Ish hitting the fan

[randim]

*sigh* My actions have caught up to me. About 2 weeks ago I got drunk and shaved my legs when my wife was away. I was expecting immediate blowback but until today it didn't seem to matter. I thought she had noticed and processed it, but I guess not. She brought it up today and didn't like my answer. Really freaked. Threw wine in my face, called me names, slapped my legs. Interpreted it's as a hostile act towards her.  Tried to talk about it but didn't get far. Pretty clear she can tolerate some cross-dressing in private but nothing she can see. I embarrass her apparently

[Rachel]

I am sorry that happened to you.

It sounds like if you want to progress further there will be marriage issues.

If you do progress be careful for your safety. I came from an abusive relationship and it progressively got worse not better. 

[CarlyMcx]

I wouldn't stay married to someone who threw wine in my face or touched me in an angry manner.  Even my ex, who had a truly vile hair trigger temper, never did more than swinging her fists an inch from my nose (while swearing at me in three languages).  And we managed to stay civil to raise our two children in the years afterward.  Although it was never discussed, my suppressed femininity probably had a lot to do with my ex cheating on me and leaving me.  But she never actually hit me or threw anything on me.  And....After she left I found someone much better.

But it's your life.  I've been on hormones for two years, out everywhere but work for a year, out at work for two months, and FFS is later this year—and my wife of 17 years and I are still happily married.

You deserve to be loved for who you really are.  And just my opinion, but you should have zero tolerance for physical violence.

Hugs, Carly

[DawnOday]

Was in the same place when I first came out, but now my wife is back to telling me she loves me. She realizes the improvement HRT has made in me. I still try to avoid dressing in front of her out of respect. After all we have been together 35 years, She is my rock and has stuck with me through all kinds of crap. Drinking, drugs, infidelity, death of my parents. Through it all she has viewed my abilities as a father to be the saving grace. She could have tossed me. My first wife did after catching me crossdressing. So I told jo that I crossdressed before we got married and she never brought it up again and I continued to crossdress while she was at work. Two years ago I was having a breakdown and I finally sought out a gender therapist. Three visits later I was on HRT. Now almost 2 years. I am lucky in that my legs and body have never had much hair. I'm more worried not to get the makeup off.

[randim]

Thanks for the kind words. Bad night, chilly morning. We are talking some, but many of her words aren't kind. She is real transphobic. Not surprising for someone of her generation I guess, but it makes it a lot harder.  I don't know. We've been together 35 years, but it's not a strong marriage for all that. May be heading to separate bedrooms. God knows she has a right to be upset about the secrecy, but we've had a kind of don't ask, don't tell for many years. Guess she considers the body shaving telling. I just don,t know if can see me as some form of trans and still respect me. Hope so.

[Tatiana 79]

Hello Randim

I am very sorry after reading your story that this could happen after you guys have been together for 35 years.
But you really can't blame her at all this isn't exactly what she signed up for.
I think that if your love is strong enough that she can accept  the real you that comes from within.
But this is a big hope she obviously didn't agree with your freshly shaven legs that she seen.
After 35 years together she must know what your like and you guys must have a lot in common to have made it that long especially with the don't ask don't tell policy that she accepts, which actually is a positive thing it could be a lot worse.

I think if it was me I would definitely back off with everything until you guys have discussed it and came to terms.

best wishes for your future hope everything works out.                love Tatiana

[Donna]

My wife never got angry. She was hurt and felt disrespect but would never harm someone. She has done a huge job of supporting me and understanding we can live out our lives happier than with me being the way he was. My wife and I openly call ourselves  girlfriends, partners, soul mates and life companions oh and yes even bitches. We have become our own unique couple and we love it.