<Warning: A bit long...>
So, I have been keeping up with Jessica Rose's GCS thread, which convinced me to go back through Jessica Rose's personal story thread, which also brought to mind again Jessica Rose's NCOD presentation. Which reminded me...
A couple weeks ago, I was one of 6 people on a panel to share their story of inclusion at our biannual Diversity and Inclusion breakfast at my company. (Here to be known as Duamish Books. All other names besides mine have been changed as well...) You can imagine the general topic of my story. The "presentation" was to about 400 people in a large ballroom, and the video was later sent out to another 4000. I don't have the video (only internal streaming available), but I have the text, or at least the text as I intended to say it. It is unlikely I said exactly this, as there was no teleprompter and no notes. But anyway, I thought I would share the text here, as I don't have any "just me" threads, and it definitely made me happy.
Hello. My name is Kate XXXXX, and as Lucy said, I am a YYYYYYY. I am also a transgender woman. What that means is that although I was assigned male at birth, from the first moment I knew there was a difference between boys and girls, I knew I was a girl. There was no doubt at all in my mind. I didn't know or understand why I didn't look like the other girls, but I didn't.
This wasn't much of a problem for me until Jr High School. I was the only person in the boys locker room who shaved her legs. You can imagine how well that went over – in Jr High School. It was in Jr High School that I realized I had been betrayed by biology. I still had no idea what was happening, but I knew it was quite painful. After a suicide attempt, I did the only thing I could think of to survive: I went into hiding, and put on a mask to separate me ... from you. Because frankly, "you" weren't that nice.
In college I first could do the research and realized there were other people like me, and there were options. But I was afraid of throwing away my life as I knew it then.
Long after college, about 30 years ago, I started taking female hormones and migrating my wardrobe to the feminine side. But I kept the mask on for work.
When I started with Duamish Books 24 years ago, all transgender medical services were specifically excluded from our medical insurance. Today, we do a pretty good, not perfect though, job of covering transgender medical services. [Some Duamish Books specific stuff...]
Based on the changes in Duamish Books' position on transgender employees, and the experiences of others in my division, I decided I was going to show at work who I was when not at work.
The first manager I told was Linus, my skip level manager. I sat there in male clothing, showed him a picture, and said I wanted to come to work dressed a bit differently. I told him I had not yet told my direct manager because he lived across the country and I wanted to have that conversation face to face and that opportunity had not yet occurred. Linus immediately said I should schedule a trip and that he would pay for it. I also told Linus that I probably wasn't going to dress this way in customer situations because I didn't want to cause issues with the good work we do for them. Linus said two things that I will never forget. First, he said, If a customer has issues with you, we are behind you 100%. Then, in classic Linus style, Linus provided wisdom when he said, "Information has an escape velocity. At some point you won't be in control of where it goes."
So two weeks later, at our broader team gathering, I came dressed this way, as Kate. I was very worried that some on my team would reject me in some way. But every single person was beyond acceptance and even loving. My best day at Duamish Books in 24 years? That first day with my team. [More Duamish specific stuff...]
In my first customer engagement after that meeting, I wondered about going as Kate. But it was in Argentina and Latin American men have a reputation, at least in my head, of being filled with machismo and not accepting women in leadership. And was it even safe for me, a lone woman, to wander around Buenos Aires? But I went as Kate. And... The experience was AMAZING again. There was not one Argentinian who said anything but She, Her, Madam. Never once was I misgendered in any way. And, those Latin American men not taking direction from a woman? Nope. They were much more interested in what I had to say than they were about what I wore. So much for my own biases...!
But it wasn't all great. On the team with me was Charlie, who I have worked with for 6 years. Several times, especially during the first 2 weeks, Charlie called me He or Him. Not maliciously. Just by mistake. And each time, I could see Charlie physically deflate. Literally, from my perspective, my actions caused my good friend pain. And there was nothing I could do about it.
So the reason I wanted to speak up here this morning was not to tell you my story. But rather, I wanted to say Thank You to YOU. Thank YOU for letting me be ME.
