Stevi's Saga

[Donna]

Something funny,

My wife came in from the mail box yesterday.  She was laughing and said "Stephanie is real!"  I was somewhat perplexed.  All I could think of was that either my new passport ot birth certificate had arrived.  I was feeling  little miffed because I jumped to the conclusion she had opened my mail.  I wanted to be the one to open that particular piece of mail.  Well, she handed me the mail.  It was one of those deceptive pieces of junk mail that tries to look "official" and dupe you into buying auto repair insurance to "extend" your soon to expire warranty.  Evidently, my recent auto title name changes have triggered a rash of solicitations in Stephanie's new name.  This piece was the fourth one in three days. Stephanie is a part of the great mass of people from which businesses wish to separate money.

Oh how I do understand how you feel. I got my real live first official price of mail from Wrokers comp board to accnkledge my official name change in their system. A nicely worded letter
To Ms Donna A and all. Three or four times.
You do have to love these idiot as it arrived nicely addressed to Mr Donna A 

[Stevi]

Hello there everyone,

I am finally out of that cyber black hole I was in for what seemed like forever.  I am back home and mostly unpacked.  Lawn mowed, sort of. Had to set the deck at max to not make hay.  I will need to make another pass when the clipping dry out a bit.

We swung by the post office on the way to the house and picked up the mail.  In it was my new passport with the correct name and gender marker.   Now my driver's license and passport match.  A piece at a time.  I am still waiting for my PA birth certificate.  I have checked in with Medicare about the Social Security changes being propagated to them.  They have not gotten the memo yet.  My Social Security payment went into my account this past month under my dead name even though I have had a new SS card in my possession for quite sometime.  Seems SS's right hand doesn't know that its left hand is doing.  I need to block out a big chunk of time to call them.  Last time the wait in the queue was 55 minutes.  Couldn't deal with that at that time.

For tomorrow morning, I will head into the pool at the fitness center.  I will have a heart to heart with the manager.  I have given them a considerable amount of time to come up with a decision and policy on my use of their facilities, locker room in particular, in female mode.  I wonder if they have a response and whether it is reasonable accommodating to me or not.  Before I left town on this last trip I warned the manager that I would return around the first of this month and expected some movement on their part.

I think I mention up thread somewhere that I asked my wife of nearly fifty years to reaffirm our vows.  That was in February.  Well, she finally said, "Yes."  Now comes the logistics of putting something together with our daughter and some of our closest friends in attendance. on or about August 8th, our fiftieth anniversary.

Good to be back,
Off to check on some of you,
Stevi

[Michelle_P]

Stevi, congratulations on the documents, but most of all, congratulations on the wedding vow renewal on your 50th anniversary!

That is a wonderful affirmation of the relationship between the two of you, and I was so happy to see this posted.   Thank you for sharing!

Michelle P.

[Stevi]

Michelle,

Thank you.

As time has passed I have become more and more appreciative of the place that good, close, caring and mutually beneficial relationships have in my life.  I think you have found this out as well. I have had, in my life, very few close relationships.  I am actively trying to improve the ones I do have and reach out to form others.

Stevi

[Stevi]

I finally got an answer from the fitness center.  Some time back I had approached the manager and asked about a policy about transgender persons using the facilities.  I offered to discuss the situation with the owner and help come up with something.

Since that time I have touched base with the manager several times.  No progress was reported to me.  I have no idea how much information was passed to the owner by the manager.  This morning, I asked again and she said that she forgot to pass my last reminder on to the owner.  She then took my phone number and said she would pass it along to the owner either today or tomorrow morning.

This afternoon the owner called me and let me know how he was going to handle the situation.  He stated that what he had decided did not necessarily reflect his personal opinion but since North Carolina law does not require the facility to make any accommodation for transgender people that he had canceled my membership (a family membership) and that there was a check at the desk to refund the my membership dues (that they had just debited from my bank account for the month of July.) then he said good bye and hung up.

He canceled a family membership so my wife can no longer use the facility, either.

I have not picked up the check yet.  Not sure I am going to.  Would that be an implicit acceptance of their action?

I am at a bit of a loss as to where to go from here.  I live in a small town in an otherwise rural area.  The nearest alternative with a pool is God knows where.  Closest possibility might be an hour's travel away.  Litigation is expensive and would do little to get me back into the pool in the foreseeable future, anyway.   There is a local coverage web site, Towndock.net, where I might put up a fuss with an open letter posted there.  I don't know if public opinion would be any more favorable to me there or not.  Back when HB 2 was passed here in NC, Towndock.net ran a satire piece about potty monitors checking birth cetificates and gender inspectors that got some clicks.  I am still coming out to friends and family so I am not sure I want to poke my head up that high just yet.

Need to give this all a little thought. 

Stevi

[Stevi]

On a brighter note,

Back in March one of my sisters reposted a video by a transgender Navy SEAL.  I sent her an email and asked if she would discuss it privately with me.

I did not get a response so I just let it drop.  Well, last week, she sent me an email and apologized for not getting back to me sooner.  She said was available today to talk about it with me.  This afternoon I called her and we talked about her reasons for reposting the video,  We talked about her political views.  She is likely to be the most left leaning of all my seven brothers and sisters.  We talked about the views of each of our siblings.  My family has a fundamentalist Christian past.  Some of have moved away from that others have not.  We discussed that as well.  Somewhere in the middle of the hour and sixteen minute conversation I decided I needed to tell her why I wanted to talk with her.   I knew it would be safe.  I think I caught her a bit off guard.  She was accepting but at first she didn't seem to quite know what to say.  After a few moments for collecting her thoughts she was supportive and reassuring.  Just happy that I had come to terms.

We had a good talk.  Just before we said our goodbyes I told her she could share our conversation with her husband.  He is a Lutheran minister.  A little later in the afternoon I got a supportive email from him.

That is one sister and spouse on my side.  Four more sisters and two brothers to go.  Unfortunately, I have now picked the low hanging fruit.  The others will be less sure.

Stevi

[Megan.]

On a brighter note,

Back in March one of my sisters reposted a video by a transgender Navy SEAL.  I sent her an email and asked if she would discuss it privately with me.

I did not get a response so I just let it drop.  Well, last week, she sent me an email and apologized for not getting back to me sooner.  She said was available today to talk about it with me.  This afternoon I called her and we talked about her reasons for reposting the video,  We talked about her political views.  She is likely to be the most left leaning of all my seven brothers and sisters.  We talked about the views of each of our siblings.  My family has a fundamentalist Christian past.  Some of have moved away from that others have not.  We discussed that as well.  Somewhere in the middle of the hour and sixteen minute conversation I decided I needed to tell her why I wanted to talk with her.   I knew it would be safe.  I think I caught her a bit off guard.  She was accepting but at first she didn't seem to quite know what to say.  After a few moments for collecting her thoughts she was supportive and reassuring.  Just happy that I had come to terms.

We had a good talk.  Just before we said our goodbyes I told her she could share our conversation with her husband.  He is a Lutheran minister.  A little later in the afternoon I got a supportive email from him.

That is one sister and spouse on my side.  Four more sisters and two brothers to go.  Unfortunately, I have now picked the low hanging fruit.  The others will be less sure.

Stevi

I never get tired of reading about positive acceptance, especially from family members. Very happy for you hun. X

Sent from my MI 5s using Tapatalk

[Dena]

Your health club member ship is a contract where both parties agree to exchange something. Contracts are broke when both parties agree to dissolve the contract or when one part violates the terms of the contract and the other party decides to end their participation in the contract because of the violation.

For the club owner to return your money, you would have to agree to terminate the contract or commit a violation of the contract. I don't know what is written in your contract but it would be interesting to know if there was a terminate under any condition clause in it. If not, the owner could be in violation of their own contract. In either case, if it's a large corporation, you could appeal the decision. Other than that, it may be best to forget about it.

[Stevi]

Dena,

Thanks for your comment.  This local fitness center is a small privately owned single operation.  Their is no place to appeal as I am already at the top.  I will need to look more closely at the contract to see if they have violated its terms in handling the situation.  You are probably right that I will not get what I really want which will be the continued access to the pool in peace.

I am not by nature a contentious person.  I am angry, though, and, at the moment, would like my pound of flesh.  I am wondering if a bit of bad press might not get me some of that while raising awareness that an injustice has been done in my little corner of this world.  Most likely, though, it will just make trouble all the way around.


Stevi

[Stevi]

Yesterday was a busy day.  I forgot to mention I managed to nudge Social Security along in getting my name change and gender marker done correctly.  After 40+ minutes on hold I got a real live person to complete a step in the process.  It seems there is a step that generates the new SS card and another that generates the Medicare updating.  When I told her that Medicare had not yet been updated it only took her a moment or two to figure out the problem and take care of it.  She said Medicare would be updated overnight.  She sounded like she knew what she was doing so I hope that I am done with that.  I will need to see if my healthcare insurance provider gets the memo soon.  They told me their system is updated based on Medicare changes.

Stevi

[Northern Star Girl]

Yesterday was a busy day.  I forgot to mention I managed to nudge Social Security along in getting my name change and gender marker done correctly.  After 40+ minutes on hold I got a real live person to complete a step in the process.  It seems there is a step that generates the new SS card and another that generates the Medicare updating.  When I told her that Medicare had not yet been updated it only took her a moment or two to figure out the problem and take care of it.  She said Medicare would be updated overnight.  She sounded like she knew what she was doing so I hope that I am done with that.  I will need to see if my healthcare insurance provider gets the memo soon.  They told me their system is updated based on Medicare changes.

Stevi

@Stevi:   Congratulations to you in getting all of those important changes accomplished...  For sure, it is a very affirming thing to do and is an important step in finalizing your transition.

Arghhhh.... the frustrations of dealing with name and gender changes... I found that dealing with the federal, state and local government agencies involved a lot of phone calls, letters, paperwork and sometimes (as you stated) very long waits being on hold on the phone, etc.... very frustrating for certain. 
Private companies and banks were the easiest to do.   When I relocated to my new town and state more than 1½ years when I went full-time I found that when changing my CPA certification to my new state of residence that I also had to change my diplomas with my schools and colleges which I was surprised to find out about .... but that turned out to be quite straight forward and comparatively an easy and quick task.
 
Just when I thought that I had all the changes done, then low and behold something else seems to pop up.
Then, of course, I keep continuing getting mail and emails that use my old name and gender... and that is more than 1½ years later after going full time back in December 2016.  I expect all of that to continue for the near future.

Thanks Stevi for sharing and for updating us.  Please continue, your followers and readers want to know.
Hugs and well wishes,
Danielle

[Stevi]

After my recent conversation with my sister when I came out to her and her husband I have begun to consider revealing to my other siblings sooner than I was planning to.  But, before that I needed a better read on my daughter's progress.  She has not to been forthcoming about her progress. So,  I called her.  I did not press her about her progress.  I simply updated her on developments on my end so she is not blindsided by any fallout.  She did take it all calmly.  A good sign.

I have begun to compose the email I expect to send out.  I anticipate doing that some day this coming week.

Stevi

[Stevi]

Name change woes.

I called Medicare to see if my name and gender corrections made it to them from SSA.   Only a 15 minute hold this time.  Got a person  and explained what I needed.  The name was correct in parts of my record and wrong in other parts. No idea why it would need to be in the record more than once.  Since the correct name was somewhere he could make the record consistent.  Not so with the gender marker.  I would need to go back to SSA to get that fixed since it was wrong everywhere.

Called SSA.  One hour and thirty minute estimated wait time.  I am listening to elevator music punctuated with assorted messages about how SSA is so sorry to be such a pain in the behind and how I can help them serve me better by having all my info ready at my hand. My call is now at 29 minutes and 7 seconds.

To be continued......


Stevi

[Stevi]

.... After 1 hour 22 minutes 18 seconds a real human voice replaced the music.  Again I explained the gender marker was not in Medicare's database.  Back on hold for another 5 minutes.  After 1 hour 29 minutes 57 seconds I was again assured that the records were updated.  Yeah, right.

Stevi

[Northern Star Girl]

.... After 1 hour 22 minutes 18 seconds a real human voice replaced the music.  Again I explained the gender marker was not in Medicare's database.  Back on hold for another 5 minutes.  After 1 hour 29 minutes 57 seconds I was again assured that the records were updated.  Yeah, right.

Stevi

@Stevi: Arghhh, the government bureaucracy at it's best.  Your long waits on telephone hold are something that are an experience that most of us have endured.  After waiting that long to get to a real human voice I hope that you got a name and a telephone extension in case things don't go as planned.
Good luck to you and I am wishing your well.
Hugs,
Danielle

[Donna]

.... After 1 hour 22 minutes 18 seconds a real human voice replaced the music.  Again I explained the gender marker was not in Medicare's database.  Back on hold for another 5 minutes.  After 1 hour 29 minutes 57 seconds I was again assured that the records were updated.  Yeah, right.

Stevi

Well you are patient for sure. The way I see it my phone would have died at 1 hour 29 minutes and 55 seconds.

[Stevi]

Donna,

I made sure its umbilical cord was attached on both ends. And, it was impatience that drove me.  I refused to wait until a less busy period.  Had to get it fixed ASAP.

Stevi

[Northern Star Girl]

Donna,

I made sure I had its umbilical cord was attached on both ends. And, it was impatience that drove me.  I refused to wait until a less busy period.  Had to get it fixed ASAP.

Stevi

@Stevi
Dear Stevi:   
Well, did you get your "Mr." changed to "Miss"    
Is there any way for you to confirm that change yet?
To make you feel any better, I have waited many times for hours ....  and a few times after waiting so long, I would get a dial tone....  arghhhh !
Thanks for your update.
Hugs,
Danielle

[Stevi]

Danielle,

I will need to be impatient until Monday when I can  check back with Medicare to see if they got the memo from  SSA.    I echo your Aaaagh!

Stevi

[Stevi]

Funny interaction on Facebook,

My eldest sister's daughter posted a couple of photos of her new hair cut on her page.  It is a buzz cut on her left side.  I am not a fan of partial buzz cuts, myself but on her it is cute.  After a few complementary comments from her friends my sister, her mother, dove in with a chapter-verse referenced tirade about proper Christian living, don't follow the trends of the world. what a poor example for her other daughter, etc.  Hilarious to read.

I am in the final edits of a three page letter to all my siblings announcing my transition to them all.  I think I should send a defibrillator in advance to my eldest sister.  If a haircut has given her such a righteous apoplexy, my announcement is going to put her into cardiac arrest.

I am pretty sure I am going to get it from her with both barrels.

Oh well, se la vie,
Stevi