voice woes

[primrose]

I've decided to share my voice experience as it's something I've always been very dysphoric about. You can read my rant if you want or share any tips if you've been in a similar situation. I've hit a brick wall and am considering maybe speaking to a vocal coach at this point.

I've been transitioned for about 7 years and have worked relentlessly on my voice but I still struggle and/or feel extremely self-conscious about it. To begin with, I would have to prepare mentally every time I speak to make sure I squeeze my vocal muscles enough to produce that soft female voice; my pitch is fine, intonation and everything is good. When it's on point, it is really on point, and I have no issues passing on the phone. It sounds more "female" than many cis women's. Now that's all good and well until I start feeling my throat literally being in pain and sore after I've spoken for a while...then my voice would start cracking...and it would start "dropping"...I would liken it to balancing precariously an egg in your throat/head area which then suddenly drops in your chest. Once it drops and cracks I have to put a lot of energy to try and get it back "on" and it feels as though I am gasping for air, as if I don't have enough air in my lungs. Also, when I am anxious, nervous or in certain sitations I just can't get my voice to be where I want it to be and again it cracks or I sound nasally or just off. My emotional state, my level of tiredness and stress affect my voice tremendously and I need to strain myself really really hard at times to make it sound well. I feel really frustrated with it despite the amount of work I've put in for years and it still fails me at times. I work in a corporate environment and speaking during meetings is important...I've had many occasions where I had good imput but refrained myself from speaking up amongst business people and colleagues in fear of embarrassment as I simply don't know what might come out when I open my mouth. This has been setting me back quite a lot and is a point of concern which I wished I would have already tackled; alas, not.

[OU812]

You're experience is almost to-the-letter what my experience was with trained voice - able to make it sound really good with a lot of practice, but not to sustain it, or use it in every situation without a great deal of undue effort and self-consciousness.

I've become convinced that having to focus on the voice a lot is actually really bad for gender dysphoria, regardless of whether your voice comes out good or not, because you shouldn't feel like you're constantly "acting" just to generate the most natural part of your expression. Over the years I've heard others on this forum express a similar point of view.

I ended up having feminization glottoplasty with Dr. Haben last year, and it was possibly the easiest and most rewarding transition-related surgery I've had. Very good results! I no longer have to, for instance, "pinch my throat" to compress the sound like I used to, and it's a lot easier to use my upper range. My experience, and what others have described as well, is that it more or less gives you your "trained voice" without having to make a lot of effort to create it. If you read the previous post in this category you'll hear my more in-depth reasons for wanting this done.

[Kendra]

I've had far less time and training, but similar in voice being a major issue with my transition.  As other things improved, voice quickly became my #1 dysphoria.  I hated my voice after it changed in the mid 1970s until very recently.  I spent time and money with professional voice training and I was unhappy with my results at the time and had issues with my particular voice coach.  I am still recovering from VFS 3 months ago with Dr. Kim in Seoul.  I won't really know my new range until later this summer and fall, but have already noticed much less physical effort to get a closer to a more natural pitch and inflection.  I know pitch is just part of the requirement but it's an important foundation.

[DustKitten]

That's something I'm concerned about, myself. I've only been working on my voice for about 5 weeks now, and I think it sounds ok sometimes, but I still have to think about it when I talk, and I keep unintentionally slipping back down to a lower pitch when I speak.

My voice currently breaks at around G4-A4 depending on whether I've spent an hour warming up first. I want a strong, slightly masculine voice that matches my appearance (I'm tall, thin, and slightly butch?) so I'm ok with sounding a little androgynous; I'm aiming at an average pitch just below middle C but my voice keeps slipping down to the D3-F#3 range when I talk to people. I'm also way too soft-spoken for my tastes. I've always wanted to sound less timid when I speak and I figure as long as I'm working on developing a more feminine voice I may as well add some volume and confidence to it, too.

I don't have any issues with inflection; I had already unknowingly learned to speak using pitch for emphasis instead of volume. I tend to use a more feminine vocabulary and the rounder word sounds, too. I just have issues with voice quality, pitch, and consistency.

Any advice would be appreciated.

[FindingMe]

Glad I found this forum I'm new to most things transition and voice is one I really worry about . I recently found work outs for the throat by becoming aware of the muscles used when swallowing. Has this worked or at least helped for others and was it hard to actually gain control of them.

[DawnOday]

If you have an Ipad or Iphone there is a vocal training program called EVA by Kathy Peres.
About Eva
exceptionalvoiceapp.com/about/
Eva (Exceptional Voice App) is a mobile voice training application. ... discover their true voice through the use of her acclaimed voice feminization programs.

[OU812]

I don't recommend voice apps. All they look at is pitch, which is honestly not half as important as you might think. You can achieve a female voice without necessarily increasing your pitch very much, and you will not achieve one just by increasing your pitch. ("Low-mid tenor register" is perfectly acceptable, and all 'changed' voices should be able to access it.)

While feminization glottoplasty does increase the pitch, the real benefit is how it changes the quality of your voice. Let me give you an example, for those of you who own a guitar.

Play the note at the 12th fret (double dots) on the D string.
Now play the note at the 7th fret on the G string.
...and now play the 3rd fret on the B string.

Same note - but did you notice how very different they sound?
This is what VFS really does for your voice.

This is why "training increases of pitch on your own" does not have even 1/4 the value of how surgery tunes your vocal instrument itself.

[FindingMe]

Thanks for the info I kinda figured vfs would be the direction I would end up heading. That makes perfect Sense, I'll have to add that to my research list to see what's available in my area or if travel will be necessary.

[Kendra]

VFS appears relatively simple compared to other surgeries, but this is the only surgery that messes with a musical instrument.  I'm very happy with VFS so far although I won't know true results until later this year.  Unfortunately some MtF have experienced VFS disasters and unrepairable damage.  If you decide to go the VFS route choose your surgeon very carefully.

[FindingMe]

Don't mean to hijack your post primrose.

I have read the horror stories that's why I started looking into the vocal training through apps and coaches but it's good to know the option is there if they don't work out. Unfortunately everything has risks but voice is a big one for me probably my biggest worry. I'm trying to cover every route I may need to take so I can have some direction. I finally feel I'm moving forward for the first time in my life and I want to be as prepared as I can because I know it's not gonna be easy.

[DustKitten]

I haven't heard many good things about voice surgery, either but I did do the throat-swallowing stuff for about a week early on, and that seemed to help with control. I'm thinking I'll keep working on my voice for a couple of years, and if after all that I still can't come close to passing as female, then I'll maybe consider surgery. I'm optimistic about my chances, though; even before I started voice training a friend of mine told me my guy voice could almost pass as female if it were just a little higher.

[Dena]

Voice surgery is much like anything else involved in our transition. We need to know as much as or more that the people treating us or we risk results that don't live up to our expectations. Far to many people seek voice surgery without therapy only to discover that a surgical voice is still at least half voice therapy. I studied voice surgery for several months before my surgery so I knew what questions to ask and what was possible to gain from the surgery. Had I not had the knowledge I gained from therapy, I would have still had a voice in the 140HZ range. Combining the two gave me a voice around 220HZ.

[Eryn T]

Voice therapy does terrify me, and I am not the best at doing research sometimes >.<  You can stumble alot(I know I do) with your transition, but voice surgery, I don't think you can afford to stumble.

@DustKitten Did you post a sample of your voice in this thread: https://www.susans.org/forums/index.php/topic,126967.0.html

You're right about where I am, in terms of time worked on your voice, so I am very interested to see how things are going. I need more work, but I know there's at least a few dozen different feminize your voice videos on youtube, but they're all from girls who've been doing it for years or something.  I made a video, sort of explaining what I went through, and I hoped it would give other girls courage. Because for many of us, voice seems to be one of the final steps in transition. You can see that video here:



When I originally saw this thread, I wanted to hop in and try to help, but Prim sounds like an expert, and it does seem like that is just how things will be without surgery(based on other posters) but I am not willing to risk losing my voice, it is the only thing I feel is remotely feminine about myself.