I came out to my dad today! Telling my mom later tonight!

[Kendra]

Maddie, thank you so much for sharing your coming-out experience.  I know the time leading up to this can be very stressful - in my case, something I debated internally for quite awhile. 

Others sharing their experience is what gave me the courage to come out to my parents last summer. 

[steph2.0]

Go Maddie! Everything seems to be going great for you. Congratulations and smiles all around!

Stephanie

[HappyMoni]

Very happy for you and very proud of you. Sounds like you knocked it out of the park! Look at the love coming your way from Susan's. You are awesome!
Moni

[maybesoph]

awwww, thanks everyone!!!

I'm coming out on Facebook and Instagram later today!

Seriously though, thanks so so much to everyone on here for the support, this is such a wonderful community!

That letter to your dad was awesome and took a lot of courage, so glad it's turned out well [emoji4].

Please let us know how the social media thing goes, sending best wishes.

Sophie

Sent from my SM-G950F using Tapatalk

[Maddie86]

Thanks everyone!!!

So I came out on Facebook and Instagram yesterday and it went great! Not one mean comment and so many people have given me their love and support, it's a bit overwhelming! My post on Instagram got 59 likes so far, which is actually the most I've ever gotten on a post! and Facebook, omg, over 200 likes!!! 209 so far and so far I got 203 friends on my new page! I've gotten a few messages and this one group of girls I know even added me to their secret facebook page!

If anyone wants to add me on my new page here's the link https://www.facebook.com/maddie.novak.501

Thanks so much for the support, the community really means a lot to me!

[Maddie86]

So my mom seems to be taking this a little harder than I thought. She usually doesn't seem to care about anything and usually she's a huge gossip, but so far she hasn't told anyone about my transition yet, and I was counting on her to tell my uncle and my younger sister. Last night my older sister and I took my mom out for an early mother's day dinner and she kept dead naming me all night and then she went to the bathroom and my sister made a comment about it to me, i told her it was going to take time. I signed her mother's day card as Maddie and she said it's going to be hard for her to call me that. Then she was going on about how I was always into boy stuff as a kid and how I wanted a truck cake for my 3rd birthday and she seemed to be getting all sentimental, which isn't like her at all. A few days before I came out to her I actually left her house and started crying in my car because I felt like she didn't love me, but last night she had me hug her and she told me she loves me. This whole thing has been kind of weird

My dad is taking things a million times better than I thought he would, he seems to be calling more often to check up on me and he still kinda stumbles with the name but at least it seems like he's trying

Some of my family members know now but not all of them. I have one uncle who got divorced a few years back and I got texts from both his new wife and he ex and they were both really really sweet, they made me feel great.

So overall things have been going pretty well since I came out tonight I'm going out with a few girlfriends to celebrate, yay!

[Northern Star Girl]

So my mom seems to be taking this a little harder than I thought. She usually doesn't seem to care about anything and usually she's a huge gossip, but so far she hasn't told anyone about my transition yet, and I was counting on her to tell my uncle and my younger sister. Last night my older sister and I took my mom out for an early mother's day dinner and she kept dead naming me all night and then she went to the bathroom and my sister made a comment about it to me, i told her it was going to take time. I signed her mother's day card as Maddie and she said it's going to be hard for her to call me that. Then she was going on about how I was always into boy stuff as a kid and how I wanted a truck cake for my 3rd birthday and she seemed to be getting all sentimental, which isn't like her at all. A few days before I came out to her I actually left her house and started crying in my car because I felt like she didn't love me, but last night she had me hug her and she told me she loves me. This whole thing has been kind of weird

My dad is taking things a million times better than I thought he would, he seems to be calling more often to check up on me and he still kinda stumbles with the name but at least it seems like he's trying

Some of my family members know now but not all of them. I have one uncle who got divorced a few years back and I got texts from both his new wife and he ex and they were both really really sweet, they made me feel great.

So overall things have been going pretty well since I came out tonight I'm going out with a few girlfriends to celebrate, yay!

Dear Maddie:  Thanks for your update.  All in all, that is a pretty good-news posting...  your mother willl hopefully come around but you have to know that all of this is very hard for a parent I would think.  It is very good news that your dad seems to have his head wrapped around the fact that you are now "Maddie" ....  you can't really blame him for stumbling on your name... not this soon after your coming out.

Rest assured, as you know from reading the various postings by others here that you are not alone with what you are dealing with in your transition journey.

I have mentioned my own family problems in my thread and other replies that I have posted in various threads here on the Forums.  Over 3 years ago since I came out to my family and started HRT... and even a year before I started HRT...  my parents have all but disowned me.   In almost 4 years I think that I have exchanged only a few very short but tense conversations with my dad and he has never called me by any name, old or new since then.  My  mom was the same way until at this Christmas time I called her on the phone...  it was a brief and stressful conversation for her but when we were about to end the call, she said "Goodbye Danielle, I love you"    Wow-whee, that is a first in 4 years, calling me by my new name and telling me that she loved me.   
Family issues and my old male job issues were the catalyst for me to finally come out full-time 19 months ago, then immediately quit my mid-level executive and good paying job and relocating over 1000 miles away to my current small town, as a woman, and starting my own business. 

There is an old but true saying.... 
"If life doesn't deal you enough problems, you can always count on our own family"

I am so happy for you that your transition is progressing well and you also have your new place now...  much easier and much better way to be your "new you".
Please keep your updates coming... and I love seeing your pictures when you post them.
Hugs, and well wishes,
Danielle

[Maddie86]

 

Dear Maddie:  Thanks for your update.  All in all, that is a pretty good-news posting...  your mother willl hopefully come around but you have to know that all of this is very hard for a parent I would think.  It is very good news that your dad seems to have his head wrapped around the fact that you are now "Maddie" ....  you can't really blame him for stumbling on your name... not this soon after your coming out.

Rest assured, as you know from reading the various postings by others here that you are not alone with what you are dealing with in your transition journey.

I have mentioned my own family problems in my thread and other replies that I have posted in various threads here on the Forums.  Over 3 years ago since I came out to my family and started HRT... and even a year before I started HRT...  my parents have all but disowned me.   In almost 4 years I think that I have exchanged only a few very short but tense conversations with my dad and he has never called me by any name, old or new since then.  My  mom was the same way until at this Christmas time I called her on the phone...  it was a brief and stressful conversation for her but when we were about to end the call, she said "Goodbye Danielle, I love you"    Wow-whee, that is a first in 4 years, calling me by my new name and telling me that she loved me.   
Family issues and my old male job issues were the catalyst for me to finally come out full-time 19 months ago, then immediately quit my mid-level executive and good paying job and relocating over 1000 miles away to my current small town, as a woman, and starting my own business. 

There is an old but true saying.... 
"If life doesn't deal you enough problems, you can always count on our own family"

I am so happy for you that your transition is progressing well and you also have your new place now...  much easier and much better way to be your "new you".
Please keep your updates coming... and I love seeing your pictures when you post them.
Hugs, and well wishes,
Danielle

yes, I remember reading about your family issues in the other thread and it made me feel so bad for you, you're really one of the sweetest people I've seen on here, you deserve to be happy, you're a great person! sending hugs from afar 

[Allsorts]

Hey Maddie,
I think you might be right, that your mom is a person who takes a bit more time to adjust. It's really great and touching to hear that she hugged you and told you she loves you. That sounds like a really positive foundation.

I can't speak with any experience or authority, I've not had any kids, but I recall on a few documentaries that I've watched about transpeople, that sometimes a parent can go through a period of almost bereavement, of grief or a sense of loss. Your mom getting sentimental about your childhood make me think of that. Not as a type of rejection, but that they struggle a bit and feel sad at no longer having the "son/daughter" that they thought they had all those years. The title rather than the person, I guess. Letting go of the overall general concept they had of their child. I guess it must be a big mental adjustment for some people to get their heads around, but the ones that I saw on the docus generally had a great love for their child and ultimately were more concerned that their child was happy and well.
Hopefully in time your mom will see that you are much happier and better off living as your true self.

I think maybe sometimes name changes can be tricky, even cis-gender name changes. I changed my name (in my case to something more gender-neutral) and I've known a couple of cis-people who changed their names and...yeah.. it varies. Sometimes parents can find it tricky, one of the first things they ever did was choose a name for this little bundle of wonder that they created, so self-naming as an adult can throw up confused feelings sometimes.

Just my random thinking out loud there, may or may not have any basis.

It's great to hear about your journey in this part of your life Hope you have a good night out with the gals!!

[Roll]

<3! Sorry that your mom is struggling, but it sounds like she definitely just needs to process it a bit longer. I saw someone mention before it's like the stages of grief, almost as if a child died.

[Maddie86]

Thanks everyone. I guess I never really thought about it like that before, but yeah, in a way my parents' son is gone forever. I told them that it doesn't change my past, this is just giving me a better future, hopefully in time they can see that. it's weird with my mom though, I really never felt that she cared about me, which I've been discussing with my sister too. Maybe I'm just in shock that my mom is showing any kind of sign of emotion haha.

[Allison S]

Maybe she feels she knows you better and is grieving time lost with her daughter? I mean I'm speculating at this point but lately I try to think of more positive scenarios... I'm probably a bit delusional at times, I'll admit.
It's great hearing all your updates Maddie! Really inspiring to me [emoji4]

Sent from my VS501 using Tapatalk

[Charlie Nicki]

Hey Maddie!

Congratulations, having one's family support our journey makes everything so much easier. You also came out on Facebook and Instagram, if you don't mind can you share your coming out post? I'm gathering ideas for when it's my time to do it (which will be in a few weeks).

[Maddie86]

Maybe she feels she knows you better and is grieving time lost with her daughter? I mean I'm speculating at this point but lately I try to think of more positive scenarios... I'm probably a bit delusional at times, I'll admit.
It's great hearing all your updates Maddie! Really inspiring to me [emoji4]

Sent from my VS501 using Tapatalk

Aw, I like your positive spin on it but I don't think it's the case, so far she hasn't been making a big attempt to see me too often, I think she needs time to adjust. She and I were never really close, which is why it seems odd to me that she feels so weird about this, maybe she feels bad that she didn't notice? I saw my friend's parents last week and they apologized for not noticing anything lol

And I'm glad you like my updates! I know I have them scattered all over the place but I think soon I'm going to start an official Maddie thread so I can keep everything in one place, but idk yet if I wanna post it in the transgender talk section or the MTF transsexual section

[Maddie86]

Hey Maddie!

Congratulations, having one's family support our journey makes everything so much easier. You also came out on Facebook and Instagram, if you don't mind can you share your coming out post? I'm gathering ideas for when it's my time to do it (which will be in a few weeks).

Thanks! Here's my post, it got over 225 likes, I forget the official count because it was posted from my old male account and I've taken that page down already (a friend posted pics with me as maddie and it fb auto tagged me with my old profile, I took it down as soon as that happened). It's the most likes I've ever gotten on any of my posts! I had a feeling it would go well but I didn't think I would have as many responses as I got! People must be talking because I got some requests from people that I've known for a while but was never friends with on my old page, so someone must have told them about my new one. I even just got a request this morning from someone I went to school with. ew. no.

anyways! I wrote like 3 different coming out posts but I chose this one because it was the most direct one. I had one where I was poetic and used a lot of metaphors, I enjoy being creative lol, but I think a post like this should be to the point, which is why I opened with it in the first sentence. Here's screen shots of it:

[Daisy Jane]

I love that you didn't beat around the bush and just came out with it. I feel like it comes across more self-assured.

[MeTony]

I'm happy for you Maddie.

I think your mom just needs some time to process and to grieve. It was a surprise to her, but she'll be back to normal.


Tony

[Charlie Nicki]

Thanks! Here's my post, it got over 225 likes, I forget the official count because it was posted from my old male account and I've taken that page down already (a friend posted pics with me as maddie and it fb auto tagged me with my old profile, I took it down as soon as that happened). It's the most likes I've ever gotten on any of my posts! I had a feeling it would go well but I didn't think I would have as many responses as I got! People must be talking because I got some requests from people that I've known for a while but was never friends with on my old page, so someone must have told them about my new one. I even just got a request this morning from someone I went to school with. ew. no.

anyways! I wrote like 3 different coming out posts but I chose this one because it was the most direct one. I had one where I was poetic and used a lot of metaphors, I enjoy being creative lol, but I think a post like this should be to the point, which is why I opened with it in the first sentence. Here's screen shots of it:

Great post! Thanks for sharing.

[Maddie86]

I love that you didn't beat around the bush and just came out with it. I feel like it comes across more self-assured.

yeah, I agree, I feel like more people were going to read it if I just came right out with it in the first sentence lol

I'm happy for you Maddie.

I think your mom just needs some time to process and to grieve. It was a surprise to her, but she'll be back to normal.


Tony

thanks! Yeah, I think she will be fine, time heals all wounds

Great post! Thanks for sharing.

no prob!