I am the HUNTED PREY : Danielle’s Chronicles

[Maddie86]

@Katie Again

I realized that I am very blessed, there are so many good and happy things that are going on and I am very thankful but, hey, I am 38 years old and the clock is ticking... never married, no kids, ... I am aware that I am missing out on so many good things that my married friends are involved in. 
It also got me to think about the bad things regarding my transition...  well, my parents, family and old pre-transition friends not accepting me and not in my life and I am so far away. 

I definitely feel you on these! I realize that I do have a lot of great people in my life and I have a lot to be thankful for but the other stuff does get me down. Seriously, I have no single friends, and I feel like I miss out on a lot of stuff because of it, my friends usually just like to do things with other couples and I feel like I'm being punished for already being alone!

and the whole pre-transition friends thing... most of my friends were accepting, but there's a few that I think don't want anything to do with me. There's one guy that used to be my best friend, and today is his birthday. My bday was a couple days ago and he didn't reach out to me, but I still sent him a text today saying happy birthday but he didn't respond. it's hard to let these things go

[sarah1972]

You are such an incredible woman, role model and friend to so many.   We are all on a journey and the difference you are making in and beyond this community is incredible.  You have so much purpose, courage and strength ....and an incredible heart.   

Extra big hug.

Karen.

Thanks Karen , this is one of the best descriptions I have read about Danielle. I can wholeheartedly agree!

[Northern Star Girl]

I just read about your date with suitor 4 [emoji4]
Very cute, I'm glad your suitors dwindled because you get to know the ones that matter...
I also wondered how you have the time, energy and mindset to do everything you do. You must be a robot [emoji23][emoji6]

Sent from my VS501 using Tapatalk

@Allison S
Dear Allison:
Yes, your choice of my suitor seems to becoming mine as well.  While shy guy #3 is nice, and barista #5 is showing her flirty attention to me, it is indeed dental hygienist #4 that is tugging at my heart strings... I am pretty sure it is mutual.

Well, you are right, I sometimes wonder about my hectic schedule too, my energizer bunny batteries are holding up however.
Thanks for reading and following, please continue coming here and comment often.
Hugs,
Danielle

[Northern Star Girl]

Dear Danielle,

I understand what you are feeling. My sister is 42 and single. She has described feeling very similar things to what you have said.

You are very special lady with a deep love for life. The way you open your heart when meeting new people sets a wonderful example for others to follow. I can honestly say you make the world a better place.

Try not to think to much about things you have missed out on. Dwelling on those kinds of thoughts can drive you crazy. There is a bright future ahead. For an optimist such as yourself, you will no doubt be a part of that bright future.

Here is a big (((((HUG))))) for you.

Jayne

@Jayne01
Dear Jayne:  Thank you for the big (((((HUG)))))   I needed that.
Yep, you are correct, dwelling on those kinds of thoughts that I have been having are not a good thing for me to do.
Perhaps I need to spend more time on my Positive Mindset thread.
Also, thank you for your kind words, I appreciate the compliments, thank you.
Hugs,
Danielle

[Northern Star Girl]

Danielle, the past is immutable.  It is what it is, and no amount of meditating on the past can alter it.

We DO have control over what happens in our lives right now.  We can determine the path we want going forward, and can steer our lives towards and along that path.  We owe it to ourselves to try and find the best possible path forward in life, no matter where we are currently at.  That past that put us where we are is done, unchangeable, and hardly worth worrying about beyond learning from our mistakes and avoiding those in the future.

Regrets for the past, fretting over lost opportunities and missteps, is wearying and unproductive.  We can learn from our mistakes, but we need not constantly relive them.   The past is done, frozen, behind us, and we should look forward, planning our next steps, considering our choices now in regards to what futures they may bring.

With love and respect,
Michelle

@Michelle_P
Dear Michelle: 
Thank you for your very kind words, I appreciate the time that you took to write to me.   You are very correct, the past is something that we can not control, but we can control what we do next.
I think that my Positive Mindset thread has much of the same good advice... I will be going to that thread soon !!!!

Thank you for reading and following and for sharing your thoughts.
Hugs,
Danielle

[Northern Star Girl]

You are such an incredible woman, role model and friend to so many.   We are all on a journey and the difference you are making in and beyond this community is incredible.  You have so much purpose, courage and strength ....and an incredible heart.   

Extra big hug.

Karen.

@Karen
Dear Karen; 
Thank you so very much for your way too kind comments and compliments. 
I really appreciate you sharing your thoughts with me.
Thank you for reading and following... and for your comments.
Hugs,
Danielle

[Northern Star Girl]

I definitely feel you on these! I realize that I do have a lot of great people in my life and I have a lot to be thankful for but the other stuff does get me down. Seriously, I have no single friends, and I feel like I miss out on a lot of stuff because of it, my friends usually just like to do things with other couples and I feel like I'm being punished for already being alone!

and the whole pre-transition friends thing... most of my friends were accepting, but there's a few that I think don't want anything to do with me. There's one guy that used to be my best friend, and today is his birthday. My bday was a couple days ago and he didn't reach out to me, but I still sent him a text today saying happy birthday but he didn't respond. it's hard to let these things go

@Maddie
Dear Maddie:
Thank you for sharing your thoughts and letting me know that you also have some of the same things going on in yoour life that I had mentioned that I am going through.
While  I am determined to not let these things get me down... it is definitely a bump in the road.
Again, thanks for your comments... please be sure to keep coming here often.
Hugs and well wishes,
Danielle

[Northern Star Girl]

Thanks Karen , this is one of the best descriptions I have read about Danielle. I can wholeheartedly agree!

@sarah1972
Dear Sarah ... AND ALL OF MY FRIENDS that read, follow, and comment here on my thread.

My oh my... all the supportive comments I am getting from my readers and followers....
I am humbled by all the love and support that all of you are directing at me... 
Thank you, thank you, thank you.
Hugs and hugs and more hugs,
Danielle

[Jessica]

@Alaskan Danielle

UPDATE:
Early morning to late night sunset all day hike with #4 into the fog and mist in the hills behind my home. 
   

Thank you Danielle, you were close to a third request. 
It is absolutely gorgeous there, I'm in awe.

Hope to see you in Seattle or Eugene!

Hugs and smiles, Jess 🌸🌸🌸

[Sonja]

@Alaskan Danielle

There is so much positivity in your life - which you have made yourself, I believe if there's something you really want, you are well placed to make it happen.

Always thinking of you Danielle! - BIG HUG XO

Sonja.

[Northern Star Girl]

@Alaskan Danielle

There is so much positivity in your life - which you have made yourself, I believe if there's something you really want, you are well placed to make it happen.

Always thinking of you Danielle! - BIG HUG XO

Sonja.

@Sonja
Dear Sonja:  It is true that there are a lot of very good things that have gone on and are still going on in my life...
..  I am indeed very thankful....   
and more positive things are going to happen... as in Dental Hygienist #4 perhaps. 
I will keep my thread updated about that.
Thank you for your kind comment, very much appreciated.

Hugs and well wishes,
Danielle

[Northern Star Girl]

Jessica stated:

Thank you Danielle, you were close to a third request.
It is absolutely gorgeous there, I'm in awe.

Hope to see you in Seattle or Eugene!

Hugs and smiles, Jess 🌸🌸🌸

@Jessica
Dear Jess:
Yes indeed, the "third request" ultimatum ... that sure sounds ominous to me!!!
But of course I recently threatened that same thing to you to get you to start updating your thread again...
****So tell me please, what would have been the ramifications of your third request ? 
Something good perhaps?

I guess that it works!!!! I had asked you for more updates on your thread and you delivered.
You asked for mountain pictures and I delivered... as requested!!!
Thank you for being a good friend to me, even with our mutual threats third requests!!!

Oh, and I won't know about my conference until fall when I register...
the date and location are still up in the air.
Hugs and hugs,
Danielle      🌸🌸🌸🌸🌸🌸🌸🌸🌸
                                                                                        cc: @Jessica
   

[sarah1972]

You are a true master of suspense!

Maybe you have a hidden second career as a TV writer, responsible for the season cliff hangers [emoji23][emoji23][emoji23]

Your one sentence promises a happy update. Can't wait for that.

Have a great day Danielle!!!

Hugs,

Sarah

@Sonja
Dear Sonja:  It is true that there are a lot of very good things that have gone on and are still going on in my life...
..  I am indeed very thankful....   
and more positive things are going to happen... as in Dental Hygienist #4 perhaps. 
I will keep my thread updated about that.
Thank you for your kind comment, very much appreciated.

Hugs and well wishes,
Danielle

[Jayne01]

Hi Danielle,

If you are still working on your hit and sweaty, here is a picture of me after a run. It's better than the previous hot and sweaty picture I gave you.

Hugs,
Jayne

[christinej78]

UPDATE:
Early morning to late night sunset all day hike with #4 into the fog and mist in the hills behind my home. 
     

Hi Danielle,                     21 July 2018

Are you sure you took these photos in Alaska? They look like photos I have of the mountain ranges here in Texas. Maybe someone borrowed your camera and brought it here.

The mountains ringing Fort Worth have snow on them just like the ones in the photo. I did see that the ski lifts were open today and we are expecting 111° this afternoon; hope the snow doesn't melt on the mountains; It could cause flooding here.

Best Always, Love,
Christine

[Northern Star Girl]

Hi Danielle,                     21 July 2018

Are you sure you took these photos in Alaska? They look like photos I have of the mountain ranges here in Texas. Maybe someone borrowed your camera and brought it here.

The mountains ringing Fort Worth have snow on them just like the ones in the photo. I did see that the ski lifts were open today and we are expecting 111° this afternoon; hope the snow doesn't melt on the mountains; It could cause flooding here.

Best Always, Love,
Christine

@christinej78
Dear Christine....  that would also mean that my home that is shown in one of my photos is in Texas too?
Hmm, I have been all over Texas on business trips in the past and I do not recall seeing anything like the scenery in my photos....  the mountains with snow on them behind my home are 5,000 to 8,500 feet elevation... and there is snow on them year around..... today the temps got up to a whopping 71 degrees... much more tolerable than your 111 degrees for sure.

hmmm, NOT TEXAS... certainly in Texas there are no mountains that high and no snow in the summer. !!!!!

I may be a blonde.... but!!!!   You can't fool me.
Thanks for your comments and for reading my thread ....
Please continue to come here often and share your thoughts.

Hugs, and hugs, and hugs,
Danielle

[Colleen_definitely]

I am in Texas right now and can confirm: no snow, no mountains. When it comes to terrain, it's a pretty boring state.

[SadieBlake]

@Katie Again:
If I had a spouse, kids, a bigger house, and I was employed by and worked for a company and had a boss and bosses... much of what I do now would not be easily possible... I would probably get fired, my spouse would divorce me, ... and I would have more restrictions on my transition goals and timeline.

I have no kids, no spouse, no family anywhere nearby so there is more available time and money for me to do other things that interest me... 
.....however I really do miss having a significant other to share my life with and to be my mutual best friend in the world... Ok, I am starting to cry a little just thinking about this fact of my life without many of the things that my married friends get to experience..

Very few of us get that (for want of a better word I'm going to say heteronormative) experience Danielle. Nearly all of us experience upheaval in relationships, both family and partner. I'm always tempted to think that those who figured it out before puberty have a luckier roll of the dice, however I know the truth is that there's no easy lives in the long run.

Much as I'm awaiting word of progress with your suitor(s), I think we all know that these things work themselves out in the context of becoming our selves and that's fundamentally a solo journey. I've made similar choices as you and have almost all my life had a relatively flexible schedule. My daughters are now adults and I'm happy with my relationships with both of them. I'm finally able to again explore being polyamorous (dysphoria kept me from pursuing anything for over a decade). I'm seeking whatever love comes into my life and that's happening one friend at a time.

I'm hoping to hear that you've spent a happy weekend.

Sadie

[Northern Star Girl]

Very few of us get that (for want of a better word I'm going to say heteronormative) experience Danielle. Nearly all of us experience upheaval in relationships, both family and partner. I'm always tempted to think that those who figured it out before puberty have a luckier roll of the dice, however I know the truth is that there's no easy lives in the long run.

Much as I'm awaiting word of progress with your suitor(s), I think we all know that these things work themselves out in the context of becoming our selves and that's fundamentally a solo journey. I've made similar choices as you and have almost all my life had a relatively flexible schedule. My daughters are now adults and I'm happy with my relationships with both of them. I'm finally able to again explore being polyamorous (dysphoria kept me from pursuing anything for over a decade). I'm seeking whatever love comes into my life and that's happening one friend at a time.

I'm hoping to hear that you've spent a happy weekend.

Sadie

@SadieBlake
Dear Sadie:    Thank you for your thoughtful reply.  It is so sweet of you to confirm to me that I am not alone with my feelings....  Yes, you are correct, we are fundamentally on a "solo journey" no matter what the other details are regarding our lives.  It is indeed up to each one of us to chart our own path and to make the decisions that we do.

Ahhh, yes indeed, much as you do, I'm always seeing whatever love and relationships come into my life ...  one new friend, one new acquaintance and one new possible love interest.... ONE AT A TIME.   
I do not wait for new friends to come to me, I am usually the first one to say hello, greet strangers with a big smile, start a casual conversation, etc....
   My "weapon" of choice that fits my personality is a big smile and cheery greeting or a word of encouragement if they appear to be down.  That usually disarms anyone that is approached.

The excerpt that you quoted in your reply post was just me thinking too much and being very melancholic and introspective about how my life has been turning out.   I know that I am so very fortunate in so many ways but ... you know... human nature tells us that the grass is always greener on the other side of the fence...  so of course my mind wanders over there from time to time...  Thank you for helping to get back on course.

Thank you for your most kind and sweet words and sharing your thoughts.
Also, thank you for reading, following and commenting here... please continue to come here often.

Hugs and well wishes,
Danielle

[JudiBlueEyes]

I love this line!  "My "weapon" of choice that fits my personality is a big smile and cheery greeting or a word of encouragement if they appear to be down.  That usually disarms anyone that is approached."

It is certainly true that we will engage more people using a smile and a few kind words.  We never know where these interactions will take us.

Judi