Katie Jade’s stuff

[Katie Jade]

All right for some a Bank Hols off, cooking looks good and you should see my washing up after some of my curry adventures. Working on 3 outfits for Sept, skirt, tights top/blouse and jacket (my posh setup) dress for night and jeans to go back home. Hotel room so have time/chance to change.

Dear Davina
Yes that sounds good strategy for the . Backup will ned to be an umbrella  or a good Mac I think (best to plan of course). Are you still travelling by train. I think I will be parking in the Snow Street Carpark for the afternoon and overnight. They limit it to 24 hours though I think.
So looking forwards to meeting everyone:).
I do so hope the weather holds for us, but even if its not sunny I don't think it will dampen anyone's enthusiasm. 

Luv n Hugz

Katie

[davina61]

Train and should get in at 11.15, have a brolly in my hand bag always !!!! Lets hope its warm and sunny.

[Katie Jade]

Hi everybody
'
Havent updated for a few days, but there again you don't want to know I mowed the lawn, said 'Hi' to the new neighbours, got friendly invite to the local Pride (not been to one before and there will definitely be a lot of people there from work there, but Im sure I wont be recognised...  hopefully not yet anyway.. Its a work 'outing' issue) from a girl couple on a support group site (not this one).
However....
So got offered to apply for a job in Verona Italy, promotion, and likely to get it. I actually had a big cry about this tonight. If I do that then I would  probably have to stop transition, I don't know.. My head is such a mess over this... I cant go back (definite), and need to make peace with myself over this, as you don't get many offers like this. I could see that my boss was taken aback by this as Im not out to him yet. This is typical of my life, so much hard work and it feels futile as I have to transition and that closes  many doors, opening others. I am happier than I have ever been, truly. But..
Well I don't know. Im going to have  a glass of prosecco tonight, and maybe a bit of Dutch cheese (one of the local variations with the holes in it and Salami) Im almost at ketosis  so have to be careful, I need to lose the weight.
Maybe I should talk to the HR business partner that I am discussing  the strategy for going full time at work with, see what she says. She knows I have been hamstrung by my GD and associated afflictions. She is really nice and I have always got on with her (actually I dont know any cis female that I haven't eventually got on with.. Hmmm).
So got a new blouse today, I usually hate buttons for some reason but this is nice (was on sale at Wallis).  also have a leather hooded jacket coming as well from 'A to Z Leathers'. Should be nice with jeans and this blouse. That's my clothes purchases for the month (blown that budget again..)
So pic time as new blouse happened, (and  a better colour wig that more closely matches my real hair- yes I'm growing it out but need a few thousand transplants..) and the blouse is apparently in a trendy 'rust' colour, really??? I have loads of tools and equipment (spanners, screwdrivers, bits of my car, lawnmower, old screws and bolts, bits of old bikes etc) that are suddenly trendy? (lol);

Well I quite like the colour and it works well with my blue butterfly scarf anyway - nice contrast.

So not much else

Apart from  looking forwards to youngest sons 18th. We do a little celebration as we do major one at 21 (err... Eldest is 21 next year, better start planning..)

luv n Hugz

Katie


(state of mind over job stuff)

P.S. Rang mum now re job and quite welled up and was blubbing a bit, she still mis-genders me and calls me by AMAB name a lot, which really got to me. Im not certain how to proceed with them. Maybe 'atom bomb' time and next time I go, go as me, don't know, but they do need to get some realisation that their son is fast fading away but I am still here, resolute and very proud of who I am and the journey I have started and will finish. If that isn't good enough then that's what it is. Life is too short and gets shorter every day.
Love them so much more now though...
Wow , such a deep day. Good job I'm female or I would have given up by now...

[Kendra]

Do both!  Take the promotion and relocate as Katie full time.  You can do it. 

Italy has many beautiful women - you can join them. 

[Katie Jade]

Dear friend Kendra
Yes that is what I would do if the world was  good for me but it isn't , but I will try to see how close that can be. Just read your old 'coming out on stage' thread - wow - not certain you needed any 'adjustments' from there. Mind body or soul.
All mine are in tatters and rebuilding which will take several years with support.
Unfortunately for me I don't have your 'presentation' if you excuse the phrase.
My mask is OK with killing everything but I am not. Its easy to put that on when it doesn't matter to your soul, but mine is laid bare and vulnerable at the moment now as I get my soul to stand up and shout. It will happen as I am sick of everyone treating me as male, I can so see the difference and it causes me issues. My postings are general but the hurt on occasion is still hidden. im still big fat and ugly male when I look in the mirror, but when I lie down and relax I am the opposite. Its so hard some times having such a negative visual memory. I will have FFS , and as much as possible so I cant see his face again. I don't hate him but he is getting so separate from me it is getting  a problem. Maybe you can understand me or not.
>-bleeped-<, enough of me and my crap.
Looking forwards to meeting you and your partner (if poss) in Birmingham, hopefully will see Davina the week before so at least one real face there before the revelation and further friendships.
So love our community.

Luv n Hugz

Katie

[Kendra]

Katie I don't see any of your old gender in your recent photos.  I believe in you even if you aren't giving yourself enough credit, as is the case with so many of us.

We each perceive ourselves with so much harshness and I am not an exception.  I finally just had to move forward although I found every misgendering and puzzled look to be moderately or extremely painful.  I kept reminding myself so many others have transitioned, shared their experience and proved it's possible to drive our future with our heart and run over our barriers.

I took the following photo a half year after updating my legal name and gender marker to female.  If I had waited for perfection I would have waited forever before starting transition, and forever is a very long time.  As the photo shows I wasn't even quite "close enough" under harsh lighting but I didn't care.  Well actually I did care but I learned to ignore that and focus on the long term goal, knowing the social pain would diminish with time.  Things that are new are sometimes unsettling to others - and to ourselves - and then people adjust and forget just how jarring it was at first. 


May 22, 2018 - 20 minutes before surgery

The world is filled with beautifully imperfect people.  Women who are working on their weight, men who wish they were a bit taller, and gender-neutral people who are constantly having to explain or ignore what is traditional and obsolete.  Cis-gender people have all sorts of flaws including some that definitely draw attention, but that doesn't cause them to question their own gender. 

A mirror follows the laws of physics but all it's doing is sending photons to your retina, at which point your brain processes everything.  You are not looking at a mirror, you are looking at your mind's perception of yourself filtered through decades of memories and experiences good and bad.  I don't see what you're seeing, and I'm sure the same could be said about me.  I am not good with card games but transition is a little bit like poker: to hit the goal, sometimes it's best to appear confident even if I know better. 

Kendra

[Northern Star Girl]

Do both!  Take the promotion and relocate as Katie full time.  You can do it. 

Italy has many beautiful women - you can join them.

@Katie Jade   cc: @Kendra
Dear Katie:
I like Kendra's suggestion....
.... in essence I did a similar thing as she eluded to, I quit my male-mode job, then immediately went full-time and I relocated to my new home in Alaska to start my own self-employed woman owned business.   When I moved there the town only knew me as a business woman that moved there to live and open a new business. 

The rest is history...
Hugs and well wishes,
Danielle

x

[Katie Jade]

Well, Ive just about got over my mini melt down from last night
Id love to take this job as I basically do it anyway at the moment, and I could but I need to be here for a few years for my sons, I think, at least. Also my situation with HRT and other medical issues mean that I will have issues with getting medication, especially after Brexit, which will change a lot of stuff and I'm not really ready for that big a leap. If I was in the states then it would be easy I think for me to jump, but not at the moment.
Didn't do much today as I was contemplating and putting to bed the what ifs again that this has resurrected.
On a positive side, my new leather across the body tan leather bag arrived today (need it for going out on the 22nd with some of you girls). a little expensive but as it will serve me well for a long time  I thought quality was required. It doesn't have double stitching but that's OK for a bag I suppose.
No Pics tonight, or maybe one... me and my new bag, that makes err.... 7 bags to date...



Well I must love you and leave you all, thanks Kendra and Danielle for your words of encouragement. I think you know I sometimes need them as we all do.

Luv n Hugz

Katie

 

[davina61]

WHAT only7 ?? Glad your over your mini tizz , remember it all works out in the end. To paraphrase Liz  only 20 days BWCA

[Northern Star Girl]

@Katie Jade
Dear Katie:
Thanks for your recent update.

I, and most others reading your thread and your latest comments fully understand your decision about your current situation.

Obviously you have to make your personal decisions in a way that you see fit considering your various situations that you are dealing with.

Oh, by the way, your picture with your new handbag looks absolutely great!!!!

Thank you for keeping us all posted about your goings on in your life.   We are always here to offer our support.
Luv n Hugz ... back to you.
Danielle

[Katie Jade]

Thanks for the positive comments Danielle
New jacket arrived today so a couple of pics. Smelt like leather but also I know it isn't, or maybe not as my nose seems to be taking  me into new realms of sensitivity at the moment and is somewhat annoying (yes and chest is starting again ), probably have higher E with the next tests...
So a Pic or two



Sorry, tummy looks massive here rather than the just 'big that it is '... hate it

and then someone got a rear shot as well..



Will sort that out late but I like it anyway.

Maybe a busy few weeks visiting and making new friends I hope. Roll on September.

Luv n Hugz
Katie

[Northern Star Girl]

@Katie Jade
Dear Katie:
Wow, your new coat looks wonderful... and it appears that it will keep you nice and warm...
I love the length of it too.... keeps things down below much warmer for sure.
...you could even wear it in Alaska in the winter time.

Ahhhh... and your comment about your chest ... that is great news... no pain, no gain.

I like what you stated:
    "Maybe a busy few weeks visiting and making new friends I hope. Roll on September."

Thank you for keeping your thread updated...  I love following your journey and your progress.
Hugs and hugs and well wishes,
Danielle

Thanks for the positive comments Danielle
New jacket arrived today so a couple of pics. Smelt like leather but also I know it isn't, or maybe not as my nose seems to be taking  me into new realms of sensitivity at the moment and is somewhat annoying (yes and chest is starting again ), probably have higher E with the next tests...
So a Pic or two



Sorry, tummy looks massive here rather than the just 'big that it is '... hate it

and then someone got a rear shot as well..



Will sort that out late but I like it anyway.

Maybe a busy few weeks visiting and making new friends I hope. Roll on September.

Luv n Hugz
Katie

[Katie Jade]

OK something happened worth commenting on today.
I went to my first Pride, although missed the parade.  It was in Derby and they only have a smallish 'doo' there and its really just getting to its feet. As I work in Derby, and not fully out yet, especially at work, it was a bit of a risk, but whatever does it really matter in reality?
I had arranged to meet up with a couple of girls from one of the other FB groups I am associated with.
So went there all on my own, and we met up in the local gay pub on the street were the post parade events were, and  had a really good conflab. One of the girls works at Rolls Royce who have a massive presence in Derby, and we talked about all sorts of stuff. She wasn't aware that my Company, another large employer in Derby, didn't have a support group for LGBT+. She is very involved in the group at RR Derby and thinks I should start one at my firm. Its a good idea I think.
Anyway went to the RR stand for a bit and had a go with their VR headset that generated an image of a moving prop(?) shaft from one of their engines. I was impressed but we use that tech already, but with the gloves as well to virtually check access and assemblability of parts on our trains.
I got this pic taken just there;


There you go - picture proof!

Temperature was about 16C so wore my new jacket and one of my favourite dresses.

So went for lunch, stopping at Suds and Soda in Derby on the way. The girls having 1/2 pints of real ale, I, a diet coke as I was driving (Boooo). I think I will go back there some day for a proper drink as it was a really good bar.
Then across the road to The Distillery for a chicken burger and another drink. Absolutely gorgeous food there, well worth a visit if you are ever in Derby.

Anyway it started raining whilst we were in there so after eating we split, the girls going shopping and I went back to the stalls at Pride for a check out, my jacket hood being well up to protecting me from the remaining drizzle. Its a new sensation for me, that of cold rain hitting legs. I have had warm rain do that when holidaying in the Mediterranean area, but cold drizzle was new.

With my parking ticket running out I left for home. The party will go on into the very small hours. Lets see if I was spotted when I get back to work. Probably not. Next year I will be in that parade I'm sure.

So whats next? New Bathroom bits being delivered on the 11th, Laser on 14th, hopefully Davina's place on the 16th, bathroom fitted starting 17th, Nottingham Invasion on the 21st, and Birmingham on the 22nd. Im a busy girl at the moment....

Talking of which I need to cook, iron and clean for the rest of today, or until I get fed up with it that is... (that wont be long...)

Luv n Hugz


Katie

[Katie Jade]

OMG almost 8 months and nothings changed....

Luv n Hugz
Katie



( )

[KathyLauren]

Hi, Katie.  Congratulations on getting out to the Pride parade, and on taking a chance to be "out" in the town where you work.  Every step like that that you take is a step in the right direction.

[Northern Star Girl]

@Katie Jade
Dear Katie
Thanks for keeping us all updated regarding your Pride Parade activities....   continue to be brave and bold as you go out and about as Katie...

Yep... you posted a wonderful picture, so it really happened !!!!!

Hugs,
Danielle

[davina61]

As you may have seen I have been a busy girl and missed your post (do I have to get on my fridge?)  Looking good there , its great to get out (or OUT) and cant wait for Brum and next Sunday. Just hope you can make it.

[Katie Jade]

I still aim to make it. Im doing the Nottingham Invasion on the Friday so I hope in in a state to drive.... I should be as im limiting nights out to only a couple of drinks.

Luv n Hugz

Katie

[Katie Jade]

And next Sunday is a definite bar plagues and pestilence.. and of course getting lost (I just don't trust satnav now we are leaving the EU, they will send us all into the sea or something..)

H&K

KT



(New FB account so Im busy on there setting it up with all my groups and girl friends.. as well...  this takes up toooo much time..)

[Katie Jade]

So working from home today waiting for the bathroom suite delivery. So its Jeans and casual top (heating is on as its cool and damp outside).

Already done 2 international Skype teleconferences... all quite boring but necessary.
I think I need another expresso ...
TTFN

Luv n Hugz

Katie