HRT thread with a difference

[josie76]

Sylvia, I truly hope you two can find a balance in life where you remain together and can both be happy.

The sex thing, As E goes up it will tend to lower his body's production of T. If he is not taking any antiandrogens then it is likely to expect even on full dose E that he will remain as interested in sex as a cis female. Many doctors use the "normal female range" to determine hormone dosing. My endo for instance only increases E if T is still above the cis female range. Since I had an orchiectomy that no longer applies as my T should be nonexistent by now.

Since I had very low T reaction to begin with and a low T level when I started HRT, being on antiandrogen and E made my libido disappear. Erections did not happen for any reason. However starting progesterone changed that again. I do not get spontaneous erections but it does function when emotionally and physically stimulated with my spouse. We still struggle with our relationship in general but that can be traced to multiple issues from both of our pasts.

[Sylvia]

One month in. Not much has changed since last update. He has very painful boobs, too painful to use the pump so no more growth. One testicle has shrunk. No emotional or mental changes. Same as always.  He says he has moments when he feels 'at one' with it all, and also times of 'what the hell am I doing?'.
I've had a bad week. I'm watching the man I love, and continue to love, slowly disappearing. He doesn't know I've had a bad week, he just thinks I've been in a 'funny mood'. I don't want him to feel guilty about my struggling so I've kept things as upbeat as possible. I've cried a lot in private. I know that openness and honesty are really important, but then so is having a good family life and in that aspect, things have been good, I don't want to put a downer on things. I wouldn't want him to stop just to keep me happy, as it won't.
That's all for now.

[Devlyn]

Big hug! Communication is key, it's better to share that youre struggling. You're trying to find mutual happiness.

I really respect you for putting in the effort, rather than walking away.

Hugs, Devlyn

[Sylvia]

Thanks, Devlyn, I know you're right and I will try and talk - we haven't had much of a chance for any deep conversations lately.
I don't plan on going anywhere, but oh my gosh, it is SO hard to deal with. I wish I was stronger

[Faith]

Sylvia, you need to make time. I promised my wife and she did the same. Hold nothing back, get it out into the open so it can been worked on. No judgments or accusations, just express how we feel and what we're going through.

My wife and I go on walks together. Sometimes nothing said beyond normal conversations, other times it gets pretty deep. The walks give the time and opportunity to get it out.

[SadieBlake]

Sylvia, I think expectations are part of the problem however both transitioners and their partners want (and benefit from) knowing something of what others go through. It's hard to have this knowledge without letting it color our experiences. I do think nearly all of us transitioning experience quite a few sexual changes however nearly isn't everyone and so for instance I have a friend who's been on HRT for years and she experiences normal ejaculate volume and no problems with erections, where by comparison within a month of starting HRT my ejaculations first became clear and the reduced in to barely a drop or two.

I found that my emotional shifts were very internal and may not have been visible to others. I knew E was having an effect when I was watching a sexually suggestive and somewhat misogynist older comedy routine featuring Eddie Murphy and at first it was causing hard to control laughing which suddenly became uncontrolled sobbing. That was only 3 weeks into estrogen and I've experienced a few times since. Also my libido is a lot more tied to my emotions.

About feeling social friction about your partner being trans, my GF definitely has that. She hasn't told anyone at work or in her family that I'm trans. I'm not completely happy about that, however I know this basically would mean being out as being lesbian (bi/whatever) for her and how / where to be out is a very personal decision.

My mixed feelings on this are pretty strong. I've been out about being trans / queer in my personal life for so long, it's a bit hard to accept that my partner can't do that, also that she continues to use my deadname in those contexts feels pretty off.

[Dee Marshall]

I'm 56, on HRT, had my testicles removed, and I'm still capable of penetrative sex. It's not an inevitable loss.

Hugs, Devlyn

I'm 59, on HRT almost 4 years and I have more interest in sex than I did 4 years ago. We're not all the same but it does take a little while for us to settle down and to get used to our mood changes from before.

The spy who came in from the cold in the War Between the Sexes.

[Theirsforever01]

One month in. Not much has changed since last update. He has very painful boobs, too painful to use the pump so no more growth. One testicle has shrunk. No emotional or mental changes. Same as always.  He says he has moments when he feels 'at one' with it all, and also times of 'what the hell am I doing?'.
I've had a bad week. I'm watching the man I love, and continue to love, slowly disappearing. He doesn't know I've had a bad week, he just thinks I've been in a 'funny mood'. I don't want him to feel guilty about my struggling so I've kept things as upbeat as possible. I've cried a lot in private. I know that openness and honesty are really important, but then so is having a good family life and in that aspect, things have been good, I don't want to put a downer on things. I wouldn't want him to stop just to keep me happy, as it won't.
That's all for now.

This is gonna be a bit of a strange question, with the testicular shrinkage, does the scrotum shrink as well or does it just become a empty sac of skin? I know it's only just started but if you have any idea or see any hint of what will be.

[Devlyn]

This is gonna be a bit of a strange question, with the testicular shrinkage, does the scrotum shrink as well or does it just become a empty sac of skin? I know it's only just started but if you have any idea or see any hint of what will be.

I can offer my experience. My testicles have been completely removed and the skin has drawn up. On a cool day my scrotum is nearly flush to my body, and on warm days it resembles an overgrown version of that thing that dangles down at the back of your mouth. 

Hope this helps. 

Hugs, Devlyn

[Sylvia]

This is gonna be a bit of a strange question, with the testicular shrinkage, does the scrotum shrink as well or does it just become a empty sac of skin? I know it's only just started but if you have any idea or see any hint of what will be.

It's just the testicle inside that has shrunk, at the moment the scrotum is as it was. But it's only been a month.

[Sylvia]

Sylvia, you need to make time. I promised my wife and she did the same. Hold nothing back, get it out into the open so it can been worked on. No judgments or accusations, just express how we feel and what we're going through.

My wife and I go on walks together. Sometimes nothing said beyond normal conversations, other times it gets pretty deep. The walks give the time and opportunity to get it out.

Faith, although I haven't spoken you to before, I have been following your thread and I am completely in awe of your wife. I wish I could be as supportive and encouraging as she is. I wish I knew her secret. I am struggling so much, even though I want so much for my partner to be happy and to be who or what he needs to be. I know it really shouldn't matter what gender someone is or presents as, and I don't know WHY it matters so much to me. I'm a very liberal, free-thinking, non-religious, non-traditional person so I really SHOULD be ok with this. Why aren't I?

We actually went for a walk this morning. Not a very long one, but we didn't really talk much. We are communicating, kissing, cuddling a lot all the time, but we just haven't had the really deep 'tell me how you are feeling' type conversation for a long time. He's not a great talker - it's always me who has to instigate, encourage, ask questions etc. I sometimes think if I hadn't said anything in the first place, he'd still be happily, secretly, cross-dressing and nothing would happen. And my ignorance would be bliss.

Thanks for the help.

[Sylvia]

Sylvia, I think expectations are part of the problem however both transitioners and their partners want (and benefit from) knowing something of what others go through. It's hard to have this knowledge without letting it color our experiences. I do think nearly all of us transitioning experience quite a few sexual changes however nearly isn't everyone and so for instance I have a friend who's been on HRT for years and she experiences normal ejaculate volume and no problems with erections, where by comparison within a month of starting HRT my ejaculations first became clear and the reduced in to barely a drop or two.

I found that my emotional shifts were very internal and may not have been visible to others. I knew E was having an effect when I was watching a sexually suggestive and somewhat misogynist older comedy routine featuring Eddie Murphy and at first it was causing hard to control laughing which suddenly became uncontrolled sobbing. That was only 3 weeks into estrogen and I've experienced a few times since. Also my libido is a lot more tied to my emotions.

About feeling social friction about your partner being trans, my GF definitely has that. She hasn't told anyone at work or in her family that I'm trans. I'm not completely happy about that, however I know this basically would mean being out as being lesbian (bi/whatever) for her and how / where to be out is a very personal decision.

My mixed feelings on this are pretty strong. I've been out about being trans / queer in my personal life for so long, it's a bit hard to accept that my partner can't do that, also that she continues to use my deadname in those contexts feels pretty off.

Hi Sadie, thanks for your insight, as always, very thorough and thoughtful. As you know, my partner isn't out to ANYONE other than me and the clinic, and at the moment wants to keep it that way. I do sometimes think it would be easier if he did come out properly - then I would be able to talk to people, explain about it, defend him (from any transphobic opinions) and it would in a way validate everything.

Maybe the emotional changes are internal, but he says he really doesn't feel any different, apart from what I mentioned above. He is reacting (or over-reacting) as usual to life's irritations. He is being very loving and has become much more patient with the kids, but that all started to happen about 2 years ago, soon after I outed him and he didn't have to hide from me any more. I was actually hoping that the feeling of peace with oneself that I read about here so often would have started by now. He's always been quite emotional - he's never tried to 'man up' in any way, and has always cried quite easily. With no shame.

Oh well, we'll see how it goes.

[Donna]

Thanks for the post and best wishes to you both. It's goinf to be interesting to follow

Thank you

[Theirsforever01]

Hey Sylvia, anything new going on with your husband?

[Sylvia]

Hey Sylvia, anything new going on with your husband?

Nothing has really changed since my last update. Sex is still happening....

[Sylvia]

6 week update - and well, there really isn't anything much to say. Nothing else has changed. He had another few days of being HORRIBLE and grumpy and irritated with everything, shouting at me and the kids about the slightest little thing - this was exactly a month since the last time - could it be a version of PMT? Other than that, he is still pretty well the person he's always been. No great transformation...

Other than that, we're good. Just having a nice family summer, as usual. He looks the same as usual to the outside world and he seems pretty happy with that. We know we need to talk through things again soon, but neither of us wants to put any sort of downer on what is our 'happy time'. Not sure if I've mentioned before, but from August to May, he works away a lot and we have a very disjointed time as a couple and a family, so June and July is our annual 'normal' family time, and we are making the most of it. There are still things which are upsetting me a lot, and I still cry most days, but less so recently.

Sexually, we are still doing ok, thank heavens. I just wish his breasts and nipples weren't such a massively important part of our lovemaking. While I like making him happy and knowing how to turn him on, there are times when I find the breasts a real turn off too.

A question for those of you whose wives are with you. Do they now identify as lesbians? Are they happy having lesbian sex? This is still something I'm having a hard time getting my head round. I'm getting there, but I just can't think of myself as a lesbian. But I guess while he's still presenting male, I probably don't need to as I mostly think of him as a man still. Except in the bedroom....

[Dee Marshall]

My wife and I are still together but we haven't made love in almost four years. My breasts are a major turn off for her, and honestly we were having less sex even before I came out to her since my testosterone levels dropped gradually after I reached 40 even without HRT and her health was making her less interested.

This was actually a big part in my decision to go full time when I did. Presenting male for her was accomplishing nothing so why should I torture myself?

She most definitely doesn't identify as a lesbian although she does refer to me as her partner. It's very confusing.

The spy who came in from the cold in the War Between the Sexes.

[Faith]

Sylvia, I cannot help with anything sex related. Lori only did it for me and I lost most interest prior to HRT and right now I'm at no interest. Affection and cuddling and kissing .. that's always been good and now much improved. I'm rather surprised at how much my belly can knot up from a simple kiss or even a hug

I'll try to get Lori in here, or PM, to give some of her side of things. Trust me, it's been no cakewalk for her either. Supportive, yes, but not without her own struggles.

[Sylvia]

Thanks both. I hate to sound like some sort of nympho! Our sex life had diminished a lot over the years, which at our age is normal. We had a period of 2 years with no sex at all, and very little physical contact. I thought he didn't love me any more, but it was the time that the dysphoria first came to the fore and he was hiding his shaved body and painted toenails from me! It was a horrible time, when we barely communicated.
But since then, we have almost had a new beginning, and it's one of the big positives, it's like we are re-discovering each other again and learning a whole new way of love making. I don't want to lose that, as I said it's probably the ONLY positive for me in this, other than him being a nicer person too.

[Dee Marshall]

I'm so happy for you, Sylvia! I'm glad that you're seeing positive things. I hope, of course, that you'll come to believe that there are more positives than negatives, because we as a group need a cause for hope. But more, I hope that you and your spouse find peace with whatever outcome you ultimately reach.

The spy who came in from the cold in the War Between the Sexes.