Setbacks after passing for some time

[Pogotractor]

Have you had setbacks after passing solidly for some time?

I am having a setback. I passed 100% for maybe nine months. My face was a bit swollen because of testosterone and now the swelling has reduced. It's the only thing that has changed.

I have gotten some odd experinces lately. I have been followed by an old man in a car and some men have yelled things at me. Some guys have tried to flirt with me. (I live in a restless area. Things happen here) I often notice that somebody is staring at me. When I was passing as a man nobody gave me any attention. The good thing is that those men who have tried something on me actually seem to be a bit intimidated. They never come too close to me and just flee very quickly after making some comments or suggestions. The old dude in a car looked like nothing would make him come out of the car and actually face me. Most likely he had locked the doors too.

I also got recently misgendered by a nurse and later my test results were compared to womens'. I am legally male and have a male name. I don't know what they were thinking. And of course my results didn't even make sense because of that.

My endochrinologist said that I propaply have low T because I don't have chest hair or much beard and she kept saying I look skinny and really small. My BMI is 23 though and I don't think I am skinny. I am short for a man but not unusually short. She was surprised I don't bleed regularly.

My T levels have always been ok though. Sometimes they have actually been quite high. I have gotten some muscles and I am balding. My voice is low. My estrogen levels are normal for a man.

I wish I could grow a beard. I hope I can some day. I could grow a weird little chin patch but I don't think it would look very good. I am also thinking I should get new clothes. Everything is from the time I had curves to hide. I guess those clothes hide my masculine features as well.

For some reason I don't even care that much anymore. Of course I get mad but before my top surgery this would have kept me inside.

[Maria77]

I've found that over time our passability varies.  Sometimes it is natural aging  changing the fat deposits on the face.  It also sounds like in some instances you describe are of gay/bi men cruising you for sex.   That is not all that unusual.   Some may be "->-bleeped-<-s" who often have gaydar and can "feel" us no matter which way we present.  For some reason, "->-bleeped-<-s" and kinky str8 guys think the our libido is super high, mtf or ftm. 

The nurse thing is more troubling.  Some folks like to "not buy into our fantasy"  and misgender us to make a point.  Sometime it is an honest mistake. 

[Pogotractor]

I've found that over time our passability varies.  Sometimes it is natural aging  changing the fat deposits on the face.  It also sounds like in some instances you describe are of gay/bi men cruising you for sex.   That is not all that unusual.   Some may be "->-bleeped-<-s" who often have gaydar and can "feel" us no matter which way we present.  For some reason, "->-bleeped-<-s" and kinky str8 guys think the our libido is super high, mtf or ftm. 

The nurse thing is more troubling.  Some folks like to "not buy into our fantasy"  and misgender us to make a point.  Sometime it is an honest mistake.

Gaydar or some kind of queer radar is a very real thing sometimes.

Sometimes I also wonder if people sometimes think that I am a transwoman. It seems to be very common for some folks to fetishize transgirls in weird ways and often people don't even know that transmen exist. I don't know. It's messed up anyway. Maybe those people just don't know themselves that well and get confused. Those men are maybe not completely straight and can't deal with it in a civil manner. I have encountered closeted gay or bi men before. They didn't have any idea I was trans. I was just friendly because they seemed lonely and they ended up liking me a bit too much. It always makes me a bit sad.

Yeah, the nurse was troubling. I have had troubles with health care before. HRT changes our bodies. That is no delusion and a medical professional should know that. Often doctors and nurses just don't know what to do and I don't mind it if they are polite about it. Some have had to make phone calls because they couldn't figure me out and I don't mind that. I don't mind questions either if they are relevant.

People should get proper health care no matter what and feel welcome while it's happening. It's not pleasant when you are poked with needles and things and have weird stuff done to you but it get a lot worse if you are not respected at all.

[Maria77]

CIS Men are hard to figure out, but because they are more aggresive in pursuit eof sex, they may think you are mtf or ftm and to tell the truth most men don't seem to care.  They may not be sure what you are exactly, but they are pretty sure you are trans one way or the other.  I think those types will always 'read' us because they are looking for people like us, if that makes any sense.

I totally agree with the healthcare and am lucky to have found an lgbt clinic. 

[Allison S]

I think those types will always 'read' us because they are looking for people like us, if that makes any sense.

This. I don't like random guys staring at me or one even telling me to "blow" him. Let's be honest, being trans is a deviation from the norm and as much stigma it may bring we ARE desirable. Yeah, it's not fun being objectified, but let's be honest here.. when a tall, handsome man with a muscular build walks by I know I'm not the only person checking him out too. It's just law of attraction.

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