Worries

[Laurel D]

No beauty pageant winner here LOL

Passing is not something that I never consider as a real possibility for me. But amazingly despite my negativity I can see "her" staring back at me in the mirror.

There a very few Trans women who don't have some "tells" if you scrutinise them long enough...having said that most people don't take that much notice. People are terrible at noticing things and what they are likely to remember is you the person. Despite not "passing" in the classical sense I get treated pretty well. I don't know about acceptance but I am generally not misgendered...yes it gets to me at times when my dysphoria is kicking me hard but on the whole I am happy. As time goes by and my confidence rises the absolute need to "pass" diminishes. The less I think about and just be me the better I get on.

There are so many things you can do to change the way people perceive you...clothes makeup hair are all part of it but self confidence plays a huge roll as well and some would argue is more important than the asthetics....Maybe just being the best "you" that you can be, will get you where you want to be...no one wants to be singled out or ostracised and despite not "passing" neither of these things happen to me.

Take care

Liz

I love this post.... I'm also one of those gals, that will not pass. I did lose some weight, but I still got a long way to go. I'm not super tall, but I'm very bulky, and have broad shoulders. Not to mention, unless I can afford FFS then my face will give it away. Oh and that voice. It's really deep if I speak normally. ( Working on that. But that takes time. It requires lots of training)

But you know what ? If I didn't transition due to not looking passable. I would still be the super depressed, closeted person I was before.   I may not look conventionally beautiful. But most of time, I feel beautiful. And those that want to gender correctly do.

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[TonyaW]

@Tonya:   Oh yeah, when I first started HRT I wanted to see almost immediate results...just like most folks that have just made the big decision to start HRT.

I was stating how HRT worked for ME, and I stated only my experience... and YOUR HRT experience will most likely not be the same as mine, or as others.

A reoccurring conclusive comment on this site about the effects of HRT and how fast.... is that EVERY BODY will react differently and see results at a different rate with HRT.   For some folks good results are quicker and for some folks good results will be slower coming.   

My statement about "Paitence is Required" is for those that have started HRT recently and are not seeing the results that they are most eager to quickly see.... in my opinion not very much happens very fast with HRT ..... but give it time

Best wishes,
Danielle

I happened to notice that you both said 3 years and I was mostly joking about the "I want it yesterday" feeling that I think most of us have

Of course I want more, but I'm pretty happy with my one year results.  Also encouraged that there's (hopefully) a lot more to come.

By the by, my sister (in Anchorage now) used to live in one of those "can't get there from here" towns up the coast.

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[Cassi]

Geez, just take a patience pill and relax! 

[Northern Star Girl]

Geez, just take a patience pill and relax! 

@ Cassi:   It can be very difficult to have patience when one is yearning for getting on with their transition and wanting to see significant results....   many have the craving of "I want it all, and I want it now"
Patience is a virtue that can sometimes be evasive.
Danielle

[KathyLauren]

Geez, just take a patience pill and relax! 

I want patience, and I want it NOW!!   

[Jessica_Rose]

I have not quite hit my one year mark for HRT. Even before I started I literally told myself that I was going to be an ugly woman. Although it is just my personal opinion, I think I was wrong. So far the only surgery I had was a trachea shave. I have posted a few photos in my Rose Garden thread starting here:

https://www.susans.org/forums/index.php/topic,233104.msg2092927.html#msg2092927

When I started I was 6ft 1in, 185lbs, men's size 12-4E shoes, men's size Large shirts, men's 38x34 pants, ring size 8.5.

I am still 6ft 1in, but now I am 160lbs, women's size 13-B shoes, women's XSmall - Small tops, women's size 8 - 10 jeans, ring size 7.

Having confidence in yourself is a big part of passing. Have faith in yourself. It is not an easy journey, but for many of us it is probably the best decision we ever made.

[Northern Star Girl]

I have not quite hit my one year mark for HRT. Even before I started I literally told myself that I was going to be an ugly woman. Although it is just my personal opinion, I think I was wrong. So far the only surgery I had was a trachea shave. I have posted a few photos in my Rose Garden thread starting here:

https://www.susans.org/forums/index.php/topic,233104.msg2092927.html#msg2092927

When I started I was 6ft 1in, 185lbs, men's size 12-4E shoes, men's size Large shirts, men's 38x34 pants, ring size 8.5.

I am still 6ft 1in, but now I am 160lbs, women's size 13-B shoes, women's XSmall - Small tops, women's size 8 - 10 jeans, ring size 7.

Having confidence in yourself is a big part of passing. Have faith in yourself. It is not an easy journey, but for many of us it is probably the best decision we ever made.

Jessica Rose:  I imagine that you are very pleased with your HRT results so far... and there may be a lot more to come.  Hang on, it will be an exciting journey.  Nice job on your 25 pound weight loss, that is a lot of hard work, determination and willpower... Kudos to you.   Keep the updates coming.
Danielle

[TonyaW]

Geez, just take a patience pill and relax! 

More pills?  And I'm the drug dealer?

I want patience, and I want it NOW!!   

Reminded me of this.


 

Ok back on topic.

To the OP, if you haven't seen a gender therapist yet, that is the first place to start.

Worries about not passing never played into why I waited to transition.  Not that I believe that I do, I'm pretty sure I don't at 6'3" and not skinny.

Confidence in who you are goes a long way and probably is why I usually get gendered correctly most of the time.  Act like you know what you're doing and people will believe you.  It takes practice and belief in yourself.

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[Cassi]

Once I'm there I don't think I'm going to be the quiet one, lol.

[Northern Star Girl]

Once I'm there I don't think I'm going to be the quiet one, lol.

The name Cassi... and the word Quiet   ...
......  should not be used in the same sentence !!!!!!

Love ya Cassi !!
Danielle

[Julia1996]

Size seems to be a big concern with trans women. But its not that big of a deal. Lots of Cis women are big.  My mom is half an inch short of 6 feet tall. Her feet are size 10 1/2 and her hands are big enough to totally engulf mine. No one has ever thought she was a guy. Also keep in mind that people don't think trans/guy when they see a tall woman.  They think model. I was at the mall with my brother and one of his friends once and we saw a woman who had to be 6'2-6'3. They started talking about how tall she was and thought it was hot that she was so tall. I've always wanted to be tall and have long legs but I got totally gypped in the height department. Enjoy being tall lots of us envy you.

[Cassi]

The name Cassi... and the word Quiet   ...
......  should not be used in the same sentence !!!!!!

Love ya Cassi !!
Danielle

Probably not, lol.

Love ya too!

[LauraFoxingtons]

Thank you all for your support. I feel so much better about my size and with HRT I'm sure that things will only get better

Any tips in the meantime?

[Jessica_Rose]

Someone else may have already mentioned this, but start facial hair removal yesterday. If you are lucky and have dark hair and light skin try laser hair removal (not IPL, but laser). If you are not a good candidate for laser or have some grey in your beard you will need electrolysis. It takes a long time. I have been doing both electrolysis (2hr per week) and laser for over a year, and I still need to shave every other day.

[Jayne01]

Laura, I second starting hair removal "yesterday"! It's a slow process. Also, if you aren't already doing so, speak with a therapist who has experience with gender issues. They can help you sort through many of your concerns.

Jayne

[Maria77]

I used to think passing 100% of the time was success.  But it isn't necessarily about be passable, pretty or being "stealth."   Living an honest and genuine life is the goal.   I think most of us lose track of this at times.