Do you pass or not?

[FollowTheFellow]

I sometimes pass to my kids' friends. Children almost always read me male. On occasion someone will read me as a feminine man or a young man. But even if I have a mini-beard sprouting from my chin, I still get "miss" and "ma'am" a lot and I'm 9 months on T.  My voice is getting deeper, thankfully, but it's still in teenage boy range and I'm not very tall, so I think that's what people are seeing/hearing. I get what others are saying about being gendered correctly vs. being totally stealth. I think I'm in a weird place as someone who is AFAB because lots of folks just think I'm a super butch woman instead of an androgynous guy. When I am read as trans, people sometime think I'm AMAB and try to be helpful by telling me how lovely and feminine I am (*sweatdrop*) Hopefully that will change over time.

[Beverly Anne]

I passed before I ever tried. Got the crap beat out of me in high school for looking like a girl and being "gay." I was strip searched by thugs that wanted to see my vagina. I tried to be a dude, but the body and mind didn't cooperate. Now, thankfully, I can live unmolested as the female I was born to be. After a lifetime of hell, being able to live as my authentic self is an incredible gift. Once, I wanted to die. Now, I love my life. After all that bull>-bleeped-<, no apologies for passing and living the stealth life. I feel like God owes me that (kind of a joke but not really).

[Nina]

After 10 full time, I assume I pass. Never been told otherwise, but wouldn't care if it did happen.

[Linde]

but wouldn't care if it did happen.

I am like you.  I am not a woman for other, it is for myself!  If I don't pass, it is their problem, not mine
Hair makes a lot of difference for passing.  When I wear my wig, I pass all the time.  Without the wig, with my rather short hair, I do not pass all the time (specifically if I slip into a male speech pattern again)!

[Maid Marion]

being able to live as my authentic self is an incredible gift. Once, I wanted to die. Now, I love my life. After all that bull>-bleeped-<, no apologies for passing and living the stealth life. I feel like God owes me that (kind of a joke but not really).

This is absolutely wonderful to hear!

Maid Marion

[Jessica_Rose]

I passed before I ever tried. Got the crap beat out of me in high school for looking like a girl and being "gay." I was strip searched by thugs that wanted to see my vagina. I tried to be a dude, but the body and mind didn't cooperate. Now, thankfully, I can live unmolested as the female I was born to be. After a lifetime of hell, being able to live as my authentic self is an incredible gift. Once, I wanted to die. Now, I love my life. After all that bull>-bleeped-<, no apologies for passing and living the stealth life. I feel like God owes me that (kind of a joke but not really).

Beverly Anne, first I must say you are beautiful! We have all survived many painful years, some more traumatic than others. We have earned the right to live our lives however we choose. If you can go stealth, I say more power to you! No one should ever have to apologize for living their life on their own terms. Just be true to yourself, and enjoy the gift of a second life.

Love always -- Jessica Rose

[Kylo]

Passing takes place with zero effort now. Not that I made much of an effort before.

Incidentally, interesting note: lightened my hair to see what it looked like when I was younger. People are definitely friendlier to blonde men.

In fact they won't bugger off and leave me alone. Some tourists' always trying to talk to me and ask me where the bog is. They usually wouldn't approach before.

[NatalieRene]

Passing takes place with zero effort now. Not that I made much of an effort before.

Incidentally, interesting note: lightened my hair to see what it looked like when I was younger. People are definitely friendlier to blonde men.

In fact they won't bugger off and leave me alone. Some tourists' always trying to talk to me and ask me where the bog is. They usually wouldn't approach before.

I can understand. You're hot, especially in that suit. If I saw you I'd want to talk to you too.

[Kylo]

I can understand. You're hot, especially in that suit. If I saw you I'd want to talk to you too.

Oh that's not me, but I suppose I'm not too far off the look. I'd have to stand on a box first.

[NatalieRene]

Oh that's not me, but I suppose I'm not too far off the look. I'd have to stand on a box first.

I wouldn't let your height bother you. A lot of the coolest men where short. These men are/where under five foot seven:

Michael J Fox
Robin William
Al Pacino
Dustin Hoffman
Joe Pesci
Martin Sheen
Ben Stiller
Elijah Wood
Mel Brooks
Rick Moranis
Frank Sinatra
Jack Black
Jet Li
Seth Green
Martin Short
David Spade
John Belushi
Billy Boyd
Martin Lawrence
Scott Caan

[Michelle_P]

I tried one of the many facial recognition algorithm programs out there on myself today.  THeir code decided I was female, so I'll call that a pass.  Just for fun I put myself through FaceApp.  The Me => Girl pass produced an almost unchanged image, slightly lighter and a minor tweak on the hair.

So, it appears I pass to assorted little neural networks... 

[dee82]

Today, this is the first time this has happened to me.

I am in a womens' clothing store with my mother-in-law, it is a small shop she regularly buys her clothes there, so she is on a basic small-talk level with the owner (and only person who serves you).

I am standing at the counter paying for the clothes I have picked out after trying on. Owner turns to my mother-in-law and asks "Is this your sister?"

My jaw nearly hits the floor, mother-in-law looks at me looking unsure for a moment, and then calmly says "No, this is my daughter in-law."

She had never been in that situation before and neither had I.

Made my day.

~Dee.

[Kylo]

I wouldn't let your height bother you. A lot of the coolest men where short. These men are/where under five foot seven:

Michael J Fox
Robin William
Al Pacino
Dustin Hoffman
Joe Pesci
Martin Sheen
Ben Stiller
Elijah Wood
Mel Brooks
Rick Moranis
Frank Sinatra
Jack Black
Jet Li
Seth Green
Martin Short
David Spade
John Belushi
Billy Boyd
Martin Lawrence
Scott Caan

You're right. Confidence/personality more than makes up for it.

[NatalieRene]

I tried one of the many facial recognition algorithm programs out there on myself today.  THeir code decided I was female, so I'll call that a pass.  Just for fun I put myself through FaceApp.  The Me => Girl pass produced an almost unchanged image, slightly lighter and a minor tweak on the hair.

So, it appears I pass to assorted little neural networks... 

When I try the face app it only gives the options for me to a guy and I'm not interested in a virtually induced dysphoria to try it. I guess it is flattering that it seems to think my face is female already.

[Coffeedrew]

 Luck would have it the time I was trying my hardest not to pass.  This huge guy stocking shelves said Ma'am do you need help finding anything. I said , Me?, No thanks. Then I get a  Sorry, sir.  I said, no problem. I kind of felt like I made a fool out of the guy, and I feel so bad. I mean I had a bad bread shadow going. I was wearing shorts and my legs have not been shaved in a week. The only thing girly, was I had a pony tail that I guess some how manged to fall on my left shoulder. My hair is naturally curly, pre-hrt  the ladies told me how beautiful it is in a girlish way.
I'd welcome the compliment now and I love my curly hair although detangling it is a b**ch.

[Sabrina Rei]

I talked about this in my thread but I somehow do despite my 6'2" height.  Around month 4-5 people started treating me like a woman regularly to a point where I felt comfortable in a bikini top at the waterpark and not a single person stopped to stare though several other mothers made small talk with me and a few men did make a point of chatting me up when I wasn't explicitly with my wife or young daughter. I'm not arrogant enough to think that when people see me they see a cisgender woman 100% of the time and my voice is still pretty shabby but if I can move about freely without harassment or odd looks, that's a win to me.

[Linde]

When I try the face app it only gives the options for me to a guy and I'm not interested in a virtually induced dysphoria to try it. I guess it is flattering that it seems to think my face is female already.

I have the some problem, I can be any guy i ever would want to be, including one with sun glasses!
I never thought about that the thing could believe I am female and want to look like a male!

[Coffeedrew]

I'm not arrogant enough to think that when people see me they see a cisgender woman 100% of the time and my voice is still pretty shabby but if I can move about freely without harassment or odd looks, that's a win to me.

I am the same, and I agree. I am scared I might meet the wrong person one day or make a fool of them.

[Chloe]

No, but I'm not trying to . . . not ready to come out just yet.

     BT *ditto* I also have never tried to pass but am "out" to whoever asks and am frequently misgendered "correctly", especially on 1st impressions. Is this *cowardice* on our part? Or are we really just stuck on gaining *acceptance*?

Group used to poise this "q" alot, which is more important?

     lol The other day really felt sorry for the bewildered look of a four-year-old boy. Before pre-school, I often take 3 1/2 yr old grand-daughter into the boys room to potty and, as we're opening closed stall, he is standing there and exclaims "Hey! This is the BOYS room!" (why are you two here?) and then he just as quickly vanished.

[sophie1904]

Definitely passed today.

Visiting the US Embassy to get my visa to move to Seattle and ma'am'd by everyone.

Then at the hotel for breakfast and checkout - exactly the same.

And no funny looks / side eyes etc on an absolutely packed train for 6 hours back to Edinburgh