Quote from: nightingale95 on June 12, 2018, 11:49:59 AM
So I was read recently by a cis man. I asked him how he figured it out and he told me it was nothing in particular, it was just a feeling he had (what I have dubbed the "trans vibe").
Admittedly, I find this phenomenon quite frustrating, because even when I look/sound/act like a cis woman sometimes people just think "oh, I think maybe she's a transsexual."
Thoughts? What is it? Is it uncanny valley (I hope not, because that almost implies a certain artificiality to my appearance/behavior)? Is it culture? Do we act a certain way or project an energy that differs from cis women?
Anyone else been plagued this phenomenon?
Yup. Me too, early on.
Like everyone has mentioned, there are a myriad of "tells": man hands, skinny hips, coarse facial features. We all work as hard as we can to minimize them.
You can call it gay-dar, trans-vibe, whatever. In a sense, it does exist.
It stems from the virtue that established humans as the apex predator on the planet. We're more adept at assimilating, assessing, and categorizing patterns than any other living species. It's a valuable talent; but, like any tool it can do good or bad.
I don't limit myself to gay bars or trans-friendly establishments but I do avoid biker bars and REAL REDNECK establishments. Why invite disaster? By the way, I live in South Texas where the redneck ratio per capita is at least as dense as anywhere else in the country. Unforgiving rednecks.
On the infrequent occasion that I am clocked it has never resulted in aggression or animosity. More often as curiosity (enlightening people only helps our cause) or intrigue.
I present as a strong self-confident woman. Cis-males and cis-females are, apparently, very intrigued by such women.
Typically we chat for a while, I usually give a generalized explanation of dysphoria (if necessary) and explain that what I'm undertaking now is not a choice (the uninitiated almost always ask, "Why did you choose ...?"). I explain that the choice was made several decades ago by a very young, naive person and that I've decided to stop choosing; to end the farce. To no longer don a manufactured persona every morning.
They are almost always polite, understanding, and supportive. And when we part ways our ally count increases by one. And, they'll usually buy me a drink or two while we talk; if nothing else, it's good for that. LOL
I am transgender. Even post-op I'll never be cis-female. I am though
at least as attractive and feminine as most of the cis-femmes I know. And women (natal) are always making comments like "I love your hair." as we wash our hands before leaving the restroom. (I never mention it was $39.00 mail order -- my natural hair, what's left of it, is NOT good.)
If I were to be confronted with aggression, I'd call a cop (in four years of going out, first in drag and now as myself, it's never happened). Short of that I can do a little PR for "our side" and maybe make some new friends in the process.
I've stopped worrying about being read.
Now I just worry about making it through the rest of life, like everybody else. (Well, maybe I worry a little about how I'm going to afford surgery but that's on me.)
And that, on it's own, is difficult enough.
