Please help, my fiancé came out as mtf, what will happen?

[Anonymous_love]

I am reaching out for help. My fiancé came out to me as mtf about a month ago, stating that he wants to begin hrt and eventually make a full transformation through surgery. He says that he has been denied all his life by psychologist's and this is the first time he has been told he can go through with it, so he's taking that chance. We share a 5 yr old daughter together and I'm not sure what to do... he has mentall illness's and apparently has a bad liver to the point of him not being able to drink alcohol, is on about 8-10 different pills daily to handle his pain and mental ilness's. Will insurance even cover the surgeries? Will he even be approved hrt? Will we make it? I'm struggling... I don't know what to do... he's even been holding off sex with me ever since he told me, all because he says he hates looking at his parts during sex.. please help me understand. Thank you

[steph2.0]

Hi Anonymous_Love,

You are in the right place to find help. Your situation feels bad to you right now, but there are others here experiencing similar challenges. I am a married 59 year old MtF transgender woman, and my wife and I are staying together. Every relationship is unique, though, and others here going through it can give you good advice. Know that you aren't alone and everyone here will do their best to help you.

As an official greeter, I've attached links that will help you understand and navigate Susan's Place. I think you'll find them helpful.

In the meantime, hang in there. We all wish you and your fiancé the best.

Stephanie

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[Dena]

Welcome to Susan's Place. The short answer to your questions are not specific. Mental illness isn't an automatic restriction to treatment. The rule is the person must be able to understand the issue and is capable of making the required decisions. Sometimes this may require controlling their issues with the correct medications and other times having enough therapy so their issues are under control. The therapist's job is only to verify the person is able to make the decision and the person must make the decision for themself.

As for HRT, it will depend on the state of the liver. There are ways to minimize the risk of damage due to HRT and if the doctor decides it's worth the risk, expect regular testing and possibly lower than normal dosage. Lower dosage will still allow a transition however changes may occur at a slower rate. It will be important to follow the doctors instructions to the letter in order to minimize risks.

[Lady Love]

I am reaching out for help. My fiancé came out to me as mtf about a month ago, stating that he wants to begin hrt and eventually make a full transformation through surgery. He says that he has been denied all his life by psychologist's and this is the first time he has been told he can go through with it, so he's taking that chance. We share a 5 yr old daughter together and I'm not sure what to do... he has mentall illness's and apparently has a bad liver to the point of him not being able to drink alcohol, is on about 8-10 different pills daily to handle his pain and mental ilness's. Will insurance even cover the surgeries? Will he even be approved hrt? Will we make it? I'm struggling... I don't know what to do... he's even been holding off sex with me ever since he told me, all because he says he hates looking at his parts during sex.. please help me understand. Thank you

A lot of the time severe gender dysphoria can put a lot of strain of someone. A lot of people like that report feeling relief after starting hormone treatments. A lot of the specific questions you asked depend on the situation you two are in. Hormones aren't super expensive I hear but surgeries can be. Just go with them to the doctor and ask them about the medical side.

I know a lot of people are scared of "losing" loved ones or at least my mother was (is? Hope you're doing okay ma) afraid that I wouldn't be the same person. Think of it as two sides of the same coin. I was a man and now I am a woman, but I didn't shift personalities. I have never read a person say they felt like a different person, just that they feel brand new or that "the fog is lifting." My bst description is that I have always loved myself, but now I feel in love with myself and connected to my body, even though I haven't started hrt yet.

The best way to learn more is to have a frank, welcoming talk about what feelings and experiences they are going through. Everybody's experience is different but I hope you realize that even though things will change, that they are still the person you married.

Sent from my SM-G900V using Tapatalk

[Jin]

Some things that I suspect may happen:
She will want to wear your clothes. Let her, but help her find some of her own. Style preferences will be different.
She will ask you a bunch of questions about tears.
Later, she will be happy and fulfilled and that will make everyone's life better.
Later, the sex will start again. It will be different but still good. After all, you make love to the person, not the body.

For now, try sex in the dark so she does not have to look at the dangling parts. Teach her to do you orally.

[Cora]

I know the uncertainty is so hard to deal with. Take it day by day and be kind with yourself. Some days you will feel terrible, other days you will feel great. I find that with time, it becomes easier and easier to deal with and the path forward becomes more and more clear. But give yourself the time and space to deal with it.

[Proudwife]

Hi I am in a similar position to yourself my wife came out as trans mtf last year after we had been married for 18 months I understand all your worries and fears but please let me try to reassure you that they are still the person you married just with a different outer packaging.
I think the main thing that I would like to says that have found that it has bought me and my wife closer together and has only deepened our bond and our love for each other.
I will not say that it is a complete walk in the park there are going to be good and bad days but it is how you deal with them together what really matters .
Yes there are going to be big changes for you both and also some minor changes I think the biggest and the best change I have seen in my wife is how her mental health has dramatically improved in such a short space of time yes I have to deal with her mood swings and tears but I wouldn't change anything.
I will closely saying and this is the truth for your partner to tell you this is a huge thing and shows they have total love and faith in your relationship I really hope you makes through this journey
Much love to you both
Jade