"Masculine" and "Feminine" Sexuality

[Kylo]

I've always found myself to be equally potentially drawn to visual as well as other stimuli.

Porn "works" on me but I dislike it in all honesty. I'd much rather have a personal interest in an subject of attraction, including a mental one.

There's definitely two sides to my own sexuality, I expect from the descriptions I've read down the years one is the more masculine and the other more feminine kind, and they seem to be equally powerful. Although I don't read romance novels or enjoy romantic movies for the most part I 'get' what it is that appeals to some people about them, and I 'get' what raw, animalistic lust is as well. I think I'm balanced in the middle, on this particular topic. All HRT did to influence any of that was to just increase the amount of time devoted to thinking about it to something like normal. Beforehand I was minimally interested in the topic of sex; now I suppose I consider it like most others do; I have to deal with the 'masculine urges' at masculine frequencies, which isn't that much bother.

But I would not stick my neck out just to get laid. It's not even remotely worth the time to me. An interesting and fulfilling relationship is definitely worth the time, but sex alone? Does not compute. The amount of people on social media I see devoting time and energy to pointless chases and sending each other pictures of nether regions like that's going to get them anywhere seems strange to me.

However... I have noticed that I tend to strike up rather intense friendships in which the lines between that and 'more' are very often blurred. I'm not sure exactly why this is, but there's a pattern there. I'm also not the type to roll over and fall asleep; for some reason the whole business energizes rather than drains me.

Definitely cautious when it comes to sex and who with; a natural feminine instinct, I think, which I have no issue with since it usually serves well to be careful.   

[xAmyX]

I don't put myself out there for sex either. Never have. Only ever been with 2 partners sexually speaking in my entire life (I'm 30). One female, and one male. Both of them broke up with me. I'm not even remotely prepared to handle anymore heartbreak (both breakups were intensely challenging to endure emotionally), and would prefer to be left alone these days. I function better by myself. I long for that connection that brings me to my knees in overwhelming joy, but despise the what I believe to be inevitable disappointment that I have literally no power over. The harder I try, the worse the feeling of failure and abandonment.

I gave a different guy and girl oral sex, and received oral sex by a another guy whom was not that guy, but I don't count those encounters as "sex". Call me old fashioned, but sex to me is on a WHOLE different level than just petty play. I am always heavily in love with the person. Otherwise, I deny anything past 3rd base no matter how much they beg. We're not in love with each other? That's a definite no. If I like you enough; though, I might help you out a little through other means. To go all the way would require a powerful romantic connection. Something I'm increasingly failing at acquiring as the years progress. I used to be a lot more effective at making romantic connections with people in my early to late teens. It's like I forgot everything as I matured into an adult. I can't even maintain a relationship longer than 50 days anymore. I used to average 1-2 years back then.