Doctor/Therapist Disappointment

[Tatiana 79]

Hey Everyone,
I'm just sitting around waiting for my fourth appointment with my therapist at the big hospital in the big town around here. My psychiatrist and therapist I know are doing their best to try and help me treating the symptoms as best she can but now I am sure there is only one root problem that labeled me with many many psychological disorders. That really bothers me because I don't feel I have any, just a lot of misunderstanding by the medical community. I really think my case is simple compared to most being that I am almost certain my mother was exposed to DES while she was pregnant with me in 1961 and she was approaching age 50.
I was so messed up at age 45 it actually disabled me from working due to extreme insomnia that would last 4 or 5 days with zero sleep
Which doesn't work well in a very demanding job but I held on for almost a year but also stricken with all the other elements usually associated, especially crippling depression and self-esteem.
I recently talked to my psychiatrist with this new information and told her I need to start ASAP because I basically proved it to myself that it really works and ever since my fuse was lit or when I first started here I have sleeping much better  then I have in over a decade. Plus I've been doing more RLE than ever before but mostly on my own property, it's kind of funny because now my wife actually prefers me dressed as such because she says it makes me a little nicer and kinder, I too also prefer it, it feels a lot smoother than the canvas duffle bag sort of material I have always felt with men's clothes.

I was always kind of led to believe that my psychiatrist could take care of my symptoms of gender dysphoria but when I started asking more specific questions I was kind of was shocked but shouldn't be surprised because they have never dealt with anyone like me and had no idea of WPATH standards. And I don't really blame them they've never had a need before but I think they should get with modern times after all they're located in a modern American college town where cross information and new ideas you would think, flow freely.
for instance I know l will have to refill my yearly paperwork out and I know their forms, when someone puts gender in front of me like it'll be on the form I will certainly put F in the little box and if they question me about it but it'll only be the receptionist I will have to educate her on the difference of gender identity and physical sexuality and you need to get with the times and change your forms.
It's not like I'm looking for trouble or anything I would rather just remain silent but if pushed I won't hesitate to educate the receptionist with current ideas but it certainly will make for an interesting waiting room because it's likely to be full and I'm not holding back any thing now that my fuse is lit.

I thank God for meeting my first trans woman friend that went through the same system I am at now and said it's pretty useless even though she went through about 16 years ago.
She lives and works up here and is a advocate for human rights and wants to help people like me and she suggested a new doctor that I have an appointment for early next month.
She is a GP but has trans experience, but I'm hoping I don't have to go through the whole therapist thing again I don't even think there's any gender therapist up here at all. My older sister is a psychologist and has a lifetime experience and I talked to her a lot and I've also learned much from her, but I know this really wouldn't count.

I would appreciate any input whatsoever for this question

Do I have to go through this whole therapist thing again or is my new MD qualified to get me started ?

You know how doctors are it's not like I'm going to fake anything, but sometimes you have to make the symptoms quite apparent.
I know this probably doesn't sound like me but I'm thinking of going in for my first visit in new tighter jeans new Blacktop that certainly females will notice as female but I don't believe males will plus my wife really bought it for this occasion. Regular black loafers with no heel, hair left long but will use  one hair band to have one ponytail  coming out of the side and falling in front of me with a few loose dangles and just clear nail polish and nothing more.
I certainly would appreciate someone else's thoughts on this

Most sincerely  love Tatiana

[Michelle_P]

Tatiana, unfortunately we do find ourselves having to educate the professionals fairly often.  I had to do a bit of this with a generalist therapist early on.  Dropping the APA docs on trans care and the WPATH guidelines on your psychiatrist couldn't hurt.

If you are comfortable being more yourself in safe but not private environments, I would definitely start going to medical appointments as your authentic self.  If the jeans and top work for you then I would suggest wearing them.

Medical practitioners are pretty variable, but a GP with trans care experience sounds like a great start.  Many such doctors do 'informed consent', starting HRT after a visit or two, usually with pre-HRT labs and review. 

[Harley Quinn]

Some doctors abide informed consent. In which case, yes she may just prescribe you. Some doctors do not. The ones that don't will have a few therapists on speed dial that are cued in on trans issues. As far as attire... it is totally how you feel comfortable to see the doctor. The thing they'll notice more than clothing is your sincerity and mental state. Calm, cool, collected... express your thoughts and feelings with sincerity and that will get you the furthest. When you present the "or else" they get skittish. It doesnt show your resolve as much as it tells the doctor that you're a wild card.  The doctor has their reputation and medical license to worry about, they want to ensure that it's what you want and that you've thought it through. They usually worry most about malpractice because of the side effects of hormones. Other than that, be yourself. The doctors will understand if you don't wish to sit in their office in femme, if you're not ready for that. It took a bit for me to present to my doctors after being prescribed, and I had no issues.

[Tatiana 79]

Thank you very much
Both of you are truly lovely ladies as my wife pointed out and I would agree.
Definitely lovely both on the inside and on the outside. I really appreciate both of your honest opinions with words that I wanted to hear from highly experienced members like yourselfs, really mean a lot to this newbie.
Michelle I just got back from my appointment with my therapist at the big hospital where I've been going for about the last 10 years.  I think my general therapist there is wonderful but really has no experience with trans issues. She was very happy with the new me that she seen for the first time and we kinda broke down together it was just wonderful.
And I think you would really like my friend Marissa, she also is active with human and trans rights, I personally see nothing as noble as helping others out as you gals are doing.
And Harley your absolutely right if I don't dress natural
The doctor might get a little skiddish as you suggested.
I always believe in operating truthfully and sincerely and I'm sure I won't have any troubles getting that across. One thing I've learned here is that most of us really love to talk about it.
Thanks again ladies yours and everyones help here at Susans is super special and indespensible for this newbies growth.

A Super big high fives goes out to you both, love Tatiana

[Eryn T]

Hey, Tatiana!

I'm sorry to hear things didn't really seem to be going anywhere with your old/current therapist; despite them being nice people, as you say, get with the times!

I agree completely with Harley. I have very little experience with therapists(only 1 20minute session so far) but one thing they were trying to get an idea of who I was and they said, "You certainly present as female, to me." And since you said yourself that you are less likely to get upset and more cordial while wearing what you like, I think that honest goodness can only serve to help you with your new therapist.

I am glad you'll be getting a new therapist that is more in-tune to the concerns and issues around people like us! I'm sure others have had to go through the same stories, experiences, and trauma with multiple therapists and I really hope that you won't have to keep repeating yourself once you get to meet with your new one.

Also, it's really cool that you found a fellow gal pal in real life that you can talk to, and who supports you. That's awesome!

I wish you the best, and tell your wife, "Thank you!" for me! My wife is going through a lot right now with all this, and I've tried to show her Susans before(eve get here to join the SO board) but she seems confrontational about it. :/

[DawnOday]

Hi Tatyana. I'm Dawn and I have been working on finding new links and I have found most Google listings do not mention gender therapy. I don't know where you live but if you have a local support group it would go a long way in finding reliable resources for you. The support groups are fairly up to date, if you want to look there. Most also have groups for significant others. Good luck in finding the right therapist and doctors. Myself I have been very lucky and have had some outstanding assistance from Kaiser. But I am not looking for surgery, just hrt. I have been offered an orchiectomy but I have been on spiro for congestive heart failure for 30 years so my testosterone was quite low when I started HRT. I went to a Kaiser therapist, My doctor handles all the transgender cases that come through the local office. I was assigned a social worker to help with documentation, resources etc. and finally there is Emily my voice / culture coach who is one of my most trusted confidants. She is a blessing. Ok maybe not finally. I also have Nanci my electrologist who does quite a bit of work on Dr Bowers and Metzlers patients. She has been a great source for finding local resources. One big advantage is I don't live far from Seattle's Capital Hill and it's rainbow crosswalks.

[Tatiana 79]

Thanks so much Dawn and Eryn
I don't see this as a setback but a blessing. I met my first trans woman up here a little while ago that's very familiar with the local scene.
She suggested a new Trans friendly doctor to this area that I have an appointment in early June with.

I was told that if things go well with this doctor I should be walking out of there with something soon possibly firsrt or the second visit so things are really looking up for me. I was told they use informed consent there, so it shouldn't be long but I really don't understand the criteria exactly.
I'll be sure to keep you all informed thank you very much for taking your time out for me,deeply appreciated love Tatiana

[Harley Quinn]

And Harley your absolutely right if I don't dress natural
The doctor might get a little skiddish as you suggested.

You might have misread that, or I may have not expressed it properly.  Its not about the dress code.  Show up in anything that you feel comfortable and at ease in.  You want to be relaxed when discussing things with any doctor.  If you are nervous/anxious/uncomfortable, you'll have your guard up and it'll make it difficult to have a candid discussion with them.

The part about making doctors "Skittish" was referring to the "I must transition or I may harm myself" etc... approach.  Once you start in with the "or else something bad will happen" they begin to worry about your mental state to make an informed decision and rationally weigh the consequences of your decisions.  It inevitably makes the process longer in most cases.

[Tatiana 79]

Thanks again Harley
No there's not going to be any of that harm stuff whatsoever.
I feel competent to clearly and concisely explain my situation and symptoms. My very first trans friend here recommended her as trans-friendly and she really knows the scene up here and I will take her advice. I will keep my expectations low but I will expect  treatment eventually.
I also have 10 years of records from my psychiatrist that first diagnosised me with G.I.D. that I really don't like because it implies a mental disorder that I don't believe I have.
But now she calls it gender dysphoria
Which to me is a little better.
I got a little over a week to go I'll be sure and let you know what happened.

Thanks for your advice and concern
  Take care,   Tatiana

[pamelatransuk]

Hello Tatiana

I am so glad things are looking up in that you've found a doctor with trans experience.

My advice is simply be absolutely honest even if it is embarrassing to you, do not hide anything and provide as much background information as possible. In my opinion clothes mean nothing at this stage; you should dress in a way either m or f that makes you feel comfortable. Try to concentrate on relevant matters and try to conquer any nerves you have on the day. Strangely enough I was nervous beforehand but at ease when I first explained to my doctor.

I wish you the very best of luck.

Hugs

Pamela

[Tatiana 79]

Thanks so much Pamela
I'll definitely follow your advice I realize that clothes really mean nothing
I'm really looking forward to going in and telling her from start to present what's going on.  I'm really not embarrassed at all to spill my guts to her after all I really think my case is quite simple with my mom being exposed to the drug DES. It really doesn't matter now but it sure messed up my life pretty bad for a long time.
It's overwhelming the freedom I've already experienced bye using  RLE
Just on my own property but I am slowly dipping my toe in to my tiny community. Where I don't think I'll really have any trouble because they're already all my friends.
Thanks so much for the advice I'll definitely keep you informed.
take care hugs Tatiana