Mom not wanting to intrude

[familyfarm]

Hi, my son gave me permission and referred me to use this site as I feel it's difficult to help or advise him without asking anyone. My son is a very, very handsome 20 year old young man. I am more proud then I can say of him and have a lot of reasons to be. He just celebrated his 20th birthday and, more delighted then I can say, he officially had his day in court for his name change literally the same weekend! After years of having gone through this transision (at 13, my husband and I were told he needed our help) and some pretty hard times living where we used to live in the south before finally being able to relocate to here in NY, he is now officially Matteo Angelo. He even involved us in the choice but ended up touching us by choosing my husband's middle name and my husband's father's name whom passed away.

So, he transitioned when we were living in my husband's country. We tried a lot of resources there in Rome and had help with other needs from California through shipments, etc. We were there a few years and he was very happy. Rome had many lgbtq resources, parades and events, etc. Went to as many as we could.

We decided to move back to the US as a family after having been overseas some years and moved to Ocala area Fl 5 years ago. It was a hellish nightmare for my son. My ex-husband's family (he has been out of our lives for his lifetime as were they) began sending threatening messages, bible quotes from their relatives, etc on facebook and then travelled to our new home the week we were back and causing the most upsetting scene threatening and going at him. Police didn't care but were horrible to us in future consistent bullying in the school and from neighbors, etc. I don't want to go on about this because it only got worse for him and the area was extremely political.

He ended up trying to commit suicide in Feb of 2016. Ended up being sent in handcuffs to a local mental facility just after being treated and throwing up all day at the hospital until my husband and I creating a lot of scenes and got an advocate from Orlando whom was familiar with the facility to get him out.

So hurricane Irma came and was our lifesaver. We had already given notice to try to plan on relocation to a better place but the hurricane pushed that along. We have been in NY state where my son's life has been amazing and our life is wonderful for that.

Planned parenthood in Ithaca (about an hour and half away) has given him a whole new life in the last 8 months of treatments he's been having and now. Yay; he is officially ready to begin work at the place my husband works at whom got him a position with a new name, new confidence and some plans.

He's been working hard going to his ged classes that he rides his bike to and has been waiting to test the last ones until his name change for obvious reasons. We did tell him to maybe test and go to college but he wants to get his top surgery faster then when we can afford it for him and he wants to help out with his other treatments. Yep, that's our guy!

Actually I went on here to get options for local surgeries as there seems to be some resources for this area here. He has a goal plan he is setting up but was talking to us today about where he should start looking and what he should save. The job my husband got him starts at around $400 a week and we pay his health insurance as well as his living costs so we told him to put every penny he could towards it. He's pretty excited. He wants to go swimming :-).

These are our pics from his day at court and his win for his new name (piece of cake!). Now just getting documents and totally past this.

[https://imgur.com/JGvHubC] 
[https://imgur.com/CKPF9Xb] 
[https://imgur.com/h3He6O1]

Hope I did these right. Very happy to be here on the forum.

[Northern Star Girl]

@familyfarm 
Hello familyfarm,   Wow, way to go mom....  you are to be commended for supporting your son in the way that you are.
It is great to see that you have taken the step to become a member of Susan's Place and that you have shared your  introduction with us.   
You  have clearly stated your questions and concerns, this is the right place for you to be to find out what others have done that may have been in your circumstances.
 
Be aware that there are lots of members here that can identify with what you may be going through and in particular what your son is going through.
If your 20 year old son is not already a member of Susan's Place it might be good if you suggest joining. 

Please allow me to WELCOME you to Susan's Place.  You will find this a safe and friendly place to share with others and to read about others similar trials, tribulations, and successes.
It is nice that you had signed up so you can share with others and involve yourself with some give and take with other members dealing with the same issues that you and your son are.
When frustrated or if you have successes you can share it here if you wish and receive support from others and offer support to others. ....

***It's a very good chance that you and your son might find that you both will make some new friends here. 

Please come in and get involved at your own pace. 

Below, I posted Important LINKS that will tell you about Susan's Place.  Included there is information about the site that will help you navigate around and best utilize the features here.
Again, Welcome.
Danielle

Here are some links to the site rules and stuff that all new members should be familiar with:

Things that you should read

Site Terms of Service & Rules to Live By	Standard Terms & Definitions	Post Ranks (including when you can upload an avatar)	Cautionary Note
Reputation rules	News posting & quoting guidelines	Photo, avatars, & signature images policy	Membership Agreement

[familyfarm]

Thank you very much. I absolutely will read these guidelines; I am really learning how to navigate this with Matt's help.

I asked Matt if he was registered and he said no but I can ask him to. He is usually on his phone a lot and uses these new things to talk that we're not so used to but says he has some friends all over that he talks to. I know one he uses is instagram and he does talk about a few that have stayed with him, even in Fl when it was difficult but we are really trying to get him to maybe find a friend on a forum such as this where we are certain it's safe and with others he can talk to.

Thank you so much for helping learn here and what can help out with Matt; I looked around now and would love if he could make some friends here.

[V M]

Hi familyfarm 

Welcome to Susan's Place    Glad to have you here, join on in the fun

Hugs

V M

[spacecowboy]

    

[familyfarm]

   

Thanks Matt lol. Glad you registered. Hugs.

[familyfarm]

Hi familyfarm 

Welcome to Susan's Place    Glad to have you here, join on in the fun

Hugs

V M

Thanks so much for the nice welcome V M :-)

[Northern Star Girl]

Thanks Matt lol. Glad you registered. Hugs.

@familyfarm   @spacecowboy     
Yes Matt aka: spacecowboy,   I also am so glad that you became a member of Susan's Place and followed your mother's suggestion to come here and sign up.   
Please Matt, correct me if I am wrong, but you must be Mom's aka: familyfarm    20 year old son.   

You will find all kinds of helpful and friendly information here on the Forums.  You may even make some new friends here as well.  Susan's Place is a safe place for you to share your thoughts.

Feel free to post and share as much as you feel comfortable doing.
Again, both of you, Welcome to Susan's Place.

Wishing you well...
Danielle

[Dusty]

Hi there, both of you!

Your kinda words about your son and those photos made me so happy I couldn't help but tear up. I wish I'd had a teaspoon of the courage he has. You got a strong kid there.

And, Matt, if you need anything this forum is full of resources. I'm not a super active poster but I visit daily.

You're gonna do good, kiddo!

Dusty



Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

[familyfarm]

Hi there, both of you!

Your kinda words about your son and those photos made me so happy I couldn't help but tear up. I wish I'd had a teaspoon of the courage he has. You got a strong kid there.

And, Matt, if you need anything this forum is full of resources. I'm not a super active poster but I visit daily.

You're gonna do good, kiddo!

Thanks Dusty. Yep, my son is @spacecowboy and has some posts now for area resources. He read the messages here to show me and wanted to thank you for your own for him.

He also said it was 'super lame' to be with here where his mom is lol. No kidding. Pfft.

I think pretty much everyone here are some really strong people and have loads of courage as well. I can't possibly believe you are not among them. These aren't just words.

I won't be on so much except for reading what I can but I'm encouraging Matt to be on a lot more. He's really more grown-up then most and has totally come so far. I would like for him to be able to talk to more people whom can identify with the difficulties I think anyone here faces.

My husband and I are normal parents. The only thing that was difficult for us was to not know how to protect him better and have to watch some horrendous hate helplessly. However, that's not more then a normal parent has the need of in loving their child. After that, it's our job to make our child happy.

I only wish, as a parent, I could get through to other people exactly what my son went through before transitioning and how much more he is the person he always felt he was. The change is amazing even from the time he was very, very young. This is a frustration for me and an ignorance I'm not sure how to crack but would love to find a way with all my heart.

But I think this is a frustration anyone here live in their life as well and while I am a parent whom loves her child (I say this with a frustration that I'm considered a supportive parent because I love him and want to protect him when EVERY parent should have this same feeling), Matt has to live around these people in every moment of his life with fears I could never know. My life is better for both my amazing kids and Matteo has given us more in life for who he is. It's just that simple-it's not so tough for us.

Any person outside our family whom can't understand this is an idiot and not worth knowing. That's how it is. Those here without support have my heart honestly. I wish I could change this and wake people up. I read some of what others go through and it is truly heartbreaking and leaves the same helplessness I get when I think of moments my son has had (and not even traumatic ones-even ones he's had within himself that I know he just can't share).

I wish you every happiness. You really seem to be a beautiful woman both in and out.

[Dena]

Welcome to Susan's Place. You have probably seen me bumping around the site as I seem to have a problem keeping my mouth shut. In any case, you have done well and I speak from experience. I have seen several stories where children have been kicked out of the house or force to conform to their birth gender, actions which may impact them for a long time. You have done your best to help your son come to terms with a very serious issue.

That said, there is a section of the site you might want to look at. It the Significent Other section of the forum and while it's not terribly active, I know of another parent who visits the site regularly and has a child they are dealing with. It's also possible you might be able to acquire some ideas about dealing with others or provide some ideas about what you have done. If there is anything I can assist you with, let me know.

[DawnOday]

Here is a source in Philly. http://www.thetransgendercenter.com
And Dr. Broussard in Montreal  https://www.grsmontreal.com/
Mt Si. New York    https://www.mountsinai.org/locations/center-transgender-medicine-surgery     

Love

[familyfarm]

Here is a source in Philly. http://www.thetransgendercenter.com
And Dr. Broussard in Montreal  https://www.grsmontreal.com/
Mt Si. New York    https://www.mountsinai.org/locations/center-transgender-medicine-surgery     

Love

THANK YOU, THANK YOU! This is exactly what we've needed. The one in Philly especially seems great with some referrals. Showing Matt asap.

Thanks all much for the welcome on the site and the help! We've already found resources we've overlooked and not found somehow thanks to this. Perfect. Matt can have this done in 6 months easily for the planning he's been doing toward the goal. This really answered some questions we've been looking for.

[DawnOday]

You are more than welcome. I hope all goes well.

[Roll]

It is so wonderful you have supported your son like you have! No intrusion at all, I don't think that anyone is beloved more than a supportive parent on this forum!!

[Charlie Nicki]

Welcome Matteo and Mom!

Mom, you sound like a wonderful parent! Cheers for that. And unfortunately I can't see the pics

[Dena]

Welcome Matteo and Mom!

Mom, you sound like a wonderful parent! Cheers for that. And unfortunately I can't see the pics

Copy and paste the url into your browser. The square brackets interfere with the proper operation of the URL.

[Charlie Nicki]

Copy and paste the url into your browser. The square brackets interfere with the proper operation of the URL.

Yeah I tried that and I got a "oops we couldn't find that page" message.

[familyfarm]

Hi and thanks so much for the welcome. I had pictures with Matt's permission but he said he felt uncomfortable after I showed him. He's absolutely handsome and I am very proud but I have to wait until he feels more comfortable. I got him to post on the site and even to talk to another post but it's still something that he isn't very comfortable with.

We did get a goal with the Dr in Philly and he's super excited. I'm allowed to talk about his process and he's fine with that. Matt's been through a lot. He's living the way he wants and growing up so fast in front of my eyes with more confidence everyday. I think maybe one day down the road he may have more things he needs to talk about that he can't talk to with me and my husband (although my husband and he do have the 'men things' that they say I won't understand) about and I want him to know he has others that he could be more free to talk to about them with if that happens.

In the meantime, we've gone through some steps that both he and I had tons of questions about beforehand with the feeling of not knowing what to expect so I would like to help some others out with some resources and  experiences we've had and are having as well.  NY here has a lot and we're learning more.

One last add-on for anyone reading: PLANNED PARENTHOOD NEEDS HELP! If you can get to one near you, not matter what walk of life you are from or what part of the lgbtq part of the community you are, please get involved. They have more resources then you can think and are firm advocates. Some Drs have put their lives at risk in other states from NY alone, just to help youth feeling alone and needing support and help. If you need help, they are the best for that. They are trying to change bills as well. The planned parenthoods here in NY all get together at least once a month and take bus loads of people to Albany to try to lobby for transgender rights along with changing bills or stopping harmful bills. Many are closing around the US. If there is any way you feel you can help in support in your state, not even financial but voluntary, please consider it. We've met many transgender youth at our planned parenthoods whom don't have family support, have told their stories and have gotten help and support there.

[spacecowboy]

Sorry for the lack of pics, asked that my mother take them down. Me and my father have always shared a paranoia for where our pics end up on the internet! Strange pet peeve but I like to feel secure in a site before sharing images, whether it be of me or my cat or another random image that I've taken haha.