Stevi's Saga

[Stevi]

After this exchange https://www.susans.org/forums/index.php/topic,233042.msg2163420.html#msg2163420 over on Jessica's "mess' of a journal , I went out to mow the swamp, otherwise known, affectionately, as my lawn.  To keep my mind occupied during that mundane task, I was thinking about some of aspects that exchange touched upon.

Our strength here is in our numbers.  There are many stories.  Each carries its own burdens and boasts its own achievements.  While I am envious of the ones that seem to be able to generate the activity surrounding the frivolity and good natured ribbing that we all give to one another on occasion, I would like to think that the posts that reach out with a simple "I hear you. I feel for you." are every bit as important.  I think the many posts which in and of themselves don't have anything remarkable to say, so they generate silence in reply, but in aggregate tell a phenomenal story of victory over obstacles and fears, are of immense value to all of us.

In our numbers, there always seems to be someone among us that is not too busy with their own situation at the present moment who knows just what to say to those in crisis.  In years past I was mostly a "lurker", as I put it to Jess, a "reader", as Jess suggested, or maybe what is better, Ellie's (Roll) a member of the "live audience".  In those times, I needed to see the examples of those who are out there ahead of me.  Every one of those examples had, at one time or another, something to give me.  The more of you who put yourselves out there the more there was for me learn.  I was shown examples of successes to reach for for myself.  I was cautioned by the failures so I had a better chance to reach a good outcome for myself.  I was shown the way forward by all of you in one way or another.

In the past six months, I have moved from the audience up onto the stage.  In crisis myself, I started this thread.  I got the handholding I needed to work through it.  Even at this point, that crisis is not entirely resolved but I have made strides toward living my life as I need to that were longer and more fast-paced than they would have been without all the help and encouragement from all of you here.

Those of you in our audience are important.  The audience is where we draw our performers from.  By all means watch, listen, enjoy the show.  When you are ready, come join us up on stage.  You will overcome your stage fright more quickly than you might think.  Our strength is in our numbers. Consider being counted among us.

Stevi

[Susan Baum]

Hi, Stevi
(Sorry this is so late, I've been away from the computer for a few days.)
Congratulations on your 50th wedding anniversary - a milestone few couples achieve. It shows the deep love you and Peggy have for each other and the commitment the words "until death us do part" truly mean. Though she has passed, I still wear the ring my beloved placed on my finger on the day we were wed. Why do I feel a long cry coming on?

And, lest I forget, thank you for the photos and sharing your vowel renewal with your "audience" as well.
May you continue to share your beautiful life with us.

Susan

[Stevi]

Susan,

I thank you for your thoughts.  Sorry your beloved is not there with you.  Now, I have to reach for the tissues, too.

I will have more to share.  Count on it.

Stevi

[Stevi]

Got a call from another of the former cruising friends that I came out to in the latest round.  All is well.  I am pleasantly surprised with this response.  This is a couple that we thought very likely to have difficulty.  Instead, we got a warm response.  An invitation to visit, and friend requests on Facebook.  The day before they received my letter they had been talking about getting back in touch with us.

I called them back this evening to narrow down their Facebook page.  After we took care of the friend requests, we set a date to stop by on our way home from Miami after the docking.  They are a couple of hours north of Miami, right along the route home.  She is excited to get out to do some thrift store shopping, just us girls.  The lone guy has his Harley and Miata to keep himself entertained with.  Thrift store shopping is one of Penny's and mine favorite activities.  Our friend boast of some of the best thrift store shopping anywhere.  It seems the affluent snowbirds leave a lot of quality items in their wake as they migrate north and south to follow the seasons.  I think we are going to have some fun for a day or two with them.

Another of the cruising couples has responded.  Their contact was not direct.  I am little flummoxed about what is going on.  There was a text message from someone.  Neither Penny nor I recognized the number.  The text was positive in that it wished me well in my journey.  But, it it had the feel of "I hope it works out for you and sayonara".  I think, it was from the male half of the couple.  However, the female half has made several comments on our Facebook activity surrounding the 50th anniversary celebrations.  In one of them hse thanked us for "the note."   I sent her a pm asking for some clarification of the situation.  I am pretty sure that they are good with it all.  I just need to have amore direct conversation.

There are three couples left to hear from.  Miss bee-in- her-bonnet is most likely a loss.  I'll give her a little more time to see what she does.  Since she lives in the neighborhood, I need to know where she does tand.  I may have to draw some lines for her in the event we cross paths.  I will let her know, in no uncertain terms, that any problem she might have with my presence will be her problem.  I will not retreat from spaces that I have as much right to be in as she does.  If she cannot countenance my presence, it is she that will need to leave.  I will not leave on her account.

If the other two couples have issues, I will simply drop it.  They are way far away and life will go on without them.  I will regret the loss, but not loose any sleep.

The whole coming out process has gone well., for the most part.   I have sister #4 from whom I have not hear as yet.  Other than Miss-bee-in-her-bonnet, no one has been negative.  There are a number that have pleasantly surprised me.  I had hoped that some of my siblings would have been more welcoming but they did pretty much what I expected.

It seems like we are in a pretty good place with more than enough support and acceptance from family and friends.  A wife that is fully on board.  I count myself as one of the more fortunate transitioners.

Stevi

[Jessica]

@Stevi

After this exchange https://www.susans.org/forums/index.php/topic,233042.msg2163420.html#msg2163420 over on Jessica's "mess' of a journal , I went out to mow the swamp, otherwise known, affectionately, as my lawn.  To keep my mind occupied during that mundane task, I was thinking about some of aspects that exchange touched upon.

Our strength here is in our numbers.  There are many stories.  Each carries its own burdens and boasts its own achievements.  While I am envious of the ones that seem to be able to generate the activity surrounding the frivolity and good natured ribbing that we all give to one another on occasion, I would like to think that the posts that reach out with a simple "I hear you. I feel for you." are every bit as important.  I think the many posts which in and of themselves don't have anything remarkable to say, so they generate silence in reply, but in aggregate tell a phenomenal story of victory over obstacles and fears, are of immense value to all of us.

In our numbers, there always seems to be someone among us that is not too busy with their own situation at the present moment who knows just what to say to those in crisis.  In years past I was mostly a "lurker", as I put it to Jess, a "reader", as Jess suggested, or maybe what is better, Ellie's (Roll) a member of the "live audience".  In those times, I needed to see the examples of those who are out there ahead of me.  Every one of those examples had, at one time or another, something to give me.  The more of you who put yourselves out there the more there was for me learn.  I was shown examples of successes to reach for for myself.  I was cautioned by the failures so I had a better chance to reach a good outcome for myself.  I was shown the way forward by all of you in one way or another.

In the past six months, I have moved from the audience up onto the stage.  In crisis myself, I started this thread.  I got the handholding I needed to work through it.  Even at this point, that crisis is not entirely resolved but I have made strides toward living my life as I need to that were longer and more fast-paced than they would have been without all the help and encouragement from all of you here.

Those of you in our audience are important.  The audience is where we draw our performers from.  By all means watch, listen, enjoy the show.  When you are ready, come join us up on stage.  You will overcome your stage fright more quickly than you might think.  Our strength is in our numbers. Consider being counted among us.

Stevi

Stevi it is so true that our achievements and experiences bind us into a collective power that we all draw strength from.  When you do look at it from a perspective of entirety each part is integral to creating that power.  If a part is missing the whole is lessened.
This is a basic tenant for a cooperative social network.
Here at Susan's Place we have achieved something that is sometimes not achievable. We all tend to support each other with a family take on life and can often become protective of the ones that falter along the way, hoping and helping in the spirit of solidarity.

I'm so happy you have come into the sunlight and shirk the shadows save for respite.

Hugs and smiles. Jess

[Stevi]

A couple of things going on.  Still trying to herd my gender marker change through from Social Security to Medicare to my insurance provider.  Called Medicare to find out that they have not got the information from Social Security.  Called Social Security but the automated phone system told me there was no one available to assist and goodbye.  I tried twice.  Same thing both times.  Monday at 10am.  Should have been someone there.  I ended up going online and leaving a Contact Us email.

I got a response from another of the cruising friend couples.  They express sadness for my struggles in life.  Gladness that we have figured out how we can deal with it.  Concern for me regarding surgeries.  I think it was concern of me undergoing permanent changes that I might later regret more than the inherent risk associated with such surgeries.  The email seems to be supportive.  But I am left wondering if they really wish the relationship to be truly close, again.  I sent a reply of thanks.  I mentioned that we will be passing close by on our way to and from Miami in September.  I wonder if they will offer to try to meet for a while as we go by.  We shall see.

That leaves one couple to hear from other than Miss bee in her bonnet.  I don't expect to hear from Miss be in her bonnet.   But I wonder if the whole congregation now knows of me.  I am wondering if I should send a follow up letter delineating the rules of engagement in the event we cross paths in and around town or, rather, just let it go and life my life as it suits me no matter what she thinks or does or says.

I have not yet heard from sister #4.  I did get a call from sister #2 tonight.  We talked about what sister #4 is thinking.  I appears she sent a letter to all of her sisters, except me, with a list of scripture references and a list of questions about how this affects Penny and my daughter and how will it impact future family gatherings.

The fitness center front.  I spoke with a lawyer today.  This evening I sent her an email that filled her in on some of the particulars of the situation.  I attached copies of the letter I sent the fitness center and his reply to me as well as a copy of the membership agreement so she better evaluate the situation.  Lambda Legal has asked me some questions to be forwarded to their legal team to see if they think there is some way to proceed.  It will take a day or three to decide who gets the honor of my defence.

The saga goes on  and on and on.....
Stevi

[Northern Star Girl]

@Stevi
Dear Stevi:  Yes indeed the saga continues for you on so many various fronts.  Everything that you mentioned seems to be in limbo right now.   You obviously are making some progress but in some of those issues it might be best to let them go after your repeated efforts have seeming gone nowhere. 

You have a life to live, with or without the ones that you are trying to clarify your life goals with
. 
Take if from me, in my personal experience there is indeed a point where I stopped chasing an amicable solution and move on.   While I have not given up entirely on my family and old friends,  I am no longer obsessed and concerned about those issues on a daily basis. 

Please continue to keep us all updated.... 
Hugs and well wishes to you.
Danielle

[Stevi]

Danielle,

I guess it does seem like an obsession.  There is a lot I am trying to wrap up all at one time.  I don't want to cut off contact with anyone because of a misunderstanding on my part.  I'll get it worked out.  Just need to keep herding the cats along.  Eventually, I will be past it all.

Gotta go do something important, like mow the grass.  Now, that is an obsession.  Seems like that is all I do only to find it needs doing again.

Stevi

[Stevi]

Yesterday, I again spoke to someone at Social Security.  This person looked over my records and found that there was still incorrect gender information in my file.  Again i was assured that Medicare would be informed of my gender marker change.  This time the time frame was characterized as "soon".   THe time estimates I have gotten have been varied and meaningless.  I did not bother to obtain the definition of "soon." It would have been just another definition without meaning.

I'll watch MyMedicare site for a gender change for a while.  But, I expect to need to call somebody again about the gender marker.

Stevi

[Nicole70]

Stevi,

How frustrating, they do appear to be dragging their heels on this gender change, mind you everyone worldwide seems to have the same issues with government bureaucracies. Let's hope that soon means soon.

Hugs

Nicole

[Stevi]

SQUEEEEEEEEE!!!  IT'S A GIRL!!!!

Just got home from a working visit with our daughter.  Picked up the mail from the PO Box on the way into town.  Then the mail box out in front of the house as we drove into the driveway.  The mailbox out front had two letters in it from the PA Division of Vital Statistics.  Opened the top one.  Oh, No!  The copy of my name change order was not sufficiently legible to issue a name correction.  I would need to come up with and submit a better certified copy.

I opened the second envelope and found a new birth certificate issued to STEPHANIE RUSHELLE JONES, FEMALE.

Investigation revealed that the request for a better copy of the name change order was issued the day prior to the birth certificate, itself.  Knowing the certified copy was not very good, I had included a high contrast copy of it, as well, with the application.  The high contrast copy pulled out sufficient detail to make it readable.  It seems someone reviewed the application and approved it in spite of the poor quality of the certified copy.

Slowly conquering the bureaucracies.   I am down to getting Medicare and Social Security on the same page with my gender.  After that my insurance carrier should be easily persuaded to follow Medicare.  As of earlier today, Medicare does not know of any change from my most recent call to Social Security.

Stephanie Rushelle Jones,  a.k.a. Stevi

[randim]

Congratulations Stephanie 👍👍👍. Guess this means you're a few days old. Cool trick!

[Northern Star Girl]

@Stevi
Dear Stevi:
Although we may be dealing with slightly different agencies and more local agencies in different states, the government bureaucracy can be a difficult gauntlet of paperwork, forms, copies, fees, etc... and just when you think that you have crossed all of the "t's" and dotted all of the "i's" you will most likely discover that some clerk found that something is not right and there you go again... more forms, more copies, more, more, more...  it is just so frustrating.

Anyway, back to the subject of your latest post.......

CONGRATUALATIONS....    you are now officially and legally a FEMALE !!!!   I am very happy for you!!!!

Hugs and more hugs,
Danielle

[Stevi]

In my previous reply about my birth certificate, I mentioned a trip to our daughter's.  It was a work visit.  I put a new O2 sensor in her car's exhaust system and a few other Daddy-Do items for her.  That has been my role in her life.  I have been concerned that she is still struggling to process and accept the new normal of a transgender woman for a dad.  While I avoided wearing dresses during the visit, I was attired in distinctly female clothing.  Like woman's pink shorts,  feminine cut blouses and flowery tops, necklasses and earrings.

Penny was in a bit of a quandary about the proper pronouns.  She wanted to try to please us both.  We discussed it before bed the first night and the next day, while our daughter was off to work, I told Penny I thought our daughter needed to be exposed to the reality that is her parent's new life.  I am a she/her, now, and our daughter needs to come to grips with it.  That is not going to happen unless she is pressed to deal with some of these things.  Pushed out of her comfort zone a bit.  Penny was much more consistent with the she/hers after that.  Our daughter seemed to do well with it.  I am hopeful, but cautious.

Stevi

[JudiBlueEyes]

Congratulations on the new BC!

I think your approach with your daughter is a sound one.  She needs to see and interact with the real you.  Kudos to you for taking it easy and understanding the situation from her point of view.
Judi

[Stevi]

randim, Danielle and Judi,

Thanks, girls.

Stevi

[Stevi]

The Fitness Center Fiasco.

I have found a couple of lawyers who think I have a winnable case for breach of contract by the owner of the fitness center.  They are providing their services pro bono.  My wife and I are now talking through what it is we want to obtain as a settlement.  There is the option of restoration of my membership.  There is a problem there in that we feel I may be watching over my shoulder at someone who is looking for the least infraction for an excuse to again terminate my membership.  Not sure we would feel comfortable using the facilities.  The other option is for seeking some remuneration for damages and do without membership.

Any action is likely to make us a subject of discussion, maybe worse, in this small rural community.  We are just now moving to live life on our own terms so we are not sure we want the 15 minutes of fame or the much more enduring infamy that might result from further pursuing this.  For myself, I am POed enough and, shall I say, proud enough to take what comes.  But, I do not really wish to subject my wife from what might come our way.  We do not have a good handle on the community's response if/when the news gets out.  We need to do some deliberating over the next couple of weeks.  The lead lawyer is taking a bit of a vacation that largely coincides with our honeymoon.  I told her we would let her know how to proceed after we get back from our travels.

While we don't want to dwell on it too awfully much over the next couple of weeks, we will decide how we wish to proceed so we can let the legal team know what to do next.  What do we want?  Should we have the attorney send a letter that might bring the owner to the table in good faith to resolve it or just go straight to court from here or drop it altogether and live quietly out of the lime-light.

Anyone out there that has faced a similar trilemma?  Any thoughts, anyone?

Stevi

[JudiBlueEyes]

I think any time you can work things out, it is good.  Maybe a well written letter will entice the owner to sit and discuss the concern where you can come to an amicable solution.  Being in the limelight, especially in a small town can be brutal so your trepidation is well founded.  I wish you well. 

Have a safe and fun trip.
Judi

[Stevi]

Judi,

I have sent an amicable, yet firm letter, to the owner inviting him to engage in a dialog with me.  It was rebuffed.  My attorneys have a copy of it and tell me it was well executed.  The next possible intermediate step between here and going to court is to have the attorneys draft a letter.  It is possible that the owner's thinking is that I would most likely roll over and let him have his way.  Getting a letter from a law firm might make him change tack.  Problem is that he might agree to reinstate my membership but then look for a way to get me out with a more "legitimate" reason or the staff may make use of the facility uncomfortable for me with hurtful words or actions.  Should I take that risk?

Stevi

[Northern Star Girl]

Judi,

I have sent an amicable, yet firm letter, to the owner inviting him to engage in a dialog with me.  It was rebuffed.  My attorneys have a copy of it and tell me it was well executed.  The next possible intermediate step between here and going to court is to have the attorneys draft a letter.  It is possible that the owner's thinking is that I would most likely roll over and let him have his way.  Getting a letter from a law firm might make him change tack.  Problem is that he might agree to reinstate my membership but then look for a way to get me out with a more "legitimate" reason or the staff may make use of the facility uncomfortable for me with hurtful words or actions.  Should I take that risk?

Stevi

@Stevi
Dear Stevi:
Usually I am NOT personally in favor of highly visible and high profile court proceedings of any kind.

While some transgender individuals may win a particular case, I always think it is best to "let" the offender, in this case the fitness center owner, settle out of court and thus "save face" and also save him the expense of legal fees but also the embarrassment and possible negative business ramifications of losing the court battle on a hot-button issue like this.

Based on what you stated, I would take the risk if indeed the fitness center owner rescinded your membership denial and allowed you to once again be a member. 

That said, do know that he and his supporters would be watching you closely when you are at the fitness center....  I would suggest that if you do go back there to initially always have others with you all the time... safety in numbers.  Don't go there alone or go into the changing areas or rest rooms without a friend at you side.  Obviously it goes without saying that you will need to be a model citizen and a happy and "follow the rules" type of member at the fitness center.

All of that is just my opinion, that is all....   food for thought!!!

As you may know from reading my thread, I go to the local gym regularly with my gym-gals group of 5 cis women.  We look out for each other and have each other's back ....   again, safety in numbers.   
I fondly call them my body guards... I had written about that on my thread... as I had been approached several times by creepy guy #2 at my gym and my gal-friends came to my rescue.   Other forum members here have mentioned similar things happening to them with the creeps... the creeps are everywhere!!!!

Please continue to keep us all posted,
Hugs,
Danielle