Show of hands, who's been raped?

[Sno]

Sexually assaulted, yes. Once by a predatory gay guy, and another by a woman

I've also been professionally orally violated whilst being held down by my mother.

As I can remember little about being little (most of my childhood is blank), I've no idea at all. If it's my mind protecting me, then whoever is doing the protection is doing a great job, I couldn't cope right now with that extra knowledge, on the other hand, a functional memory would be lovely. Hopefully I'd remember the time, or dates and birthdays....

I'm in therapy because of me too, and home invasion.

Rowan

[KathyLauren]

#metoo

Not raped as such, but molested, in high school.

[Kylo]

Someone attempted something once, I pulled a knife on them.

They ran away.

[natalie.ashlyne]

 When I was in foster care at the age of 9 I was raped multiple times by my foster parents and their "friends" and their was many of the it would happen usually on friday nights I was threatened If I told anyone they would do this to my 2 year old sister and hurt her and I could not let that happen. I have a large scare from were I was  burned by them.

[Tommi]

I recently asked my sister - "do you think, if dad knew I was a girl, would he have raped me when I was 7?" She answered with am immediate "no, definitely not!"

Weird conversation. Hate to see how common this is.

I don't hardly remember my sister's friends raping me and her friend's brother when I was 9. Doesn't even seem like a big deal, comparatively.

Sent from my VS988 using Tapatalk

[Devlyn]

Moni, Donna, Rowan, Kathy, Kylo, Natalie, Tommi, thank you all for coming forward and sharing.

Hugs, Devlyn

[justine77]

Hi, yep someone tried to rape me when I was 19. I'm androgyne and dress as female but underneath the dress and the garter belt is a strong body. I didn't encourage this guy in any way but had to fight him off the hard way (for him).  It bothers me that someone more delicate than me might have been abused by this guy. I hope I beat him up enough to make him think twice about trying it again, the jerk ruined some of my best clothes but he got a least a broken nose for it.  My advice is be aware of what's around you and if something doesn't feel right follow your intuition and get out. Saying that I've rarely had any trouble, I mostly go to TG friendly clubs/bars though.  Justine x

[Donna]

Thanks Devlyn for this post. Sharing is a step
To healing and I've healed a lot. I've regain emotions and feelings and care and compassion. I see the good in my life now and wish others the same. I carried my burden for 50+ years and I'm happy to be loose of it.

[Briah]

I wanted to cry reading this thread.  For so many reasons.

Very gratefully not raped.  My Jr. Hi. Counselor molested me at school.  I still find in ironic that my parents were concerned about the single male history teacher that I spent a lot of time playing tennis with but never were concerned about the counselor.  I vaguely remember jokes about the counselor that I didn't understand.

I have been pushy with dates in the past and I definitely am not proud of all that I have done.  I think that maybe that is the reason that much of my professional life has been spent working with abused and mistreated people. 

I want to reinforce what others have said.  You did not ask these awful acts to happen.  You did not deserve what happened.  My love goes to all and if anybody wants to feel free to pm me.  Finally, each of you has taken power back to yourself.  Congratulations.

[SarahM777]

I was too. At first I thought he was a friend who just like to hang out me. (At that time I was in a very vulnerable position to being with) He turned out to be a predator. The first night he sexually abused me, he tried to kill and then threatened to kill me and my family if I ever told anybody and I had no reason to doubt him. He ended up moving in me due to the threats he made to me about my family. (The threats to my family were the worse parts of the threats)
I would be under this mans verbal mental emotional and sexual abuse for about 3 years or so.


I blocked out alot of it but the part I remebered that I never wanted to talk about it was on 4 different occasions he would bring one of his friends over and they would both use me.  I learned to fear those who were LGBT because of it and they were the only examples of it that I had seen up close and it wasn't good. And being that they were the only so called role models and I had reached the point of being able to deal with my own trans issues and doing the research online and came across Susan's Place I knew I needed help but I was afraid of what to expect but I knew logically that most were not like that but I needed to actaully talk to others who weren't like that to put the fears to rest.

[SarahM777]

Idealistically one would think that once you got up the courage to speak up, that at least some one would believe you and throw you a rope. The reality is it doesn't always work that way. I did try to find ways out this and get someone in an authority role to believe me and tried to get help for it. Towards the very end I got so desperate that during one of the young adult and college age groups I brought it up during the prayer time of a group of about 35-40 of us. Before that night some of us would get together after the meetings and get coffee and pie. After that meeting not one person ever talked to me again, not even the pastors. In one fell swoop I saw an entire group walk away from me.


I know there are others in here that have gone through much worse then I have,for those seeing reading this if you see your self in these know that you are not alone,others have been where you are at and do understand what you have and are going through. The hard part is learning to trust again,but if those wounds aren't opened to allow them to drain and heal all they will do is fester and all you will end up doing is go through the motions of living and not really living.

[ErinWDK]

Sometimes I wonder if it's happened and I've just blocked it out of memory. I don't think so, but I guess I don't know for certain.

This thread comes at an interesting time.  I have always gone on the thought that I have never been sexually assaulted.  Now I have to wonder what may have happened that I am blocking out of my memory.  This week my therapist, after listening to where I was going, asked seemingly out of the blue to me if I had been sexually abused as a child.

Cringe...

The most strongly transgender part of me is emphatically asexual; that could be taken as a reaction to severe sexual trauma at an early age.  That part formed about age four after some sort of very strong emotional cataclysm -- and other parts became defined at the same time; all arrayed in an emotional defense phalanx.  None of these parts are sexual, and the most prominent one has no gender.  I honestly do not remember what it was that precipitated that.  This was about the time of my first, negative, socialization outside of the home.  I have taken that as not being allowed to play with girl toys.  Maybe it was worse...

Part of me is trying to protect the broken little parts.  She is not forthcoming about what is buried.  Her answer is "You want the truth?  You can't handle the truth!"  Umm...  Maybe I can't.

My, does this topic give me food for thought.

[Susan]

I removed a post from this thread that crossed the line into Graphic descriptions of sexual activity. That is not permitted on this site.

[Devlyn]

Justine, Donna, Briah, Sarah, and  Erin, thanks for stepping forward to share.

Susan, thanks for the cleanup.

[Michelle_P]

...
The most strongly transgender part of me is emphatically asexual; that could be taken as a reaction to severe sexual trauma at an early age.  That part formed about age four after some sort of very strong emotional cataclysm -- and other parts became defined at the same time; all arrayed in an emotional defense phalanx.  None of these parts are sexual, and the most prominent one has no gender.  I honestly do not remember what it was that precipitated that.  This was about the time of my first, negative, socialization outside of the home.  I have taken that as not being allowed to play with girl toys.  Maybe it was worse...

Part of me is trying to protect the broken little parts.  She is not forthcoming about what is buried.  Her answer is "You want the truth?  You can't handle the truth!"  Umm...  Maybe I can't.

My, does this topic give me food for thought.

For a long time I thought I was asexual, but after working through s good bit of stuff that I had spent decades trying to avoid, I found that I was more demisexual, and really needed the emotional connection, trust, and romance before I could have a sexual response. 

I also have a very strong preference for femme persons, which I initially expressed as being 'lesbian'.  I have since resolved this a bit, as I am attracted to people who have a feminine appearance or even patterns of thought and expression, without knowing what they (pardon me) might have in their pants.  I think that breaking through gender expression taboos has also opened me to explore my other actual gender-linked characteristics without the overlay of cultural conditioning.  I now would say, a bit jokingly, that I am "lesbian with a 30% chance of queer."

Much of my repression of sexuality and aversion to masculine persons may stem from incidents when growing up.  I was molested at a fairly young age by two brothers in our neighborhood, both older than me, who behaved as friends to me. (I had very few friends growing up.) As I mentioned above, I was raped in the (all male) high school, a nasty locker room incident in which the persons assauting me suffered no penalty (jocks, needed for sports that weekend), and I was punished for fighting (resisting rape).

After much therapy and introspection I think I understand the long term impact of these events, but I still am very much averse to masculine persons.  Oh, and high school class reunions...

[Virginia]

VA raising hand. Raped by my cousin in 2nd grade, molested by my Mother, til junior high, psychologically abused by both parents with a violent childhood filled with death and fear leaving me with Dissociative Identity/Multiple Personality Disorder. My female alter, Flytrap also occasionally posts the forum. You can read more about how the trauma affected me in my post, "Childhood Trauma Survivor Misdiagnosed as Transsexual with Gender Dysphoria" at https://www.susans.org/forums/index.php/topic,176195.msg1548804.html#msg1548804

Attention Moderators:
There should be a poll attached to this thread for those who are not comfortable posting to get a better feel for forum members experiences with sexual abuse.

[Donna]

I removed a post from this thread that crossed the line into Graphic descriptions of sexual activity. That is not permitted on this site.

Thank Susan, you are just the best.

[Kylo]

Rapists really do get my goat. I am not really surprised to see so many stories about it here - most rapes occur between people who know each other or are at least acquainted, and one party sees the other as weak or outcast enough to exploit. I have no doubt people have tried their luck on me because I did not "fit in" and they assumed I was weak/alone because of it. Even worse the things people will do to a victim to try to "cover up" someone's rape-iness. I know all about that one. Wannabe rapists, whether they succeed or fail in their aims, will often do and say anything to try to save their own ass because they are terrified. Defend yourself as the victim and you will probably be the one who gets in trouble. It's all rather vile.

It doesn't just extend as far as rape - the exact same tactics are often practiced by creepers and perverts. The only way I have found to deal with it is to be hostile at the "right moments" to nip it in the bud. In the case of raped children though, there's nothing I can say. I know several people who suffered child abuse as children and it really messed them up. There's a reason people in jail for sex crimes over here are seen as the lowest of the low and nobody else will associate with them, or might one day just decide to carve them up. They are consummate cowards and the harm they do is undeniable. 

[SeptagonScars]

I've been raped as well. At age 17 before I came out as trans, I met a guy online whom I wanted to be friends with. We chatted online and then talked on the phone for several months before we decided to meet in person. We met at a big train station in the city he lived in, and he suggested we'd go to his place. I remember I thought "if I go with him, he might rape me" before I said yes and went with him. So yeah, that's what he did, on Valentine's Day 2007. I did say no repeatedly and tried push him away and clarify I didn't want to, until I got to a point where I froze up and gave up. I broke contact with him a few days later when he sent me a text message. I don't think he fully understood he did something wrong. I never reported it. Technically he took my virginity.

I was also molested as a kid when I was 9, by two of my bullies (a boy and a girl) who were of my age, at a secluded area of the school yard. Somehow that led to me molesting another kid in turn a month or so later, which I've felt a lot of remorse over but I had no idea I did something wrong or even what I was doing at the time.

I didn't tell anyone about either of those two childhood events and that trauma led me to develope some form of dissociative identity disorder as well, meaning my mind split into two distinct personalities so I've been me and an alter ever since. That alter who's always been very abusive then also raped me when I was 22, in kind of a 'switch' as she took control over my body while I remained conscious.

I'm still struggling to process the stuff that happened in my childhood, but the other stuff I'm handling rather well nowadays. I've made peace with my alter and she's been supportive instead of abusive for the past year or so now. Although I'm pretty sure these experiences are a strong reason as to why I've become somewhat of a sex addict as an adult. Like I'm constantly trying to fill a void, both literally and figuratively, but it's never enough and I know I engage in unnecessarily risky behaviour again and again, with no regards to my health, whether physically or mentally.

[Cassie 4 Ever!!!]

I was aped in mexico by the friends of a friend. I have gone back to mexico several times since but have never gone back to see that friend again. It started with me doing shots, being young and stupid trying to out drink this guy with tequila, then we went to the bar and I was drugged.