So in a moment of weakness I ended up coming out to my best friend.
I was having a panicked moment about how to come out to my wife so I inquired if anything happened to me if I could stay with him. Justly worried he wanted to know if I had any major problems (for all appearances we are pretty much the cutest most stable couple ever) so I opened up and told him EVERYTHING. He did know I was going to therapy but not why. It felt pretty good to get it all out and while I know many people have warned me about support not coming from places you expect my bestie certainly has my back. He even gave me the number to one of his trans co workers (with their permission of course!) in case I needed someone to ask advice. He even said I can stay with him if it all goes south (thats a big plan B however, he lives on the complete other side of the country) Its good to know that I have solid support and safety in case the worst happens!
I think I may be taking this too fast, only a few weeks into therapy but I think after being in the shadows so long its pretty good to be in the light.
I think I can do this. For once in a long time it feels like everything is coming together. I just gotta stay strong!