Stevi's Saga

[Northern Star Girl]

Danielle,

I was being snarky in that comment about getting the whole fitness center.

I asked the manager to have the owner contact me about the matter.  The manager was not willing to give me his phone number or address.  After some follow-ups with the manager, the owner did, finally, call me, once.  It was not a conversation. It was a series of statements from him where he tried to disavow any transphobia on his part, told me he believed he had no legal obligation to accommodate me, told me my membership was canceled and there was a check at the front desk to refund my unused dues, after which he said goodbye and hung up.

I am inclined to send a conciliatory toned letter to him and ask if we can amicably discuss the situation in an effort to resolve the issue before taking any adversarial action.

I really don't want to make life hard for the man.  I am in no mood to roll over, either.  This is a small community and the fitness center is, I suspect, struggling financially.  It is a disservice and an injustice to us, on the one hand, for him to dismiss my wife and me.  On the other hand, if I press too hard, all that is likely to happen is to force his operation into closing in which case the whole community looses and I gain nothing of value.

I find myself in a position where I am in the right, I think, but, not knowing what the right thing to do about it is.

Perplexed, I am,
Stevi

@Stevi
Dear Stevi:  My suggestion for you is to follow what you stated about writing a conciliatory toned letter to the owner and then requesting a low-key meeting to discuss the situation... not threatening legal action and not with an aggressive or angry tone and not with an activist leaning.
 
Legal threats and protester type wording at this point are not going to get him to talk to you in a reasonable way.   State to him that you and your wife are not a threat and all you want to be able to do is to have a peaceful and non-confrontational membership at his health club. 

At the end of your brief letter also include the following... politely request a cordial and brief personal meeting with him so he can meet you and your wife in person...  to discuss the matter. 
POSSIBLY discussing locker room issues and going over ways to alleviate any of his concerns would be a subject of interest to the owner and in fact might be one of his main concerns???

Coming onto him with both guns blazing is not a good approach and will only build a higher wall particularly with all the NEWS headlines lately regarding LGBQT issues.

Stay Calm... speak softly (but don't) carry a big stick yet (Teddy Roosevelt) 
Good luck to you and keep us posted.
Hugs,
Danielle

[Stevi]

Danielle,

I am planning on going with consiliatory letter approach.  I certainly think Dena has had some good thoughts.  I think I will keep this at a personnal level through this next step and hold off getting legal types involved for the time being.

Although I am angry and the word on the grapevine holds that he is a difficult person to deal with, so the effort is likely to futile, the conciliatory approach is consistent with who I am as a person.  It is the right next step.

Between now and Monday I will put my thoughts together and prepare a letter.  If anyone has any further thoughts, I am all ears.

Stevi

[Stevi]

I have been having mixed success with getting all the government agencies up to speed with my name and gender changes.  NC driver's license, easy.  Social Security, easy, I thought, but some glitches that are still not resolved.  Passport, expensive, done, had a glitch that I overcame.  Medicare, pain in the behind, mostly SSA's fault.  PA birth certificate, unbelievable.

The birth certificate is a two part question type of thing.  File paperwork for the corrections.  Then, apply for a copy of the corrected birth record.  I sent the paperwork off in the middle of May.  It has now been about eight weeks.  I was becoming concerned so I looked on the PA Vital Statistics web pages to thy to track it down.  I found a set of FAQs that address processing times.  My corrections are expected to take fifteen weeks.  Only then can I obtain a corrected birth certificate.  Some of the othere processing times were as much as 30 weeks!

Government agencies have absolutely no incentive to serve its customers well.  If any business had a processing times like this they would be out of business before they completed their first request.

Oh, does my head ache,
Stevi

[Northern Star Girl]

I have been having mixed success with getting all the government agencies up to speed with my name and gender changes.  NC driver's license, easy.  Social Security, easy, I thought, but some glitches that are still not resolved.  Passport, expensive, done, had a glitch that I overcame.  Medicare, pain in the behind, mostly SSA's fault.  PA birth certificate, unbelievable.

The birth certificate is a two part question type of thing.  File paperwork for the corrections.  Then, apply for a copy of the corrected birth record.  I sent the paperwork off in the middle of May.  It has now been about eight weeks.  I was becoming concerned so I looked on the PA Vital Statistics web pages to thy to track it down.  I found a set of FAQs that address processing times.  My corrections are expected to take fifteen weeks.  Only then can I obtain a corrected birth certificate.  Some of the othere processing times were as much as 30 weeks!

Government agencies have absolutely no incentive to serve its customers well.  If any business had a processing times like this they would be out of business before they completed their first request.

Oh, does my head ache,
Stevi

@Stevie
Dear Stevi:   I feel your pain....  you are right, of course, about Government Agencies and how they process changes, or anything else for that matter.

Just imagine if the government was the only one to design, to make and to sell cell phones and to provide cell towers, cell service, and internet connections?
The phones would be big and heavy, wouldn't work well, no cutting edge features and performance, too expensive, cell coverage from the towers would be inadequate and slow, internet connections would be problematic at best.... etc, etc....   

I trust that you get through all of these changes in a tolerable time.   I went through many of the very same issues when I went full-time...  however at my age I didn't have medicare or social security too mess with.

Keep us updated....
Hugs,
Danielle

[Stevi]

Events in our niece's life have my wife in a but of an agitated state.  The car we loaned to her started screaming from its front wheel bearings.  She lost her job which depends on the car.  To top it all off, she got pulled over for a burned out headlight.

That is where things get a little sticky for us.  Our niece has not been told about Stephanie.  The car is registered in Stephanie's name.  There is a high probability that the officer queried her about who the car belonged to.  Since I spoke with her about an issue while she was getting the car repaired, she sent a text with an image of the reciept and work order.  The phone has gone silent.  Don't really know what it means.

We have invested a great deal in trying to help her out.  At every turn, there have been problems and disasters but it is not for lack of us trying.  If Stephanie is a problem for her, she is on her own, now.

Stevi

[Stevi]

I have been putting the final touches on some emails that will serve as cover letters for the coming out letter to my siblings.  I think all is ready.  I sent the letter to my one internet challenged brother on Thursday.  So, the process has begun and I really can't back out of sending the letter off to all the rest.  Still, the thought has my blood pressure elevated a bit.  My plan is to click the send button later this afternoon.

This coming out business has really been taking its toll.  I called our daughter a few days ago to give her a heads up on this round of coming out.  She seemed to be OK, well, not upset.  I sent an email out to her that let her know I had sent the letter out to my brother and the plan was to send it by email to the rest this weekend.  I, also told her of tentative plans to visit her soon.  Last night I tried to call.  No answer.  I left a message.  No call back.  This all has me worrying.  Probably nothing more that her being busy, out with friends, catching up on her rest.  I am trying not to let my paranoia get the better of me.  Not doing a very good job of that.

Stevi

[Stevi]

I have banged a crack in th Social Security-to-Medicare interface.  I received my new Medicare card in th mail.  Yeah!  It has the correct name on it!  This card is a bit different in format than the old one.  It has a new Medicare Number.  They were using what was essentially your Social Security Number.  They are in the process of converting everyone to the new numbers.  The new card does not include any mention of SEX.  Good and not so good.  Having MALE plastered on the old one was a real downer the othe day when I was in the surgical center for my cataract operation.  But having FEMALE on the new one would have saved me another call to someone to find out if their records have my correct gender.  Even when they do things right, they seem to find a way to screw me up.

It is Saturday so I have another impatient wait till I can call someone next week.  I will also need to check in with my healthcare insuance to see if they now have the correct information.

Stevi

[Stevi]

I pulled the trigger!  I hit the send button on seven coming out emails.  One for my brother.  Five for my sisters. One for a friend of thirty years and his wife.  I know, I am a glutton for punishment.  My wife and I are braced for the outcome.  Might be some fireworks.  It is past the time of year for big fireworks displays.  Maybe they are all sold out.

Wish me well,
Strevi

[Nicole70]

Stevi,

Great news on getting a new card, I hope you find the records are now correct. Just a look ng wait on hold on Monday hey, at least you can do your nails while you wait. Good luck with the emails to your siblings and friends, I hope it all works out better than you imagined.

Did your niece and daughter eventually get back to you? I'm sure they were just busy and not ignoring you, maybe they were just taking time to process the information and doesn't necessarily mean anything bad.

Hugs,

Nicole

[Northern Star Girl]

I pulled the trigger!  I hit the send button on seven coming out emails.  One for my brother.  Five for my sisters. One for a friend of thirty years and his wife.  I know, I am a glutton for punishment.  My wife and I are braced for the outcome.  Might be some fireworks.  It is past the time of year for big fireworks displays.  Maybe they are all sold out.

Wish me well,
Strevi

@Stevi
Dear Stevi:  You are a brave one for sure....  but it is kinda like tiptoeing into a cold swimming pool... it is better to just jump in all at once....  so hitting the send button on those emails was kinda like that. 

I trust that your official coming out to your family and freinds goes well.
Please continue to keep your readers and followers updated as you always have done.

Hugs and well wishes,
Danielle

[Stevi]

Assorted updates.

My daughter was just busy, tired and sleeping it off.  She called and we had, maybe, the best conversation a long while.  I had to inform her that I was sending off the email to the 30 year friend.  That friend was actually in highschool with her.  A few years younger.  He was her younger sister's boy friend.  In the summer while they were dating I introduced him to sailing and made quite an impression on him.  He is my friend and my older daughter's friend as well.  He is the first person we wanted to come out to that is really closely connected with our daughter.  She had to have a heads up and I wanted to know how she felt about getting a call from him about all this.  She was good about it all.

As for the friend, he quickly fired off a text to me right after he got the email.  The electrons had not had time to cool off.  It read "I will always love you.  Will call you later."

I got a call from my in-the-know sister as well.  She was impressed with what I wrote to all of them.  It was the first time she read it.  I had sent an earlier version out to her husband for critique but she opted not to read it then because she wanted to "get it at the same time as everyone else"  Had a really open and frank sister to sister talk about a number of things that lasted over an hour.

Nothing yet from anyone else.  Too soon.

Stevi

[Stevi]

Nicole,

I am not looking forward to going back to the Medicare quagmire.  I may have fond a work around.   I have one of those customer care acccounts with Medicare called MyMedicare.  I found a page on it that displays their information about me.  Of course my name is there.  It is correctly listed.  My gender as it is in their records is also there.  It is still listed as MALE.  I think I will follow that for a while to see if it is updated sometime in the next couple of weeks as I wait out the 30 days they said it might take.

Thanks for your support and hopes that it goes well.,
Stevi

[Stevi]

Danielle,

Jumping into cold water takes my breath away.  Once I get moving though, I am OK.  This will be OK.

Still gasping to catch my breath,
Stevi

[Stevi]

Danielle,

I just noticed the new avatar.  Gorgeous and radiant, girl!  Almost as much so as what I see inside.

Stevi

[Northern Star Girl]

Danielle,

I just noticed the new avatar.  Gorgeous and radiant, girl!  Almost as much so as what I see inside.

Stevi

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Danielle,

Jumping into cold water takes my breath away.  Once I get moving though, I am OK.  This will be OK.

Still gasping to catch my breath,
Stevi

@Stevi
Dear Stevi:  Thank you for your nice words... a smart girl always accepts a compliment!!! Thank You

Please do keep us all up to date on your coming out emails and reactions.... 
Hugs,
Danielle

[Stevi]

Went the UU service today.  There is a portion of the service where members of the congregation are invited to come forward to share there joys and concerns.  Several people reported their sorrow for the death of someone in their lives.  That seemed to be the theme this week.  Last week it was reports of renewed cancers and other dire health issues.  I felt a little self-absorbed after sharing my relatively trivial concern about the potentially negative responses of my siblings to my coming out letter.  After the service, I was approached by so many people with expressions of encouragement.  I found the expression of love and concern uplifting.  I think people need to have an outlet for their love.  Sometimes, that outlet needs to be one where they can truly express hope.  Maybe, it was selfish on my part to share.  But, maybe, I presented an opportunity for many to love and hope.

That opening up to share my concerns is not something I would have done in the not to distant past.  It felt good to share my burden, even a light burden, and feel the support and hear the encouragement.

Stevi

[KathyLauren]

Hi, Stevi.  I have just been catching up on your thread.  Congratulations on all the coming-out letters.  I am happy for you that the initial responses have been positive.  Let's hope it stays that way.

Bureaucracy!    Yeah, I've been there!

[Stevi]

Kathy,

Thank you, for adding to the hopes count.

I am slowly but inevitably defeating the bureaucrats.

Stevi

[Stevi]

The Purge has begun!

Just need to get rid of some of these clothes.  The closets and drawers are full.  I am not using any of the boy stuff except for ratty work clothing.  So much of the girl clothing is just not me anymore.  Much of it is too plain for me.  It was for being me without calling attention to what was happening.  Drab colors and unembellished.  Now I want to be seen for what I am.  Bright and vibrantly feminine.

Then there is the bra collection.  That is where I have started.  The drawer was packed with heavily padded bras from days gone by.  Some benefit from herbs, in the more distant past, and nine months of supervised estrogen have made them irrelevant.  I am a B, going on C and it's all me!  No need for the help of the padding.  Some of them are so pretty, though.  Regardless, off to charity they go.  I still need support.  Just not that type, anymore.

I have had my share of purges but this feels different, somehow.   

Stevi

[Stevi]

Hey girls and guys,

I need some help.  There are so many of you running threads to chronicle you journeys.  I think it is great and I am trying desperately to keep tabs on all of you.  The various threads are scattered over several forms and sub-forums.  Sometimes the forum activity is so fast and furious that your thread is pushed down the list to where I don't readily find it.  Or, I might not get a chance to look at all the forums where my favorite people are doing their journaling in the time available.  Is there any method you can recommend to make it easier to know when there has been a reply that freshens up the threads I am trying to follow closely?

What a problem to have.  Too, many friends to keep track of.

Stevi