What's a good comeback when someone verbally harasses you?

[VaxSpyder]

Living well is the best revenge.

[MaryT]

Conflict is pointless and no one really gets anything out of it except wasted time and a headache. Personally, I would just put some headphones on and then proceed to ignore them. The end problem solved.

I agree that your strategy is the best but I don't think that there is any guaranteed way of keeping safe while being bullied.  Ignoring the bully, trying to look tougher than I am and, if possible, walking away has so far kept me from being beaten up since leaving high school.  I've been slapped on the back or top of the head a couple of times but I wasn't injured.  I ususally get picked on because I'm small and funny looking, although my race has sometimes been mentioned during verbal abuse. 

I think that I've been lucky, though.  Ignoring some bullies makes them particularly angry and it isn't always easy to get away.  Years ago at a bus stop, two guys were picking on me, one in particular.  They started off cheeky and I responded amiably but when one of them became particularly rude I turned my back.  He became more and more abusive and frankly I was waiting for a punch to the back of my head.  It never came, though.  They attracted the attention of passers by and eventually the less aggressive of the two persuaded his friend to leave. 

I wish that there was a guaranteed way of safely dealing with bullies but a snappy comeback is not it.

[Gertrude]

Nobody has confronted me directly.  The last time that happened over anything was in a bar about 40 years ago.  With that guy I just smiled at him and then walked away.  That ended it. 

More recently I have tried to educate people when I hear them talking badly.  For the most part that turned out to be a total waste of time and effort.  So mostly I just ignore them now.


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Generally speaking, people don't want or like to re-examine their beliefs. Cognitive dissonance and the idea of being wrong are too much to deal with.


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[SonadoraXVX]

Well, comebacks to verbal harrassement. You can usually anticipate social violence, its all about putting you down/mocking you because your violating social norms; asocial violence(rape/robbery/worse), is usually done without witnesses and you don't see coming(ie.process predators(they enjoy what their doing)/resource predators(do it for the $$$$/resources acquired by force/theft/con).

Verbal harrassment anticipates threats, threats anticipates physical engagements, my personal philosophy, so I prepare. So know what your dealing with.

My personal strategy or nonkinetic(nonphysical) TTP's in the world, are:
1. Know where your going and the demographics your going in/are at.
2. If you sense hostility by stares, heckling, mutterings, be prepared.
3. Always have a monikers ready, from tv shows, cartoons, social media.
4. Never turn your back on your potential political enemy(PE), always keep him/her within view until you get to higher/safer ground, nonkinetic engagements can turn kinetic(physical)


On social violence, Out in the world, without being confined, walk away, keep them within view(never engage a group greater/person stronger, faster, than you are), so as not to get blindly attacked, to the next bus stop or block. If your confined, what I do is:
1. Delineate if its verbal harassment or a threat, a threat is more serious issue, since it anticipates an attack(s).
2. Document, remember how it all boiled up too. So you can report to the authorities if need be, or what I do, make a mental note to do a mental AAR(after action report), to avoid that place.
3. Know the choke points where they can box you in and make a rush to get out of confined areas and run to freedom.
4. Have a LDP(last dance protocol), in case things get physical, fight to freedom, arm yourself(flashlight/stun gun/knife aka nail file).

In the USMC, a fanatic GySgt, who was former 1st force recon, turned MP(we'd do recon/security patrols outside the wire), always told us, remember, if your team/buddy is broken up, always have a LDP(last dance protocol), to engage the enemy, many to one(you).

1. SA(situation awareness/know where your going/are at and have the proper gear(flashlight/stun gun/running shows aka ammo and gear)
2. Chokepoints
3. LDP
4. RP's(Rendezvous points/safe areas), in case you survive the engagement.

My 2 cents, in case nobody mentions it, if a verbal altercation(nonkinetic engagement) turns violent(kinetic engagement).

Verbal harrassment anticipates threats, threats anticipates physical engagements.

Ok, now to being civil and girly/womanly

[Jenny94]

In a particular case such as "you were born with X, therefore you are A", you can respond by saying "That depends on your definition. If you define 'woman/man' as a person born with a cervix/prostate, then yes, I am a woman/man. It's just a tautology. In the meantime, go and <not allowed> yourself".

This is maybe too intellectual for common use, but I've found it to be useful to myself psychologically, and believing it personally allows you to deliver it more forcefully in person. As a tall transfemme, I can usually get away with just looking down my nose at people.....

If someone simply shouts "->-bleeped-<-!", then "Well spotted, what else you got?" is pretty good.

I guess it's about giving them attitude. Showing them that you're better than them. Which you are.

[Gertrude]

Well, comebacks to verbal harrassement. You can usually anticipate social violence, its all about putting you down/mocking you because your violating social norms; asocial violence(rape/robbery/worse), is usually done without witnesses and you don't see coming(ie.process predators(they enjoy what their doing)/resource predators(do it for the $$$$/resources acquired by force/theft/con).

Verbal harrassment anticipates threats, threats anticipates physical engagements, my personal philosophy, so I prepare. So know what your dealing with.

My personal strategy or nonkinetic(nonphysical) TTP's in the world, are:
1. Know where your going and the demographics your going in/are at.
2. If you sense hostility by stares, heckling, mutterings, be prepared.
3. Always have a monikers ready, from tv shows, cartoons, social media.
4. Never turn your back on your potential political enemy(PE), always keep him/her within view until you get to higher/safer ground, nonkinetic engagements can turn kinetic(physical)


On social violence, Out in the world, without being confined, walk away, keep them within view(never engage a group greater/person stronger, faster, than you are), so as not to get blindly attacked, to the next bus stop or block. If your confined, what I do is:
1. Delineate if its verbal harassment or a threat, a threat is more serious issue, since it anticipates an attack(s).
2. Document, remember how it all boiled up too. So you can report to the authorities if need be, or what I do, make a mental note to do a mental AAR(after action report), to avoid that place.
3. Know the choke points where they can box you in and make a rush to get out of confined areas and run to freedom.
4. Have a LDP(last dance protocol), in case things get physical, fight to freedom, arm yourself(flashlight/stun gun/knife aka nail file).

In the USMC, a fanatic GySgt, who was former 1st force recon, turned MP(we'd do recon/security patrols outside the wire), always told us, remember, if your team/buddy is broken up, always have a LDP(last dance protocol), to engage the enemy, many to one(you).

1. SA(situation awareness/know where your going/are at and have the proper gear(flashlight/stun gun/running shows aka ammo and gear)
2. Chokepoints
3. LDP
4. RP's(Rendezvous points/safe areas), in case you survive the engagement.

My 2 cents, in case nobody mentions it, if a verbal altercation(nonkinetic engagement) turns violent(kinetic engagement).

Verbal harrassment anticipates threats, threats anticipates physical engagements.

Ok, now to being civil and girly/womanly

I agree and if you go the self defense route, I would add getting insurance to cover legal fees and be willing to punch someone's ticket if necessary. If you aren't, then don't go that route.


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[Michelle_P]

It depends on the environment and circumstances.

Casual Jerks:  Ignore and keep on walking.  Don't even glance.  They must be talking to someone else.

Street people: Ignore and keep on walking.  Don't even glance.  They must be talking to someone else.

Occasionally someone may have me cornered.  I've had this happen in conferences and when dining a few times.

The Religious Confronter:  Out-Jesus them.  (12 years of Jesuits has it's advantages).  If they want to pray for me, cite Matthew on prayer, and then LEAD THE PRAYER, thanking the almighty creator for making me, challenging me to be my best self and returning to the creator realized and strong (parable of the talents here...), and praying for those who would hide me away lest they be cast into the outer darkness with the wailing and the gnashing of teeth.   

The Chromosome Counter:  Out-biochem them.  Explain in horrible detail the srY gene, messenger proteins, and all the myriad things that can go astray.

The Anatomy Argument:  OK, what are feminine folks with vaginal or uterine agenesis?  What's a masculine person with microphallus?  If a woman has a total hysterectomy, does she lose her Woman Card? 

I'd rather just walk away, though.