremendously and makes me more comfortable to even go out alone without the support of my wife, which is a tremendously huge step for me!  This evening I needed a CR2 battery for my camera's remote trigger, so I went to Walmart to get one while my wife was at Yoga teacher training, and it was just as if I was any other woman there.  Seriously.  It is so strange.  I mean......It's awesome, but confuses me.  Don't know what I'm expecting.....for people to yell ">-bleeped-< freak!" at me or what. ha ha

 

[Northern Star Girl]

snipped:

I am still super new to the whole concept of even going out in public.  I've only just recently started going out presenting as female, and mostly only on the weekends.  Today was one of those days.  And something interesting that I've noticed.......I know there's no way I "pass".  I mean, certain pictures from just the right angles can look really good, and I feel like I look okay in the mirror, but go out knowing that I am not passing.  However something interesting I have noticed.........there is no indication whatsoever from the people around me that I come into contact with when out and about, that I am not passing.  I mean, people just walk right by me and don't even take a second look, they talk to me like normal even though I have not succesfully feminized my voice yet.  It is the strangest thing.....   ......   .......    ......

@ LaRell:  For only being on HRT for a little over a half year your pictures look really good and already show some significant feminization....   transitioning requires patience... in my own transitioning I have found that nothing happens very fast or at least not as fast as we transgenders wish. I am just a month beyond 3 years of HRT and for me things really started happening in the 2nd year... but that is my experience and your experience will be your own and shouldn't be compared with how others respond to HRT.  Again, your pictures look great and it is no secret why weren't outed in your last presentation as a woman.   
Stay positive, display self confidence and self assurance and continue on your journey, it will be very exciting for sure
Best wishes to you and looking forward to more updates from you.
Danielle ... formerly Aspiringperson

[AnnMarie2017]

I did not do this to prove myself to others.  I did this because in order to love myself I had to love the girl in the mirror no matter how she looks.

Fortunately in my eyes the girl in the mirror is a cutie, and I'm happy with that.  And to me that is all that matters and all that should matter.

Me, too, Carly. I present female for me, not for the world.

It's really an inspiration, reading about your professional transition. Although I don't practice anymore, I keep my license current. I'll be doing CLE in June as me  for the first time. My principal concern isn't the reactions of other people; it's how I'm going to go to the bathroom.

Incidentally, I've only been full-time for a couple of weeks. I so don't pass; but I've been so surprised at the number of people who make a point of addressing me as "ma'am." I got it again today when I went to the post office. There's a clerk there who knew me as male. When I was transitioning, I sensed she was having some trouble adjusting; but today, when I went to her window, she addressed me as "ma'am," right off. So sweet.

I want all the girls here to know that passing is secondary -- truly, it is. Would I like to pass? Of course. Do I need to pass? Definitely not.

[Northern Star Girl]

It does not matter if I pass.  I'm not quite famous but I am a trial attorney in the Los Angeles criminal courts and as a guy, everybody knew my name and face.  So it really does not matter how feminine I am, somewhere in the courts people are going to be talking about how I used to be "Mr. _______."

I did not do this to prove myself to others.  I did this because in order to love myself I had to love the girl in the mirror no matter how she looks.

Fortunately in my eyes the girl in the mirror is a cutie, and I'm happy with that.  And to me that is all that matters and all that should matter.

@ CarlyMcx:
I love your attitude about passing... especially your comment: "girl in the mirror is a cutie, and I'm happy with that" ...  again a great attitude about your transition journey.
Best Wishes,
Danielle

[Donna]

Right from day one over two years ago I said I could not pass. Now a year after I started with herbals (don't take anymore), 6 months of dutastricide and aldacton and third month of estrogen I have a whole new view on that. I started dressing fem 5 weeks ago and I got my wig this week. When I came home wearing the wig I was suprised with the look but didn't realize how much until my wife said I was cute.
Today was the icing on the cake. I stopped to pick up a cheque from a long time customer and she didn't realize it was me until I spoke. I then stopped in at a store my friend runs. She has known me for 10 years and when she walked up to me she said can I help you ma'am. I said yes and she recognized my voice and couldn't believe it was me. This was an amazing feeling and one I never expected.
Last night My wife sent a picture to her dad of me fully dressed and full makeup to introduce Donna to him.
He sent back an email saying he like our new friend and wondered where we meet her and would not believe my wife that it was me, I ended up having to FaceTime him so he knew it was me.
The biggest and strangest part is I sometimes don't recognize myself in the mirror and it makes me sooooo happy

[CallMeKatie]

Nope, not even close. I post the occasional online photo picked out of 100 and heavily edited to make myself feel good, but in public, not even close.
Without my wig I look like a guy regardless of what I wear and how good my makeup is and that is long hair.
With the wig, I might get away with it 10% of the time.

It's the body mainly, not the face (although the face doesn't help haha) this crazy inverted triangle body

[KathyLauren]

I mean, people just walk right by me and don't even take a second look, they talk to me like normal even though I have not succesfully feminized my voice yet.  It is the strangest thing.  It's as if transness is so normal to the people I go around, that either I really am passing for the most part, or they just simply do not care and think of me as "normal".

LaRell, I loved reading your post!  I just kept saying, "Yes, yes, yes" as I read on.

A lot of people you pass on the street won't even see you.  If they see you, the won't notice anything about you.  Of the ones that notice you, most will think nothing of it.  A few might think, "She could be trans" but not many.  Most of those will not be sure.  Of the ones that are pretty sure, most will not be sure enough to do anything.  Of the ones that are certain, most are polite enough not to say or do anything out of the ordinary.  So the ones that will make a scene are so few that you may never encounter one.

I love the way you describe your confidence building as you discovered that.  That was exactly my experience, too.

BTW, great photos, too!

[Julie -2010]

It makes me smile now too, it did not for a long time just figured out a way to cope with it. To be honest some times when I hear miss or ma'am I still look about.. Then it hits me OH ME!
I did not stop getting misgendered until about 7 months on HRT(at 15 months as of today on HRT) then it just stopped. I should look for an old picture of me and post it, my partner might have some. I am an oddity on HRT I guess... I went from 272 when I started, now down to a bit over 200 it goes up and down 3 to 5 lbs. I was 6'1 when I started now lucky to hit 5'11 on a good day. My feet have moved down 2 sizes, I am guessing it is weight loss and not squishing them. Body hair is mostly gone or super fine if any is to be found, beard hair is still there but finer might be because I did laser for a year and it got rid of half or a bit less now it gets the thunder stick an hour a week or more depending on if Nanci can get me in.

Margaret,  Congrats on losing the weight.  I loss 40 lbs before I started on HRT and have mostly kept it off.  Being on HRT (13 months) it is really hard to lose weight.  At least I'm maintaining what I lost.  I 5'6" so that helps some.  I have flat feet so I haven noticed any decrease in size (dang).  I did a ton of laser and doing some of the electrolysis now.  I do like the finer hair I get now.
Julie 

[Nicole70]

No not yet, I hope I will in the future. Last week I went to see my doctor, I was feeling good so I went dressed fem, but not overly, pair of jeans, nice top and my hair feminine, although it's still growing out but definitely long for a man. I was stood at reception waiting when a lady approached another receptionist and asked if the gentleman (me) was first, well it made me feel awful, at least it lets me know where I stand. It's early days on HRT for me so I'm trying to look on the bright side.

Nicole

[Minestrone]

My body passes yeah. I have no bulk, no broad shoulders or really any masculine features except for my feet, as I wear a size 11, which is weird because I have small legs (I wear a size 4 in women's skinny jeans)

My face does have some masculine features, so to combat this I will wear a medical mask at all times. Sure people will think I am sick, but it's a lot better than being called a sir or him. I am having plastic facial surgery in a year, so I just have to hold out until then.

I must have erased, and rewritten this comment a few times, as it sounds like I am bragging, which I hope it does not come off that way. Admittedly, I still do not like myself enough to post a picture, but maybe someday.

[AnnMarie2017]

Nope, not even close. I post the occasional online photo picked out of 100 and heavily edited to make myself feel good, but in public, not even close.
Without my wig I look like a guy regardless of what I wear and how good my makeup is and that is long hair.
With the wig, I might get away with it 10% of the time.

It's the body mainly, not the face (although the face doesn't help haha) this crazy inverted triangle body

I know it's an important issue; but I think passing is overrated. It's not just "whistling in the wind"; it's more about presentation being for oneself, rather than for other people.

But just to give you a high-five ... Your avatar photo is very cute.  You go, girl!

[LaRell]

I would imagine there are some who feel like you should wait to present as female til the hormones have enough time to do whatever they are going to do.   But if I was dressing for other people, I wouldn't be doing this whole thing.  I'm doing it for myself and my own happiness.  Not to flaunt myself or get attention or anything like that.  I just want to be happy and comfortable.  And I have reached a point lately where I actually feel less comfortable going out in boy mode than I do in girl mode.  Incredibly interesting thing to experience being so new to the whole thing.  And believe me, I question it.  I say to myself "well, if the HRT has had these kind  Of amazing feminizing effects already this early on, then surely after a year or two there is going to be so many more changes, so should I just wait to start presenting as female til people start mistaking me for female even when I'm boy mode?  I think that would be great, but why suffer in the meantime?  Why not just feel happy, and confident, and not worry about whether I pass or not, and just do what makes me feel comfortable and happy.  And if I'm happy, then mission accomplished.  I know what it's like to feel so wrong in your body, yet to feel like because you know you can't "pass", you continue to live in sadness not getting to be yourself.  Of course there are bad experiences to be had.  Jerks who would have the guts to say something.  But my experience so far has been very positive.  As long as you dress appropriately and don't overdo it, and don't go out looking like a hooker or something, most people aren't even going to notice, and those that do don't matter anyway, and aren't likely that o actually say anything.  It actually gives me a little bit of a thrill feeling when I see someone do a double take or stare at me a little longer than normal.  I could choose to let that make me afraid to go out next time.  But no.  I choose to be positive and look at it as a funny part of the whole experience.

[Northern Star Girl]

I would imagine there are some who feel like you should wait to present as female til the hormones have enough time to do whatever they are going to do.   But if I was dressing for other people, I wouldn't be doing this whole thing.  I'm doing it for myself and my own happiness.  Not to flaunt myself or get attention or anything like that.  I just want to be happy and comfortable.  And I have reached a point lately where I actually feel less comfortable going out in boy mode than I do in girl mode.  Incredibly interesting thing to experience being so new to the whole thing.  And believe me, I question it.  I say to myself "well, if the HRT has had these kind  Of amazing feminizing effects already this early on, then surely after a year or two there is going to be so many more changes, so should I just wait to start presenting as female til people start mistaking me for female even when I'm boy mode?  I think that would be great, but why suffer in the meantime?  Why not just feel happy, and confident, and not worry about whether I pass or not, and just do what makes me feel comfortable and happy.  And if I'm happy, then mission accomplished.  I know what it's like to feel so wrong in your body, yet to feel like because you know you can't "pass", you continue to live in sadness not getting to be yourself.  Of course there are bad experiences to be had.  Jerks who would have the guts to say something.  But my experience so far has been very positive.  As long as you dress appropriately and don't overdo it, and don't go out looking like a hooker or something, most people aren't even going to notice, and those that do don't matter anyway, and aren't likely that o actually say anything.  It actually gives me a little bit of a thrill feeling when I see someone do a double take or stare at me a little longer than normal.  I could choose to let that make me afraid to go out next time.  But no.  I choose to be positive and look at it as a funny part of the whole experience.

@ LaRell:  I really admire your positive attitude about your experiences, both good and bad.  I agree completely with you about dressing appropriately and not overdoing it... and perhaps drawing unwanted attention to yourself.... and if you out with a big smile on your face most folks won't look much further and if they stare at you or even make a disheartening comment... shrug it off and go on.  A big smile, displaying confidence, and self-assurance really helps with passing.  Again I like your attitude about all of this.
Wishing you the best as always,
Danielle ...  formerly Aspiringperson