Stevi's Saga

[Stevi]

Donica,

Good to hear from you again.  I know full well how we get busy at time.  We are doing well.  Hope you are do as well as we are.

Stevi

[Stevi]

Got an email from my attorney.  My Complaint was mailed to the court this afternoon.  This is a point of no return.  I am now going to be in the public record with a complaint against one of my not too close neighbors for breaching a contract and violating NC consumer law because I am transgender.  I wonder how my other neighbors in this small eastern North Carolina community are going to react once the news starts to get around?

Cross your fingers, everyone,
Stevi

[Stevi]

Had my very first electrocution performed today.  I survived to tell the tale.  Not quite what I expected.  I did not find the insertion of the probe and the zapping to be particularly uncomfortable.  The plucking of the hair afterward was a tad painful, though.  Those of you who are electrocution survivors, does this sound right?  My electrocutioner has been doing this for 35 years so I would expect she has a good idea what is the right way to inflict the torture.

Stevi

[Northern Star Girl]

Got an email from my attorney.  My Complaint was mailed to the court this afternoon.  This is a point of no return.  I am now going to be in the public record with a complaint against one of my not too close neighbors for breaching a contract and violating NC consumer law because I am transgender.  I wonder how my other neighbors in this small eastern North Carolina community are going to react once the news starts to get around?

Cross your fingers, everyone,
Stevi

@Stevi
Dear Stevi:
Thanks for posting your followup report regarding the legal action you are seeking.

This is obviously very good news, it has been a long road getting to this point.
I understand your feelings about being a little concerned about how your neighbors and friends will react.

As you are aware from reading my thread, I live in a very small community where everyone knows each other, especially the blonde haired, blue eyed woman who moved up her 2+ years ago to start her CPA business.... so for sure, the word will get around fast whenever there may be a less than stellar moment in my life or in my business!!!

Wishing you well, thank you again for keeping us up to date.
Hugs, and well wishes as always.
Danielle

[Stevi]

My wife and I exchanged Valentines this morning.  I gave her mine and she gave me her two.  The first was a lovely kinda generic card.  You know, could'a been suitable for any two people who care about one another.  The second one, though, was extra special.  In gold lettering on the front it boldly declared, "For my Wife, my Valentine".  A year ago she was adamant that I would always be her husband.  At that time, she was very uncomfortable with being seen to be in a lesbian relationship.

What a difference a year has made.  We have made new acquaintances and friends.  She is open about how we are related and about our history. 

Happy Valentine's Day,
Stevi

[Donica]

Happy Valentines day to you and your wife Stevi. It sounds like you both had a wonderful day.

Keeping my fingers crossed too. Do you have a court date yet? I think your neighbors will back you as this is a HR issue first. This could be their rights taken from them too.

In my experience, it should not hurt when your electrocutioner pulls the hair out. The zapping should detach the hair from the follicle so it should come out easily. Your electrocutioner may need to give you two zapps before pulling the hair out.

Hugs!

[Stevi]

Donica,

Thanks for stopping by.

There is some paper shuffling to be done before I get to court.  After the complaint is filed with the court (Should be done but I haven't heard.), the defendant needs to be served.  Then he has 30 days to respond to the discovery documents.  After that, a court date may be set.  There is a possibility they will attempt to settle.  I fear this will be an ongoing saga for some time to come.

I think the defendant thought I would go quietly into the night when he canceled my membership and rebuffed my letter asking for reconsideration of his action.  I think he might try to make it go away.  The complaint prays for relief for actual and punitive damages (some of them are trebled) for four different claims.  I don't think he will want to risk the outcome if he thinks he can get off cheap.  I think he might get the idea to offer me my membership back and not a lot else and say no harm done.  I don't know that I would return to the fitness center even if I could.  I don't trust that they would treat me well.  You know- "Someone convinced against their will is of the same opinion still."  Whether I am in a mood to settle is not important.  (I'm not.)  There will be paper pushing with that exercise that will take its time.

I have had a second session in the electric chair.  (Not really a chair.)  This time she increased the current a bit and the insertion of the probe was noticeable but bearable.  The pulling of the hair was not felt much with only a few exceptions.  More what I thought the experience would be like before my execution date arrived.

Take care, now,
Stevi

[Stevi]

I had an affirming experience today that actually started yesterday morning.

A while back, I started attending a Unitarian Universalist fellowship in the nearest community that might qualify for city status.  Before I began attending, the group moved to become a "welcoming congregation".  That is, they proactively learned something of the struggles and needs of the LGBT+ community. Yesterday, after the minister's message, he asked members of the congregation to tell of their personal experience of being helped by the congregation and how they feel they helped the congregation in return.  After several members offered there thoughts, I asked for the mic.  It was not easy for me to do that.  I almost chickened out.

I offered two thoughts.  First, I expressed my appreciation that the entire congregation has welcomed me, and my wife, with open arms and unmitigated support.  Second, as to what I had to offer.   I told them I was most likely the only transgender person most of them knew they knew personally and that I was available for them to get to learn more about me and others like me.

After the service, I was thanked by more than a few members for my message to them.  Both men and women.  I was gratified with the response of so many.  So many expressions of gratitude and support and admiration for my courage.  I told some of them, "I don't feel brave."  I feel more like desperate.  Doing what needs to be done is not courage. It is pragmatism.

This morning, I attended a Koffee Klatch.  There were twenty five or so from the congregation that gathered together for coffee and pastries.  Again, I was thanked for my words from the previous day by more than a few.  As the meeting was beginning to wrap up, four of us gathered together off to one side.  All of us women.  The topic of conversation, again, became my words from the day before.  A fifth woman joined the group.  She expressed her appreciation for my words from the day before but she added another thought.  She said "I see that you are a Woman Warrior!"

I have found this whole experience to be so affirming.  So encouraging.  I am really glad I put myself out there.

Stevi

[Northern Star Girl]

@Stevi
Dear Stevi ... the Woman Warrior
WOW... what a wonderful and terrific update that you just shared.   Your experiences at your new church and with some of the women at the church are certainly very affirming.

Thank you for sharing!
Hugs,
Danielle

[Stevi]

Danielle,

Thanks.  I can always count on you.

Hugs,
Stevi

[Paige]

She said "I see that you are Women Warrior!"

I would definitely agree with that sentiment.  Well done Stevi

Paige

[Stevi]

Thank you, Paige.

Stevi

[Donica]

That is wonderful to hear Stevi. I always fear the church congregation as there is so many protest from them in my neck of the woods. I no longer attend the church that I was married in and had attended for most of my life. There is a United Church of Christ just down the street from my old church that I now attend. They are LGBTQ welcoming and friendly. We have our monthly PFLAG meetings there as well.

Hugs!

[steph2.0]

"I see that you are a Woman Warrior!"

I have found this whole experience to be so affirming.  So encouraging.  I am really glad I put myself out there.

You are so much stronger and braver than I am, Stevi. You truly are a Woman Warrior.

Stephanie

[Stevi]

Donica,

I am doubly unwelcome in many Christian congregations.  In addition to the transgender "difference of opinion", there is the doctrinal variances.  Beyond affirming Jesus Christ as my Saviour, I am decidedly unorthodox in my doctrinal stances on almost all points.  That doesn't make things very comfortable sitting in the pews.

The UU Fellowship does not much care what beliefs you have or even what your fundamental worldview might be.  The fellowship has former Christians, Buddhists, Hindus, Moslems, pagans, humanists, agnostics and atheists.  I might be the only member who professes to be a Christian in whole lot of them.  Their focus is how, whatever you believe plays out in your life.  If what you believe prompts you to be caring and compassionate and to act to make a positive difference in the lives of others, you will be right at home among them.

Thanks for stopping by,
Hugs,
Stevi

[Stevi]

Hi there, Stephanie,

I don't know how brave I am.  I think I said I was being pragmatic.  There is no way I can hide what I am minute after minute, hour after hour, day after day.  No way I would make it for a full week so I will leave it at day after day.  Might just as well own it.  I have, Penny and I have, too much history to even attempt to make true friends while trying to hide any of it.  I have a past that in many ways I am proud of.  The shameful part has been largely dealt with.  My openness with my friends about my transgender status is a large part dealing with that shame.

When it comes to more casual, fleeting interactions out in society, I try my very best to fit into the situation as just most every other woman tends to do.

I hope Sue is not suffering too badly.  Let her know, please, I am thinking healing thoughts for her.

Hugs, my friend,
Stevi

[steph2.0]

Hi there, Stephanie,

I don't know how brave I am.  I think I said I was being pragmatic.  There is no way I can hide what I am minute after minute, hour after hour, day after day.  No way I would make it for a full week so I will leave it at day after day.  Might just as well own it.  I have, Penny and I have, too much history to even attempt to make true friends while trying to hide any of it.  I have a past that in many ways I am proud of.  The shameful part has been largely dealt with.  My openness with my friends about my transgender status is a large part dealing with that shame.

When it comes to more casual, fleeting interactions out in society, I try my very best to fit into the situation as just most every other woman tends to do.

I hope Sue is not suffering too badly.  Let her know, please, I am thinking healing thoughts for her.

Thank you, Stevi. She's sleeping through surgery as I write this.

I've written this before, but don't know if you've seen it: in the past when people called me courageous, I'd tell them it wasn't bravery, it was desperation, just like you do. But then I ran across a quote attributed to Marion Morrison (John Wayne). "Courage is being scared to death, but saddling up anyway."

By that definition, I think most of us are among the most courageous people around.



Stephanie

[Stevi]

Life goes on.

I have just returned from a brief visit with my daughter.  Two Sundays ago I got a 10:30 PM call from her.  She had just discovered the thermostat had failed for her heating system.  There was a 5 to 8 inch snow storm forecasted to arrive overnight.  I'm her goto for that type of problem.  Over the phone, I guided her in locating and jumpering the two wire she needed to to confirm the thermostat was the culprit and get some heat into her chilly house.  She controlled the heat by the breaker through the week until she could get to Home Depot and pick out a new thermostat.  This past Saturday, she called and we worked through that selection process.  When she got it home, she called again so I could help her install it.  Oops, the old thermostat only needed four wires.  The new one needed a fifth wire that was nowhere to be found.  The new thermostat had an adaptor that could be installed in the furnace that would change things so it only needed four wire.  I guided her with opening up the furnace to see what she had on that end.  It wasn't pretty.  No nice, neat labeled wires or terminal strip.  So, after some contemplation, I told her I would drive up the next day and do what her Daddy has always done- help out my girl as best I can.  At the same time, I would finish up the tile installation in the kitchen that I hadn't quite finished up in January before I ran out of time on the previous trip.  I installed the thermostat Sunday evening and did the tile work on Monday.  Drove home today.

By the way, when I had arrived at my daughter's house, I walked in in what I had worn to the UU fellowship meeting earlier in the morning.  Not long after I got settled in she said to me, "Cute skirt."

This morning, just before my daughter left for work, she opened the first real conversation about my transition we have had.  She said she was considering stopping her therapy sessions again but before she did that she wanted to know if I had any more bombs to drop.  She said she was 90% OK with things.  She didn't see where she needed the regular monthly hand holding.  When I had come out to her last year, about this time of the year, she had just stopped going to therapy.  She did not want to repeat.   We talked about how the cruise in December had helped her get more comfortable.  She saw me in my finest and in public.  Nothing traumatic happened.  She had, also, had a chance to talk with her mother to get some concerns aired and some questions answered.

As for a bomb to drop, I am still wrestling with the GRS option.  All I can say right now is the payload bay doors are still closed.

Stevi

[Stevi]

On the lawsuit front,

The Complaint was file stamped and a summons issued on 2/13. The attorneys received the copies of those from the court last week and sent out the complaint and summons for service on each defendant by certified mail.   They have not received the certified mail receipts back yet.  Once they do, they'll know which day the defendants received the papers on, which will start the 30-day clock to file an Answer.

My guess is the clock may have already started or very soon will.

Stevi

[JudiBlueEyes]

I'm glad to hear you could fix the thermostat issue without too much drama and it allowed for a good conversation.