Hey,
So I completed my medical transition back in June 2016 and my legal transition in January 2017 and I kinda thought that getting through all that might see an improvement in my dating life. No one ever seems to be interested in me though. I've been on dating sites, gone out clubbing, when I was younger I went to youth groups and well my dating life just seems to be absolute zilch. The only time anyone shows interest is if they live in another country or if they are just interested in sex. And not only am I not into casual hook ups, I don't believe in sex before marriage. And before anyone says that latter point might be impeding my ability at a relationship, I never even get to the point where that comes up.
I really don't get it though as back in high school I did pretty well with dating and this was when out of the closet. I had 2 serious relationships and quite a few people who showed some interest. Like during my last two years of high school I have an 11 month long relationship with a lass called Elvira. She was my first lesbian relationship and it was a pretty great relationship. The only issue is she lives in Texas and I live in the UK and the distance eventually got too much for her. So she broke it off. Since then I vowed only to date people who live within the UK.
Anyway, after me and Elvira broke up, a few months later I met a guy called Sid, we got together and were in a relationship for about 3 months (bare in mind when I said serious relationships earlier, I meant serious for teenagers). Me and Sid broke up during my first year in college though and since then zilch. I haven't even managed to get a date, let a lone a relationship. I kissed a guy once, but he was gay and he was simply proving a point to me so it didn't really count.
And me and Sid breaking up was back when I was 17 and I am now 25. It's just kinda disappointing and I really have given up even trying now. But then people say that is why I'm not finding someone, but then when I am actively looking for a relationship people say you are trying too hard and the right person will come along when you aren't looking. So yeah, either way you can't win.
Recently me and Elvira have been talking again (we never really stopped talking but we're talking more frequently). There are still sparks and chemistry there and we broke up on pretty good terms. Plus we're a lot more mature now. We started talking about potentially getting back together but that happening comes with a few conditions, like I'd need to move to Texas. Not that I'm unwilling to do that but it just isn't on the cards at present. Basically, we established that we could get back together again eventually, but things would need to happen before then. Meanwhile Elvira has a pretty healthy dating life, so waiting and hoping those circumstances come around where we can get back together isn't an ideal plan either.
I just hate it though. Everyone around me seems to find it so easy to date, my roommate who never leaves the house has managed to have 3 girlfriends in the past year (and she is trans also). Yet me, no matter how much socialising I do, no matter how much I put myself out there. No one is ever interested in me. It is just really depressing. I can't even remember how I was even so good at dating in high school. I mean none of those relationships were forced, they just happened through friendships and that is all I try and do now but it just always seems to fail. I end up with a lot of friends but that is it, friends and nothing more. And not that friends aren't great, but I'd really like something more than a friend too.
Also I really don't pass well either which just makes me self-conscious. It is like why would anyone go for me when they can have girl, cis or trans who looks how the world would like a girl to look :/
I just don't know what to do.
