A new beginning

[pamelatransuk]

Hello again Sophie

It is nice to see things are progressing well on the business front - we all want prosperity but for transition we need more money for clothing, makeup, body hair removal etc.

Sorry that your wife still in denial and I hope she comes round to accept you; there is no guarantee but I have known many cases where the spouse originally opposes but ultimately accepts. At the very least I hope you can remain friends.

HRT as I'm sure you realize is a wonderful experience. So far you've got good results in that you already have breast buds. Well done. It was a little longer for me but after 7 months I now have small boobs. Yes softer skin and the ability to feel emotions better are early signs I can appreciate. I find it wonderful and relaxing both to cry and to laugh more!

I am going on holiday to Slovenia and hence not attending the UK Meet Up in Birmingham. I hope you have an enjoyable trip. The menu looks fantastic.

Hugs

Pamela

[maybesoph]

Hi Pamela,

Thanks for such a kind reply

I'm getting my life sorted slowly and work is improving, so yes I'll hopefully be getting a new much larger wardrobe soon.

I'm just taking each day as it comes and seeing where the ride takes me.

Sorry your not there, hopefully next time.



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[maybesoph]

What a month.

Sorry ive been absent for so long, I'm getting my head around everything in life & al5hough some bits are painful I'm kinda developing a bit of strength to move onwards.

So I'm looking quite good on the work front, I have a new contract that God willing should make me a little bit of money. Haven't had any for a few years so that'll be a novel experience.

Home front with my wife is very complicated right now. After weeks of her point blank refusing to discuss issues after a big discovery were moving forwards.
Just over a month ago she started seeing another man off of a hook up site for no strings attached fun.
I'm kinda ok with this surprisingly as we used to be so active and I've frustrated her for years, and last year or so our love life hasn't existed at all.
We had a chat and want to stay together as a partnership/close friends and she's happy getting jollies on the side.
I'm quite pragmatic and she didn5 ask for the situation she's in, and if I get to keep our friendship/closeness alive I'll take that as we're good together.

HRT is 2 months this weekend & I'm like everyone else, frustrated!!
Was unrealistically expecting bam there you go changes but nope reality is I'm learning it'll be a long road.
Skin has changed a lot in 2 months, breast buds are quite large and there's a small amount of tissue.
I'm a bit calmer now which is nice, but I've now had a few breakdown episodes.
Not just crying but full on sob your heart out tears and that's kinda a new experience.
I feel much better afterwards though & it's just like a pressure release.
Hair is growing by the hour not the day & I reckon by next summer I defo won't need a wig which is great news.

So overall I now own my own pair of very sore swollen areola, I'm still scared stiff of coming out to others & my home life's very complex, however I feel HAPPY foe the first time in a long long while.

That means something surely.



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[davina61]

Good to hear your getting "sorted" well at least thing starting to come together. Yes its a long slow ride down a bumpy track (did you sing that bit!!) . You will probably need 6 months of E to get more noticeable effects (that's when it happened for me) so enjoy !!

[pamelatransuk]

Sophie

You are clearly on the right track as you say "strength to move onwards" and at least you are witnessing first benefits both physical and emotional of HRT. Sadly yes it does take time to see more "obvious" physical benefits but the first signs should provide you with some comfort and motivation. After 2 or 3 months of HRT, I knew I was on the right fuel. I agree with Davina on timespan as only recently did I develop boobs - I am 8 months now but like you had the buds early on.

Glad to see that you and your wife are on amicable terms and both of you wish to retain your friendship.

Hugs

Pamela

[maybesoph]

Hiya,

Thankyou so much for the kind replies, um definitely starting to think this is the fuel my body needs too.
I feel at home in myself until I see a mirror that is :-)

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[davina61]

One day dear she will be looking back at you but  it does take a while.

[Northern Star Girl]

Hiya,

Thankyou so much for the kind replies, um definitely starting to think this is the fuel my body needs too.
I feel at home in myself until I see a mirror that is :-)

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@maybesoph
Dear Sophie:
The truisms that you must be aware of as a female:

  ~Mirrors are not our friends
    ~Cameras are not our friends
      ~We are our own worst critics

My final thought is for you to listen to you friends that see you on the forums and very importantly listen to your real life friends that see you and talk to you and that accept your transition decision. 

We are you biggest fans here.... keep on keeping on.
Hugs,
Danielle

[maybesoph]

Again thanks girls for the positives, I try and stay positive as much as I can.
Even bad days now I can focus on a positive.

Well in the last two weeks, it's happened.
This elusive calm and sense of well being has appeared like a massive ray of welcome sunshine.
After 2 months this is an amazing feeling, to actually be calm & focused and relaxed that I can feel small changes happening.
Ok it's only skin and breast pains but hey I'll take that for now.

After some red wine courage, I mailed my big sister to let her know what's happening to her baby brother.
I left her til last in the family as she lives far away and wanted to see her face to face but thought it unfair in the end that she didn't know.
She was shocked but so understanding, and that's now parents and all my brothers and sisters supportive which is just amazing and overwhelming.
So I'm so lucky to have some close support.

Next two weeks I'm getting top of ears pierced and going full on girl brows.
I think I'm just impatient to come out now, I'm waiting til after Christmas to tell the kids then the handbrake can come off.
Until then I'm sorta doing a bit at a time, kinda drip feeding Sophie to life.

I know there's bumps aplenty ahead but I feel I'm growing stronger mentally and I'm determined to meet them with a smile.

Have a great week all xx

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[pamelatransuk]

Again thanks girls for the positives, I try and stay positive as much as I can.
Even bad days now I can focus on a positive.

Well in the last two weeks, it's happened.
This elusive calm and sense of well being has appeared like a massive ray of welcome sunshine.
After 2 months this is an amazing feeling, to actually be calm & focused and relaxed that I can feel small changes happening.
Ok it's only skin and breast pains but hey I'll take that for now.

After some red wine courage, I mailed my big sister to let her know what's happening to her baby brother.
I left her til last in the family as she lives far away and wanted to see her face to face but thought it unfair in the end that she didn't know.
She was shocked but so understanding, and that's now parents and all my brothers and sisters supportive which is just amazing and overwhelming.
So I'm so lucky to have some close support.

Have a great week all xx

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This is great news. Soph.

I am so happy for on all counts - your emotional benefit, your early physical benefit and understanding from your sister.

Sending Love to you.

Pamela  xx

[maybesoph]

Hi all,

Sorry been away getting things in order especially my own head.

Anyways, today is exactly 5 months on hrt & although I'm now immensely impatient changes they're a happening.
Breasts are now nearly a B cup but wow do they hurt, everytime you reach across a table or basically anything they're like yup we're here now in the way and it's just awesome beyond words.
Everything else is as per roughly what others have experienced.

The big thing is I've now told all my kids bar my 7 year old who's very high on the autistic spectrum & I'm her safe zone (she  uses me as her comforter/person she feels safe near having meltdowns which are at least daily).
Without exception they were all amazing asking intelligent questions.
My 22 year old who I thought would be the one who maybe awkward beat me to the announcement with the words & I quote "it's coz you don't wanna be a guy anymore dad, I'm not blind. Skinny jeans, painted toes, long hair and hrt patches in your top drawer"
Yup she was amazing too.

I've now told my first close male friend who again doesn't seem too bothered although he has said he's allowed to make friendly fun but will punch anyone else that tries, which I thought was ace.

**the big bit**

I'm using the meet up in March as Sophies true birth.
I'm coming out to the world that weekend.

Yes I've a long way to go with voice,weight, every bloody thing but hey I want to embrace this awkward bad make up, bad clothes stage and find my style and eventually rock it.
I'm never gunna be happy trapped and waiting for the perfect time to come out. I've learnt that day never comes.

One life, live it!

Finally I've read a lot of posts and so many of you are truly inspirational xxxx

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[Northern Star Girl]

@maybesoph
Dear Sophie:
Heya girl, I have been wondering how you are doing!!! 
Your last update on your thread was 2½ months ago!!!... way to long for sure!!!

Thank you for coming back and giving us your 5 month HRT update.
Good news about your breasts being B cup now and hurting all the time.... 
... that is very good news, it means that your body and HRT are getting along and things are progressing... you should be happy.   No pain, no gain as they say.

It was nice to hear about how your male friend interacts with you... very accepting for sure.

You are waiting for the perfect time to come-out.... hmm, it is entirely your decision based on a lot of your personal relationship and employment factors but at some point of your choosing you will have to jump into the deep end and reveal your secret.  When you do it will be like a big weight is lifted off of your shoulders and then each additional time that you come-out it will become less stressful and somewhat easier.... you will find that you will live more freely with less stress, I know that I did.

Thank you again for updating your thread.... your followers want to know what you feel free to tell us about what is happening in your journey.

Hugs and as always, well wishes,
Danielle

[pamelatransuk]

Soph

It was nice to read on the UK Meet Up Thread and again here that coming out to your family went so well with so much understanding.

As you know I am also attending the UK Meet Up on March 16th as Pamela and I also wish to overcome what in my case is poor make-up (although I recently had a makeover at Mac which was fantastic) and lack of experience of matching clothing but I wish to embrace and find my style and rock it too! I am going fulltime as you know as soon as my house now on the market, is sold.

So at least we can both be our true selves when we meet on March 16th. 8 weeks to go!

Hugs

Pamela  xx

[davina61]

Fantastic news , looking forward to meeting you again.

[pamelatransuk]

Davina

I look forward to finally meeting you on March 16th.

Hugs

Pamela  xx

[maybesoph]

Thankyou all for the kind replies, I just took a step back from nearly everything whilst I sort my self out to face the future fighting.

While away I did a 30 day motivation/kick start course that helped me beyond words.
Also I've just started a MUA diploma, hey why not have fun whilst learning make up skills.

I'm both really excited/nervous about UK meet up now. Nothing to do with the girls there they are just inspirational but the fact it's where I throw off the big secret shadows I've been hiding under.
Then coming back on home ground to face everyone. I'm expecting to lose a lot of narrow minded friends but if they don't accept me then I don't want them around me.
I've learnt that I control my life and I am responsible for all my own actions, so if someone or somethings not enhancing your own life, move on and leave them be and don't look back.

I've now finally had my first female haircut, I'm a proud owner of a kinda Bob with a fringe and can't wait to throw the hats away and just let it out.

See you all soon :-)

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[maybesoph]

Hi all,

Feel like I'm waiting in Limbo at the moment.
I've told a few more family members and friends and still blown away by not one negative reaction as of yet, although I'm not naive enough to think it's not coming.

Had my first hair disasters, tried blonde it went wrong, so thought I know I'll go red.
Now I just look like a traffic light it's that bright.
So I'm booked in to go dark brown and then I'm gunna leave it a while, I think.

16th March is the big day, so I'm drafting a post for social media, any tips on this more than welcome.
Apparently my opening line of "hey look boobs" isn't appropriate, who knew.

Starting to define how I want to look for now, and make up skills are improving each time.

Overall I can't wait, a few weeks and it's quite literally a new beginning

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[pamelatransuk]

Hello again Soph

Its a different hair disaster for me as I am sampling different wigs but I think it will be blond and parted and medium length. I am collecting more make up and increasing BHR (Body Hair Removal).

See you on March 16th.

Hugs

Pamela  xx

[maybesoph]

Hi Pamela,

Look forwards to seeing you in March, I've another family friend who's a hairdresser who has now re dyed my hair back to dark brown & convinced me to cut my split ends as they're counter productive.
Also gave me some hair care products and now my hair feels amazing.

See you soon x

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[maybesoph]

Major development, getting scary now.

I finally recieved my first welcome letter from GIC after 6 months waiting from my initial referral.
Whilst reading the forms to fill out it has a section on legal name change, so sat there thinking well it's gotta be done sooner or later, and even though I'm not out for another 4 weeks I've already changed my legal name by deed poll.
So now comes the part of informing absolutely every official organisation I'm connected to. Realising now that it's no small task at all.

The wife has gotten upset at the name change as I didn't fully consult her, but no matter what I do it's going to cause pain for her.
Maybe I handled it badly but I'm such a pro active person I just wanted it done.

Now the weird bit I feel so totally ready within myself now to come out fully, but at the same time in seriously scared beyond words.
Now I think is the hard part as things get real and I try and face the world as me.

Here goes....

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