Jessie92585 it hurts me to hear what you are going through. As many have expressed here soooo many would love such dedication and support. I know i would. Yes she may just be all about herself but another thing to consider is the hormones she is taking could have her in an emotional self destructive spiral. Now i have never been on what i consider to be on female hormones but i have been on the oppisite and was given herbal estrogens. Both made me act very much the same way. With the (what i think was male HRT as a child I with drew from everything. I did not have blogs or internet to read or talk to anyone. I remember looking at other girls my age in great detail. I longed to feel what i saw as their free spirited peace. Their natral glow in being free to be who they were a young devoloping female. I would get caugh in such thoughts then get ripped back to reality remembering i was a male and could never freely be who i longed to be. I did not talk to anyone i did not have too. I became a loner in the truest sense. My hair was longer then my belt line and that definatly made me a target. I was a minority in an all white school and was targeted for that also. I fought every day at school and most times it was because i was attacked by 5 or more males that refered to me as a girl, faggot and then attacked. I was very capable of defending myself. I dont like violence, i dont agree with it but im very very proficient at it.
But to get back on subject here. My point is i felt crazy. I could not think clearly, i was very and i mean very emotional. Not in a tears sort of way but in a angry fast to revert to violence sort of way. The male hormones was creating havoc in my system as my body fought it to no avail.
Many years later with out knowing it i was taking herbs i thought was to help me heal from surgery faster but in truth it was natral herbal estrogens. I became very much the same way. Not with violence but great agitation and confusion towards females mainly. I dont really know why . By this time i was an adult and the internet had been well devoloped. I spent many days and nights googling topics of what was happening to me. I say happening to me because i did not know why i was growing breasts again. I did not understand why i started feeling the need to be female so intense again. I withdrew from my wife. I talked to her a few times on this because i had too. My chest was definatly growing and she brought it up over coffee one morning.
She and i could never consummate our marrige in the 18 years we were married. I was way to endowed as a male and she was a childhood rape victim from multiple adult males. So although we could not have relations that way , we of course found other ways to be with each other. Well later after coffee she touched me as if i were a woman , i realize now she was testing me. My whole being ,mind ,body and soul reacted. I was helplessly lost. I finally felt alive. Though short lived because the next morning she verbally attacked me. She told me she had given me the herbs to make me not want relations with her as often. She yelled and said, how could you not know? Look at you, your legs you have shaved clean, you wear makeup and female clothing and look at your chest, you have tits. Last night you responded fully as a woman. You even stink like a woman when you sweat you act like its perfectly natral you are like this, dont you even remember you are a man?
I was in shock. I really had to think. Yes i do remember im a male but to remember that i really had to think about it. It was like the months i could not really get out of the house from awaiting surgery then after the surgery , i had forgotten i was a male. I told her that i was the same as i have always been. I fully withdrew from her at this point. Sinking further into research. Now i realize between the medication i was taking mixed with estrogen hormonal natural suppliments i had changed. Mainly my communication with her. I realized i did not remember much of the last 6 months. Just emotional peaks and valleys. Happy and at total serenity when alone and wearing makeup and clothing and primping and agitated when with her. This was almost like a re awaking for me since childhood. Now that i knew i was on herbal estrogen i told myself i would nolonger take it. But i couldnt stop. I actually took higher doses. I became more secluded and with drawn. It was like being intoxicated as the estrogen built up in my system. Then one day my ex wife told me since i could hardly get hard she wanted to point out that i had lost about 5 inches. My natral response with out thinking was yeah and i still am larger then most guys , i wish it were gone. She and i never spoke about any thing on that topic again. We seporated a month later.
So im telling you all this to say. She may be just caught up in her emotion and not feel like she is understood by you or maybe the estrogen is effecting her and she is feeling the agression toward you because your female and she is becoming one. It sounds crazy i know but i think its a pheromone thing. Other then those possibilities maybe she is just selfish. Eaither way there is no excuse for such actions, especially since you are paying her way and supporting her both emotionally and financially. I'm so sorry to hear you are going through this with her. Even if she dont want or wont go for therapy, please go yourself. Go for your own mental health. Hopefully she will realize your her best friend and greatest support. But she needs to be loving and supportive to you as well because what you are going through is just as if not more of an upheaval in your life. I cant be easy to find out your husband is really female and your wife. It is truely commendable how wonderfulky you have supported her and its time she shows you the same support and respect in my humble opinion
