How have you been coping with your ID?

[PurpleWolf]

Many people here have not transitioned until after decades of living a lie so to speak.
How did you cope with your ID during that time?

And ofc this is meant for everyone (as always) - so... how have you been coping with that aspect?

Obviously must not be that bad if you're still presenting as said gender I assume. Or is it?

Did you present as your birth sex or you ideal gender pre-transition? Did showing an ID cause you any dysphoria? Were you dysphoric about it (and deadname and all) even if you were presenting as the sex assigned at birth?

I'm curious.

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I've had major difficulties with this. I socially transitioned at 13 so felt I was a boy after that.

I haven't had a valid ID for 5 years. I despised using it (mainly bcos of the deadname). Anything not life-threatening (or something I really wanted to do regardless such as travel) I refused to use it, period. Felt it wasn't MY ID so no one can force me to use it. I'd much rather avoid any type of situation where it might come up. Mainly bcos couldn't STAND being deadnamed or someone seeing that. But the worst of all was introducing myself as that - which I never did obviously coz stopped using it at 12-13 already - but sometimes I've had to say that aloud. A couple of times. I was just completely unable to say that name aloud. It felt insane to say my name is something that has absolutely nothing to do with me plus a female name on top of that!!! I've avoided every possible social situation bcos of it. And taking care of things, even important ones. Neglecting my health etc. I only went to a doctor bcos I had a severe injury - and just had to. But then I got deadnamed (of course) and called a 'girl' so still shudder to think about it!

I've consciously made my life difficult like that - but just have that bad form of dysphoria so simply CAN'T DO IT for the sake of my mental well-being.

Now that I got my name changed everything's changed. It still says I'm female in my ID ofc (which I still don't have yet) but at least the name is right. Plus people see it's a guy name, so I win. At least it has already made my life much, much easier!!! Still not sure what I'd feel about showing my ID to someone - such as in a bar, bcos they'd see I'm a female. Though people must see me as a female anyway - so I win again! They'd see I'm actually a guy with that name  ! But still not sure about that.

But the name has been such a HUGE obstacle for me so in a way the gender marker seems almost irrelevant compared to that. 

Calling for a doctor's appointment for that referral I realized for the FIRST time I didn't feel ->-bleeped-<-ty making that call!!! Normally I CRINGE(d) even by mere thought of it. I didn't feel dysphoric at all - despite hearing that deadname said aloud coz had to change that in their database. It wasn't my name anymore so didn't bother me.

The doctor inviting me in by my new name made me instantly smile  !!! Normally I HATE(d) being called that among other people.

But yeah, having a wrong ID has made my life veeery difficult.

What about you guys? (And girls  .)

[KathyLauren]

My ID is a mess.

When I transitioned, one of the first things I did was to apply for my name change.  That came through fairly expeditiously.  Once it did, I used it to get my name changed on my government ID, as well as various accounts.

I spent hours on the Web looking through the government websites for information on how to officially change my gender.  And the result of that research is that, where I live, there is no provision for declaring your gender except on your birth certificate.

Having been born in the U.K., I have to follow their rules for changing my birth certificate.  Which state that I have to wait two years from going full-time (typically documented by the name change) before I can change my gender.

So I have a driver's license and health card which show my correct name, Kathleen, but sex: M.  I try not to let it get to me, though it makes my dysphoric thinking about it.  I have had to present both cards to officials since getting my name changed, and they didn't remark on the discrepancy.  Whether the card outed me, or whether I was read and the card confirmed it, or whether they didn't even look at the gender marker and just gendered me by my presentation, I have had no issues from it.  It still burns me up, though.

I haven't even attempted to update my federal documents like citizenship certificate or passport.  For those, I'll wait the two years and do both changes together.  For my provincial ID, I'll have to pay to replace the cards again when I get my gender change.

I am looking forward to getting my "F" on my health care card, so I'll start getting annual reminders to get a pap smear.     Gonna be fun when they bill the system for a prostate exam. 

[PurpleWolf]

I am looking forward to getting my "F" on my health care card, so I'll start getting annual reminders to get a pap smear.     Gonna be fun when they bill the system for a prostate exam. 

That's something  !!!

How did you feel about it before transitioning though?
Was it alright as long as you were presenting as male? Or did it still bother you? To what extent?

[Devlyn]

My ID is a mess.

When I transitioned, one of the first things I did was to apply for my name change.  That came through fairly expeditiously.  Once it did, I used it to get my name changed on my government ID, as well as various accounts.

I spent hours on the Web looking through the government websites for information on how to officially change my gender.  And the result of that research is that, where I live, there is no provision for declaring your gender except on your birth certificate.

Having been born in the U.K., I have to follow their rules for changing my birth certificate.  Which state that I have to wait two years from going full-time (typically documented by the name change) before I can change my gender.

So I have a driver's license and health card which show my correct name, Kathleen, but sex: M.  I try not to let it get to me, though it makes my dysphoric thinking about it.  I have had to present both cards to officials since getting my name changed, and they didn't remark on the discrepancy.  Whether the card outed me, or whether I was read and the card confirmed it, or whether they didn't even look at the gender marker and just gendered me by my presentation, I have had no issues from it.  It still burns me up, though.

I haven't even attempted to update my federal documents like citizenship certificate or passport.  For those, I'll wait the two years and do both changes together.  For my provincial ID, I'll have to pay to replace the cards again when I get my gender change.

I am looking forward to getting my "F" on my health care card, so I'll start getting annual reminders to get a pap smear.     Gonna be fun when they bill the system for a prostate exam. 

Shhhhh....prostate exams are to stealth what B12 is to vegans. 

[sarah1972]

I don't like it particular but right now the process is just too cumbersome (German citizen ... 3 years RLE + two mental health evaluations + 2 court dates in Germany... Supposed to change soon). Then on top change all the US paperwork.
I had to get a new passport last year and at least the picture looks girly. Nothing I could do about the name and gender, but it was tough checking the "male" box.

Since Virginia screwed up the Real ID requirements, I'll have to get a new drivers license later this year. This will once again one of the points where I have to ask if I want to get Gender and Name changed prior, but then it would not line up with the rest of my ID's and may just cause more trouble.

I did not have any negative experience presenting female and having male ID documents. even in customs and immigrations, they just wished me a nice day. I am also one of the rare examples that I do not hate my old name / gender. It is part of me and my history. I do absolutely prefer Sarah and F. I have however noticed that having to use my old name becomes a bit more troublesome recently (had to sign some bank papers and use my old name.)

Worst that happened was last weekend when my wife and I got carded at a bar: "Hello Ladies, may I see your ID"... followed by a puzzled look... but that was it...

So I guess my day will come where I want to change everything.

[Kylo]

It's not something I thought much about, but we do have to write and say our names constantly, take photos for ID etc. and my mind just "walks off" on the topic. I look at it like it's a thing that had to be done and the photo was god awful and the name represented a life I didn't want. But to think about it deeply was just to invite trouble so I didn't.

One of the reasons I chose a completely different name and surname when I changed the deed poll. Most people pick something similar-sounding, or connected to their original name. I wanted something far away from it. So nobody would ever put two and two together who ever knew me before. Guess that hints at how well I coped with the psychological weight of who I was.

At first it felt like an alias rather than a real name. Other people thought it was weird to completely do over. Now there's the word "male" next to it on the ID documents and that seems much better.

[Cassi]

Don't understand.  No Cop's been coping my ID?

[KathyLauren]

That's something  !!!

How did you feel about it before transitioning though?
Was it alright as long as you were presenting as male? Or did it still bother you? To what extent?

It didn't bother me at all before transitioning.  I knew that, if I was stopped by a cop while dressed, I'd have some 'splaining to do.  So I made sure I obeyed all traffic laws.  I was stopped once at a random vehicle check.  They asked for my vehicle registration, but not my license.  It had my blood pressure up a notch, but no problems.

[Lady Sarah]

Even when I thought I could tolerate living in male skin, I hated my dead name. It was one of those names that begged for a beating, not just when I was in school, but even years after I graduated.
When I decided it was time to transition, I changed first, middle, and last names to something so dissimilar, that there would be no way for anyone to guess my dead name. One woman kept trying to call me Sam. Then, she got upset when I gave her a dose of her own medicine, and called her Charlie. After that, I haven't seen her around.