The harsh truth of mirrors.

[gwencook]

Hey all,
So today I work I was thinking about this issue a lot and it is to do with mirrors. Now clearly at the start of our transition we mainly look different to who we are. Now, I don't know about any of you guys, bar a slight few, but to me in my head I'm already the person I am. The long hair is there. The breasts are there. The unwanted appendage is there. When someone refers to a group as ladies and gents and your mind already accepts that your in the ladies category is a brilliant feeling. This for me is even applied to when I'm driving and how the seatbelt should be felt/positioned. In an earlier post I described this as phantom limbs. When I see a cis female with the hourglass figure (a figure I desperately want so bad as I know in my mind thats the figure I have already)I do get envious but when I see a woman with her hair a certain way I think "oh I'd like to try that colour" or her breast size I think "oh I wish my breasts were bigger". My points is apart from the  hourglass figure I no longer think of myself as male and its instantly female.
However that being said this all breaks down when I look in a mirror. Currently, I have short hair (probably a grade 4)  and a beard. The beard is only there as I hate looking into the mirror and seeing something wrong for a long period of time and so has just grown out. I refuse to even touch my mask, to the point I hardly wash it (gross I know) just so i don't have to touch my mask. The point I'm making is that once I'm transitioning mirrors will be great friend especially for my hair and makeup but currently they are enemy number 2!
Despite the really long message I was wondering if anyone else also thought like this and especially due to the not being able to look in a mirror to shave part?
Much love xox

[krobinson103]

Just an observation, but who needs a mirror to shave? I just shave in the shower. Close my eyes and let my sense of touch guide me. Could be worth a try.

[gwencook]

I did try but ended up actually missing loads of places that I thought I got, but that was a lot younger. Like 19 or something so I'll give it another try. Thanks

[Rachel_Christina]

Well the problem I see here is that by not washing and not looking after your skin it's probably only gonna make things harder when you do transition. And our face is probably the most important part of anyone let alone trans. So look after it.

[gwencook]

Yeah my mom said exactly the same but like I said I just find it extremely difficult to even touch my face. I guess this is just one of those times I'm going to have to face my fears

[Cindy]

 I could post an old TV interview when I was sprung about mirrors! The final shots were hilarious as the camera man got stuck in the shower cubicle. Unfortunately they aren't in the clip. It was also when I had a larynx and could talk, but if you are interested it is here.

The interview was about a conference I was organising at the time

Oh it was a long time ago!!!!! Lots of body parts have gone missing and lots of changes since then!!!

[gwencook]

Thank you for the  video. Will definitely be giving it a watch

[Cindy]

 I just watched it again after many years.
If I could do that any one can do anything!

[FreyjaValkyrie]

Gwen,

I feel your pain, sister.  Mirrors are extra painful for me because I have to shave every day for my job, and they just sort of skyline for me how hard I'm going to have to work to pass when (if) I'm able to transition, because I'm a tank.  Everybody is right though, you need to take care of your skin.  I know you can push through this.

Sent from my LG-H830 using Tapatalk

[Nicole70]

I know how you feel Gwen, I hate looking in the mirror at a man, over the years I have developed my way of looking but not really looking, I tend not to look at myself but look at the face in the mirror, I do what needs to be done, washing, shaving, moisturiser etc.
Try to take care of your face, I know how hard that can be, at some point you will be able to see yourself as a woman ( or at least that is what I'm hoping for myself further down the HRT road), and when that time comes you may want to look the best woman you can and that care you take now will help.

[Angela H]

Hey Gwen!

I'm going to second what most of this thread is saying and say I totally get you when you say that you never want to look in the mirror and confront what you (supposedly) *really* look like.

When I was younger I looked in mirrors so rarely that whenever I did I felt like I was looking at a complete stranger. The face in the mirror looked completely unlike how I saw myself in my head.

In my case, I have gradually been able to accept the way I look by acknowledging that I can still be a woman even if I happen to look like a man. Today, when I look in the mirror I can sort of see the woman inside if that makes any sense. 


Also, I want to say that was a great video Cindy! That was an interesting point you made about how you saw the "man in the mirror" as a different person, someone who did the best he could and protected you when you needed it. I understand the feeling pretty well, but I don't have quite as healthy of an opinion about my former self.