Positive Mindset... put away negativity

[Northern Star Girl]

Great quote by Caitlin Johnstone: "Nobody ever rose above themselves by the firm belief that they couldn't."


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@Mikaela    EXACTLY !!!  A quote that is a great addition to this thread...
Thank you for following and reading....
and thank you for posting.
Hugs,
Danielle

[Northern Star Girl]

Just because you have a positive mindset doesn't mean life is all roses. Right now my life could be pretty low. My wife will leave me (or I her - thats yet to be decided), work is trying to find ways to get rid of me due to me being trans and the tbh the distraction of transition. Money is pretty tight, and my children are struggling to come to terms with it all. Nine months ago I was a hair away from suicide, and SRS is something that isn't covered by insurance or even available in New Zealand. These are pretty big issues, but I still call them opportunities. All that could easily point to "my life is terrible"

BUT, they can also be looked at in another way. My wife leaving gives us both an opportunity to live happier lives, I need to up my game at work so the pressure only makes it easier to improve, money will improve with time, I just have to be patient, suicidal impulses pushed me to transition which got me out of a pit of misery, SRS is available in other countries and after we sell the house I can make it happen.

I could go on. I'm too tall, I 'only' managed to grow c cup breasts so far (small on six foot two), my waist isn't really narrow enough, I have a receded hairline and quite thin hair, oh yeah, its taking a long time to get rid of facial hair. Some of those I can't change, some I can. BUT, why would I find a problem for every solution when I can do the opposite?

Life isn't perfect, I don't want it to be. That would be boring. Its a waste of opportunity however to wallow in the negative. Years and years ago when I was super depressed I ran into an interesting concept in a self help book of all things. In a nutshell it said;

The past is the past learn from it
The future isn't set, dream about it
Live in the moment and be present.


Because if you focus on right now, and what you can do in this moment keeping in mind previous 'mistakes' and have a vision of the future you want it can come true. The only person who has the power to really change your life is... you. You can choose the status quo (easy) or you can choose the painful reality that change comes from inside and it has a price. often a high one. I for one am willing to face the pain, pay the price, and make my life better.

Call that setting up for failure (there there will be plenty more) some might choose to call it over reaching (entirely possible!) I call it a life worth living.

@krobinson103:   
Dear Krobinson:  Upon reading your posting I was planning to reduce much of what you said to a few salient points that I planned to comment on......   however I quoted your reply post IN FULL......  I carefully highlighted key things that you stated that certainly epitomize and so clearly represent what I intended this thread to embody.

It is an encouragement to me to see that in the face of all the difficulties that are coming into your life that you are finding ways to cope, to find solutions and to not give up.  You are definitely following and practicing the
famous Winston Churchill quote that I am so fond of quoting all though my various posts.
   "A Pessimist sees Difficulty in every Opportunity
      An Optimist sees Opportunity in every Difficulty"

I really appreciate reading about your determination, willpower, optimism and your "Positive Mindset" regarding all of the difficult life issues that you are facing.

Thank you for opening up your life and for sharing here... exactly what this thread needs. 
Please continue to keep all of your followers of your "A totally awesome day" thread updated.

Wishing your well...
Hugs,
Danielle

[Allison S]

[emoji28] I have nothing to add but thought I'd drop in anyway

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[Northern Star Girl]

[emoji28] I have nothing to add but thought I'd drop in anyway

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@Allison S
Dear Allison:  Sometimes it is just nice to follow and read the comments on threads that you are following... no need to make comments, but they are always most welcome. 
Please check in again soon... you never know who will post what on here!!!!

Thank you stopping by.

Hugs,
Danielle

[Katie Jade]

Hi Everybody

This is such good reading and makes me ponder a lot of the negative things in my life at the moment.

Taking succour from the many pearls of earned wisdom in this thread, upon reflection I find that my issues needn't be negative, and its as if I'm holding onto them in this manner for some (stupid) reason.
So I have confronted my pride and such like with regards to my brothers, and I am meeting them tomorrow, to not only sort out how we will look after my parents in the future, (and I will want a big part in that despite living some distance from them) but also to offer a big free olive branch to them and not be as arrogant with them as I have been.
I'm not the same person any more that caused the argument, and I need for them to see that and to accept me as the person I am becoming.
I realise I have so much baggage from thinking male for so long.
Well that's me - ill post this in my thread as well anyway.
Take care
Hugz
Katie

[Northern Star Girl]

Hi Everybody

This is such good reading and makes me ponder a lot of the negative things in my life at the moment.

Taking succour from the many pearls of earned wisdom in this thread, upon reflection I find that my issues needn't be negative, and its as if I'm holding onto them in this manner for some (stupid) reason.
So I have confronted my pride and such like with regards to my brothers, and I am meeting them tomorrow, to not only sort out how we will look after my parents in the future, (and I will want a big part in that despite living some distance from them) but also to offer a big free olive branch to them and not be as arrogant with them as I have been.
I'm not the same person any more that caused the argument, and I need for them to see that and to accept me as the person I am becoming.
I realise I have so much baggage from thinking male for so long.
Well that's me - ill post this in my thread as well anyway.
Take care
Hugz
Katie

@Katie Again
Thank you Katie for posting your heartfelt thoughts this morning.  I agree with what you stated: "This is such good reading and makes me ponder a lot of the negative things in my life at the moment."

Even though I started the thread with a flurry of my own thoughts about what I want this thread to entail, it is the followers and readers like yourself that have supplemented and shared your own understanding of what it means to have a positive outlook on life. 

Most certainly we all will have negativity in our life and we at times will display negativity... but the real key to living a gratifying and happy life is to turn those negative views into positive changes.  That is where we put into action of
seeing Opportunities in our Difficulties... instead of seeing Difficulties in our Opportunities.... 
(obviously in reference the the Winston Churchill quote that I am so fond of.)

I still find myself coming here frequently to read the many submissions and thoughts to get encouraged and energized to conquer the next life challenge that has come my way.

The good news for you, as you stated that you have confronted your pride and you are not the same person as before and that you need acceptance from your siblings.   Also you, like all of us that are on our own journeys do indeed, as you stated, I have so much baggage from thinking male for so long.

It is time for all of us to dump that baggage and move on to be the new person that we endeavor to be.
Thus, back to the subject of this thread...
"Positive mindset... put away negativity"

Thank you for sharing your thoughts this morning.
I am so glad that you have felt free to posting them here.
I will be looking for more submissions from you ... thanks again.

Hugs,
Danielle

[Jayne01]

Hi Danielle,

Thank you once again for creating this thread. I think a lot about this thread and use its theme to help me through rough times.

The past few days have been difficult for me. My wife is still struggling with me being trans. Since I came out to her three years ago, I still have not received a single compliment from her about anything at all relating to me being trans. I haven't even got a "you look nice" after trying very hard to dress myself in a feminine way. I don't even dress that feminine, I am keeping it a little androgynous for her sake. This is all taking a toll on my state of mind. It is so hard to keep a positive outlook when I am constantly met with negativity.

Last night I cried myself to sleep yet again. When I woke up I was met with a cool, if not cold, reception. Not what I would call a good start to the day. My wife was getting herself ready for work, and I readied myself to go to an electrolysis session. While I was getting ready, my mood was deteriorating and I was feeling worse and worse about myself. That is when I started thinking about this thread. I stopped myself from perpetuating my negative thoughts and thinking of all that is wrong with my life and instead start thinking about what is right. I have so much to be grateful for. I love my wife very much and I know she loves me. Her negative attitude is part of her grieving process, she does not mean to hurt me. My mood immediately started lifting and I was thinking positively again.

This is a very hard road we are traveling. If we dwell on negative moods every time something doesn't go smoothly, it doesn't leave a lot of time for happiness, which defeats the whole reason for transitioning in the first place. Some people have a tougher road to travel than others which requires a little more effort to remain positive, but it can be done.

Even as I write this post, I am feeling better than I was 10 minutes ago. This is one of my favourite threads on the whole forum.

There is a positive mindset inside all of us if we look for it.

Hugs,
Jayne

[Northern Star Girl]

Wow...  all of my readers and followers are replying with really good stuff.  All of our experiences and sharing combined are making this thread a "must read" for anyone that is going through life's difficulties.

Here is a very relevant and helpful thought that I want to add to this thread:
Your happiness has everything to do with YOUR attitude and has NOTHING to do with your circumstances.  No one and no  thing can make you feel angry, sad or depressed...  YOU HAVE FULL CONTROL over how you feel.
888I know, know, easier said than done especially when life deals us a hit below the belt.
-  -  -  -  -  -  -  -  -  -  -  -

***Thanks @Jayne01 for commenting and following this thread. 
Your reply #87 prompted me to post my "relevant and helpful" thought above for you... and other readers of course.
....please @Jayne01 keep posting your thoughts and your transition story here and on your personal thread as you have been doing... and of course other threads too...  your followers want to know!!!!

Hugs to all,
Danielle

[Katie Jade]

color=blue]Your happiness has everything to do with YOUR attitude and has NOTHING to do with your circumstances.  No one and no  thing can make you feel angry, sad or depressed...  YOU HAVE FULL CONTROL over how you feel.[/color]

Danielle
Thanks for your comments on my posts, nice to have feedback.   

Your quote above is so core to our personal wellbeing, it should be a veritable mantra for us all. Difficulties come and go, so be positive and whatever happens, a new day will dawn, again and again and again, each full of opportunities. Make the most of them, search them out and live life to the full.

Anyway I'm tired, been painting house for 12 hours solid with little nourishment, ex-wife (best friend) came round and ironed some work clothes for me for tomorrow, bless. She is such an angel sometimes.

Hugz

Katie

[Allison S]

You're right Danielle, but moods do change and it's human. They even tie with a lot of creativity and art.
I think you have a very go getter, business woman mentality which is great. Yes, being positive and sharing that energy usually does result in the same being returned. Also, it does help in gaining achievements and maybe popularity.
I guess I'm realistic, I know I live in a cloudy  world and when it shines, it's not so bad. [emoji4]

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[Northern Star Girl]

You're right Danielle, but moods do change and it's human. They even tie with a lot of creativity and art.
I think you have a very go getter, business woman mentality which is great. Yes, being positive and sharing that energy usually does result in the same being returned. Also, it does help in gaining achievements and maybe popularity.
I guess I'm realistic, I know I live in a cloudy  world and when it shines, it's not so bad. [emoji4]

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@Allison S 
Dear Allison:  Keep following and reading this thread and perhaps in the near future your world will become less cloudy and will turn out to be quite good for you!!!
Thank you for your comment ... your replies are always very welcome.   
Please keep reading and posting on the Forums.
Hugs,
Danielle

[Katie Jade]

I guess I'm realistic, I know I live in a cloudy  world and when it shines, it's not so bad. [emoji4]

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Very true but should read the other way round - its a shiny world and there are clouds sometimes but we know it will be shiny again soon. We just help them get out of the way.

To illustrate this point, I have been trying to get agreement with my brothers about telling my parents that I'm their daughter etc etc. We had the meeting tonight as in a previous post from me, and we sorted out power of attorney blah blah blah to look after my parents and what their new 'Will' entailed. All nice and caring stuff and we all agreed on sharing all the responsibility with veto over financial actions.
Then at the end they cleared the table of coffee cups plates etc, which surprised me as they aren't domestically minded... and told me that as Mum and Dad were concerned about me and my recent erratic behaviour (I can admit I have been gently stirring things slowly to get progress on telling M&D), they had decided to act without me there (As they didn't know how I would react) and gently went through everything I had told them about my 50 years of denial, self abuse, alcohol, stealing, suicide attempts GD etc and gave them more info off the web as well. Surprisingly to me my Mum said she wasn't surprised, Dad took it in but wasn't particularly happy (he's too old school) but it seems one parent is on my side at least. Dad wouldn't take  calls from me to wish him happy Fathers day last weekend, now I know why.
I cried in the pub for about 30 minutes, although a bit upset they didn't tell me, I could understand why. OMG, the millstone around my neck suddenly got so very much lighter. They have also told my nephews and nieces, all of which twigged very quickly and were OK with it all especially the girls.
So, I should have trusted those that love me more and not be so wary of asking for help, in this case it was given without my consent but Im OK with that fully, in these circumstances. Mum wants to come down and see me very soon and they (one brother or another) will bring her in a few weeks.

So, for this thread, it seems that for me I need to be more accepting and trusting and not to expect the worst outcome always. If it happens it happens and you deal with it, but go for it with a smile (I did a lot of that between the sobs) and people will warm to you.

My brothers didn't know what to expect (hence clearing table) but it seems a possibility was for me to be angry at them, I told them I'm not like that any more. Mind you I did sit there and watch them both eat enormous charred Gammon steaks 2 eggs and chips (still a favourite of mine..), which was annoying as I had already had my lean chicken breast salad at home, and I was crying and salivating at the same time - not a pretty sight - but I did refuse several offers of chips (French Fries) as I really am going to loose weight this time.

So posting this on my thread as well, but I am realising that those negative thoughts about how people will react are just thoughts, and should be let go, people can and usually do respond in wonderful ways to help us.

Enough from me anyway (excuse spelling as I'm still blowing nose...)
Hugz
Katie

[Northern Star Girl]

@Katie Again
Dear Katie: Thanks for your wonderfully composed reply post that was not only instructive to read but also encouraging at the same time.   
Thank you very much for your reply post here on my thread and thank you for being a regular reader.
Hugs,
Danielle

[Sephirah]

This is a good idea for a thread.

The only thing I really have to offer is to say that the most negative thing we ever have in our lives is ourselves. No matter what happens to us. No matter how people are, how the world is, however bleak things may look... the most negative thing we can ever have in our lives is our outlook on it. Our own mind is a bigger prison than anything the world can impose upon us.

Thankfully it's also one of the few things we can change. It's one of the few things we have control over. But like ripples in a pond, changing that one thing, can change everything else.

The only time hope is lost is when you stop thinking it's worth looking for.

[Jayne01]

Sephirah, I love your attitude. Everything you said is so true! Even when your mind is already thinking positively, reinforcing that mindset by reading a thread such as this one creates a very robust outlook towards life.

Hugs,
Jayne

[Northern Star Girl]

Dear Readers and Followers of my thread:

Each and every day, we may have a choice to make regarding pain:
The pain of discipline or the pain of regret.

Something we may try to avoid, Discipline is tough and takes will power and determination.
But in life, sometimes short-term pain is often the best path to long-term gain.
We are either ready for the challenges of life or we will be haunted
by the "if onlys" ... "what ifs" .. and   "I should haves"  ... THAT is the PAIN of REGRET

Regret is defined as and emotional an intelligent dislike for personal past acts,
and behaviors and for our own inaction.
It is very painful to look back at our choices viewing our regret and feel the weight of our failures.

As the old saying goes:  It is better to have tried and failed then to have never tried.

Thanks for coming back to my thread and reading what I have to say.
Hugs,
Danielle

[Northern Star Girl]

Even as hard as we try to be a positive minded person and to not be a negative thinker we will still make mistakes... if not careful we will not go on to seek the positive results that come from learning from the mistakes that we make.

                                   ABOUT MISTAKES

            The greatest of all faults is to imagine that you have made none.

            Things could be worse - suppose your mistakes and errors
                Were published every day like those of Baseball Players?

            An old saying:  Erasers are for people who make errors.
                A better expression is: Erasers are for people who are willing to correct their mistakes.

            Learn from our mistakes ... and learn from the mistakes of others. 
               We won't live long enough to make them all ourselves.

            The person that will never admit that they were wrong is really saying
               That they are no smarter not than they used to be.

            To make mistakes is Human, to repeat old mistakes is stupid.

            The main difference between the wise person and a foolish person is
               That a fool's mistakes never teach them anything.

            A mistake, if understood, is but a step toward wisdom.
                     
                                              -Danielle

[krobinson103]

Dear Readers and Followers of my thread:

Each and every day, we may have a choice to make regarding pain:
The pain of discipline or the pain of regret.

Something we may try to avoid, Discipline is tough and takes will power and determination.
But in life, sometimes short-term pain is often the best path to long-term gain.
We are either ready for the challenges of life or we will be haunted
by the "if onlys" ... "what ifs" .. and   "I should haves"  ... THAT is the PAIN of REGRET

Regret is defined as and emotional an intelligent dislike for personal past acts,
and behaviors and for our own inaction.
It is very painful to look back at our choices viewing our regret and feel the weight of our failures.

As the old saying goes:  It is better to have tried and failed then to have never tried.

Thanks for coming back to my thread and reading what I have to say.
Hugs,
Danielle

I agree with this one. The only regret about transition I have is not doing it earlier.

[Jayne01]

I also agree. Mistakes are inevitable. Everyone makes mistakes. How we deal with the mistakes we make is what makes the difference between a positive and negative mindset. An argument could be made that mistakes are not mistakes, rather they are another way of learning and bettering ourselves.

Hugs,
Jayne

[Perry]

Something I've carried with me for a very longtime :

Don't be too critical of a mistake, it is evidence that you at least tried to do something.


Perry