Hrt or not to hrt? Need your experience

[Curvybethannhope]

Hello all,

I am relatively new here.  I have been in therapy for the past 8 months and diagnosed with gender dysphoria.  Not 100% M2F trans but some gender fluid, at least that's the way I feel right now. 

I have been very blessed with a pretty good life, great wife and two wonderful daughters.  Good friends and job.  My wife knows and is supportive so far, but I don't feel the need to transition all the way to live 100% as a woman.  My "magic wand" scenario is to live with one foot in both worlds.   Boy mode at work and some socially, girl mode at home  and some socially.  I am very torn over if I should medically transition, specifically HRT.

My therapist has told me that HRT can help figure some of this out as some people feel so much better that they finally understand what they needed all along.  These are usually people that have a majority of body dysphoria.  For others the hormones don't do much for the dysphorial by themselves if the they suffer from more social dysphoria. 

I am trying to decide if I should start HRT and wanted to see what your experiences were with how you felt once you were on it.  Also, has anyone heard of people that HRT did not do much for their dysphoria.  Lastly, anyone live gender fluid with a foot in both worlds and how did HRT affect that?

Thanks for you help!

[Shellie Hart]

I am not the best qualified here. But my experience is somewhat similar as far as living in "both worlds." But for me, I am divorced with no kids.

I have always been on low dose HRT, but my body has reacted as if it were starving and has reacted quite suddenly and overtly, almost as if I was on high dose. Initially, for the first few months I felt great with estrogen running through me, but the physical changes for me are quite profound (can't really hide - I am male outside home, so I am now a dude with big boobs and round hips). Otherwise, it has calmed me down greatly. I know I am a contradiction. I grew up looking and acting female in a lot of ways, so I can't speak much about the dysphoria issue otherwise. Having kids would complicate things for me, I would think...

[JUJUPAIVA]

I am not the best qualified here. But my experience is somewhat similar as far as living in "both worlds." But for me, I am divorced with no kids.

I have always been on low dose HRT, but my body has reacted as if it were starving and has reacted quite suddenly and overtly, almost as if I was on high dose. Initially, for the first few months I felt great with estrogen running through me, but the physical changes for me are quite profound (can't really hide - I am male outside home, so I am now a dude with big boobs and round hips). Otherwise, it has calmed me down greatly. I know I am a contradiction. I grew up looking and acting female in a lot of ways, so I can't speak much about the dysphoria issue otherwise. Having kids would complicate things for me, I would think...

how do you manage this, living between woman and man? give me some advice or tips, like to hide our body and other changes


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[JoniComeLately]

I can't answer your question since I'm not on HRT, but I'm in pretty much the same place that you are. My dysphoria is primarily social, although I have feminized myself as much as possible. I'm still considering HRT, so I'll be very interested in what others have to say. Thank you for asking this question, and best of luck to you whatever you decide to do.


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[Shellie Hart]

how do you manage this, living between woman and man? give me some advice or tips, like to hide our body and other changes


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I don't think I really manage it. It's day to day and how I dress. Baggy shirts when I want to hide the most. Sometimes I don't care if I am far away from home. I let it show but otherwise keep to myself and my life at home. That's just me. Not for others....

[Northern Star Girl]

how do you manage this, living between woman and man? give me some advice or tips, like to hide our body and other changes


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@JUJUPAIVA
Hello JUJUPAIVA... WELCOME to Susan's Place.
I see you are new here, so I'll post some links that may help you get better acquainted with the site. Pay attention to the site rules they can be of great help and don't forget the link highlighted in RED.   It has answers to questions that are commonly asked.  Then join in on a topic you find interesting and learn and share.

Again, welcome.
Danielle

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[Devlyn]

I'm genderfluid, I've chosen a feminine presentation. The boy exists inside me, and  has to look like a girl. 

Hugs, Devlyn

[Northern Star Girl]

@JUJUPAIVA
Oh, by the way JUJUPAIVA so that the other members here on the Forums will know that you have become a member of Susan's Place please go to the Introductions Forum to introduce yourself and to briefly tell the other members here about yourself!   You will then have a better chance of getting the answers that you are looking for regarding your specific interests and you will be able to share with others as they share their experiences with you once they know that you have arrived.

Again, Welcome to Susan's Place,
Danielle

[KathyLauren]

Hello all,

I am relatively new here.  I have been in therapy for the past 8 months and diagnosed with gender dysphoria.  Not 100% M2F trans but some gender fluid, at least that's the way I feel right now. 

I have been very blessed with a pretty good life, great wife and two wonderful daughters.  Good friends and job.  My wife knows and is supportive so far, but I don't feel the need to transition all the way to live 100% as a woman.  My "magic wand" scenario is to live with one foot in both worlds.   Boy mode at work and some socially, girl mode at home  and some socially.  I am very torn over if I should medically transition, specifically HRT.

My therapist has told me that HRT can help figure some of this out as some people feel so much better that they finally understand what they needed all along.  These are usually people that have a majority of body dysphoria.  For others the hormones don't do much for the dysphorial by themselves if the they suffer from more social dysphoria. 

I am trying to decide if I should start HRT and wanted to see what your experiences were with how you felt once you were on it.  Also, has anyone heard of people that HRT did not do much for their dysphoria.  Lastly, anyone live gender fluid with a foot in both worlds and how did HRT affect that?

Thanks for you help!

Hi, Curvybethannhope!

Welcome to Susan's.  Sorry we missed welcoming you before this.

Whether or not to go on HRT is really something that only you can decide, in consultation with your therapist.  I felt mostly social dysphoria, and not so much body dysphoria.  But I am not sure that that tells you a lot. 

What I have learned, as a late transitioner (age 63 now) is that I survived by turning my feelings down to almost zero.  It made the dysphoria tolerable for 50 or 60 years, but it meant that I was mostly unaware of it.  So, had I used the low body dysphoria as a basis for planning my future, I might have just carried on for the rest of my life as my old male self.  It is only now that my social dysphoria is mostly a thing of the past that I am able to truly be aware of my body dysphoria.

I started HRT more than a year ago.  I didn't have any amazing "shazam!" moment, like some people experience.  Remember that my feelings were turned down to almost zero.  What I felt was calmness and rightness and self-confidence.

Part of my decision to start HRT was knowing that being able to transition socially was in part dependent on feminizing my body.  That worked well for me, and three months after starting HRT, I was showing enough development to look plausible with the right clothing.  At that point, I made my social transition.

If your goal is indeed to be gender fluid, then perhaps my experience is not too relevant.  But I saw some similarities in your post to my own feelings before I started.

Please feel free to stop by the Introductions forum to tell the members about yourself.  Here is some information that we like to share with new members:

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[Curvybethannhope]

I am not the best qualified here. But my experience is somewhat similar as far as living in "both worlds." But for me, I am divorced with no kids.

I have always been on low dose HRT, but my body has reacted as if it were starving and has reacted quite suddenly and overtly, almost as if I was on high dose. Initially, for the first few months I felt great with estrogen running through me, but the physical changes for me are quite profound (can't really hide - I am male outside home, so I am now a dude with big boobs and round hips). Otherwise, it has calmed me down greatly. I know I am a contradiction. I grew up looking and acting female in a lot of ways, so I can't speak much about the dysphoria issue otherwise. Having kids would complicate things for me, I would think...

Thanks for the reply!  Part of me hopes the physical changes will be small enough to not really be noticed when presenting boy mode, but enough to let me pass in female mode......another part of me wants HRT to feel so right that the internal struggle is resolved.

[Charlie Nicki]

I am trying to decide if I should start HRT and wanted to see what your experiences were with how you felt once you were on it.  Also, has anyone heard of people that HRT did not do much for their dysphoria.

Hi Curvybethannhope,

So my dysphoria was mostly social but a lot of it was relieved by HRT even while stile presenting as a man. It didn't feel "magical", like all of the sudden dysphoria wasn't there, but one day after some time on HRT I realized that I didn't think about my gender as much as I did before hormones. That was probably a chemical effect but also a psychological one: Just realizing that I was doing something and moving closer to the gender I identified as, made me feel a lot better.

Nowadays I'm mostly worried about what my next step will be, which is a great feeling cuz it's real! Before I was just worried fantasizing, hoping I magically transformed into a woman and then convincing myself that it would never happen. It was exhausting.

My advice for you is, give it a try. You can get on HRT for a few months, maybe 4 or 6 (there won't be any drastic or irreversible changes so soon) and then decide if you want to continue or if it's not for you.

[Curvybethannhope]

Hi, Curvybethannhope!

Welcome to Susan's.  Sorry we missed welcoming you before this.

Whether or not to go on HRT is really something that only you can decide, in consultation with your therapist.  I felt mostly social dysphoria, and not so much body dysphoria.  But I am not sure that that tells you a lot. 

What I have learned, as a late transitioner (age 63 now) is that I survived by turning my feelings down to almost zero.  It made the dysphoria tolerable for 50 or 60 years, but it meant that I was mostly unaware of it.  So, had I used the low body dysphoria as a basis for planning my future, I might have just carried on for the rest of my life as my old male self.  It is only now that my social dysphoria is mostly a thing of the past that I am able to truly be aware of my body dysphoria.

I started HRT more than a year ago.  I didn't have any amazing "shazam!" moment, like some people experience.  Remember that my feelings were turned down to almost zero.  What I felt was calmness and rightness and self-confidence.

Part of my decision to start HRT was knowing that being able to transition socially was in part dependent on feminizing my body.  That worked well for me, and three months after starting HRT, I was showing enough development to look plausible with the right clothing.  At that point, I made my social transition.

If your goal is indeed to be gender fluid, then perhaps my experience is not too relevant.  But I saw some similarities in your post to my own feelings before I started.

Please feel free to stop by the Introductions forum to tell the members about yourself.  Here is some information that we like to share with new members:

Things that you should read

Site Terms of Service & Rules to Live By	Standard Terms & Definitions	Post Ranks (including when you can upload an avatar)
Reputation rules	Cautionary Note	Photo, avatars, & signature images policy

thanks KathyLauren!   I am working closely with my therapist, just a tough decision.  I am most likely going to start HRT and see how I feel.  Your feeling of calmness, feeling right and confident are what I hope for, kind of like its diagnostic in how one reacts to it.  Hmmmmmmm?  Maybe it doesn't matter if we feeel better.

Being fluid is part due to the complexities of my life as much as still trying to find my female idetntity.  The dysphoria is there, sometimes raging in my head, but after 40 plus years of conforming to male norms, it's really difficult to know how much is learned behavior and self image versus what is truly me.  Despite a supporting wife, it's still a lonely place. 

Thanks!

[Curvybethannhope]

My advice for you is, give it a try. You can get on HRT for a few months, maybe 4 or 6 (there won't be any drastic or irreversible changes so soon) and then decide if you want to continue or if it's not for you.

Charlie Nicki,

Thanks, while therapists are not apt to tell you what to do, that is pretty much what she is saying. And part of me really wants to do it, but another part sees this as abondoning the life I have that I have worked so hard to build for me and my family.  I am sure I am not alone on that note.

[Charlie Nicki]

Charlie Nicki,

Thanks, while therapists are not apt to tell you what to do, that is pretty much what she is saying. And part of me really wants to do it, but another part sees this as abondoning the life I have that I have worked so hard to build for me and my family.  I am sure I am not alone on that note.

I don't think you're abandoning it, just giving it a little bit more color and sparkle

[Breeze 57]

I too was torn about going on HRT, but also felt I was coming apart at the seams and at the end of my rope.  So I made an appointment with my doctor and a month later I was on HRT.  By the way, I had talked with a therapist before the doctor's appt.

To say I feel better is an understatement.  I have been on it for 4 months now, not a great deal of time, but the mental relief is well worth it.  I agree with the others as I now have a calmness.  I'm still in male mode 24/7, and my wife has asked me if I still feel the need to dress.  I tell her the need is still there, but the urgency is greatly reduced.  I'm not sure I can explain this, but the "noise" in my head is gone and I'm more at peace.

There has been some slight physical changes (my hands are softer and my nipples hurt which is kind of cool), but I still look like the same old guy.  I want to go further, but the social price is so high (family, friends), so I'm not sure how exactly to proceed.  My wife has told me, and I agree with her, that if I start looking too feminine, I will have to leave.  The last thing I want to do is hurt and embarrass my wife, kids, and siblings.  But I've also told my wife, I will not go off of HRT and go back to feeling like I was.  The pre-HRT days were too mentally taxing.

Don't know if this helped and I wish I knew what the future held, but I do think HRT has saved my life.  I don't wish for death anymore.  PS:  I'm older too, 57.  You're never to old to take control of your life.

[Curvybethannhope]

I too was torn about going on HRT, but also felt I was coming apart at the seams and at the end of my rope.  So I made an appointment with my doctor and a month later I was on HRT.  By the way, I had talked with a therapist before the doctor's appt.

To say I feel better is an understatement.  I have been on it for 4 months now, not a great deal of time, but the mental relief is well worth it.  I agree with the others as I now have a calmness.  I'm still in male mode 24/7, and my wife has asked me if I still feel the need to dress.  I tell her the need is still there, but the urgency is greatly reduced.  I'm not sure I can explain this, but the "noise" in my head is gone and I'm more at peace.

There has been some slight physical changes (my hands are softer and my nipples hurt which is kind of cool), but I still look like the same old guy.  I want to go further, but the social price is so high (family, friends), so I'm not sure how exactly to proceed.  My wife has told me, and I agree with her, that if I start looking too feminine, I will have to leave.  The last thing I want to do is hurt and embarrass my wife, kids, and siblings.  But I've also told my wife, I will not go off of HRT and go back to feeling like I was.  The pre-HRT days were too mentally taxing.

Don't know if this helped and I wish I knew what the future held, but I do think HRT has saved my life.  I don't wish for death anymore.  PS:  I'm older too, 57.  You're never to old to take control of your life.

Very helpful, thank you!  I don't wish for death, just to stop yearning to be something......not what I am, I guess.  Unfortunatly I have very masculine features and build so I am not sure I will ever pass, so any step beyond HRT will be determined how much I change, mentally and physically. I am just afraid to through that metaphorical grenande in my life. 

[MissyMay2.0]

Hi Curvybethannhope,

So my dysphoria was mostly social but a lot of it was relieved by HRT even while stile presenting as a man. It didn't feel "magical", like all of the sudden dysphoria wasn't there, but one day after some time on HRT I realized that I didn't think about my gender as much as I did before hormones. That was probably a chemical effect but also a psychological one: Just realizing that I was doing something and moving closer to the gender I identified as, made me feel a lot better.

Nowadays I'm mostly worried about what my next step will be, which is a great feeling cuz it's real! Before I was just worried fantasizing, hoping I magically transformed into a woman and then convincing myself that it would never happen. It was exhausting.

My advice for you is, give it a try. You can get on HRT for a few months, maybe 4 or 6 (there won't be any drastic or irreversible changes so soon) and then decide if you want to continue or if it's not for you.

I read/heard that the effects might be reversible if one is on HRT for a very short time (I don't remember the length of time); but you really can't be sure, and everyone's physiology is different, so personally I would err on the side of caution if I wasn't absolutely sure I wanted to transition, and would not experiment, because unless one is fully understanding of the risks, and accepts that any and all changes may be permanent and irreversible even if HRT is stopped after a "short"(?) period of time, it could do more harm than good.

[Curvybethannhope]

I read/heard that the effects might be reversible if one is on HRT for a very short time (I don't remember the length of time); but you really can't be sure, and everyone's physiology is different, so personally I would err on the side of caution if I wasn't absolutely sure I wanted to transition, and would not experiment, because unless one is fully understanding of the risks, and accepts that any and all changes may be permanent and irreversible even if HRT is stopped after a "short"(?) period of time, it could do more harm than good.

Wise advice.  My apologies for not knowing your history as I am new here, if you have done HRT, would you mind sharing your experience? 

[MissyMay2.0]

Wise advice.  My apologies for not knowing your history as I am new here, if you have done HRT, would you mind sharing your experience?

Ok, here's a summary of my experience with HRT.  I first started transitioning in 1998, but due to family and work problems I had to stop ~3 months later (I accepted all of the risks, and the probability of irreversible changes from HRT when I started treatment, with the intent of never discontinuing treatment) during that time I noticed some skin softening, sore nipples, and ejaculation stopped. I started HRT again in 2002, and have not stopped. During HRT from 2002-2007, overall my skin got a lot softer, and my facial complexion changed, and became fairer and softer; I started storing some fat in typical female areas, which was good, but I developed some mild bat wings under my arms, and that was not so good😀; I only had minor breast development (A cup); I did not have any hair loss on my head before HRT, but I started with short hair, and my hair grew out very well and is very soft; I didn't have any body hair befor HRT, and I had a normal amount of arm and leg hair, which became very sparse and light colored after some time on HRT; I had minimal facial hair before HRT, and while HRT did not stop facial hair growth, it did slow it down; I had a deep voice before HRT, and HRT did not change it, but I achieved a female voice through voice training; there are some emotional changes since starting HRT, but I attribute that to just being able to be more open with my feelings since transitioning.  I had FFS in 2007, and other feminizing surgeries since then, so I don't know exactly what other changes I can attribute to HRT since then, but overall I look softer and more feminine. And I did not lose any height, and my shoe size stayed the same.

[Nikkimn]

In my experience once you live as your true identity it gets harder and harder to go back and live as the other identity and switching back and forth was mentally exhausting.


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