Tomorrow I will be condemned by our gender clinic, to live with a man´s social security number. They absolutely refuse to help to change it, because I don´t submit to very lenghty and in my opinion abusive psychiatric and psyhological examinations. All because, I ask for one number change in social security number. Five to six...uneven number being man, and even number being woman.
I have paid everything else myself and I have completed medical transition, with my own money, taking care of everything...and I only ask for one thing from this society and they refuse. I even got my name changed legally without any help from this murderous gender clinic.
It was a nasty meeting yesterday. They said and in my opinion somewhat in unpleasent way, that the fact that they refuse to help, will make my life very difficult. I will be clocked everywhere as a transwoman and it wont do good to my mental health and will be bad to my health. They admitted this and said it in a laughing way.
I asked them, that what kind of nurse and doctor they are, if they think that this is ethically correct way to do and this is the correct way in a treatment way. To condemn me basically to death and take away my right to health care for women, which this body would require. All I got for answer, was silence.
Basically, it is a death sentence tomorrow which I will receive. I might be dead tomorrow, depending how my psyche will react to this and seeing that I cannot sleep, the reaction probably wont be any good. I might be dead in few months, because I don´t get health care, because I am not a woman in their eyes, and I´m not a transwoman because I didn´t get a diagnose. I already had a blood clot in my leg, which thankfully was most likely a superficial. But it will renew and someday, it will be deeper and I will be dead most likely.
I might be dead due to violence in a year or so, because I will be clocked as a trans, no matter how I will look. I like to travel and to travel to a wrong country, looking like a woman, but owning a man´s passport, will be the death of me.
I am dead already.
I wish I could silence my conscience and to submit to those abusive examinations. But I cannot silence it and if I try to bypass my conscience...that wont do good to my psyche anyways...and I´m dead.
I think I will soon meet everyone, who has died just because they were transgender. Hopefully there is a welcoming party there, because life here certainly wasnt a party.
Thank you Finland...
