I am the HUNTED PREY : Danielle’s Chronicles

[Allison S]

Hi @Alaskan Danielle -

I feel I owe some clarifications to my previous post and sorry for derailing your thread a bit.

You are absolutely correct, this is the story of my transition. I should have better posted it in my thread.
Every trans persons life story is different, some have it fairly easy and can openly live as trans, others have a much rockier road and may lose friends or family in the process of becoming themselves. Some prefer to live completely stealth and are successful doing so, others want to be visible activists. Such a great variety of life stories and people.

For my personal goal: I hope one day it will be possible that people I have never met or only met briefly will see me as women and will not question my past even on brief social interactions. I am not advertising my status.

I know you have been going through some rough times yourself before being able to fully live as yourself. You are a strong and amazing women and I have so much respect for what you did to get where you are today. It does feel like you have arrived at a (mostly) happy place and even your unexpected revelation is something you have been able to handle extremely well. I do hope your happy days continue!

Hugs

Sarah

P.S. And yes, I am also in the Danielle Fan Club...

I won't speak for Danielle but I like that you're upfront and contribute!! It helps to see others flourishing and I know it really helps me to see your posts. I may not respond much but I just wanna let you know that it means a lot [emoji4] sorry if I'm a bit sappy I can't help it haha

It's great to read your perspective in this post. Sometimes when we see successful transitioners like you it's easy to think that you might just be lucky and the rest of us are doomed so it's good to read that you once had the same frustrations that those of us in the middle of transitioning still have. It gives us hope.

Oh I agree it's hard to think Danielle didn't "pass" right out the gate haha but regardless we all have our struggles and we're here to support each other [emoji173]

Sent from my VS501 using Tapatalk

[Northern Star Girl]

It's great to read your perspective in this post. Sometimes when we see successful transitioners like you it's easy to think that you might just be lucky and the rest of us are doomed so it's good to read that you once had the same frustrations that those of us in the middle of transitioning still have. It gives us hope.

@Charlie Nicki  ... thank you for your reply.   YES, indeed, transition is almost NEVER an easy road for just about all of us.  I was miserable as my old male self in high school, college and then in my employment endeavors... I was not the picture of a muscular man, I was only 5' 4"...  5' 5" if I fluffed up my hair.... a skinny guy with a soft looking girlish face and a voice to match.  When hanging around my husky and hulky male friends I was the butt of their jokes and remarks... and even the girls I dated made comments that I looked and sounded like a girl.  All of that obviously worked in my favor that when in my very early 30's I made the decision to transition.  If I worked at it with my mannerisms and the way I dressed I could pass successfully most times long before I started HRT.

Well before I started HRT I announced to my family and friends about my transition plans....  that did not go well even though I was starting to transition before any HRT.  My parents and immediate family rejected my transition goals and will hardly talk to me even 4 years later and my close friends disowned me.   I was a mid-level accounting executive at my last job as a male and the last couple years there were filled with all kinds of problems because in my first 1 1/2 years of HRT my appearance and attitude had dramatically changed.   Then at the 1 1/2 year mark I quit my male mode job, went full-time female and relocated over 1000 miles away to where I am now and started over and to start fresh as a female, and started my own business here.

All of that is fairly well detailed in the first few pages of this "..... Danielle's Chronicles" thread.

I have heard from others here that thought I had an easy time transitioning... and compared to some others perhaps it was easier for me in some ways...... BUT it was a frustrating and problem filled journey for sure.

Even though things appear to be going well for me I still am suffering the devastating disappointments of my family relationships and old friends that have continued to distance themselves from me.

In spite of my frustrating past I am always trying to see the optimistic side of things and I am always trying to encourage and support others that are in the middle of their transition.  I tend to always be a "glass half full" person...   definitely I am an Optimist.

Again, Charlie Nicki,  thank you for your reply comment.
Hugs, and wishing you well....
Danielle

....an old quote from Winston Churchill has been my personal mantra:
"The Pessimist sees difficulty in every opportunity. The Optimist sees the opportunity in every difficulty."

[Roll]

The insight into the past struggles of those who are so perfect now (and make no mistake, you are perfect Danielle!) is extremely heartening for those of us still in the thick of it! <3

[Northern Star Girl]

I won't speak for Danielle but I like that you're upfront and contribute!! It helps to see others flourishing and I know it really helps me to see your posts. I may not respond much but I just wanna let you know that it means a lot [emoji4] sorry if I'm a bit sappy I can't help it haha

Oh I agree it's hard to think Danielle didn't "pass" right out the gate haha but regardless we all have our struggles and we're here to support each other [emoji173]

Sent from my VS501 using Tapatalk

@Allison S .... thank you for your support and way too kind words... and for being one of a few of my first friends here on Susan's Place.
Hugs, and as always, wishing you well.
Danielle

[Northern Star Girl]

The insight into the past struggles of those who are so perfect now (and make no mistake, you are perfect Danielle!) is extremely heartening for those of us still in the thick of it! <3

@Roll  ... Ellie, thank you for your reply and your kind words... 
....oh, and please, I am definitely not perfect... I have had and still have my struggles with my life changes.

I am still very devastated by the fact that my old friends and my own family still won't accept me... but I continue to try to make contact with them but unfortunately with mostly disappointing results. 

Fortunately in my situation I am not married and have no kids so it was not as difficult to become full-time female, pull up stakes, quit my very good job, relocate, start my own business, etc...
...as compared to the most difficult time that my transtioning friends have with family, spouse, offspring, and employment commitments and have a much tougher "row to hoe" with their journey... my heart goes out to them... they know who they are.

Hugs and hugs,
Danielle

[Allison S]

Thanks, Danielle
I don't and will never understand your friends and family distancing themselves and not accepting you... It's really disheartening to hear that these people were the closest to you at one point. I don't mean to be out of line but it makes me wonder... Did your friends secretly have hope to be with you as a male? Or your family have ingrained expectations?
Both are definitely NOT reasons to cut someone, and in this case you, out of their lives though.

Sent from my VS501 using Tapatalk

[Charlie Nicki]

@Charlie Nicki  ... thank you for your reply.   YES, indeed, transition is almost NEVER an easy road for just about all of us.  I was miserable as my old male self in high school, college and then in my employment endeavors... I was not the picture of a muscular man, I was only 5' 4"...  5' 5" if I fluffed up my hair.... a skinny guy with a soft looking girlish face and a voice to match.  When hanging around my husky and hulky male friends I was the butt of their jokes and remarks... and even the girls I dated made comments that I looked and sounded like a girl.  All of that obviously worked in my favor that when in my very early 30's I made the decision to transition.  If I worked at it with my mannerisms and the way I dressed I could pass successfully most times long before I started HRT.

Well before I started HRT I announced to my family and friends about my transition plans....  that did not go well even though I was starting to transition before any HRT.  My parents and immediate family rejected my transition goals and will hardly talk to me even 4 years later and my close friends disowned me.   I was a mid-level accounting executive at my last job as a male and the last couple years there were filled with all kinds of problems because in my first 1 1/2 years of HRT my appearance and attitude had dramatically changed.   Then at the 1 1/2 year mark I quit my male mode job, went full-time female and relocated over 1000 miles away to where I am now and started over and to start fresh as a female, and started my own business here.

All of that is fairly well detailed in the first few pages of this "..... Danielle's Chronicles" thread.

I have heard from others here that thought I had an easy time transitioning... and compared to some others perhaps it was easier for me in some ways...... BUT it was a frustrating and problem filled journey for sure.

Even though things appear to be going well for me I still am suffering the devastating disappointments of my family relationships and old friends that have continued to distance themselves from me.

In spite of my frustrating past I am always trying to see the optimistic side of things and I am always trying to encourage and support others that are in the middle of their transition.  I tend to always be a "glass half full" person...   definitely I am an Optimist.

Again, Charlie Nicki,  thank you for your reply comment.
Hugs, and wishing you well....
Danielle

....an old quote from Winston Churchill has been my personal mantra:
"The Pessimist sees difficulty in every opportunity. The Optimist sees the opportunity in every difficulty."

It makes me happy that despite all the hardships you are doing good and you are happy! Speaking of quotes, my boss (who knows about my transition) sent me a gift with this one: "New beginnings are often disguised as painful endings" by Lao Tuz. It definitely shows what transitioning is about.

[amberwaves]

@Roll  ... Ellie, thank you for your reply and your kind words... 
....oh, and please, I am definitely not perfect... I have had and still have my struggles with my life changes.

I am still very devastated by the fact that my old friends and my own family still won't accept me... but I continue to try to make contact with them but unfortunately with mostly disappointing results. 

Fortunately in my situation I am not married and have no kids so it was not as difficult to become full-time female, pull up stakes, quit my very good job, relocate, start my own business, etc...
...as compared to the most difficult time that my transtioning friends have with family, spouse, offspring, and employment commitments and have a much tougher "row to hoe" with their journey... my heart goes out to them... they know who they are.

Hugs and hugs,
Danielle

It is truly unfortunate to have those closest to you turn their backs on you.  I luckily only lost one long time friend and was ambivalent about losing family members.  Being married can be either a blessing it a curse in transitioning.  If your spouse is supportive it helps so much.  I wish that was more common than it is.

You definitely seem to be happy despite the pain you have endured.  You don't have to be perfect, just being you is perfect and all of us are happy for your successes in life.

[HappyMoni]

I think everyone has there own set of transition related issues. For me, coming out went better than I could have ever hoped. I have had issues with surgeries for sure, and that has been hard at times. I'll take my 'lot' in this and go forward with my life. I don't know Danielle well enough to know how 'perfect' she is, but she has a wonderfully positive attitude. If there is a lesson in the things she writes it would be this, I would say. She hasn't let the bad things in her life freeze her in a miserable existence, she has moved on and created a whole new life. That is pretty cool! Oh, are you in here reading too Danielle? I am sorry for the losses you have endured and the pain it has caused you. Well, just like anyone else reading this thread.

[JudiBlueEyes]

Monica I completely agree with all you've written. 

Danielle you are doing great and I applaud you for your positive attitude.  It is the one thing we can control.  Cheers!

[Jayne01]

Danielle, I am so sorry that your closest friends and family have turned their back on you. I have not yet come out to my family, so I don't have any good or bad experience with that. You are an amazing person. You have turned your life around and are making the most of it. I draw strength from your attitude towards life. You should be very proud of what you have accomplished and the person you have become. I hope your family can find a way to change their attitude towards you, life is way too short to be that way. If they don't ever change, then they will be at a great loss not to have you in their lives.

Jayne

[Northern Star Girl]

UPDATE today....

Now, here it is Thursday 6:30AM here and I just finished my 2nd cup of coffee that I made in my new Keurig coffee maker that I purchased last week on my out of town shopping trip with my friends. 
I will be heading to my office in just a few minutes... it is less than a 5 minute drive from my home.... that is NICE !!!

The Keurig seems to be very nice especially for a quick cup or two ......instead of putting on a pot of coffee with the additional mess of cleaning it up when done.


I am heading into my office now to get an early start to my day... even though the USA tax deadline came and went, I am still very busy with my clients... correcting errors, filing late returns, etc.  Plus my business is much more than just taxes... I also do the books, payroll, and other accounting tasks for many of my clients.... that is what keeps my business going all year long and not just at tax time.

Dear Readers....  I am deeply humbled by all of the very kind reply comments that you have recently made...
.....thank you all.
I did not intend for me to take over my own thread with my negative news about my past... my intention was to encourage those that are having transition relationship issues and other related problems to just hang in there and continue working toward your goals eventually to a happy conclusion.... we all have disappointments and frustrations but it is best to be positive and to put that behind you.  That negative energy can zap the joy out of your life and take the wonder out of your exciting life changing journey.
Again, I am so appreciative of all of your supportive replies.

I hope that you all have a wonderful and productive day today.
Hugs and well wishes to all......
Danielle

[JudiBlueEyes]

Danielle the photos you post are so wonderful!   They almost look curated to add to the story you are telling.  Maybe a second line of work as a photographer?   

[Allison S]

Mm very tasty update [emoji4] I miss our keurig and my own coffee machine that I had at my parents... Well not only have I moved 3x (well 4x if counting 2x with my family...) in the past year but so have my parents. Now it's just my mom since they seperated. But yeah she only uses instant coffee which I really don't like so I've been drinking tea while visiting here the past few days... Please enjoy your coffee for me!!

Sent from my VS501 using Tapatalk

[Susan Baum]

UPDATE today....
Dear Readers....  I am deeply humbled by all of the very kind reply comments that you have recently made...
.....thank you all.
I did not intend for me to take over my own thread with my negative news about my past... my intention was to encourage those that are having transition relationship issues and other related problems to just hang in there and continue working toward your goals eventually to a happy conclusion.... we all have disappointments and frustrations but it is best to be positive and to put that behind you.  That negative energy can zap the joy out of your life and take the wonder out of your exciting life changing journey.
Again, I am so appreciative of all of your supportive replies.

I hope that you all have a wonderful and productive day today.
Hugs and well wishes to all......
Danielle

Danielle, this may be a first! I don't think I have ever seen anyone apologize for hijacking their own thread before. I don't honestly think apologies are needed nor do I think that anyone here that knows and loves you sees anything but the brightness and light and joy and love you share with us all every day.

I am sorry for all the pain that you and so many others here have felt yet without knowing sorrow, how can anyone really appreciate the feelings of inner peace and joy?

Now that I have some popcorn handy, what is the latest news from Suitors #1, #3 and #4? Curious Prying eyes are waiting with bated breath.

Susan

[Northern Star Girl]

Another UPDATE today!
After I got to work this morning and spent some time arranging my desk... one of the Coffee Shop workers came over to my office with this....  she would not tell me who it was from.  She said that her lips were sealed.

*Left click photo to enlarge.
Hmmmm?   I am just beside myself trying to figure out who it would be, but when I find out, you will be the 2nd to know, after me!!!!   This looks like a little more serious kind of gift, I would think.
Danielle

[Jessica]

Another UPDATE today!
After I got to work this morning and spent some time arranging my desk... one of the Coffee Shop workers came over to my office with this....  she would not tell me who it was from.  She said that her lips were sealed.

*Left click photo to enlarge.
Hmmmm?   I am just beside myself trying to figure out who it would be, but when I find out, you will be the 2nd to know, after me!!!!   This looks like a little more serious kind of gift, I would think.
Danielle

Suitor #5???

[Karen]

UPDATE today....

Now, here it is Thursday 6:30AM here and I just finished my 2nd cup of coffee that I made in my new Keurig coffee maker that I purchased last week on my out of town shopping trip with my friends. 
I will be heading to my office in just a few minutes... it is less than a 5 minute drive from my home.... that is NICE !!!

The Keurig seems to be very nice especially for a quick cup or two ......instead of putting on a pot of coffee with the additional mess of cleaning it up when done.


I am heading into my office now to get an early start to my day... even though the USA tax deadline came and went, I am still very busy with my clients... correcting errors, filing late returns, etc.  Plus my business is much more than just taxes... I also do the books, payroll, and other accounting tasks for many of my clients.... that is what keeps my business going all year long and not just at tax time.

Dear Readers....  I am deeply humbled by all of the very kind reply comments that you have recently made...
.....thank you all.
I did not intend for me to take over my own thread with my negative news about my past... my intention was to encourage those that are having transition relationship issues and other related problems to just hang in there and continue working toward your goals eventually to a happy conclusion.... we all have disappointments and frustrations but it is best to be positive and to put that behind you.  That negative energy can zap the joy out of your life and take the wonder out of your exciting life changing journey.
Again, I am so appreciative of all of your supportive replies.

I hope that you all have a wonderful and productive day today.
Hugs and well wishes to all......
Danielle

Danielle, everyone hear loves you and your updates.  We love being part of your journey, good days and not so good days.   

You bring incredible energy and hope to us!  But, knowing you are human and have bad days, and knowing the challenges of your journey, also help us all relate and keep up our hope. 

Thank you for sharing and for being so open.

Hugs

Karen

[TonyaW]

Another UPDATE today!
After I got to work this morning and spent some time arranging my desk... one of the Coffee Shop workers came over to my office with this....  she would not tell me who it was from.  She said that her lips were sealed.

*Left click photo to enlarge.
Hmmmm?   I am just beside myself trying to figure out who it would be, but when I find out, you will be the 2nd to know, after me!!!!   This looks like a little more serious kind of gift, I would think.
Danielle

Coffee, chocolate and jewelry.

Pretty much what my wife gave me for Christmas this year so  that would work on me.

Sent from my SM-G930V using Tapatalk

[sarah1972]

Wow! What a cute gesture!  Someone has a serious crush on you. I am so happy for you Danielle! (Sarah wipes away a few happy tears)

Hugs - Sarah

Another UPDATE today!
After I got to work this morning and spent some time arranging my desk... one of the Coffee Shop workers came over to my office with this....  she would not tell me who it was from.  She said that her lips were sealed.

*Left click photo to enlarge.
Hmmmm?   I am just beside myself trying to figure out who it would be, but when I find out, you will be the 2nd to know, after me!!!!   This looks like a little more serious kind of gift, I would think.
Danielle