Introduction, whoosh!

[Lunarite]

Hello! I am (apparently) Lunarite.
Hope to see you around over the next little while, but to give you something more than just a 'hello':

What I am:
I'm in the UK. I'm in my early 30s. I guess I'm she/her, though that doesn't happen IRL (yet).
Still horribly M, hoping to stealth my way to F if at all possible.

Where I'm at:
Last year I finally got myself on a waiting list.
Apart from that, the only thing I've actually done towards it all is get some laser done. Which is so frustratingly slow. Kind of looking forward to electro again, unpleasant as it is - at least it looks like something is happening!
I find myself in a horrible state of being madly impatient, but also panicked by it all. There's a whole lot to do, and it feels like there isn't any kind of remotely ideal timeline for doing it (other than, you know, travelling back in time and starting way earlier).
Like, hair transplant before growing hair out (proper boy-mode here, not looking forward to the awkward in-between lengths). Hormones before hair transplant. But I'm not sure how long I can be on hormones before changes start being noticeable, and there is no chance in hell I could hope to pass, and longer hair would maybe help mask a tiny bit. And this is just hair.
I've had a personal recommendation for private doctors, which would certainly cut down a great deal of the waiting compared to NHS. But I've been putting off making an appointment. Because it's huge. Because I'm afraid I'll say the wrong thing, or that I'll be told something I don't like. Because I'm worried about timescales (I've heard it's preferred to be full-time before even starting any treatment at all, which sounds mad). Because I'm weirdly afraid of jinxing everything.
It's hard to keep my brain straight around it all. When someone writes a one-size-fits-all perfect guidebook with step-by-step instructions, let me know. Transitioning for Dummies?
And now I find myself wondering what I can do now, how much I can prepare early on. The obvious answer is voice, I suppose. Even a little practice is surely better than none. But I'm (here's that word again) afraid I won't be able to change my voice. I am far from musical, after all. So I put off trying.

Why I'm here:
Because my goodness it's overwhelming and scary and lonely.
Because I could read everything on the internet and end up more confused and anxious.
Because I let stuff rattle around inside my head with no outlet, which is probably pretty unhealthy.
Because I doubt there's a single thing I've written so far that doesn't echo what a great number of other people (many of them here) have thought and felt before. And that's a good thing. I mean, gosh, yes, advice and help are good. And so is knowing that other people are in/have been in the same place.

Who I am:
Other than the whole trans thing, I mean.
I'm a complete geek (and that's fine!):
I'm into sci-fi/fantasy fiction. I've recently finished the first book of the Expanse, and I've just started The City and The City (already watched the TV series though!).
I like language/languages. I have started learning several others over the years. Never enough to speak well, and it fades over time. I'd like to return to (read: start again from scratch) learning German.
I make miniatures. Just don't ask about finishing them. That's not the fun bit anyway.
I think Batman's pretty good (as stories, not as a human being, goodness), but Batwoman is most definitely where it's at.
I spend my workday in front of a computer*, then a fair amount of my free time too. One day, I'll get back (see a pattern here?) to recreational programming, but concentrating on something so similar to my day job (albeit more rewarding) is usually too much!

So yeah, that's a brain dump for you. Hopefully I'll actually join in properly, work some stuff out, try to be vaguely human. Starting's the hard bit, I'm sure, and look, this is an introduction!
Look forward to speaking with you people.


* Am I living up to a stereotype here? I swear half the trans women I've heard of work in IT in one way or another, but it might well be observer bias.

[Northern Star Girl]

@Lunarite 
Hello Lunarite,   Thank you for writing your Introduction with interesting details about your life.   We are so glad that you found your way here to the Forums.
It is great to see that you have taken the step to become a member of Susan's Place and that you have shared your  introduction with us.   

Obviously you stated that have questions and concerns, this is the right place for you to be to find out what others have done that may have been in your circumstances.
 
Be aware that there are lots of members here that can identify with what you may be going through.

Please allow me to also WELCOME you to Susan's Place.  You will find this a safe and friendly place to share with others  and to read about others similar trials, tribulations, and successes.
It is nice that you had signed up so you can share with others and involve yourself with some give and take with other members.
When frustrated or if you have successes you can share it here if you wish and receive support from others and offer support to others. ....

***It's a very good chance that you might find that you will make some new friends here. 

Please come in and get involved at your own pace. 

Below, I posted Important LINKS that will tell you about Susan's Place.  Included there is information about the site that will help you navigate around and best utilize the features here.
Again, Welcome.
Danielle

Here are some links to the site rules and stuff that all new members should be familiar with:

Things that you should read

Site Terms of Service & Rules to Live By	Standard Terms & Definitions	Post Ranks (including when you can upload an avatar)	Cautionary Note
Reputation rules	News posting & quoting guidelines	Photo, avatars, & signature images policy	Membership Agreement

[V M]

Hi Lunarite 

Welcome to Susan's Place    Glad to have you here, join on in the fun

Hugs

V M

[Eryn T]

Hey, Lunarite!

Welcome to Susans, it's a pleasure to make your acquaintance!

I, too, am in my early 30s and MtF, and I agree it is lonely, let me tell you, finding and JOINING Susans has helped me tremendously with my transition! I am still very early on in my journey, and yeah it's a long, long road ahead for us!  Try not to rush things, but I think it's also good that you're trying to stay motivated while waiting, so you can help with some things that you can change.

In regards to working on your voice, there's a thread called Does my voice Pass Thread and you can submit your own sample there(when you're more confident, of course!): https://www.susans.org/forums/index.php/topic,126967.0.html

I have been seeing alot of girls doubting their voices, and that is pretty normal/natural for us all, but I made a video that hopefully might help you find courage with your voice!  I have only been working on my voice for 2 months, I could not sing, and I barely spoke...so, if I can do it, then I know you can do it!





I hope to see you around!

Much love,
Eryn

[Lunarite]

Hi Eryn,

Thanks for the words. The video is helpful, as is the prospect of an ongoing series, as I'm sure it will be to others. Like you say, other videos out there are women who are already pretty much there. While it's great to know what can be achieved, only seeing (hearing) the finished product also makes it daunting; underlines the distance I have to go.

You've already made a serious change to your pitch, which is heartening. Can I ask how long you spend practising/how often? I know more = better, but I feel for now I'm essentially limited to my own time. Still, I can talk to myself at home and in the car, and any time is better than none.

Also, weird question (to anyone who sees): Any helpful videos out there by British women to add to my list? Not that I intend to limit what I use, you understand. But one vocal feature that gets mentioned a whole lot is 'twang', and American English has so very much more of that in general. Along with a few other things, I feel that several gender differences in voice are themselves a bit different across the Atlantic. Lots is common, of course, so it'll all be helpful.

Thanks!

[Dena]

Also, weird question (to anyone who sees): Any helpful videos out there by British women to add to my list? Not that I intend to limit what I use, you understand. But one vocal feature that gets mentioned a whole lot is 'twang', and American English has so very much more of that in general. Along with a few other things, I feel that several gender differences in voice are themselves a bit different across the Atlantic. Lots is common, of course, so it'll all be helpful.

Welcome to Susan's Place Lunarite. It's much more complicated than that. In the U.S. we have regional accents. Often we can tell what part of the country somebody is from because of their accent. Among the more popular are the mid west, Texas, Southern, New England and New York. There is even a region in the Applalchians that is so isolated they retained the English accent they brought with them when they settled in this country.

The UK if anything has more regional accents than the United State. You may hear several accents in a single city and they could indicate the difference between an upper class neighborhood and a lower class neighborhood. My favorite UK accent is the one Jacqueline Bisset used in the movie Airport however that isn't the only great accent the UK has to offer. My advice to you would be learn the basics and then get sound clips of women you would like to sound like then work at emulating them.

[Devlyn]

An intro with sound effects!

I'm on the entertainment committee, have your people contact my people. 

Welcome to Susan's Place.

Hugs, Devlyn

[big kim]

Welcome from a Blackpool girl. 30 years ago I was in your position. Went full time 1991, op 94

[Megan.]

Hi Lunarite 😊.

I'm a UK (Bedfordshire) girl, who went full time just over a year ago. I've done the hair transplant thing, the weight loss thing, the awkward hair length at work thing; but it's worked out ok for me ☺️.

You can't say the wrong thing to the professionals, but be straight with them and honest, then you'll likely get the best and most appropriate treatment for you.

Good luck. X

[Eryn T]

Hi Eryn,

Thanks for the words. The video is helpful, as is the prospect of an ongoing series, as I'm sure it will be to others. Like you say, other videos out there are women who are already pretty much there. While it's great to know what can be achieved, only seeing (hearing) the finished product also makes it daunting; underlines the distance I have to go.

You've already made a serious change to your pitch, which is heartening. Can I ask how long you spend practising/how often? I know more = better, but I feel for now I'm essentially limited to my own time. Still, I can talk to myself at home and in the car, and any time is better than none.

@Lunarite
It brings me great joy that my video was encouraging for you! That was the whole point of it, as I'm not the best teacher out there lol

The only time I really practice/use my voice is while I am driving. I do drive alot for my work, so it equates to 60-90 minutes, 2-3 times daily.  But I have noticed several things like, really excess mucus on the throat, confidence, hydration, and energy. I have found energy to be quite a big component to the equation, too.

When I get to my different jobs, I did sing along to songs on the loud speaker early on, but then most stores stopped playing music or decided to play it very low and that made me upset, as I couldn't really use my voice.  Despite being unable to use my voice at work, I sometimes mumble under my breath or recite my poem in case someone approaches me with a question or something.  My throat gets very dry during work, though, and I often do not get an opportunity to take a drink for up to 4 hours; so it's disadvantageous of me to over use my voice then, anyway.

Here is my entire history on the Voice Pitch Analyzer that everyone uses:



I don't remember the exact dates and it doesn't let me pin-point them, so I marked them on the image.

The Day I recorded
I had been getting more confident in myself, but listened to a member of Susans who is no longer here. Her voice was so amazingly CIS it was insane, and having that juxtaposition was like friendly competition for me. To hear such high pitch, it pushed me to go higher.  Now, I can't maintain such a high pitch naturally, so I sit about where you see on here, but that's still above when I made the video lol

When I had a sore throat
So, I was preparing for the recording and kind of over-practiced my voice. Also I recorded that around 3am, then I had other stuff to do and was going to my therapist at 10(which is an hour drive) and used my voice for roughly 1hr straight without a drink, because I forgot to bring one inside.  In this long winded way, what I'm trying to say is, don't overuse your voice. (I know it's hard, when you really start to love it!)

Tired / Exhausted
I am constantly over-working myself. The day I recorded and then went to my therapy session, I possibly damaged my throat some as I had a sharp pain in a specific part on the left side only.  It took over a week to get over that sore throat, and when I finally got over it is where you see the high point after. So what is this dip? That was me trying to speak while tired.  If you are tired your voice will just not do what you expect it to, you can't do this while exhausted, so be very careful! That day, after I practiced, I just took a nap in my car in the parking lot to recover.

I really would like to share some of my earliest recordings but I think the problem is I was reading stuff that I personally made for my studio's game, and don't want to share that(and might actually be under a NDA to not share it, too). I also neglected to record myself as much as I should have.

Here is some stuff I just uploaded to SoundCloud:

This first one is when I was trying to not just use resonance, but change my pitch(I have the file saved with _with_pitch on the end of it for some reason on my PC lol)
https://soundcloud.com/user-455138761/voice-at-04-15-2018

This is a comparison between before I started to transition and then after, which coincidentally came 1 day after the recording I just posted lol
https://soundcloud.com/user-455138761/mtf-voice-before-transition-began-and-after-at-04-16-2018

And this is the latest recording that I have right now. From the 18th of June.
https://soundcloud.com/user-455138761/mtf-voice-at-06-18-2018


You must understand, I started even attempting to work on my voice a few days into April. So, April 16th, is like 2 weeks and it really isn't so terrible, eh?  I think there's a lot of growth that can happen in that time period, but without something to measure it against(like the app, your own recordings, or friendly competition) you may not be able to understand fully how to improve.

Also, one last thing, I do the swallow exercise and hold while at work as often as I remember to. And I think by doing that daily, all the time, I helped my neck muscles to be more flexible and stronger to be able to do this sort of thing.


I hope you found this information helpful, Luna!  Love you, gurl! 

[Lunarite]

The forums seem to be eating my posts - they seem successful, then are gone . Here's another try at this one.

Dena,
I realise 'American' and 'British' are pretty useless descriptors! I was perhaps thinking of the more generic forms of each. Me, I'm pretty close to accent-less BBC, just nowhere near as refined as that implies. Because I've no regional accent (and I know that's a matter of perspective), I've not got any better way of describing it than 'British'!
I was concerned that, in imitating other voices, I'd end up picking up too much of them, becoming less like me. I think the key is probably to make sure I find myself a good variety.
I'm not fond of my voice, gender aside, but I think trying to make other improvements to it at the same time only adds complications. One step at a time.

Eryn,
I've grabbed the app. Now to actually getting going with exercises and so forth.
I'm still not looking forward to the slowness of it all. I fear that I'll stall. But I need to step up the pace on many things, and any progress is better than none.