Nervous FTM Here

[Grunt]

Hello, my name is Arie, and I'm 28 with an amazing husband and a real superhero of a two year old. I am starting T in a couple of weeks, and I came out to everyone on my FB a week ago. I seem to have more support than I thought I would, but my depression, anxiety, PTSD, and BPD are now filling me with what-ifs that are causing me to panic about transitioning.

I have known since I was seven that I didn't identify as female, but I have forced myself to deal with it for so long. Recently a lot of heavy stressers have hit our family, and it dawned on me that I won't be able to survive much more if I can't feel comfortable and happy for once.

I have decided to let my son call me Mom, regardless, unless he wants to call me Dad later on. I do not plan to have bottom surgery, and with a 32B cup size, I decided on a safe binding technique for me, and will be using a male workout compression tank.

I am interested in learning more about what happens while on T, and if it's allowed to be talked about here, more information on FTM BC methods. I know I am planning on tubal ligation, but am curious about others, since most BCs have estrogen in them.

I also have a very heavy question; has anyone else found it hard to call themselves by their preferred pronouns before transitioning, no matter how much you know it to be true?

[Northern Star Girl]

Hello Arie (Grunt),  I enjoyed reading your introduction post.  I am happy that you joined us and are now posting.

Thank you for joining Susan's Place...  I see that you are new here and may have questions and concerns, this is the right place for you to be to find out what others have done that may have been in your circumstances. 
Be aware that there are lots of members here that can identify with the issues that you brought up in your introduction posting. 

WELCOME to Susan's Place.  You will find this a safe and friendly place to share with others about your transition and to read about others transitions and their trials, tribulations, and successes in their transition journey. 
It is nice that you have signed up so you can share with others and involve yourself with some give and take with other members.
When frustrated or if you have a successful moment in your journey you can share it here if you wish and receive support from others and offer support to others. ....

***It's a very good chance that you might find that you will make some new friends here. 

Please come in and get involved at your own pace.  Be sure to look at the Links that I posted below, there is information about the site that will help you navigate around and best utilize the features here.
Again, Welcome.
Danielle


Here are some links to the site rules and stuff that all new members should be familiar with:

Things that you should read

Site Terms of Service & Rules to Live By	Standard Terms & Definitions	Post Ranks (including when you can upload an avatar)	Cautionary Note
Reputation rules	News posting & quoting guidelines	Photo, avatars, & signature images policy	Membership Agreement

[Northern Star Girl]

snipped:

I am interested in learning more about what happens while on T, and if it's allowed to be talked about here, more information on FTM BC methods. I know I am planning on tubal ligation, but am curious about others, since most BCs have estrogen in them.

I also have a very heavy question; has anyone else found it hard to call themselves by their preferred pronouns before transitioning, no matter how much you know it to be true?[img width=300

Dear Arie:
There are many  FTM threads on the Forums here that will have members that can better answer your question about T and surgery issues.   You can indeed talk about T and other medicines but you can not mention dosaages...  be sure to look at the LINKS that I posted at the bottom of my Welcome Message to you.... the rules here are clearly stated.... plus there is a lot of information there that will help you to utilize the features of the Forums.

Regardiing using the correct gender pronouns for ourselves... oh YES, I think that can be an issue with all of us that are about to transition and are transitioning.
Thanks for your posts and I trust that you will have an informative time here on the Forums sharing and learning..
Hugs,
Danielle

[Grunt]

snipped:
Dear Arie:
There are many  FTM threads on the Forums here that will have members that can better answer your question about T and surgery issues.   You can indeed talk about T and other medicines but you can not mention dosaages...  be sure to look at the LINKS that I posted at the bottom of my Welcome Message to you.... the rules here are clearly stated.... plus there is a lot of information there that will help you to utilize the features of the Forums.

Regardiing using the correct gender pronouns for ourselves... oh YES, I think that can be an issue with all of us that are about to transition and are transitioning.
Thanks for your posts and I trust that you will have an informative time here on the Forums sharing and learning..
Hugs,
Danielle

Thank you so much, Danielle. I did look through the rules, I just wasn't sure about birth control issues, is all, and I really appreciate the warm welcome [emoji173]️

It's also incredibly relieving to know that I'm not the only one having this issue, I was worried it meant I was wrong, regardless of knowing that I am not.

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[V M]

Hi Arie 

Welcome to Susan's Place    Glad to have you here, join on in the fun

Hugs

V M

[Grunt]

Thank you [emoji173]️

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[Grunt]

It feels weird, because I have noticed this place is MTF by majority, and it feels like FTM almost doesn't exist, and gets passed over a lot. :/

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[V M]

Actually we are very inclusive and do our best to give equal respect to all members across the boards - We do often tend to have a shortage of FTM Mods though and are always looking for active and responsible individuals to fill those positions

Hugs

V M

[Jacey Jones]

I understand the pronoun thing because I was repressing my identity for many years.  The first time I saw my therapist and she asked me which pronouns I identified with, I said, "He, Him.... or whatever."  When I finally realized and accepted my true self, I switched to she, her.  However, when my therapist actually referred to me as "she" for the first time, I was overcome with a sense of joy and euphoria.  Though I still present as male for safety reasons, I still flinch inside when referred to as he, him.

[Allsorts]

Hi I'm new to the site too but wanted to say hello and welcome you!

I can relate to what you say about FtM seeming to be less visible out there.
I'm in a questioning stage, and really I think that most of my life it never even occurred to me that I could be FtM because I basically hadn't come across it.
Though I think also that there are probably many issues (both practical and emotional) that cross over both FtM and MtF and other gender expressions, so I do often find it helpful to read about the experiences of FtM people.

I hope you find the things you are looking for and support, information, and experiences you can relate to here. I'm definitely looking forward to having a safe space (albeit online) to explore this stuff.

Best wishes to you
Allsorts

[Eryn T]

Welcome, Arie!

Yeah, sorry. I think part of it also goes with the females(or MtF) are more interested in building relationships and a community, while males(or FtM, I am assuming, please don't shoot me!) would only really buckle and accept help as a last resort.  (thats how I was as a man) So, while you may be in the minority on forums, there are FtM here that I'm sure will help you!

Did you try editing your profile to ignore the forums you don't think you'd be interested in? I found this feature pretty great for me! As the forums are QUITE overwhelming right now lol Anyway, that might help make things a little less crowded for ya!

As for the whole pronoun thing... I don't know what the terms meant that you used for tubal stuff, but I'm pretty sure that I'm also not going to 'fully' transition- I plan to be a woman through-and-through aside from my little friend down there.  I suppose then, no one would be incorrect in calling me a man or a woman then, but being referred to as a woman would make me happy or at the very least, 'pleased.' 

But, with you as a parent, I wouldn't know, exactly.  But I think as long as you're you, then your kids will call you Dad eventually, and you might even get to shed some of them manly tears! 

Good luck, Arie! And even though I'm not FtM, I want to support you! (btw you look totally like a dude already! <3)

[Lady Love]

Welcome, Arie!

Yeah, sorry. I think part of it also goes with the females(or MtF) are more interested in building relationships and a community, while males(or FtM, I am assuming, please don't shoot me!) would only really buckle and accept help as a last resort.  (thats how I was as a man) So, while you may be in the minority on forums, there are FtM here that I'm sure will help you!

Did you try editing your profile to ignore the forums you don't think you'd be interested in? I found this feature pretty great for me! As the forums are QUITE overwhelming right now lol Anyway, that might help make things a little less crowded for ya!

As for the whole pronoun thing... I don't know what the terms meant that you used for tubal stuff, but I'm pretty sure that I'm also not going to 'fully' transition- I plan to be a woman through-and-through aside from my little friend down there.  I suppose then, no one would be incorrect in calling me a man or a woman then, but being referred to as a woman would make me happy or at the very least, 'pleased.' 

But, with you as a parent, I wouldn't know, exactly.  But I think as long as you're you, then your kids will call you Dad eventually, and you might even get to shed some of them manly tears! 

Good luck, Arie! And even though I'm not FtM, I want to support you! (btw you look totally like a dude already! <3)

I also was very stubborn as a man xD I don't know if it was just being a man (i am still fairly stubborn, just not as "James Dean" about it) or the part that was scared to accept my feelings pushing back on my feminine side.

I had a trans roommate who was critical of my more bigender nature, and that was the hardest thing to accept about me. Coming to a supportive community has meant the world to me. Even if only to learn about the variety of trans people and talk about my feelings which has definitely taught me a lot.

Anyway, good luck Arie, and I am sure everybody feels like Eryn does. We all welcome you to susan's place

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[Sno]

Welcome Arie.

Susan's is a fantastic place where all are welcome, on all boards. Yes, historically the population of this digital country club has been MtF, but, we do have a number of prolific FtM posters around - just not quite where you'd expect to find them. You will find them dispersed across the site, not coralled into a corner - that's the joy of a supportive and inclusive environment.

They best way to find them is quite simply to join in the fray ... welcome

Rowan

[Alyssa Bree]

Hi Arie!

I have decided not to push the pronoun thing until I am "officially" presenting as female. I have a group of girlfriends that use she and her pronouns and call me Alyssa when it's just us or in social media type chats or even a work chat some of us do every day. The first time one of these girls asked me if they could call me by my preferred name and started using pronouns I honestly almost cried. It was such a great feeling.

My girls are older now (13 year old identical twin girls). They mostly call me Mom which they decided to do on their own and they celebrate Mother's Day with me instead of Father's Day...but they occasionally slip up and call me Dad lol. This doesn't bother me because it isn't intentional - I am not totally out everywhere and have not had to deal with being purposely misgendered as of yet.

Welcome and I hope to see more of you!

xoxoxoxoxoxoxo
Alyssa

[Grunt]

I'm sorry, I have a migraine and will reply more tomorrow, I just wanted to say a couple of things:

I don't push male in public, except with those that already know and support me. I do push it with my family and husband. My son, whever he learns to talk, will capl me Mom until he decides otherwise.

My observations of MTF > FTM was made solely based on the introduction threads. I noticed MTF were welcomed by many, and most FTM were welcomed by staff alone. I have been jumping in on threads, on both sides.

@Eryn Tubal Ligation is tube tying; the female version of a vasectomy. Also, thank you so much for saying that I look male already [emoji173]️


Thank you all so much for helping me feel welcome. I really do appreciate it. - As I said, I can't focus enough to read through everything again. I will respond more thoroughly in the morning.

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[Grunt]

Also, I figured out why I was having such a hard time refering to myself as male. I had chosen my male name by removing letters of my birth name, and it still felt too close to female for me. I hated my middle name the most after deciding on a name. I have since picked Benjamin as my new middle name, and have fully been able to embrace my new pronouns and name. I find myself going by Benji more than I do Arie.

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[MeTony]

Welcome Benji.

I am also FtM. I have also had difficulties saying he/him about me but my heart makes a jump of joy when others do.

I'm waiting to see a gender therapist in the end of summer. My beard in the pic is photoshopped. It will be atleast a year before I can start T. Rules in Sweden. I can't have it without a diagnose.

I have also changed my name a couple of times. I settled for Pierre. It is me. I'm so happy I found it.


Pierre

[melissamp99]

I totally get it!
I have had to defend myself all of my life. People would ask me if I was a boy or girl . When I grew up nothing changed. People called me Sir all the time. I have not had people call me Max up until recently. And even I introduce myself as Melissa quite often. It's simply going to take time to get comfortable with what we want to be see as. Sexual identity is a bit of a struggle for me because I don't know what it is to be a man but I do not identify with being a woman. I only identify with feeling masculine or feminine, if that makes sense.
Just do you and take your time.


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[JudiBlueEyes]

Hey Benji, welcome.  I totally get it being hard to use male pronouns as I felt uncomfortable for some time using female pronouns.  Once you've been on the journey for a while and you get more comfortable in your new persona it will become natural. It has for me.   

I think Eryn T's comment about guys only looking for help as a last resort to be quite true for many guys I know (or knew, like my former being).  As I looked around at all the different web forums catering to transgender people I found as you have noted that they are predominately populated with female contributors.  This was not surprising to me as in the cis world I find women to more gregarious and outgoing.  So it follows that trans-women would also follow that model.  I know I have changed quite a bit.   But that doesn't mean guys don't have much to say and I would certainly encourage you to post and contribute, as that will be one way to increase male content here.

BTW, I'm kinda new here too.  I hope to see you around the forum!
Judi

[Christyn]

Hey Benji - new here also...or again.. left and came back. Its all good.
Your journey is 100% unique to you - that is something I know I had to realize. Don't feel like you need to defend or justify a decision you make about your transition. It's about how you feel.

Welcome.