Karen...my journey

[Jayne01]

Hi everyone..  It's been a while and I hope all is great with all of you.

I've been keeping life low key for the past few weeks, trying to take it one day at a time.  My anxiety is lower and my dysphoria less extreme, most of the time.

My wife and I have started couples counselling.  It's been tough replaying our individual fears and frustrations, and hearing her believes that I should be able to chose to carry on like the past 80% of the time or that I am not in the 47% of transgender people that consider suicide.   I know its just her being honest, and also know how hard it is to empathize with what it feels like to be transgender.   We've also been discussing what originally drew us to each other to help understand and find a foundation to move forward from.   While tough, I am glad we are doing these sessions...it helps to know we are taking control and working things through.  We do love each other and the right things will unfold in due course. 

On the day to day front many of my female coping and integration mechanisms are feeling very normal now...longer hair, mannerisms, light make up, women's clothing where and whenever I can integrate it obscurely or privately.  It feels good, and while I long to do more, it sure helps to integrate these pieces into my life.   

It's 4 weeks until my first endocrinologist appointment.  All is set and I am looking forward to it.   All indications are he will prescribe anti androgens, not estrogen.  In my heart I would love estrogen, but I will take it slow and see how I feel. 

Lastly, I binged (sp?) watched all 4 seasons of Transparent.  And watched Janet Mock's documentary.   Both were great.   Transparent was a bit overwhelming at times...waiting until later in life, very messy family dynamics, heart issues preventing physical transition.   On the other hand, there are so many common elements in all our stories, it feels so good to not be alone. 

Thanks everyone for continuing to share and be so supportive. You are amazing.

Love and hugs!!

Karen

Hi Karen,

It is so nice to see an update from you. I am very happy to learn that your anxiety has lessened and your dysphoria is less extreme.  The coping mechanisms are surely a large contributor towards you feeling better. Also, getting couples counselling is an excellent move. It is a very tough road to travel at the beat of times. Transitioning while trying to keep a relationship from falling apart adds another layer of complexity. Kudos to you and your wife for approaching this in a sensible manner. Your love for each other is very clear. I wish you both a successful journey to an even stronger and more fulfilling relationship with one another.

Excellent news with the endocrinologist!!! Last time you mentioned an endocrinologist, you were still hunting around to find one and mentioned a likely appointment in July. Now the appointment is only 4 weeks away. How exciting! He may not prescribe anything until getting some blood tests done. Are you having any blood tests before your appointment?

Looking forward to following your continuing journey.

Hugs,
Jayne

[Donna]

Hi everyone..  It's been a while and I hope all is great with all of you.

I've been keeping life low key for the past few weeks, trying to take it one day at a time.  My anxiety is lower and my dysphoria less extreme, most of the time.

My wife and I have started couples counselling.  It's been tough replaying our individual fears and frustrations, and hearing her believes that I should be able to chose to carry on like the past 80% of the time or that I am not in the 47% of transgender people that consider suicide.   I know its just her being honest, and also know how hard it is to empathize with what it feels like to be transgender.   We've also been discussing what originally drew us to each other to help understand and find a foundation to move forward from.   While tough, I am glad we are doing these sessions...it helps to know we are taking control and working things through.  We do love each other and the right things will unfold in due course. 

On the day to day front many of my female coping and integration mechanisms are feeling very normal now...longer hair, mannerisms, light make up, women's clothing where and whenever I can integrate it obscurely or privately.  It feels good, and while I long to do more, it sure helps to integrate these pieces into my life.   

It's 4 weeks until my first endocrinologist appointment.  All is set and I am looking forward to it.   All indications are he will prescribe anti androgens, not estrogen.  In my heart I would love estrogen, but I will take it slow and see how I feel. 

Lastly, I binged (sp?) watched all 4 seasons of Transparent.  And watched Janet Mock's documentary.   Both were great.   Transparent was a bit overwhelming at times...waiting until later in life, very messy family dynamics, heart issues preventing physical transition.   On the other hand, there are so many common elements in all our stories, it feels so good to not be alone. 

Thanks everyone for continuing to share and be so supportive. You are amazing.

Love and hugs!!

Karen

Great update Karen. So much good news. Yes eansitioning late in life is hard on relationships but they can and do survive. Biggest thing is keep it open and honest and never sit on an issue. You will love the E , I sure do and now that I have a real full time HRT transition doctor I'm so much happier. She knows all the ins and outs of everything that been making me anxious. It's wait until you go full time. That first big step into the outside world is the worse. After that it just feel so normal, at least it does for me.
Enjoy and have a great time and experiance

[Karen]

Thanks for your support.

Jayne, good reminder on the blood test.  I sent a note to my doctor to make sure the Endo has my health records and blood tests. 

I forgot the good and fun news.   My family and I are going in a Pride parade tomorrow, as Ally's .   There will be thousands of loving and supportive amazing people marching with pride.    I can't wait.   

Hugs

Karen

[Karen]

Hi everyone. 

It's been a bit.  I hope you are all great.   

I've had some great days and some not so great days.

On the great days.  The anti anxiety melds seem to really help me stay positive.   And I recently worked from home and was dressed as Karen all day.  My white skinny jeans, silk blouse, favourite bra and heels.   It was so nice to just be me inside and out. 

On the not so great, my wife is having a hard time, and it is really bothering me

- after 10 months, she is still telling me she is have a hard time even imagining me female, let alone being with me
- she is constantly reacting and giving me grief over the smallest changes in how I express my self...very light make up
- she cried and reacted negative to some slim shorts I bought
- she is being very protective of our kids, and for the first time was aggressive with me in front of our son, who was having a disagreement with
- everything is calm when she is not around, and it all changes when she is there.  Everyone's mood is more tense.   I just realized it has been the case for a long while
- she old her naturopath about me and Dysphoria, which I was originally ok with, and am now bothered by the beach of my privacy.  Trans 101 is you don't breach privacy

10 months ago I told her I thought I was transgender, and asked for her love and for her to become knowledgeable about this condition.    I am so sorry to have put her in this spot, and don't know how I would handle it.   One the one hand, she could have asked me to leave and has been supportive.   On the other hand, there are many times I feel judged and critcized.  And feel I need to protect my dignity. 

I want to give it time, and do appreciate all the support I have...I have amazing people supporting me...including all of you.   It's just hard coming home to a place of tension...it is the hardest part. 

Lots of love

Karen

[Jayne01]

Hi everyone. 

It's been a bit.  I hope you are all great.   

I've had some great days and some not so great days.

On the great days.  The anti anxiety melds seem to really help me stay positive.   And I recently worked from home and was dressed as Karen all day.  My white skinny jeans, silk blouse, favourite bra and heels.   It was so nice to just be me inside and out. 

On the not so great, my wife is having a hard time, and it is really bothering me

- after 10 months, she is still telling me she is have a hard time even imagining me female, let alone being with me
- she is constantly reacting and giving me grief over the smallest changes in how I express my self...very light make up
- she cried and reacted negative to some slim shorts I bought
- she is being very protective of our kids, and for the first time was aggressive with me in front of our son, who was having a disagreement with
- everything is calm when she is not around, and it all changes when she is there.  Everyone's mood is more tense.   I just realized it has been the case for a long while
- she old her naturopath about me and Dysphoria, which I was originally ok with, and am now bothered by the beach of my privacy.  Trans 101 is you don't breach privacy

10 months ago I told her I thought I was transgender, and asked for her love and for her to become knowledgeable about this condition.    I am so sorry to have put her in this spot, and don't know how I would handle it.   One the one hand, she could have asked me to leave and has been supportive.   On the other hand, there are many times I feel judged and critcized.  And feel I need to protect my dignity. 

I want to give it time, and do appreciate all the support I have...I have amazing people supporting me...including all of you.   It's just hard coming home to a place of tension...it is the hardest part. 

Lots of love

Karen

Hi Karen,

I am so glad you are having some great days. The anti anxiety meds really seem to be working for you.

The not so great days really suck. Sorry your wife is having such a hard time. I know exactly how you feel. My wife is also having a rough time. It sounds like your wife is going through her grief process of losing her husband. That is a rough process for our partners. Unlike in the case of death, we are still alive and present providing a daily reminder of what they have lost. It makes it hard for them to have any closure in dealing with the grief. Unfortunately, it can be a long painful process for everyone involved. The best thing you could probably do for your wife is to grin and bear any kind of passive aggressive behaviour directed at you. It's not easy to do and at times you want to just scream or curl up in a corner and cry your eyes out. I have spent many drives to or from work crying from the stress and pain I feel from being at the receiving end of passive aggressive behaviour.

Your wife needs someone to talk to who is not you. It is probably a good thing for her to be able to speak to her naturopath. You may need to forgive and forget this breach of privacy.

I hope the great times become more frequent for you and the not so great start fading away.

(((((Hug)))))

Jayne

[Karen]

Have Karen,

I am so glad you are having some great days. The anti anxiety meds really seem to be working for you.

The not so great days really suck. Sorry your wife is having such a hard time. I know exactly how you feel. My wife is also having a rough time. It sounds like your wife is going through her grief process of losing her husband. That is rough process for our partners. Unlike in the case of death, we are still alive and present providing a daily reminder of what they have lost. It makes it hard for them to have any closure in dealing with the grief. Unfortunately, it can be a long painful process for everyone involved. The b st thing you could probably do for your wife is to grin and bear any kind of passive aggressive behaviour directed at you. It's not easy to do and at times you want to just scream or curl up in a corner and cry your eyes out. I have spent many drives to or from work crying from the stress and pain I feel from being at the receiving end of passive aggressive behaviour.

Your wife needs someone to talk to who is not you. It is probably a good thing for her to be able to speak to her naturopath. You may need to forgive and forget this breach of privacy.

I hope the great times become more frequent for you and the not so great start fading away.

(((()Hug)))))



Jayne

Thanks Jayne...  That is the best advice I could have gotten.  I find myself retracing 30 years of marriage and all the little things that have bothered me...and I am making them all add up to not loving and supporting me.   I have been turning it into a monster, and have been debating if I should just move on.

Thank you for reminding me to  be patient and practice gratitude.   

I need all the encouraging I can get.   

This chick is a bit sensitive... and she is going through a lot and something she did not sign up for.

Hugs back

Karen

[Jayne01]

Thanks Jayne...  That is the best advice I could have gotten.  I find myself retracing 30 years of marriage and all the little things that have bothered me...and I am making them all add up to not loving and supporting me.   I have been turning it into a monster, and have been debating if I should just move on.

Thank you for reminding me to  be patient and practice gratitude.   

I need all the encouraging I can get.   

This chick is a bit sensitive... and she is going through a lot and something she did not sign up for.

Hugs back

Karen

Karen, I am always happy to pass on anything I have learned along the way that may be helpful. It is very easy to convince yourself that you are unloved and unsupported in these situations. The hard part is to understand that the passive aggressive behaviour is actually not about you. Our partners are experiencing real grief, the same as if we have died, made harder because we are still alive but in a different physical form. Like all grief, it is a process with various stages. Three years ago I told my wife that I thought I might have been born in the wrong body. That was the limit of my understanding about trans issues at the time. During those three years, my wife has gone through various stages of grief, sometimes multiple times. The anger stage is very hard, because I get a whole bunch of anger directed at me for something I have no control over. Naturally, I go into defensive mode to protect myself (psychologically). I start thinking of all the little things that have bothered me over the years and before I know it, a mean monster has been created in my mind. I start to wonder if it is all worth it. Recently I have learned to toughen my armour so that the aggressive comments to penetrate so deep and make a big effort to see things from my wife's point of view. I support her through her rough moments when she lashes out at me and show understanding. Don't turn her grief into ammunition for a fight. This has been paying off. My wife is starting to recover more quickly from her meltdowns. Demonstrating that I am still the same person that is madly in love with her has helped a lot.

If you need to vent, do it here, or with your therapist or a friend. Often venting and a good cry is all that is needed to relieve your stresses. Keep that kind of negative energy out of your relationship. These are very stressful times.

Hang in there Karen.

Hugs,
Jayne

[Donna]

Hey Karen I'm sad that you are going thru what you are with your wife. It really can be a no win situation some day that's for sure. I'm experience so far from my wife has been the anger about losing the man she married, at the same time she loves the new attitude. She did not ask for this but is being force to basically transition with me. A difference is that she did believe and asked for 14 years if I wanted to be a woman. I know how tough a position this has been in that she doesn't want it and she knows I need it. I get such wonderful feeling from her and then such rage. All I have been able to do is sit back and listen to exactly what she is saying and then work out a solution that works for both of us.
Hopefully you can get to some sort of understanding but just like us and doing it our way she has to do it her way too. This makes it even tougher, I believed her love for me would just allow us to move ahead like nothing happened and that was bad thinking on my part.
She feels if I love her then I would not change for her.
I'm sure their are a lot of us in the same place to one extent or another. We are here for you and I'm sure we all hope for the best with relationships to survive. I hope you can find your path with her that will ease stress. Ultimately it takes a ton of work from both people to make it work.
I sure do understand not wanting to be outed, I gave my wife permission to talk to her sisters, dad and boys about me coming out, you should have had the same courtesy imho.
I wish you  the best and how you find a solution. PM anytime you need an ear
 

[Karen]

Thanks for all your support. 

5 days until my endocronologist appointment.  On one hand, I am so excited and happy.  On the other, I am scared about the next step.   I have fully accepted I am trans, and fully accept I am in transition.   But I have not decided or admitted to how far as will transition.   Each step forward makes me feel better and more aligned, and closer to a major life decision.   You know the drill.

Our couples therapy is going really well, but really hard.  Everyone brings up a lot of emotion for my wife and I.   She did not ask for this and is mourning a loss, and is afraid for our life and family.  I am scared and looking for love and affirmation.    We are getting better at taking about our feelings in the moment, and maintaining a more consistent level of empathy for each other.   

As I reflect on other threads and my wife's anxiety and stress, it occurs to me that what makes it extra hard for her is that my male time is really not male time anymore (inspite of me not ready to declare full transition).  For her she has already lost her husband...facial hair removal, longer hair, mild make up everyday, women's jeans and t shirts, lots of PJs, undies and silk tank tops, love her so much but not romantically active....when I reflect, a lot has changed in 12 months.  It am not really living two lives as male and Karen.   Its really a new life of much closer to the real me.   That's got to be tough.   ....looking back, no kidding I was diagnosed with "severe gender dysphoria". 

My individual therapist is amazing too...she is helping me communicate with confidence my feelings and understand my wife.   We also discussed this week our kids....do we tell them I am dealing with Gender Dysphoria.   My therapist is rarely direct with me....but she said "yes"...."they already know".   She said, look at the changes in your looks and behaviour...they know something is up and I will likely relieve them on one level that it is not your physical health or them.     This week I will discuss with my wife and couples therapist our options.   

Today I had lunch with my most trusted friend at work.  I have avoided her for almost a year given this and work issues.  She pushed hard on what she did wrong and what happened to our friendship.   She was hurting really bad.   I wanted to tell her so bad.  She is so loving and diversity friendly....but I could not.  I did tell her I have been dealing with personal matters and needed space.   She knows my kids and wife well too.....   So I finally told her I would give her the details one day....but know that I have been dealing with mental health issues, and then assured her I was fine and work was great.   All true and I feel good about it.   It was another step toward telling her the truth....not sure how long I can hold it back.   

Love you all.  Big hugs

Karen

[Jayne01]

Thanks for all your support. 

5 days until my endocronologist appointment.  On one hand, I am so excited and happy.  On the other, I am scared about the next step.   I have fully accepted I am trans, and fully accept I am in transition.   But I have not decided or admitted to how far as will transition.   Each step forward makes me feel better and more aligned, and closer to a major life decision.   You know the drill.

Our couples therapy is going really well, but really hard.  Everyone brings up a lot of emotion for my wife and I.   She did not ask for this and is mourning a loss, and is afraid for our life and family.  I am scared and looking for love and affirmation.    We are getting better at taking about our feelings in the moment, and maintaining a more consistent level of empathy for each other.   

As I reflect on other threads and my wife's anxiety and stress, it occurs to me that what makes it extra hard for her is that my male time is really not male time anymore (inspite of me not ready to declare full transition).  For her she has already lost her husband...facial hair removal, longer hair, mild make up everyday, women's jeans and t shirts, lots of PJs, undies and silk tank tops, love her so much but not romantically active....when I reflect, a lot has changed in 12 months.  It am not really living two lives as male and Karen.   Its really a new life of much closer to the real me.   That's got to be tough.   ....looking back, no kidding I was diagnosed with "severe gender dysphoria". 

My individual therapist is amazing too...she is helping me communicate with confidence my feelings and understand my wife.   We also discussed this week our kids....do we tell them I am dealing with Gender Dysphoria.   My therapist is rarely direct with me....but she said "yes"...."they already know".   She said, look at the changes in your looks and behaviour...they know something is up and I will likely relieve them on one level that it is not your physical health or them.     This week I will discuss with my wife and couples therapist our options.   

Today I had lunch with my most trusted friend at work.  I have avoided her for almost a year given this and work issues.  She pushed hard on what she did wrong and what happened to our friendship.   She was hurting really bad.   I wanted to tell her so bad.  She is so loving and diversity friendly....but I could not.  I did tell her I have been dealing with personal matters and needed space.   She knows my kids and wife well too.....   So I finally told her I would give her the details one day....but know that I have been dealing with mental health issues, and then assured her I was fine and work was great.   All true and I feel good about it.   It was another step toward telling her the truth....not sure how long I can hold it back.   

Love you all.  Big hugs

Karen

Hi Karen,

Thank you for your detailed update. 5 days until seeing the endocrinologist...YAAAAY!! The excitement and happiness is expected. But so is the fear of the next step. I think it would be premature for you to decide now how far you need to transition. You may have a pretty good idea about how far you need to go, but it's ok not to be certain. Transition is an evolving journey where the path is made up as you go. The way you feel after each step is assurance that you are on the right path.

Couples therapy can be really tough. You are right about your wife mourning a loss. Not much you can do about that other than to continue loving and supporting her as she goes through the process. The way you present is probably only partially responsible for her feeling the loss of her husband. I still present male most of the time, but my wife is also mourning the loss of her husband. The knowledge that I am on the transition path is enough to tell her I am not the "man" I used to be.

Telling your kids is obviously a decision only you and your wife can make. Your therapist is right in saying that your kids already know something is happening. It might be a good idea to tell them sooner rather than later if only to put their minds at ease incase they are thinking something is wrong with your health.

It must be getting hard for you to continue keeping your "secret" from your work friend. You will will know when the time is right to tell her.

Hugs,
Jayne

[Northern Star Girl]

@Karen
A wonderful update about your recent life events revolving around your transition journey.
It is absolutely normal for you to feel anxious about the next steps....   but instead of trying to wrap your mind around the big picture... take it one step at a time.  The further you go in your transition, the further that you will want to go and continue on.   ONE STEP AT A TIME !!!

I am so happy to hear that your therapy is going well and that you and your wife are in this together.  You don't have to read too many other transtioners reports to see that you are very fortunate.

It is encouraging to read about your work friend and how you are trying to heal that relationship... continue on!!!!

Thank you for your posting and for your trust in your readers and followers to share as you did.
We will be looking forward to your continued updates.   We will rejoice with you when you report good news and we will support you when you report the not so good news.

Hugs and well wishes,
Danielle

[Karen]

Hi Karen,

Thank you for your detailed update. 5 days until seeing the endocrinologist...YAAAAY!! The excitement and happiness is expected. But so is the fear of the next step. I think it would be premature for you to decide now how far you need to transition. You may have a pretty good idea about how far you need to go, but it's ok not to be certain. Transition is an evolving journey where the path is made up as you go. The way you feel after each step is assurance that you are on the right path.

Couples therapy can be really tough. You are right about your wife mourning a loss. Not much you can do about that other than to continue loving and supporting her as she goes through the process. The way you present is probably only partially responsible for her feeling the loss of her husband. I still present male most of the time, but my wife is also mourning the loss of her husband. The knowledge that I am on the transition path is enough to tell her I am not the "man" I used to be.

Telling your kids is obviously a decision only you and your wife can make. Your therapist is right in saying that your kids already know something is happening. It might be a good idea to tell them sooner rather than later if only to put their minds at ease incase they are thinking something is wrong with your health.

It must be getting hard for you to continue keeping your "secret" from your work friend. You will will know when the time is right to tell her.

Hugs,
Jayne

Thank you so much.

It's a big week...seeing my sister for the first time tonight in person tonight.  She has been with me on the journey since last October...the second person I told.  She has been amazing. 

My wife is coming to my Endo appointment.  We will prepare in advance.  It will be high stress for me, and I don't want her to be in shock.

What a wild ride of want to be the real me and longing for it, yet so scared or worried about the journey.    Life was very good (with this one suppressed part of me scratching away for 50 years).   Why ever did I keep wondering about and poking away at the scratching?  Why ever did I want to know what it was?   Obviously, because it is part of me....   

Now the cat is out of the bag, and there is no getting her back in.  When we say "this is not a choice" it is true....who would ever choose to throw their whole life and family into turmoil.  On the other hand, we have to choose her in order to be true to our selves and move forward with love and understanding.

Thank you for our support and care

Karen

[Karen]

@Karen
A wonderful update about your recent life events revolving around your transition journey.
It is absolutely normal for you to feel anxious about the next steps....   but instead of trying to wrap your mind around the big picture... take it one step at a time.  The further you go in your transition, the further that you will want to go and continue on.   ONE STEP AT A TIME !!!

I am so happy to hear that your therapy is going well and that you and your wife are in this together.  You don't have to read too many other transtioners reports to see that you are very fortunate.

It is encouraging to read about your work friend and how you are trying to heal that relationship... continue on!!!!

Thank you for your posting and for your trust in your readers and followers to share as you did.
We will be looking forward to your continued updates.   We will rejoice with you when you report good news and we will support you when you report the not so good news.

Hugs and well wishes,
Danielle

Thank you Danielle for your encouragement and support.  You are an incredible role model. 

One day at a time is helping me so much, from where I was a few months back.   

Thank you. 

Hugs

Karen

[Jayne01]

Thank you so much.

It's a big week...seeing my sister for the first time tonight in person tonight.  She has been with me on the journey since last October...the second person I told.  She has been amazing. 

My wife is coming to my Endo appointment.  We will prepare in advance.  It will be high stress for me, and I don't want her to be in shock.

What a wild ride of want to be the real me and longing for it, yet so scared or worried about the journey.    Life was very good (with this one suppressed part of me scratching away for 50 years).   Why ever did I keep wondering about and poking away at the scratching?  Why ever did I want to know what it was?   Obviously, because it is part of me....   

Now the cat is out of the bag, and there is no getting her back in.  When we say "this is not a choice" it is true....who would ever choose to throw their whole life and family into turmoil.  On the other hand, we have to choose her in order to be true to our selves and move forward with love and understanding.

Thank you for our support and care

Karen

How exciting for you to be meeting your sister for the first time as Karen. From what you say about your sister, it will be a great meeting.

Food idea for your wife to come along to the endo. Make a list of questions you each want to ask before going. That's might be what you meant about preparing in advance. My wife came to the first endo appointment. It helped her with understanding what to expect. She has also come to a couple more appointments since then. She is always welcome to come along. The last appointment, when I got a replacement implant, she came along but was happy to sit in the waiting room while I saw the doctor. Whatever she needs to make the process easier on her.

This is a very wild ride. Wait until you start HRT! All I can say is buckle up!!! I'm not saying that to scare you, it's a crazy ride but sooooooo worth it.

We don't have a choice whether we are trans or not. If we are, at some point, out true self will surface and want to be set free. Not much can be done about that other than hold on and ride the tsunami. I was like you, Life was very good with the exception of this one thing constantly poking at me. It got to the point where the gentle poking became hard shoves making me feel unbalanced. It was an unsustainable situation that needed attention. Well, as they say, the rest is history and now I am happier than I ever imagine to be possible. In many ways, I actually feel fortunate that I am transgender. This journey has given me a whole new appreciation for life that I otherwise would not have had. I am a better person for it.

Wishing you a great week and success with some big steps forward.

Hugs,
Jayne

[Karen]

Well my dear friends....

Endo appointment complete...and HRT is now underway.   Exciting and scary all at the same time.

My wife came and was great moral support.  The Endo was incredible...supportive, informative and put complete choice in my hands.   He has started me on Cyproterone, based on my therapists guidance to start with SSRI and T blockers.   In the event it does not work or I want to do it differently, he has also written a prescription for Spiro and estrogen.   I would love to start the full meal deal, but am not sure I am ready for the body changes....I clearly want to emotional changes. 

So, took my first HRT last night, and away we go.   

Any and all shared experiences and advice is always welcome.

Thanks for your care and support.  Big hugs.

Karen

[KathyLauren]

Yay, congratulations, Karen!  Starting HRT is a major milestone on your journey.

[Northern Star Girl]

Well my dear friends....

Endo appointment complete...and HRT is now underway.   Exciting and scary all at the same time.

My wife came and was great moral support.  The Endo was incredible...supportive, informative and put complete choice in my hands.   He has started me on Cyproterone, based on my therapists guidance to start with SSRI and T blockers.   In the event it does not work or I want to do it differently, he has also written a prescription for Spiro and estrogen.   I would love to start the full meal deal, but am not sure I am ready for the body changes....I clearly want to emotional changes. 

So, took my first HRT last night, and away we go.   

Any and all shared experiences and advice is always welcome.

Thanks for your care and support.  Big hugs.

Karen

@Karen
Dear Karen:
Well, certainly CONGRATULATIONS are in order for you....  write this date down in your journal, it will be a day to celebrate and if so led it can be marked by anniversaries as others have done on here.

I am so very glad that you like your Endo... you might be correct based on what you have said, I also think that taking it slow to start is the best decision for you... give all of this (HRT and Mental Adjustment) time to sink in.

As has been stated over and over here on the Forums... and by me in many of my comments on various posts, HRT will work uniquely on your unique body. 
What you read about other transtioning members experiences with HRT most likely will not be identical to your own experiences.
Some will experience more significant changes more quickly and then some will experience less significant changes more slowly....   it is all up to your genes and how your body reacts to the HRT.   Your Endo will be looking at your frequent blood test results to determine if any alterations in the HRT regimen are needed.
The adage that you have probably already heard regarding HRT and how it may work for various individuals  is "YMMV"  meaning that Your Mileage May Vary.   
PATIENCE is definitely required.... usually not much happens very quickly with HRT... but changes will happen.  Do some reading of other transitioners posts and look many of the posted HRT timelines and the before and after pictures. ....  they can give you a rough idea of what you MIGHT expect.

Again, Karen, this, like you said, is very "EXCITING and SCARY all at the same time."   Hang on for an amazing ride. 
We are here to rejoice with you in the good times and to support you in the not so good times.
One more time.... PATIENCE is required.   The attitude of many people today is "I want it all and I want it now" ... that will not apply to HRT.

Hugs and well wishes... we will be looking for your updates as you feel free to post them.
Danielle

[Karen]

Yay, congratulations, Karen!  Starting HRT is a major milestone on your journey.

Thank you!    I really appreciate your words of encouragement.   

Thank you!   

Karen

[Karen]

@Karen
Dear Karen:
Well, certainly CONGRATULATIONS are in order for you....  write this date down in your journal, it will be a day to celebrate and if so led it can be marked by anniversaries as others have done on here.

I am so very glad that you like your Endo... you might be correct based on what you have said, I also think that taking it slow to start is the best decision for you... give all of this (HRT and Mental Adjustment) time to sink in.

As has been stated over and over here on the Forums... and by me in many of my comments on various posts, HRT will work uniquely on your unique body. 
What you read about other transtioning members experiences with HRT most likely will not be identical to your own experiences.
Some will experience more significant changes more quickly and then some will experience less significant changes more slowly....   it is all up to your genes and how your body reacts to the HRT.   Your Endo will be looking at your frequent blood test results to determine if any alterations in the HRT regimen are needed.
The adage that you have probably already heard regarding HRT and how it may work for various individuals  is "YMMV"  meaning that Your Mileage May Vary.   
PATIENCE is definitely required.... usually not much happens very quickly with HRT... but changes will happen.  Do some reading of other transitioners posts and look many of the posted HRT timelines and the before and after pictures. ....  they can give you a rough idea of what you MIGHT expect.

Again, Karen, this, like you said, is very "EXCITING and SCARY all at the same time."   Hang on for an amazing ride. 
We are here to rejoice with you in the good times and to support you in the not so good times.
One more time.... PATIENCE is required.   The attitude of many people today is "I want it all and I want it now" ... that will not apply to HRT.

Hugs and well wishes... we will be looking for your updates as you feel free to post them.
Danielle

You are the best.  Thanks for all your encouragement and support. 

I am ok with going slow (most of the time)...its too overwhelming otherwise.   Other times I just want to be Karen in the fullest way possible.  Time will tell. 

It is a new anniversary for sure!   

Big hugs

Karen.

[pamelatransuk]

Excellent news, Karen.

It is a wonderful feeling as you take the first tablet, isn't it?

You'll remember that event forever.

Hugs

Pamela