Very Confused Need Help: Am I transgender ?

[Very Confused Need Help]

I'm suffering so much because I don't know. I'm not sure if I am a heterosexual cis man, an asexual cis man who is romantically attracted to women, a homosexual trans woman, or an asexual trans woman who is romantically attracted to women. I put the reasons one may think or not think I'm trans in a list to make it easier to read. I promise I am not a troll, just someone who's suffering. If I am banned for any reason, please delete all traces of my from the forum. The last thing I need is no help and an embarrassing record of my struggles on the internet.

- At 24 now, I never had any feelings of being female until either my late teens or early twenties, not sure when it started. My feelings started when I learned about transgender from mass media. Before then, there was a time, starting from my teens, I wanted a very androgynous look. Like obviously a man, but with feminine qualities.

- I suffer from major depressive disorder, an anxiety disorder, and ADHD.

- If I had the choice, I think I would choose to be born a female.

- I fear I am only interested in this because I like how women look and sound, and for the aesthetics of two women together. I fear I am thinking about this for shallow reasons. That I'm so obsessed with women I want to be a woman just because of my obsession.

- I wonder if I am trans but it just seems almost impossible to transition.

- I wonder if this is just an undiagnosed case of Body Dismorphic Disorder.

- When I dream, I am male in my dreams.

- I wonder if this is just me not happy and crawling at any and all possible fixes.

Look, I know this extreme controversial and all. I am just here for help. I don't want to end up being someone who detransitions. I want to be happy and know who I am and love myself. I need answers urgently. Even if you're not sure what to say, I am begging for any and all opinions. I am desperate.

[Northern Star Girl]

@Very Confused Need Help   
Hello Very Confused Need Help,  PLEASE KNOW that I am not trying to hijack your thread.  You have asked serious questions and have concerns that many like-minded members here will be able to share with you about.  but I see that you had just become a member of Susan's Place and this is your very first posting... so please allow me to give you my Official Welcome.

I am glad that you have taken the step to become a member of Susan's Place and that you have shared your  thoughts with other members that may read your posting.
I am thinking that you may lots more questions and concerns, this is the right place for you to be to find out what others have done that may have been in your circumstances.
 
Be aware that there are a lot of members here that can identify with what you may be going through.

Please allow me now to officially WELCOME you to Susan's Place.  You will find this a safe and friendly place to share with others  and to read about others similar trials, tribulations, and successes.
It is nice that you had signed up so you can share with others and involve yourself with some give and take with other members.
When frustrated or if you have successes you can share it here if you wish and receive support from others and offer support to others. ....

***It's a very good chance that you might find that you will make some new friends here. 

Please come in and continue to be involved at your own pace. 

Below, I posted Important LINKS that will tell you about Susan's Place.  Included there is information about the site that will help you navigate around and best utilize the features here. 
Please look closely at the LINKS in RED as they will answer questions that many new members ask.
Again, Welcome.
Danielle

Here are some links to the site rules and stuff that all new members should be familiar with:

Things that you should read

Site Terms of Service & Rules to Live By	Standard Terms & Definitions	Post Ranks (including when you can upload an avatar)	Cautionary Note
Reputation rules	News posting & quoting guidelines	Photo, avatars, & signature images policy	Membership Agreement

[Northern Star Girl]

@Very Confused Need Help
Oh, and another thing Very Confused Need Help ... to let more members here on the Forums know of your arrival and therefore you will receive more involvement in sharing information of interest with you and other like-minded  members reading it will be more apt to share their thoughts with you.

If you would, please go to the Introductions Forum to tell the members about yourself!  You can include some of the key information that you wrote in your first posting here but on the Introductions Forum it might be best if you condensed it down to a paragraph or two and reference your posting here with more detailed information.

Again, Welcome to Susan's Place,
Danielle

[Very Confused Need Help]

@Very Confused Need Help   
Hello Very Confused Need Help,  PLEASE KNOW that I am not trying to hijack your thread.  You have asked serious questions and have concerns that many like-minded members here will be able to share with you about.  but I see that you had just become a member of Susan's Place and this is your very first posting... so please allow me to give you my Official Welcome.

I am glad that you have taken the step to become a member of Susan's Place and that you have shared your  thoughts with other members that may read your posting.
I am thinking that you may lots more questions and concerns, this is the right place for you to be to find out what others have done that may have been in your circumstances.
 
Be aware that there are a lot of members here that can identify with what you may be going through.

Please allow me now to officially WELCOME you to Susan's Place.  You will find this a safe and friendly place to share with others  and to read about others similar trials, tribulations, and successes.
It is nice that you had signed up so you can share with others and involve yourself with some give and take with other members.
When frustrated or if you have successes you can share it here if you wish and receive support from others and offer support to others. ....

***It's a very good chance that you might find that you will make some new friends here. 

Please come in and continue to be involved at your own pace. 

Below, I posted Important LINKS that will tell you about Susan's Place.  Included there is information about the site that will help you navigate around and best utilize the features here. 
Please look closely at the LINKS in RED as they will answer questions that many new members ask.
Again, Welcome.
Danielle

Here are some links to the site rules and stuff that all new members should be familiar with:

Things that you should read

Site Terms of Service & Rules to Live By	Standard Terms & Definitions	Post Ranks (including when you can upload an avatar)	Cautionary Note
Reputation rules	News posting & quoting guidelines	Photo, avatars, & signature images policy	Membership Agreement

I hope I didn't put it in the wrong place. Plus I won't think a post like this would be in introduction. Plus I'm not even sure I belong on this forum which kind of making introductions mute. I just, I don't know, don't have many places to go for advise on this.

[pamelatransuk]

Hello Very Confused

It appears to me that as you are bothered by gender matters that you are probably transgender (as Cis people hardly think about gender) but I think your best course of action would be to seek help from a gender therapist; I assume you already have a therapist for your depression and in the meantime you can discuss these thoughts with that therapist.

You are wise to have joined Susans where so many will be having similar thoughts to you.

Welcome and good luck for the future.

Pamela

[annaleaver]

Visit your GP, who will refer you to a specialist consultant where you can discuss your experience of GID and everything else you have described.

anastasia

[Lady Love]

Dear Very Confused,

I relate to the things you are saying a lot. For me I never knew I was trans until a long time after a roommate of mine transitioned and I had a personal breakthrough. I had a lot of guilt over being trans and I tried to search desperately to find out if I was or not. Unfortunately there is no set test for being transgender.

I stopped doubting when I was on a psychology board information sight and they had this list of things people experience. It said "if you have at least two of these for at least two years, you are likely transgender. " there were six items and I had five out of six for several years. Not having gender dysphoria was a mental block for me, but eventually someone pointed out that if I was cisgender, I wouldn't be this obsessed with being a woman for so long. Even if I wasn't trans I was definitely non-binary.

Eventually I started taking small steps like wearing panties and taking care of my appearance and being androgynous. While I did this I eventually saw a specialist and got on estrogen. They said they were mostly focused on if the hormones made me feel better.

TLDR: you may or may not be trans but if you are this hung up you probably aren't cisgender. Transitioning isn't all about estrogen so try dressing or acting differently. If being a woman makes you happy, decide where to go from that point. It could be hrt, it could be androgynous dress, or even just shaving your beard. The best reassurance is experimentation with expression and time. I know you listed a lot of evidence for being trans or not like the dream thing, but the only real evidence is if you are happy with your life now or not.

Good luck and don't worry plenty of people are worried or unsure of their gender identity.

Hugs,
Lady Love


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[Very Confused Need Help]

Hello Very Confused

It appears to me that as you are bothered by gender matters that you are probably transgender (as Cis people hardly think about gender) but I think your best course of action would be to seek help from a gender therapist; I assume you already have a therapist for your depression and in the meantime you can discuss these thoughts with that therapist.

You are wise to have joined Susans where so many will be having similar thoughts to you.

Welcome and good luck for the future.

Pamela

Thank you. Unfortunately, the country I live in, I would likely have to move to a different country before getting help with gender issues.

[Very Confused Need Help]

Dear Very Confused,

I relate to the things you are saying a lot. For me I never knew I was trans until a long time after a roommate of mine transitioned and I had a personal breakthrough. I had a lot of guilt over being trans and I tried to search desperately to find out if I was or not. Unfortunately there is no set test for being transgender.

I stopped doubting when I was on a psychology board information sight and they had this list of things people experience. It said "if you have at least two of these for at least two years, you are likely transgender. " there were six items and I had five out of six for several years. Not having gender dysphoria was a mental block for me, but eventually someone pointed out that if I was cisgender, I wouldn't be this obsessed with being a woman for so long. Even if I wasn't trans I was definitely non-binary.

Eventually I started taking small steps like wearing panties and taking care of my appearance and being androgynous. While I did this I eventually saw a specialist and got on estrogen. They said they were mostly focused on if the hormones made me feel better.

TLDR: you may or may not be trans but if you are this hung up you probably aren't cisgender. Transitioning isn't all about estrogen so try dressing or acting differently. If being a woman makes you happy, decide where to go from that point. It could be hrt, it could be androgynous dress, or even just shaving your beard. The best reassurance is experimentation with expression and time. I know you listed a lot of evidence for being trans or not like the dream thing, but the only real evidence is if you are happy with your life now or not.

Good luck and don't worry plenty of people are worried or unsure of their gender identity.

Hugs,
Lady Love


Sent from my iPod touch using Tapatalk

Wish there was more ways to be sure. What about those who end up detransiting, how do medical professionals allow someone to go there hormones and surgeries, just to end up going back ?

[Dena]

Welcome to Susan's Place. A diagnosis takes a good deal more information than is normally contained in a single thread and we aren't qualified to make a professional diagnosis. In addition, you are the only one who knows for sure if your transgender or not. How do you make up your mind? By learning as much as you can so you can make an informed decision. I have two link that you might find helpful in that process. The first is our WIKI where you will learn about the various flavors of ->-bleeped-<-. The "the transition channel" is more structured for the transsexual however the information will help you explore your feelings. Should you have more questions, feel free to ask them.

[Devlyn]

Wish there was more ways to be sure. What about those who end up detransiting, how do medical professionals allow someone to go there hormones and surgeries, just to end up going back?

Because they're helping you on a journey of self determination.

Some people will detransition, and  that's fine.

Welcome to Susan's Place, VCNH, I'll be seeing you around.

Hugs, Devlyn

[Lady Love]

Wish there was more ways to be sure. What about those who end up detransiting, how do medical professionals allow someone to go there hormones and surgeries, just to end up going back ?

I have read the only really permanent effects if you stop hormones are possible infertility and that the breast tissue stays. It takes awhile for both of those to occur. The emphasis on hrt isn't "prove you are transgender" (although some laws would like to imply otherwise) but on your mental well being. The doctor will ask you about your changes regularly especially mentally and in many places it says you are free to stop if you need to. It is a serious decision, but is in no way irreversible if you find it is not for you.

I started very recently and the changes are subtle but there. One thing that made me more sure was trying to imagine a life where I never transitioned at all and the idea was very upsetting to me. If you read and consume all you can and still aren't sure, then the best thing to do is searching yourself through therapy or journaling or something.

Sorry I can't be more help, but in my case the only way I knew I was trans was sitting with the idea and reading about it and deciding that it described me very well. I still have doubts occasionally as many people do. At this point though nothing would convince me otherwise because I am measurably happier and more comfortable with my new self. That's really the only way to be "sure."

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