I want to give a big thank you for all your support and helpful advise. I have been busy tending to my wifes needs and work, so I haven't been spending much time on the internet or at Susan's.
The first week or so after my coming out was an emotional rollar coaster gone out of control. There was little communication between my wife and I and she had a hard time even looking at me. I was feeling devastated and depressed, thinking that I had damaged my marriage beyond repair.
But then things began to improve, my wife began therapy and asking questions. Since then we have had many deep discussions and have at times talked this to death, but all good stuff.
I think Peggiann captured my wifes feelings in that she is trying to find herself, her mind won't stop working, and her heart is filled with heaviness. The good news is that she is slowly beginning to accept me, but saying she understands would be a stretch.
Jillieann touched on an important point about the need for her to learn to trust me again, she has brought this up several times. I understand what she is saying and am working on regaining her trust. This one is hard on me because in all reality there is no way I could have come out to her before I did, it has only been within the last year that I came out to myself in a way that I could understand my TGness and accept myself, and once I understood I carefully prepared how to come out to my wife as soon as possible. In any case she is struggling with her own sense of identity and trying to understand what happened to the man she married so I accept the need to rebuild trust.
In the last week I have noticed a shift in her from denial to luke warm acceptance. She is not ready to see me dressed but is open to it in the future. I am now hanging my clothes in the closet and keeping my razor in the shower.
For the first time since coming out I am feeling hopeful, I know that there is still a long ways to go, but I think it will take some time and it depends on what compromises we both can accept to make our marriage work.
I love my wife for not immediately walking out the door and for working to understand how we can move beyond this. Her acceptance is not guaranteed but very possible - that is enough for me right now.
I feel a heavy burden has been lifted and I can now spend positive energy on my marriage and on letting Molly live out of the closet a little more. I can't go back and don't want to live a life of denial and fear. I have to keep moving forward and trust that the love between my wife and me is strong enough to survive this.
Again a big thank you to everyone for your support, I couldn't have done this without you!
Susan's was like an oasis in the desert when I discovered this resource of caring sisters and brothers. I believe that my life would have spun out of control without the advise, guidance, support, sharing of life stories by each of you, and the great information found in Wiki.
Stay strong,
Molly
