Did you have certain 'rules' for dating and/or sex ?

[Dennis]

Dunno, Kalt, I thought that was a very insightful comment. Except that rich people don't have more sex. They have it when they want to. And not when they don't. That's the difference that power makes, I think.

Dennis

[Nero]

Yeesh.  Use the plumbing you've got at the tiem.  If you don't trust whoever you're with to accept it, then you shouldn't be with that person.

While I'm comfortable with the plumbing I've got, for some with severe genital dysphoria, it is not about their sexual partner's feelings, but their own. For some, the wrongness and psychic pain from utilizing a body part that is not their own is unbearable. The pleasure is not worth the pain.

[kalt]

Yeesh.  Use the plumbing you've got at the tiem.  If you don't trust whoever you're with to accept it, then you shouldn't be with that person.

While I'm comfortable with the plumbing I've got, for some with severe genital dysphoria, it is not about their sexual partner's feelings, but their own. For some, the wrongness and psychic pain from utilizing a body part that is not their own is unbearable. The pleasure is not worth the pain.

The pain comes from a lack of self-acceptance.
You have to accept yourself, it's a choice.  It's a choice that could make the difference between a happy life and a wasted one.
When you accept that you are who you are right now, and this body is the one you've got right now, you need to get everything you can out of it otherwise you'll look back and see even dimmer spots of your life than you would if yuo had't.
Just because you accept it at the time, doesn't mean you become content with it.  Don't mistake what I'm saying here, I'm not saying, "try and be a dude cuz you are a dude."  I'm saying, "appreciate the male body, which is still a beautiful part of nature, for what it's worth until the winds blow differently.  Because, without the male sex, there really wouldn't be a female sex."  So, if you want to think of it this way, the more you act like a GUY, the more you're strengthening GENDER BASED STEREOTYPES, which means the more you're STRENGTHENING THE FEMALE ESTABLISTMENT IN SOCIETY, which means the more YOU'LL ENJOY BEING FEMALE when the time comes.
Well, maybe that's jsut me being highly imaginative:-p

Rawr.

[ravenx]

<<<<<<<Yeesh.  Use the plumbing you've got at the tiem.  If you don't trust whoever you're with to accept it, then you shouldn't be with that person.>>>>>

<<<<<<<While I'm comfortable with the plumbing I've got, for some with severe genital dysphoria, it is not about their sexual partner's feelings, but their own. For some, the wrongness and psychic pain from utilizing a body part that is not their own is unbearable. The pleasure is not worth the pain.>>>>>

       so it comes to a battle on if you can actually have sex pre-op or not. i kno doctors would frown apon it... but they really hav no problems of their own... so they start looking for them. It really just depends on the person...if you can deal with the serious dillema. i myself sortov change unexpectedly in my opinion. i started out really grossed out by the idea, and i couldnt imagine doing such in a relationship. "u wanna do WHAT?... EEEEWWWWWWW, no way!  but then i go out with very understanding people(i seem to only date friends, maybe just to screen my relationships), and they act very kind about it. some of my guy friends are a little hanzy and i cant blame them so much( cant blame myself for letting them, i really never had a relationship before transition and was sortov asking for it(of course not in the rape way)).
       i still wonder why they wanted to keep going... it seem b4 i had alot of emotional issues and would cry alot..almost on cue. but again... it was just me... and i felt very comfortable around them. and even though i sortov gave up trying...i still just had to try. and its great if ur into that kind of thing... but im not so much now. i got a girlfriend that says no sex til marriage... great, fine by me!

so standard rules for me apply...maybe not, probably not, give me some time to get comfortable, and/or wait til srs... ok so im working on it.

[LostInTime]

So much for the rules I set out. LOL

[Nero]

No current military members.
No ex-military members.
No one who is married unless their SO consents (and I get to sit down with him or her to hammer out expectations).
No federal employees of any kind, law enforcement or not.
No cops.
Not any mechanic I may want to hire in the future.
Love me, love my sidearm. No one who cannot stomach the fact that I have to carry.
No vanilla types.
No one who cannot keep up with me mentally and physically.
No one night stands.
No one who is emotionally distant, I cannot form good bonds with such individuals.

I set the pace that I wish to move at and not anyone else's.

Must accept the fact that I am emotionally high maintenance.

Must be willing to make me a part of their life. If you feel that I cannot attend company picnics, meet your family or friends, etc then I am not the right girl for you.

Dating does not equal automatic sex. Kinky play does not automatically equal sex.

3. They had to be kinky. I'm Domme not sub. I also did not want someone who was too submissive.

I am a Switch but I think once I settle with someone they will have to be Dominant and allow me to Top others from time to time. I do not think I could settle down in the Domme role for a perm relationship. Have to remember to add that to the list. 

If I may be so bold (and nosy ), which rules have flown out the window?

[Valentina]

I don't date.  Not until I have the surgery.  I don't want to get killed on the streets.  Here in Sofia, lads are mean if they know you're trans & they can get very violent.

[Ember Lewis]

I've never been with anyone except once and that was just a bit of kissing and pre HRT, relationships scared me. Now that I'm on HRT and transing I want to be in a relationship badly but I'm scared because I am pre-op, I just worry someone will find out I was not born a girl and dump me, I hate rejection. My only current rules are I'm looking for a relationship not a one night stand and we both need to be comfortably with something before we move forward "so no forcing anything". But I don't know much, I have only had a 1 month relationship in my entire life. I feel like I will have all the confidence in the world after SRS, but that could be awhile and I can't wait for love I'm tired of being alone and crying every time I see 2 people being intimate.

[Nero]

Is that you in your avatar?

[gothique11]

I've never been with anyone except once and that was just a bit of kissing and pre HRT, relationships scared me. Now that I'm on HRT and transing I want to be in a relationship badly but I'm scared because I am pre-op, I just worry someone will find out I was not born a girl and dump me, I hate rejection. My only current rules are I'm looking for a relationship not a one night stand and we both need to be comfortably with something before we move forward "so no forcing anything". But I don't know much, I have only had a 1 month relationship in my entire life. I feel like I will have all the confidence in the world after SRS, but that could be awhile and I can't wait for love I'm tired of being alone and crying every time I see 2 people being intimate.

***hugs*** awwww, that sucks, I hope you find that someone special.

And yes, Nero, that's her. Drop-dead gorgeous! That's why I keep trying to get her to move out here... Hehe  > 

[cindybc]

Hi Natelie, well now don't that sound like maybe a good plan. You and Jessica G together? The perfect couple "Hee, hee," Well I wouldn't exchange my Wing Walker for anything in the world. 

Cindy

[gothique11]

LOL She's not interested in me. She's really pretty and will find someone for her when the time is right.

Me, I'm just going to sit here and and hear my ex having sex with her new boyfriend and wonder why I ever agreed to live here even after we broke up. Not that I don't like my ex, she's still a friend. And her boyfriend is not just cute, but a decent guy, actually. So, I'm happy for them. But, yeah, it gets weird when I hear things... thus I'm getting to know my ipod a lot more these days. LOL

anyway, lets step back away from my personal drama. I live a weird life...

[cindybc]

Hi Natalie, well I do pray that everything turns out for the good for you and I believe it will.

Speaking of weird, I grew up with a double whammies of weirdness. I have got accustomed to it so that it don't don't bother me much anymore.  "Hee, hee, hee" I think it's kind of fun to see blank faces during conversations and have to go back and dummy it down for the members at meet-ups of a group I manage. I have another friend who is also kind of weird, hey, she's an actress, what can you expect. she works for the Star Gate production which is filmed here in Vancouver. She is also the manager and actress in Medieval reenactments.



I have decided to come out of hibernation and start socialising and getting involved in stuff again. I also have a date with another person next week, she could also be considered somewhat odd I suppose, Lots of odd people around, their not to hard to find.    It's also just a mater to now, depending how fast they can do the paper shuffling done for me to start doing volunteer work with Gender dysphoric. "Wow!" but I am a hi energy person just like you as well. "he, hee, hee!"

Thanks for the incentive, ya you whammied me with incentive.

Cindy 

[Kimberly]

This is easy.
Date, I must like them.
Kiss, I plan on keeping them.
Sex, better be wedding night.

I think, perhaps, I am old fashioned or something.
So far, never have made it past the kiss stage... >.> An that was middle school. lol

[Rachael]

yeesh.  Use the plumbing you've got at the time.  If you don't trust whoever you're with to accept it, then you shouldn't be with that person.

I don't know about you kalt, but at the moment, just seeing myself naked causes me severe pain and anguish... i'e sat in the shower crying because of my body. how can i be expected to USE that thing to have sex? I AM NOT A MAN, why would i use a penis? i don't want to sleep with girls, and i'm not gay, so why would i want to use it on a man? i don't want to be accepted for what i currently have parts of, but for what i am. and girls just don't have penises in my book...
If i ever did have sex with a man preop, that area would be entirely out of bounds, and sight somehow, i don't WANT to  have my partner accept part of me that is wrong, i just want to be normal, and its likely ill only ever go to that level of intimacy with a man once im complete.
As for dating:
obviously a 'no touchy' crotch rule, and IF i tell them, a  no offering to because they don't mind, I DO. pretty much anything else, is fair game i guess. This all works fine for me tbh, as im happy snuggling, kissing and cuddling at the moment, and it gives me more satisfaction to be in love than to get laid.
R

[Sabrina99]

If you ever call me a guy, you'll have genital surgery way before I do!

Love it!

As transwomen, we are particularly vulnerable to predatory men (and women), many of whom think TSs are easy. Or are just using us to "explore their kink." (especially pre-op) These men are readily available on the internet as it is the only way thay can meet transwomen. There are millions of ->-bleeped-<-s and relatively few of us, the supply greatly exceeds the demand. That is why it is very easy for transwomen to finance their surgeries by turning tricks.

Yes, and those who have left their families at a young age can easily find themselves drawn into the "escorting" business which gives them financial security and "acceptance" they never had before.

[Maria77]

i have been off the market for over a decade, but when I was going through a promiscuous period early in transition/going full time,, the random guys that I picked up at str8 bars didn't care, but also didn't want to see "it."  So those kinds of hook-ups were fun,and I never had to lay down the law: sexual roles were assumed and traditional.   Everyone wins.

The online guys-the ->-bleeped-<- types always claim that they want to "please you."  This generally meant they wanted to perform fellatio on me-the thought of which is enough to make me wretch.   "Pleasing" me, eh? 

So I was on this one adult hook-up site, because at that time I wasn't looking for a relationship, just the occasional hook-up.  My profile was very explicit about what my desires were.  I remember this one pretty hot dude shows up in a Mustang convertible.  After some small talk, he starts begging, almost whining to "see it."  Needless to say I immediately threw Mr. Mustang out.  Some of these ->-bleeped-<- type  guys are so pathetic about wanting to see that kind of junk, it's sad.  Basically they are juust terribly closeted gay men. 

[Jin]

No piss, no scat, no blood. No permanent marks. And always ask my wife for permission first.
"No" means "Maybe", "Pickles" means STOP NOW, I have had enough.

[SeptagonScars]

At this point in my transition (T, top op, no bottom op, and satisfied with that) no part of my body is off limits for partners. I'm gay and a total bottom, so penetration is something I definitely like. In both holes. I'm fine with being given oral as well.

My post-op nipples are not sensate, but it doesn't bother me if/when a partner gives attention to them, but I can't feel it when they do.

The only limit I have, in terms of me being trans, is don't call me a girl, she, woman, etc. Exception only granted if it's a genuine mistake.

I used to have more limits before though, cause of dysphoria, physical issues like vag atrophy and just general mental hang-ups. My vag was off limits for ten years before I suddenly started enjoying it again, and treated the atrophy. Before top surgery my chest was strictly off limits, but I was fine with showing it during sex.

Not related to me being trans is I have limits for some certain kinks that I'm not into, and that I'd never dom, cause I'm a total sub.

I've had boyfriends in the past, and was very sexual with them during those relationships. But I'm single now and not looking for a new relationship, so it's hookups for now. I have a high sex drive (thanks T) and am a very sexual person.

For hookups I actually don't mind ->-bleeped-<-s, cause I like being objectified and seen as kind of "exotic" for the way my body is/looks, and I like using my transness to my advantage. So if you have any annoying ->-bleeped-<-s you can't get rid of, send them my way!