Do you think you are/were "trapped in the wrong body"?

[PurpleWolf]

...yes, sometimes I do feel trapped. Imprisoned, sometimes. In a world that sees one thing when you feel entirely something else. Like wearing a costume you can't remove. Where you mentally scratch yourself over and over looking for the zipper, to step outside that. And feel worse when you can't find it.

The body is mine, but it isn't right. It isn't a reflection of who I am. And every single time I'm reminded of that, I feel trapped. I feel like screaming "If only you could see the real me you would understand."

So in that sense, I do think it describes how I feel pretty well.

Very true!!! Great reply Sephirah, like always!

I feel that too. I just try to not see it that way - because thinking about it too much (that I have a female body) isn't a nice feeling......

[Cassi]

Very true!!! Great reply Sephirah, like always!

I feel that too. I just try to not see it that way - because thinking about it too much (that I have a female body) isn't a nice feeling......

I keep telling everyone it's a glitch in the alien matrix but noooooooooooooooooooooooo one believes me

[WolfNightV4X1]

Never.  This sentiment never appealed to me. This entire body didn't go anywhere once I transitioned,  it just masculinized to be the more male approximation of it.

I've always been a major biology nerd,  so I started learning about sex differences in middle school,  you know genitals,  chromosomes,  secondary sex traits.  As we all know males are XY and females are XX.  I've always been part of nerdy/geeky fandoms for years and later I discovered a character development and fan interpretation where people would "genderbend/genderswap" certain characters in art,  I.e what if this character looked like a boy and vice versa.  This was incredibly fascinating to me,  and it got me thinking from a biological perspective that everything about this character in their D.N.A would be exactly the same except for one chromosome,  which would have them develop as male/female instead.  This was the coolest thing to me and I immediately started looking to my the female characters I related to and gender swapping them.

Essentially,  I'm not trying to be an entirely different person,  I'm me. 


I can see where some people might come from saying they're "born in the wrong body", probably because dysphoria and gender roles make you appear and feel completely different.  The term mainly ticks me off when cis people use it because it's not clear what it means from a feeling perspective to them,  and it sounds very dramatic and over the top and a lot of them who use those words usually don't support transgender people and find them ridiculous

[PurpleWolf]

Never.  This sentiment never appealed to me. This entire body didn't go anywhere once I transitioned,  it just masculinized to be the more male approximation of it.

I've always been a major biology nerd,  so I started learning about sex differences in middle school,  you know genitals,  chromosomes,  secondary sex traits.  As we all know males are XY and females are XX.  I've always been part of nerdy/geeky fandoms for years and later I discovered a character development and fan interpretation where people would "genderbend/genderswap" certain characters in art,  I.e what if this character looked like a boy and vice versa.  This was incredibly fascinating to me,  and it got me thinking from a biological perspective that everything about this character in their D.N.A would be exactly the same except for one chromosome,  which would have them develop as male/female instead.  This was the coolest thing to me and I immediately started looking to my the female characters I related to and gender swapping them.

Essentially,  I'm not trying to be an entirely different person,  I'm me. 


I can see where some people might come from saying they're "born in the wrong body", probably because dysphoria and gender roles make you appear and feel completely different.  The term mainly ticks me off when cis people use it because it's not clear what it means from a feeling perspective to them,  and it sounds very dramatic and over the top and a lot of them who use those words usually don't support transgender people and find them ridiculous

Great answer! To the point 

And genderswapping fandom seems cool!!!

[Kylo]

If I had a Y chromosome (haven't seen my genetics so who knows, but) I know my body would have developed differently. I would have a different skeletal structure for starters. This is easy to see because I can compare my bone structure to my fella who is practically the same height as me. There are noticeable differences there. His finger bones are longer and his hands are slightly longer and a little broader. Same goes for the toes. That skinny pelvis. And his skull is different as well, obviously. Overall, it's larger. There are lots of other little subtle differences as well. The only thing about mine that fits the male pattern is the broadness of the shoulders and the finger length ratios.

I did have that Y I would quite possibly have ended up taller than him, probably somewhere around 5'10" due to the difference in growth times of puberty and the average you can work out from the height of your mother and father.

So my physiology still seems glaringly female to me, especially the shape of the skull. It's a bit of an issue for me, that. Just changing my sex organs and chest isn't going to get rid of that and make me feel like I swapped gender unfortunately. If I had developed as a male I would not be entirely the same to look at, and that's significant to me.

Still, it doesn't really matter. My bones don't bother me like a female skin suit does. People don't look at them like they do secondary sexual characteristics. But I can't seem to think that this is exactly what I'd look like if I turned out XY. I highly doubt it.   

[Gertrude]

I keep telling everyone it's a glitch in the alien matrix but noooooooooooooooooooooooo one believes me

For me, I feel like I'm an ET sent to observe humans secretly and report back. Unfortunately they made me the wrong gender.


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[Cassi]

For me, I feel like I'm an ET sent to observe humans secretly and report back. Unfortunately they made me the wrong gender.


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See, there you go!  Excellent.  Our lives are just part of an alien entertainment program.

[PurpleWolf]

So my physiology still seems glaringly female to me, especially the shape of the skull. It's a bit of an issue for me, that. Just changing my sex organs and chest isn't going to get rid of that and make me feel like I swapped gender unfortunately. If I had developed as a male I would not be entirely the same to look at, and that's significant to me.

Still, it doesn't really matter. My bones don't bother me like a female skin suit does. People don't look at them like they do secondary sexual characteristics. But I can't seem to think that this is exactly what I'd look like if I turned out XY. I highly doubt it.

True. Of course we would look different had we been born cis. Fortunately though, things like skull size, bone size etc. don't affect passing really.

[Junglebell]

I used to think I was, indeed, trapped in a wrong body.

People around me seemed to think this whole gender thing was all black and white. They had a clear image on what a man was and what a woman was. In school, they taught as the differences in our bodies. They taught us the differences between these two gender. And because of that I, too, had this same understanding on what a woman's body was like, when compared to man's body. That was all that I knew and I felt trapped.

Later, I started realizing things didn't have to be that way. I learned to think that my body was, chiefly, just my body. Of course, it wasn't the way it was supposed to be, but I knew I was going to change that.

Realizing this made it much easier for me to survive through the long examinations at the TRANS clinic.

In short. It started with "I'm trapped in a wrong body" and, while I grew up, it transformed into something else.

[Gertrude]

See, there you go!  Excellent.  Our lives are just part of an alien entertainment program.

Like a trans mork from ork.


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[Cassi]

Like a trans mork from ork.


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See?  People don't really know the significance of the EGG!!!!!

[V M]

Eggs tend to make me a bit farty, but I'm not sure if that would be significant or not

I do however like eggs

[HughE]

I've always been a major biology nerd,  so I started learning about sex differences in middle school,  you know genitals,  chromosomes,  secondary sex traits.  As we all know males are XY and females are XX. 

There's a commonly held, but incorrect, belief, that X and Y chromosomes determine your sex. In fact, all being XX or XY does is determine whether you develop ovaries or testicles, everything from that point onwards is driven by hormones. This is why it's possible to have XX men (De La Chappelle syndrome) and XY women (Swyer's syndrome, Complete Androgen Insensitivity Syndrome), as well as intersex and transgender people. Because the sex you develop as depends on what hormones were present at the time, and hormone levels aren't binary but exist on a spectrum, sex itself isn't binary but exists on a continuous spectrum ranging all the way from fully male to fully female.

Unfortunately, the notion that sex is determined by X and Y chromosomes is so deeply rooted in public consciousness that even most doctors assume it to be true. As a result, they've seen no problem with administering hormones to pregnant women, and there are literally millions of people alive today who were exposed to gender bending hormones during their prenatal development. From reading through case reports and chatting with other hormone exposed people online, exposure to these drugs can certainly be a cause of physical intersex-related abnormalities, however for most of us, the thing most affected seems to be the brain. If you look through some of the topics on this website, many of us older MTF and transfeminine people were prenatally exposed to an artificial estrogen called DES. Although I haven't seen it discussed here, elsewhere I've talked to AFAB people who were prenatally exposed to two other manmade hormones that were commonly prescribed during the 1950s and 60s, ethisterone and norethisterone, who either have masculinised personalities or are fully male-identified. Considering how hardly any of the people who were exposed to these drugs know anything about it, probably quite a big chunk of the transgender population are actually trans because of pharmaceutical hormones administered during pregnancy.

The worst offenders, DES, ethinylestradiol, ethisterone, norethisterone, danazol, had all been withdrawn from use during pregnancy by about 1980. The hormones now in use supposedly don't affect sexual development in the fetus. However, considering that the link between the earlier hormones and intersex and transgender in the exposed children has remained completely hidden from the public, who's to say that some of the hormones still in use aren't continuing to do the same thing?

Anyway, going back to the topic of this thread. I'm reasonably comfortable with my body as it is. I had a very unhappy time during my teens, and I think part of the reason was that, at a subconscious level, I was expecting to go through a female puberty rather than a male one. Having said that, if I had a fully female body, part of me would be fine with that, but another part of me wouldn't, and I think I'd have still experienced dysphoria. The thing that seems to work best for me is being androgynous, which is kind of how my body is now, so I'm fairly happy with that.

[PurpleWolf]

There's a commonly held, but incorrect, belief, that X and Y chromosomes determine your sex. In fact, all being XX or XY does is determine whether you develop ovaries or testicles, everything from that point onwards is driven by hormones. This is why it's possible to have XX men (De La Chappelle syndrome) and XY women (Swyer's syndrome, Complete Androgen Insensitivity Syndrome), as well as intersex and transgender people. Because the sex you develop as depends on what hormones were present at the time, and hormone levels aren't binary but exist on a spectrum, sex itself isn't binary but exists on a continuous spectrum ranging all the way from fully male to fully female.

A very good point!!! Thanks so much!!!!!!!!!! I'm very interested in intersex conditions bcos in a way I see being transgender as one - though officially it's ofc not. Transgender people don't have any recognizable physical 'other sex characteristics' like intersex people do - unless, ofc, you view it that way that your whole body (except for your brain) developed in the wrong direction... And your whole being is one intersex condition in a way...! Ofc this is very controversial and I've understood that intersex people are not that keen on including trans as one or confusing the two.

Anyway it's intriguing to learn what kind of role all the hormones really play in this. I myself find comfort in the thought that if I'm not technically intersex, I am like intersex people in the way that my body is unique. Well, others may argue and say I technically have a female body and there's nothing unique about it - but this is just my way of comprehending things. To me that's a relieving thought to view my genitals as 'intersex' bcos they are not male. And after being on T and clit/dick growth that's even more accurate. But that's just my personal opinion on my body. Don't mean to offend anyone who is real intersex!   

[Tessa James]

For me, I feel like I'm an ET sent to observe humans secretly and report back. Unfortunately they made me the wrong gender.
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I once thought i was alone in feeling exactly that alienated from culture and my own body.  Cool that aliens are now catching on?

Much of my dislike for the expression of being trapped are the simplistic and fatalistic terms people utilize.  There is no one size that fits us all and the short cuts to "knowing" us are bogus cheap.  It takes time and experience to understand our phenomenal world and each individual in it. 

I was frustrated for most of my life by a lack of knowledge and opportunity for making the changes I have now grown to own and love.  Having a dream and making it this real is wonderful. 

PurpleWolf i hope you continue to post where ever you like and I greatly appreciate any reduction of the artificial realms people use to try and separate us.  Celebrating diversity and inclusion while embracing community makes us stronger together.  Rock on Brother!

[V M]

I happen to be XXY, makes me wonder if that's partly why I grew breasts so easily, feel very feminine most of the time but can also seamlessly switch to male mode

Sometimes I feel like I'm a container of Half & Half LOL

[PurpleWolf]

PurpleWolf i hope you continue to post where ever you like and I greatly appreciate any reduction of the artificial realms people use to try and separate us.  Celebrating diversity and inclusion while embracing community makes us stronger together.  Rock on Brother!

Thanks for making my day !

[HughE]

Transgender people don't have any recognizable physical 'other sex characteristics' like intersex people do - unless, ofc, you view it that way that your whole body (except for your brain) developed in the wrong direction... And your whole being is one intersex condition in a way...! Ofc this is very controversial and I've understood that intersex people are not that keen on including trans as one or confusing the two.

Medically I'm not classified as intersex because my genitals are fully male, however, if you look at me next to my brother, I actually look physically feminized. I have a lot less body hair than he does (even though I'm now on testosterone replacement), and my whole body structure is different - my arms and legs are longer and more slender, while my upper body is shorter than his. He's a lot more heavily muscled than I am (especially in the upper body), and his arm and leg bone structure is a lot heavier looking than my comparatively light, gracile bone structure. The differences were even more apparent when we were younger. I was very androgynous looking and, in my teens and twenties, would probably have been quite passable as a woman without much effort, if I'd been so inclined. Our personalities are totally different too (which I think is the result of me having had a period of female brain development). He's quite sporty and outgoing, enjoys male activities and has lots of male friends, whereas I'm the complete opposite - I'm quite shy, hate being the centre of attention, have a very strong tendency to go along with what the group is doing rather than being the one to initiate things, sport has zero appeal to me, and since I hit puberty I've never been able to make male friends (well, when I was younger, lots of gay men would try to get friendly with me, but I suspect there was an ulterior motive there!).

Talking to other people who were prenatally exposed to DES, these experiences all seem to be really common, although not universal.

Some intersex conditions (CAIS and Swyer's syndrome are classic examples) don't actually result in a person who is intermediate between male and female at all, rather they produce a person who is physically the complete opposite sex from their genetic one. Other intersex conditions (e.g. CAH, Klinefelter's syndrome) do result in people whose development is a mixture of male and female, and I know there are some people in that situation who very rigidly try to present themselves as one end or the other of the gender binary, and get quite upset about any suggestion of an association with transgender. However, if you watch the youtube videos of people with various intersex condition, a lot of them seem to have a nonbinary presentation. There are transgender people who aren't physically feminized/masculinized at all, and there are intersex people whose gender identity is binary, but often there's some overlap.

[Michelle_P]

Like Hugh I had in utero DES exposure.  This stuff blocks the normal masculinizing action of testosterone in utero, altering development of tissues.  The dosage used in the late 1940s and early 1950s was quite high, resulting in serum estrogen levels on the order of 50,000 times of what a birth control pill can produce.

My exposure started near the end of the first trimester, after the growth of genitalia was started, but before things like the extremities and brain structures had started development. 

As a result I have fairly feminine limbs, wear a woman's medium glove, 9 1/2 (US) women's shoes, have almost no body hair other than the fine vellus hairs, and some sexually dimorphic regions of the brain imaged prior to HRT appear to be female in structure and function.

I was assigned male at birth because of how the tissue between my legs looked.

My body is my body.  Some parts grew in a manner more appropriate for one of the gender binaries, and other parts grew in a manner more appropriate for the other.  This sort of development is a gender incongruity.

When I was born, the medical standards called for assignment to one of two sexes based on visual evaluation of only the tissue between my legs.  I, the conscious being communicating with you, didn't reside in that tissue.  I didn't think with it, and frankly, it always felt like an inappropriate part of my body.

It's gone now, and the physical body I have now more closely matches the model of my body that runs in my brain, in those sexually dimorphic regions.

[PurpleWolf]

Like Hugh I had in utero DES exposure.  This stuff blocks the normal masculinizing action of testosterone in utero, altering development of tissues.  The dosage used in the late 1940s and early 1950s was quite high, resulting in serum estrogen levels on the order of 50,000 times of what a birth control pill can produce.

After Hugh's great explanation I had to look that up! Really interesting stuff indeed...

I was assigned male at birth because of how the tissue between my legs looked.

I, the conscious being communicating with you, didn't reside in that tissue. 

Well put,  . What I'm thinking too  !
My body is the home of my soul - not the other way around,  !

And great answers, everyone!
I really love talking to you guys  !