Stevi's Saga

[Donna]

Well done Stephanie. May as well go forward on the right foot and not have to introduce yourself twice.

[Alyssa Bree]

I was out working in the front lawn. Spraying the driveway to push back the jungle, actually.  My new neighbors from across the street were out in the front of their property and when they noticed that I was working right out at the road, they came over and introduced themselves.  The woman spoke up first and said her name was Beth and her husband was Will.  I paused, for what seemed like a long time, probably wasn't, for a quick calculation.  How do I start out with this new relationship?  I am ready to come out for the most part.  Just kinda want to get the i's and t's crossed on the paperwork before pulling the trigger on that at the gym where I swim in the mornings.  But why hide anything when I really want to get it all out there?  Added it all up and said, "Stephanie Jones."  I am now out in my neighborhood.  These are the first two people in town that have been introduced to Stephanie.

We spent a long time talking about things.  Their reason for coming over was to ask about internet service in the area.  I gave them the dope on that.  We talked about a lot of things.  It turns out that Will is a programmer of industrial equipment in the pharmaceutical industry, same as I.  He will have a need for reasonably high speed internet for when he semi-retires to work on projects from home or whereever his boat or travel trailer takes him and his wife.  Much as I have been doing.  A kindred spirit of sorts.

During the whole of the conversation, they gave no indication they even suspected I am transgender.  Just a pleasant conversation among a woman, Stephanie, and the new neighbors from across the street.

Stevi

How great is that? I am super happy for you! That must feel very affirming at the very least.


xoxoxo
Alyssa

[Stevi]

Donna and Alyssa,

Yes, it is great.  I have had a lot of grin-inducing moments as of late.

The subject of this thread is "Things just got really tough (long read)".  So much good stuff has been coming along that I think it needs to revised to something less dire in its tone.  I think "Stevi's Saga" would be better.  Can any one of the moderators do that for me, please?

Stevi

[Dena]

If your sure that's how you want the thread titled, I can retitle the entire thread for you in a minute or two. Just let me know and I will do it for you.

[Stevi]

As you might take note, the subject line of this thread has graciously been changed by the moderators.  Thanks again, Dena.

I have gone back and read the original entry and recall how low a time that was.  While we all have many lows as we travel the paths we find before us, for me, that period was certainly among the lowest.  Even yet, the circumstances that precipitated that low are not resolved as well or a fully as I would like.  But, there is cause for hope that all will be well, sooner, rather than later.

In the mean time, my journey seems to have finally moved into hi gear.  The effects of HRT are very noticeable.  Of course, there is the breast development.  My wife is teasing me about me being bigger than she is (not true, yet) and they get in the way of her putting her head on my chest the way she used to.  Although I have never been particularly hairy, my body hair has thinned considerably.  I see a softening of the skin and a less rugged look. Those changes were slow but are finally undeniably there.

After we came to terms with my need to transition and my wife's commitment to our relationship as I proceeded, things have developed on a couple of fronts.  I have made swift progress with my document changes,  The birth certificate applications are put together and all they need is a notary stamp and a postage stamp.  I am planning to visit the DMV for the driver's license and the post office for the passport tomorrow.  Won't be long before all that is in the rear view mirror.

In addition to my daughter, I am out to my employer and my wife's best friend.  I still have one good friend to come out to in person before I begin making a general broadcast via email to my and my wife's families.  But I am no longer really hiding.  Used to wear a lot of over-sized drab shirts.   If anyone notices the nail polish or the earrings, so be it.  When the documents are completed, I will confront fitness center management about the gym locker room issue.  In this small, rural, burg, I will likely be plowing new ground.  I will be addressing that soon.

So, what I initially reported as a dire crisis has morphed into a saga.  There are hiccups along the way, but I am pleased with the overall direction and happier with the speed at which things are moving.  And I can see the end, I think.

My best wishes to all of you as you move along your own paths.  May you find your destination to be gratifying and your arrival on time.

Stevi

[Stevi]

This evening my wife and I are settling into our hotel room.  We are headed out to Tennessee for a vacation.  It has been a good day.

It actually began yesterday when we stopped by a salon after church for a hair cut.  I had the stylist cut the front for bangs and trim me all around to even things up..  The final length ended up almost shoulder length but my hair is curly and it pulls itself up to mid neck.  That was in preparation for this morning.  I got up early and headed into the DMV.  By 9:00 I had a new temporary license with my new name and an F on it with a promise to receive a permanent REALID driver's license in the mail in about two weeks.

On the way home I stopped at a registration DMV and had the two titles corrected for the vehicles in my name.  That requires a notary stamp.  While doing that I got the form for my birth certificate name and gender marker corrections notarized.  I stopped at the post office and the birth certificate applications are now en route to New Castle, PA for processing.

This afternoon, I called my healthcare insurance provider about changing my contact information.  I was told that their system would be updated automatically by social security.  I'll have to follow up on that but it sounds like "That was easy!"

Icing on the cake.  While driving from out on the eastern end of North Carolina to here in Greensboro, my wife and I had good natural conversations about numerous facets of my transition.  About three hours of relaxed conversation. One question she asked me was "Do you feel different?"  I said, "I don't feel different.  I feel good.  I feel happy!"  We talked about what was left for me to do.  She wondered if my transition was done.  She wants it to be done.  She does not really do well with change and wishes the changes to be over with.  I told her there was still more for me to do.  Body changes for me that are left to be done are minimal.  I would like to have my face cleared of the beard but, not much else.  I haven't even tried to tackle that since I have been traveling constantly since the summer of last year.  Other than that there is moving to full 24/7 womanhood.  I still need to come out to my family and hers but that has little impact on my actual living of life since there is no chance of accidentally bumping onto any of them in my day to day life.  There is the issue with the gym pool and the locker room usage.  We also discussed my unfettered movement around the town among those fee who know us that will likely be synchronized the gym thing.  So there are a lot of things to wrap up but my transition is rapidly approaching what I consider to be its endpoint.  The light at the end of the tunnel is beginning to intensify.

Stevi

[Donna]

Sounds wonderful Stevi. I don't know about the end though. Every time I think I'm good I then know there is always a next coming up.

[Stevi]

Stopped by Walmart here in Crossville TN yesterday and got a passport photo taken.  Today, I dropped my application for a renewal with corrections for my name change and gender marker.

Now I wait.  I have a temporary driver's license and expect the laminated one in ten days or so. A few weeks for the birth certificate.  Four to six weeks for the passport.  When my birth certificate and passport are done, I intend to approach the gym about their transgender policy and otherwise flaunt it.  'Cause I got it.

Donna, you are probably right that there is much more ahead than it appears.  Even if that is true, I feel really good right now.  So many things are in or soon will be in the rear view mirror.  Lately, things have happened so quickly.  I have been dealing with this for all of my life at what I call a "chronic" level.  About ten years ago, I began to deal with it to experiment and investigate.  About six years ago, I came out to my wife and, together, we have tried to find something that works for both of us at the same time.  It has been a slow and frustrating process to find that "endpoint."  We think we have and we can both see it not so far ahead.  Since we have committed to that, we both just want to get there.

Still movin' along,
Stevi

[Donna]

I am so happy moving along as it comes. When the next comes along I just go with it. There has been no rhyme or reason for which ways I've been going, I just go. My wife and I are bound and determined to make this work and so far so good. I can hardly wait for the envelope in the mail with the new name, that will be an awesome next.
Best wishes for your progress and your peace and harmony

[Stevi]

Ugghh!  What is wrong with me?  This morning, as I was signing into the fitness center to gain access to the pool, I almost printed out that old moniker.   Had to backup a bit and make that e look like an a before finishing.  Old habits die hard.

Stephanie
Stephanie
Stephanie
Stephanie
Stephanie
Stephanie
Stephanie
Stephanie

[KathyLauren]

Ugghh!  What is wrong with me?  This morning, as I was signing into the fitness center to gain access to the pool, I almost printed out that old moniker.   Had to backup a bit and make that e look like an a before finishing.  Old habits die hard.

Stephanie
Stephanie
Stephanie
Stephanie
Stephanie
Stephanie
Stephanie
Stephanie

It happens to all of us.  I have dead-named myself in emails a couple of times, and twice verbally.  Cis people have trouble getting our names and pronouns, why should we expect ourselves to be perfect?  It takes time to develop new habits.

[Donna]

That is so true. I started to introduce myself as him last week and had to check myself. I've caught myself saying "I'm the guy" in what ever context it was.
It really does take time to get it right even in our own heads.

[Stevi]

Bittersweet!

This morning, I went for my swim.  When I was done there was an aerobics class in progress, so instead of moving through the class participants to get to the steps leading out of the pool, I decided to launch myself out of the water and onto the side of the pool.  So, down I went, deeply, then up and over the edge of the pool.  My chest made firm contact with the floor around the pool and the girls both let me know they were out front.  Ouch!   Then I rolled over onto my butt to sit up and the boys both let me know they were still hanging around down below.  Ouch!

Stevi

[sarah1972]

OMG - this made me laugh. Sorry. Reminds me of my two-year-old kid who has tremendous talents to kick below and hit on top. Ouch and Ouch.

Bittersweet!

This morning, I went for my swim.  When I was done there was an aerobics class in progress, so instead of moving through the class participants to get to the steps leading out of the pool, I decided to launch myself out of the water and onto the side of the pool.  So, down I went, deeply, then up and over the edge of the pool.  My chest made firm contact with the floor around the pool and the girls both let me know they were out front.  Ouch!   Then I rolled over onto my butt to sit up and the boys both let me know they were still hanging around down below.  Ouch!

Stevi

[mm]

Stevi, your new girls will let you know when they get hit or bumped and then still having balls to contend when they get hit hit.  I know which you like and which you wish were gone.

[Stevi]

mm,

I have, over my lifetime, been made aware of what hangs below many times.  Over the past months, I have been made aware of the B size development up top on a number of occasions.  I don't think I have been reminded of both in such rapid succession before.  I took notice.

Stevi

[Donna]

Them nasty little boys will remind you when you least expect it. Boob bumps are going to get more common as they grow. Never get used to it. I so want to get ride of the three stooges hanging out down there, four if you count the turtle. Down to under two months to schedule surgery. YES

[mm]

Donna, the 2 months will go by quickly if you don't think about the surgery all the time.  Who is your surgeon?

[Stevi]

Bureaucracy- Ugh!

Yesterday I checked back with Humana, my Medicare healthcare provider.  I wanted to find out if their system had been updated to reflect my changes with Social Security.  When I called them right after I finished the paperwork with Social Security, I was told that their system would update automatically to match the Social Security changes.  Well, it seems that is only indirectly true.  Their system actually follows Medicare with follows Social Security.

So, I had to move up the bureaucracy.  I called Medicare.  After about a half an hour I was told that they were not yet informed by Social Security that my name and gender had been changed.

So, I called Social Security.  After turning down all the standard options I was given a choice to wait in the 25 minute queue or opt for a call back in 35 minutes.  I took the call back option.  When the call back came I was occupied and got to the phone just as it hung up.  What now?  Do I have to get back in the call back list?  While trying to do that, I got a call back and switched to the call waiting.  It was confusing.  The same automated voice was on both calls.  Did I switch calls?  Switch again.  Same voice.  Which call am I on now?  Finally I figured out which call I was on and I ignored the one I didn't need any more.  The automated voice connected me with a PERSON.  I got the service person up to speed with who I was and what I was trying to accomplish.  He went off to figure it out and left me with a silent line.  15 minutes or so later he came back and informed me that my new Social Security card should arrive in a few more days.  Then I asked him if Medicare had been informed of the changes.  Again he went off to investigate leaving me with a silent line.  Twice, at about 15 minute intervals he came back to check that I was still there.  Most of the way into the third 15 minute silence I dropped my phone and dislodged the battery.  I can only hope that he stuck with it long enough to uncover any problem and correct it.  I will call them again in a few days.  Don't want to deal with again, so soon.

Ain't nuttin' easy?

Stevi

[Donna]

Darn Stephanie. What a cluster. Hope you get it straightened out with them. I receive my name changes paperwork and have started thru the list of everything else to change. Did my insurances first, 25% discount for female driver.