No luck in escaping abusive family

[Gertrude]

No clue what you're meaning
I am already working hard is simply having a job not good enough?? Plus things are more different now than even 20 years ago most places that used to required no skills now want years of experience plus a degree. Remember it took me two years and god only knows how many applications to finally land a job. I just don't see what's wrong asking for help especially when I'm already putting effort in and that's also dealing with having a disability which when I mention goes ignored and I wonder why.

Anyway I gotta get ready for work

If you want your situation to change , you'll have to change how you think.


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[bobbisue]

     Don't be too quick to dismiss trades they are not just menial back breaking work these skills are extremely varied from carpenter to hairdresser to mechanics to computer trades graphics and most are in high demand and pay well don't look at what you can't do but rather look at what you can do if you are interested in an area but lack the skills that is exactly what apprenticeship  is all about  yes it takes 4 years to get your certification you are paid while you learn take a look at your interests and abilities not what you can do now but what you can do with training talk to a career counselor finding your best options is their job every tech academy has them they will look at you disabilities and most importantly your abilities and show you options you may not know even exist

     bobbisue

[Deborah]

     Don't be too quick to dismiss trades they are not just menial back breaking work these skills are extremely varied from carpenter to hairdresser to mechanics to computer trades graphics and most are in high demand and pay well

About a year ago my son got a job as a carpenters apprentice and joined the union there.  He makes around $25 an hour to start, gets benefits, free training, and unending work as long as he wants it.



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[Gertrude]

     Don't be too quick to dismiss trades they are not just menial back breaking work these skills are extremely varied from carpenter to hairdresser to mechanics to computer trades graphics and most are in high demand and pay well don't look at what you can't do but rather look at what you can do if you are interested in an area but lack the skills that is exactly what apprenticeship  is all about  yes it takes 4 years to get your certification you are paid while you learn take a look at your interests and abilities not what you can do now but what you can do with training talk to a career counselor finding your best options is their job every tech academy has them they will look at you disabilities and most importantly your abilities and show you options you may not know even exist

     bobbisue

Sometimes I wonder if I should have gone trades instead of college. Electrician or plumber. Either way, there's always work and in NY if you're union, it's very good pay. At 56, it doesn't matter anymore to me, but I would tell anyone not to overlook it.

[Bari Jo]

I totally agree with all that is said here.  And yes, you can start with a low paying job and end up much better in life.  My first job, I sold jeans at Dillard's.  I knew what I wanted to do, which was vfx for film and TV. I took a community college class so I could get the student discount on software. It was $2500 at the time (personal learning Edition is free now).  Anyway, I trained myself on how to use the software over many many years while doing terrible jobs each one slightly better than the last before finally landing a job in the film business doing what I wanted.  From there I kept learning, applying what I learned and moved up.  The point is, it can be done.  Find what you want to do, make a plan and work at it.  It'll take lots of sacrifice, plus long hours sometimes.  In my first vfx job, I had a few 110 hour weeks.  If you think you can't do something you won't do it.  My mindset is if I can't currently do something I will learn how to do it. 

You can do this.

Bari Jo

[Danielle79]

Can I ask why you feel that you are not cut out for college?

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[VeronicaLynn]

No clue what you're meaning
I am already working hard is simply having a job not good enough?? Plus things are more different now than even 20 years ago most places that used to required no skills now want years of experience plus a degree. Remember it took me two years and god only knows how many applications to finally land a job. I just don't see what's wrong asking for help especially when I'm already putting effort in and that's also dealing with having a disability which when I mention goes ignored and I wonder why.

Anyway I gotta get ready for work

You've had that job for quite awhile now. That will make landing the next job easier. I do agree you may have to try another area. Getting out of the Southeast helped me out quite a lot, though I was in a different situation than you and I was hesitant to do it when I did.   

[EmilyRyan]

Can I ask why you feel that you are not cut out for college?

I've been down the college route and yes I did manage to earn an A.S. degree in General Studies but at the cost of flunking out at a four year college and after I got my A.S. I tried getting a Bachelors yet again and failed out.

As for trades I just don't know like I mentioned before I deal with having a learning disability that makes learning and grasping things more difficult and learn and process information much slower as a result and difficulty with information retention meaning I have difficult remembering information. Right now I work at a drugstore and my disability makes a job like that more difficult than it should be. Who's gonna want someone that takes longer to catch on and is gonna need help remembering steps when doing certain tasks I'm not trying to dismiss trades by any means I'm just  stating concerns. 

[Danielle79]

I've been down the college route and yes I did manage to earn an A.S. degree in General Studies but at the cost of flunking out at a four year college and after I got my A.S. I tried getting a Bachelors yet again and failed out.

As for trades I just don't know like I mentioned before I deal with having a learning disability that makes learning and grasping things more difficult and learn and process information much slower as a result and difficulty with information retention meaning I have difficult remembering information. Right now I work at a drugstore and my disability makes a job like that more difficult than it should be. Who's gonna want someone that takes longer to catch on and is gonna need help remembering steps when doing certain tasks I'm not trying to dismiss trades by any means I'm just  stating concerns.

Learning disabilities are tough. Because they are not visible, many people doubt their existence, and attribute the difficulties associated with those disabilities to lack of aptitude, or lack of effort. I teach at the college level, and I've seen my share of students who worked slowly and had processing issues, but, when given proper support and testing accommodations, end up being A students.

You did make it through an associate's degree, so you have demonstrated that you have the ability to do college-level work. I don't know what happened at the two four-year colleges you attended, but I wouldn't necessarily attribute your difficulties at those schools to lack of aptitude on your part. Some colleges are not supportive environments, and, to be blunt, some professors are bigoted jerks.

You are dealing with two different major issues in your life: you are trans in an unsupportive environment, and you are disabled. Either one of those alone would be difficult to overcome, and you're dealing with both. This is just my opinion, but I think that you should cut yourself some slack, and take inventory of what you have been able to accomplish despite those challenges.

Can I ask you another two questions? If being trans in an unsupportive environment and having a learning disability were no longer issues, what would you want to study, and what sorts of careers appeal to you?

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[Allison S]

and, to be blunt, some professors are bigoted jerks.

So true! I had this issue a few times where I'd do the same work and get a A in one class and a B in another...

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[Danielle79]

So true! I had this issue a few times where I'd do the same work and get a A in one class and a B in another...

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Now imagine what it's like to work with them.

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[EmilyRyan]

Learning disabilities are tough. Because they are not visible, many people doubt their existence, and attribute the difficulties associated with those disabilities to lack of aptitude, or lack of effort. I teach at the college level, and I've seen my share of students who worked slowly and had processing issues, but, when given proper support and testing accommodations, end up being A students.

You did make it through an associate's degree, so you have demonstrated that you have the ability to do college-level work. I don't know what happened at the two four-year colleges you attended, but I wouldn't necessarily attribute your difficulties at those schools to lack of aptitude on your part. Some colleges are not supportive environments, and, to be blunt, some professors are bigoted jerks.

You are dealing with two different major issues in your life: you are trans in an unsupportive environment, and you are disabled. Either one of those alone would be difficult to overcome, and you're dealing with both. This is just my opinion, but I think that you should cut yourself some slack, and take inventory of what you have been able to accomplish despite those challenges.

Can I ask you another two questions? If being trans in an unsupportive environment and having a learning disability were no longer issues, what would you want to study, and what sorts of careers appeal to you?

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Sorry for taking this long to answer your two questions it literally took me this long to think about it. Really don't have much of an answer that actually answers your questions to be honest I mean if I were in a supportive environment where my parents let me transition under their roof in peace I'd probably just settle down and do photography and maybe take online classes at Tennessee Tech and try to get a bachelors degree in an easy major like Interdisciplinary Studies and I'd also most likely stick to low wage jobs to help support all of that since that all that's available.

The second question this one took the longest to think about. I don't have a good answer either if it even answers the question. I really wouldn't know what kind of career I'd go in if having a learning disability wasn't an issue probably because I don't know what it's like not having one and everything seems to either require having critical thinking, processing, and inclination that I lack or the ability to work in a fast pace which too I don't have and it currently shows in my job which is why I think my hours are being cut. This is one those where I wish it was possible to try out career fields without having to take classes or get hired on only to find it isn't suitable.

Even if my response doesn't quite answer the questions I do hope it gives some insight and like you said it is hard having a leaning disability especially when there's a lack of understanding and unwillingness to help.

[Laurel D]

I got some bad news. No one is going to rescue you. You have to be your own super hero. It sounds impossible, but it can be done.

Make a plan, then move forward. Even if all you see is darkness. Eventually you will find light.

You can get a new job, and new place and live in a supportive environment. I believe you can do it. You have to believe in yourself. 

I moved over 1,000 miles away. With no job lined up and about $3,000. We wound homeless after the apartment we lived in was sold. Then we ( my partner and I )slept in my van or a tent for 3 months. We survived.


Whatever worst case scenario you think might happen to you, is better than staying with abusive , invalidating family. My mom can't stand the sight of me sometimes since I started transitioning. (All she saw was pictures, and even that was distressing to her. We don't talk much and we aren't even friends on Facebook. She doesn't even know my legal name anymore). I would have never started under her roof. And my pattern of self harm would have continued.


Side note. Move to or near and LGBT friendly city. It will make your life easier in the long run.


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