Now I’m Nicole

[LizK]

Hi Nicole

Good on you 1 kg is a good solid effort.

What a nice way to spend some time with your wife. Hope you both enjoyed the shopping outing    I have unfortunately had to place myself on a temporary shopping ban  (long story) while I chase my own weight loss

Hope your therapist session goes well and you get the reference you are looking for. 

[Nicole70]

Hi Jayne and Liz, thanks for your encouragement, I can't wait to change my name, I'm so tired of getting mail in my legal dead name, going to the doctors and and having to use it, prescriptions with the wrong name, blood test forms with the wrong gender marker, etc etc.

I'm feeling motivated at the moment to loose weight, I have had a bad patch over the last few months where I have put weight on, due to my own problems. I have a conference to attend and give a training lecture in Sydney in late September and I really want to be about 10kg lighter, it's a big ask but I've done that before but I know it will be very hard. I will be presenting as myself of course and really want to look my best. I haven't yet started on my voice because electrolysis is costing me an arm and a leg at the moment but think I should do so soon.

[Jayne01]

Message me when you are in Sydney. We can meet for a coffee or something.

Hugs,
Jayne

[Stevi]

Nicole,

I am pleased to read that you got out on a shopping trip for yourself.  I am especially pleased to learn that your wife was along with you.

The name and gender change.  I hope it goes smoothly and painlessly so you have nothing to tell us other than "It's done!"  But do keep us informed.  I suspect there will be tales to tell.

Hugs to you and your wife,
Stevi

[Nicole70]

Message me when you are in Sydney. We can meet for a coffee or something.

Hugs,
Jayne

I would love to meet up for a coffee, I'm in Sydney for three days but have a full schedule so it might be tricky but I'm sure I can find an hour somewhere. I'll pm nearer the time.

Hugs

Nicole

[LizK]

Hi Nicole

The weightloss has always been a hard one for me. Even at my fittest when I was in the army I did not lose the weight off my stomach. This was all prior to HRT so I am not sure if once the weight is lost whether it will go back on in the same places or not...I guess I will find out.

Getting misnamed gets old pretty fast especially when you are well on your way...you said something about making an appointment to change your name...sounds like  South Australia, that's where I am from. Who knows we could already have met if you are from SA 


Enjoy Sydney, I love to visit and even lived there for a couple of years but I have to say I prefer sleepy old Adelaide to hustle and bustle of Sydney.

Take care

Liz

[Nicole70]

Getting misnamed gets old pretty fast especially when you are well on your way...you said something about making an appointment to change your name...sounds like  South Australia, that's where I am from. Who knows we could already have met if you are from SA 

You are correct Liz, I'm a South Aussie, well originally from the UK, but love Adelaide it's our home now and my three daughters have grown up here, my youngest was born here.

Sydney is a lovely place, my sister lives in Melbourne which is also nice, but like you say sleepy old Adelaide has its plus side with a more relaxed lifestyle.

Nicole

[Danielle Kristina]

Hi Nicole,

I'm so happy that you're living as your true self full time.  I'm still only part time.  I haven't yet come out to anyone, so when I leave the house I still present as male.  But when I'm home I'm Danielle all the way.  I look forward to the day that I too can live as my authentic self full time too.

Big hugs!!!


Danielle

[Nicole70]

Thanks Danielle,

I reached a point where it was harder to man-up than present as myself, I started a lot earlier than I planned, I initially thought I'd like to be myself full time after at least a year on HRT but in the end with my wife's support it just felt right to do it sooner.

I wish you every success In taking that step when the time is right for you, I know how hard it is swapping back and forth. For me it was scary the first few times but nowhere near as bad as I had imagined, others on this forum have said similar.

Hugs

Nicole

[Nicole70]

Had my appointment with my therapist this morning, all good, and YAY! I have my medical practitioners letter required for gender change, I'm so excited, I filled in the forms weeks ago, now I just have to get my policeman friend to witness my documents and book an appointment to submit my forms for name and gender change.

I'll keep updating as and when things happen or don't

Nicole

[Jayne01]

Wooohoooo! Great news Nicole! Yes, please keep us updated on your progress.

Hugs,
Jayne

[Nicole70]

I'm not sure what to do, I told my immediate boss about my transition about November 2017, she was ok and has no issue with it, but advised we hold off telling the CEO (her boss) until the moment was right. I was ok with that because I knew he may have difficulty accepting my status.

My boss told me on Monday that she has told the CEO, he was shocked and as she put it he was coming around to accepting it, but don't expect to ever be invited to a meeting as he could not handle it. I work from home so I probably bump into him about once per year when I'm in the main office. My immediate thought was I'll wait until he is next in the office and just go in, I don't feel I need to hide away or avoid anyone, but at the same time being confrontational will get me nowhere with him and won't help my cause.

I'm wondering about writing an email to him explaining what I have been through and my reasons for transitioning in the hope it will educate him on transgender issues, or do I just wait and allow time for him to come to his own acceptance?

Nicole

[Jayne01]

Am I correct in thinking that your boss told the CEO behind your back? That wasn't her news to tell. The cat is out of the bag now. My suggestion would be to email or speak face to face with your CEO so that he gets your story first hand from you. Maybe do this sooner rather than later because as it stands now, the news lacked the personal touch that it would have had if the news came directly from you. People will react differently when this news comes from the person directly or via a third party.

My thoughts and best wishes are with you.

Hugs,
Jayne

[LizK]

I'm not sure what to do, I told my immediate boss about my transition about November 2017, she was ok and has no issue with it, but advised we hold off telling the CEO (her boss) until the moment was right. I was ok with that because I knew he may have difficulty accepting my status.

My boss told me on Monday that she has told the CEO, he was shocked and as she put it he was coming around to accepting it, but don't expect to ever be invited to a meeting as he could not handle it. I work from home so I probably bump into him about once per year when I'm in the main office. My immediate thought was I'll wait until he is next in the office and just go in, I don't feel I need to hide away or avoid anyone, but at the same time being confrontational will get me nowhere with him and won't help my cause.

I'm wondering about writing an email to him explaining what I have been through and my reasons for transitioning in the hope it will educate him on transgender issues, or do I just wait and allow time for him to come to his own acceptance?

Nicole

Its now a more difficult situation as you have been "dis invited" to a business meeting based on your gender. That, if it does in fact actually happen, could be grounds for action under anti discrimination laws. They cannot legally do what they are threatening and I wouldn't mind betting they have crossed the line somewhere already by making their intention known. They can hardly call it a performance issue now can they. I would now be keeping meticulous notes about any meetings or interactions you have with in the company. If you do indeed have a CEO with issues you need your records to defend yourself in case of an unlawful dismissal or something equally as unpleasant.


Do you think, you explaining to him will be any more likely to end in his acceptance? If you do then it sounds like an email is a  worthwhile exercise if not then it could end up potentially making things worse. A lot depends on whether he is a reasonable person or not.

I hope it works out for you

Liz

[Nicole70]

Am I correct in thinking that your boss told the CEO behind your back? That wasn't her news to tell. The cat is out of the bag now.

Hi Jayne,

I wouldn't say she did it behind my back but I wasn't aware that she was going to tell him now, I had planned to tell him myself when my name change became official.

Yes the cat is out the bag now, I feel cut out of the loop and yes the personal touch has been bypassed which is why I felt so down about his reaction.

Thanks for your response

Nicole

[Jayne01]

Hi Jayne,

I wouldn't say she did it behind my back but I wasn't aware that she was going to tell him now, I had planned to tell him myself when my name change became official.

Yes the cat is out the bag now, I feel cut out of the loop and yes the personal touch has been bypassed which is why I felt so down about his reaction.

Thanks for your response

Nicole

This is your life, Nicole. You need to get yourself back in the loop and take back control. I'm not sure what is the best way to go about it.

Hugs,
Jayne

[Jayne01]

Nicole, I just read through your original post again. If you are being excluded from meetings because the CEO "can't handle" you being trans, then that has to be against the law. As Liz suggested, it could be in your best interest to start keeping accurate records of what is taking place. Hopefully it will all just blow over with no harm done but if it escalated into an anti discrimination case, at least you will have evidence to support your case. I agree with you that being confrontational won't help you. Taking the approach of telling your own story with the view of educating rather than being confrontational may be the best option for a good long term outcome.

Jayne

[Nicole70]

Do you think, you explaining to him will be any more likely to end in his acceptance? If you do then it sounds like an email is a  worthwhile exercise if not then it could end up potentially making things worse. A lot depends on whether he is a reasonable person or not.

Hi Liz,

I think the CEO has reacted as I would have expected, he is actually a good person but probably has had very little, or no prior interaction with anyone transgender before, and is probably not sure how to react, I think after some reflection he will probably be ok.
I'm not saying he is outright transphobic but probably has ill informed views, and negative preconceptions of the community. I'm certainly not justifying or making excuses for him, I find it deeply upsetting, but knowing him I think he will be accepting at some point. He knows me pretty well, he hired me and when I first started worked directly for him in the next door office, I'm sure his reaction was one of shock as in his mind he probably still sees the man I used to be. I do think I should have the opportunity to have my say, but not sure now whether I'm going to make it worse or better, I'll have to think on it but like you say I don't want to delay too much.

Thanks for your advice

Nicole

[Cindy]

Hi Nicole,

I don't know who your psych is in Adelaide (you can PM me if you wish) but this is a situation were they can help.
It is important or can be important to deal with these situations quickly before they get a life of their own.

[Nicole70]

I spoke to my immediate boss, she clarified things a little more, she said the CEO didn't have a negative reaction as in transphobic, but was very shocked since he has known me a number of years. She did not think that it was worth me sending an email to him as it wasn't something that was on his radar, he was shocked, made sure I can still do my job ok (well duh!) and has moved on satisfied, that is all he was really bothered about. I'll bump in to him at some point later this year and make time to have a chat, I'm picking my battles these days.

Had a pretty good week off from work and spent some quality time with the kids, who thankfully are all totally accepting of me, the only issue we have which is understandable that Dad and him or his naturally go together in a sentence, they try to call me Nicole but old habits die hard, I love them so they are automatically forgiven for using the wrong pronouns, time will hopefully make the issue go away.

I spoke to my sister on Thursday, she is a few years older than me, she is the first person I came out to and have been disappointed that she has never really accepted me as a woman, she says she is ok but her actions say otherwise, our conversations are polite and we ask about each other's family's but she has no interest in my transition and never asks. I'm quite upset about it, I would love to have close sisterly relationship but it's not to be.

I tried out my new nail polish [emoji3]



Nicole