Worries

[LauraFoxingtons]

Hi, I'm new here and thought I'd start but just blurting out my concerns. My confidence is wavering over whether I could ever pass as woman (Not for society, but for my own satisfaction in society). It's leaving me scared and hesitant.

Me:
Pre-HRT
28

My main worries:
Height:6' (183cm)
A little broad shouldered, not massive though
Glove size: mens Large
Shoe size: mens Aus(11) UK(11) US(12)

What I'm thankful for:
Fair skin
Large nipples (for a male)
Some body hair (which I've always trimmed)
Not an overly deep voice

Lately I've been embracing my femininity and stopped trying to be 'what I should be'. The more that I do it, the better it feels and the more me I feel.

If anyone could direct me to any resources or other forum posts on here that would be great. Also please ask me whatever questions you like. I'm sure I've left tonnes of useful information out.

Thanks, Laura

[CarlyMcx]

You can cross height off your list of worries.  My cisgender younger sister is 6 feet tall and she has never been misgendered.

Hugs, Carly.

[Cassi]

Maybe worse case scenerio would be considered an Amazon but Wonder Woman is awesome!

[LauraFoxingtons]

Okay then. I'll overlook height
And my shoulders might be okay too

[Megan.]

Hey hun, welcome!

I'm 5'11" (plus heels [emoji5]). Taller women will (on average) tend to have large hands and feet, it's about proportion,  but I think you'll be fine. I do tend to avoid serious heels, but I've known plenty of cisgender women as tall or taller than me.

HRT can reduce shoulder and upper body bulk over time with a good diet. Shoe size does represent a bit of a challenge, but there are womens shoes brands that go larger.

I had all these concerns early in my transition, it's normal and sensible to consider these. Nowadays they barely cross my mind,  I live my life like any other woman,  and they come in every shadow and size. X

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[sarah1972]

Welcome! I think most of us have some similar problems... mine is my chest and my muscular arms. Not having curves is another issue.
So I have to be a bit selective what clothes I wear for the first two issues. For the arms I usually say "Thanks to Michelle Obama for making muscular arms a thing".

Oh... I can be 6ft tall. On 4" heels.

In the end Megan is right, it is all about proportions. And you proportions sound just right!

Hugs

[LizK]

No beauty pageant winner here LOL

Passing is not something that I never consider as a real possibility for me. But amazingly despite my negativity I can see "her" staring back at me in the mirror.

There a very few Trans women who don't have some "tells" if you scrutinise them long enough...having said that most people don't take that much notice. People are terrible at noticing things and what they are likely to remember is you the person. Despite not "passing" in the classical sense I get treated pretty well. I don't know about acceptance but I am generally not misgendered...yes it gets to me at times when my dysphoria is kicking me hard but on the whole I am happy. As time goes by and my confidence rises the absolute need to "pass" diminishes. The less I think about and just be me the better I get on.

There are so many things you can do to change the way people perceive you...clothes makeup hair are all part of it but self confidence plays a huge roll as well and some would argue is more important than the asthetics....Maybe just being the best "you" that you can be, will get you where you want to be...no one wants to be singled out or ostracised and despite not "passing" neither of these things happen to me.

Take care

Liz 

[CallMeKatie]

I've worked with tall girls with hands like shovels and monster feet and nobody said that they must be male because of these things.

So let's not worry about those things.

[Megan.]

I've worked with tall girls with hands like shovels and monster feet and nobody said that they must be male because of these things.

So let's not worry about those things.

Amen!

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[Gertrude]

Other things may lead someone to wonder like Adam's apple, disproportionately large hands and a deeper voice. Walking gate might too and I'd bet it's several things taken together. That said, cis women have had their whole life to socialize into their gender. We haven't. Give it time.


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[Northern Star Girl]

Other things may lead someone to wonder like Adam's apple, disproportionately large hands and a deeper voice. Walking gate might too and I'd bet it's several things taken together. That said, cis women have had their whole life to socialize into their gender. We haven't. Give it time.

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@ Gertrude:  EXACTLY CORRECT... those are my thoughts also. 
The very best thing to do is to "people watch" ....  go to a mall, a restaurant, and airport, on a bus, etc....   look carefully at how differently the men and women act, move, eat, sit, walk, talk, shop, .... (and drive!!! LOL J/K)   Men, sitting, even at a restaurant, are all sprawled out, arm on the table, legs spread, taking too big of bites, lack of table manners in general as compared to women. 

There are just a big variety of clues to one's gender that can tip off an observer as to how they are presenting themselves. 

If one want's to present as female then there are a lot of factors involved.... but at the top of the list should be that one exudes self-confidence, self-assurance, and don't be discouraged by the rude folks that may call you out.  I might add, a big smile is very disarming and most onlookers won't look past that smile.
Danielle

[KathyLauren]

Hi, Laura!

Welcome to Susan's.

Once you get past the initial fears and realize that most people just don't notice you or care how you look, passing will become less important.  And you will likely be pleasantly surprised at how HRT can feminize your appearance.

Lately I've been embracing my femininity and stopped trying to be 'what I should be'. The more that I do it, the better it feels and the more me I feel.

That, right there, is the way to go.  Being yourself is what it is all about. 

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[CallMeKatie]

@ Gertrude:  EXACTLY CORRECT... those are my thoughts also. 
The very best thing to do is to "people watch" ....  go to a mall, a restaurant, and airport, on a bus, etc....   look carefully at how differently the men and women act, move, eat, sit, walk, talk, shop, .... (and drive!!! LOL J/K)   Men, sitting, even at a restaurant, are all sprawled out, arm on the table, legs spread, taking too big of bites, lack of table manners in general as compared to women. 
Danielle

That's something very interesting! I've always found a lot of men quite vulgar in the way they act. The whole sprawl all over a chair and elbows on the table and the most disgusting, coughing up and spitting it on the floor.
It never even occurred to me, although in hindsight I always knew, that (most) women just do not act like that

[Cassi]

That's something very interesting! I've always found a lot of men quite vulgar in the way they act. The whole sprawl all over a chair and elbows on the table and the most disgusting, coughing up and spitting it on the floor.
It never even occurred to me, although in hindsight I always knew, that (most) women just do not act like that

You really should be feeling sorry for them.  After all, it's T-tardation.

[BrianaJ]

It never even occurred to me, although in hindsight I always knew, that (most) women just do not act like that

Yes...most don't act that way.  And when  a woman does, she really stands out to me.  And not in a good way.  Like someone pointed out earlier, women like men come in all shapes and sizes. 

[Dee Marshall]

Okay then. I'll overlook height
And my shoulders might be okay too

Look up the U.S. women's Olympic water polo team. They have a very transgender build. Shoulders are no problem. Just be careful of tops with shoulder padding or exposed shoulders.

In terms of voice the thing that helped me most was to adjust my internal voice, the voice you think in. If you deliberately make that voice feminine in your head your actual voice will follow along. It's not perfect. Telephones limit frequency and detail and I do get misgendered on the phone but not in person.

The spy who came in from the cold in the War Between the Sexes.

[Deborah]

I think there are other things way more important than height and shoulder width, those being hair and face.  You can take care of hair with time and growing it (or a wig if needed).  HRT will take care of most or all of the face concerns in time also. 

I'm not terribly short myself at 5'11" and since I do a lot of powerlifting am not really petite in the shoulders either.  I can still pass most of the time without thinking about it too much but it took nearly three years of HRT and hair growing to get to that point.  You just have to give it time and not get too impatient along the way.


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[Northern Star Girl]

I think there are other things way more important than height and shoulder width, those being hair and face.  You can take care of hair with time and growing it (or a wig if needed).  HRT will take care of most or all of the face concerns in time also. 

I'm not terribly short myself at 5'11" and since I do a lot of powerlifting am not really petite in the shoulders either.  I can still pass most of the time without thinking about it too much but it took nearly three years of HRT and hair growing to get to that point.  You just have to give it time and not get too impatient along the way.

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Deborah:  The good news is, when I do any people watching is that there seems to be a lot, perhaps a lot more, taller women out there.  I have 2 recent cis women friends that are each well over 6 feet tall.  I am only 5'4" so they tower over me even if I wear heels and they wear flats....  it is not a big issue any more in my opinion.  Beauty can come in all sizes and shapes.

Yes, you gave very good advice about giving HRT more time.... usually not very much happens very fast with HRT... patience is required.  I just completed year #3 of my HRT and for me it was during the 3rd year that things really changed substantially, especially in my face.

Oh, by the way, your new Avatar/Profile Picture is terrific.... YES, you can pass easily in my opinion. 
You look great!!!!

Danielle

[TonyaW]

I think there are other things way more important than height and shoulder width, those being hair and face.  You can take care of hair with time and growing it (or a wig if needed).  HRT will take care of most or all of the face concerns in time also. 

I'm not terribly short myself at 5'11" and since I do a lot of powerlifting am not really petite in the shoulders either.  I can still pass most of the time without thinking about it too much but it took nearly three years of HRT and hair growing to get to that point.  You just have to give it time and not get too impatient along the way.


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Deborah:  The good news is, when I do any people watching is that there seems to be a lot, perhaps a lot more, taller women out there.  I have 2 recent cis women friends that are each well over 6 feet tall.  I am only 5'4" so they tower over me even if I wear heels and they wear flats....  it is not a big issue any more in my opinion.  Beauty can come in all sizes and shapes.

Yes, you gave very good advice about giving HRT more time.... usually not very much happens very fast with HRT... patience is required.  I just completed year #3 of my HRT and for me it was during the 3rd year that things really changed substantially, especially in my face.

Oh, by the way, your new Avatar/Profile Picture is terrific.... YES, you can pass easily in my opinion. 
You look great!!!!

Danielle

So you're telling me I've got 2 more years to "not get too impatient" ahead if me?

You got any tips for that?  ☺☺

I think I handled year one ok, doesn't seem like it was that long ago. 

For the OP, I'm 6'3".  I see enough cis women around that are my height or close too it.  I work with one also, and while it's unusual, it's not freakish.




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[Northern Star Girl]

So you're telling me I've got 2 more years to "not get too impatient" ahead if me?

You got any tips for that?  ☺☺

I think I handled year one ok, doesn't seem like it was that long ago. 

For the OP, I'm 6'3".  I see enough cis women around that are my height or close too it.  I work with one also, and while it's unusual, it's not freakish.

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@Tonya:   Oh yeah, when I first started HRT I wanted to see almost immediate results...just like most folks that have just made the big decision to start HRT.

I was stating how HRT worked for ME, and I stated only my experience... and YOUR HRT experience will most likely not be the same as mine, or as others.

A reoccurring conclusive comment on this site about the effects of HRT and how fast.... is that EVERY BODY will react differently and see results at a different rate with HRT.   For some folks good results are quicker and for some folks good results will be slower coming.   

My statement about "Paitence is Required" is for those that have started HRT recently and are not seeing the results that they are most eager to quickly see.... in my opinion not very much happens very fast with HRT ..... but give it time

Best wishes,
Danielle