Being transgendered and alcoholism.

[Sarah_Faith]

Hi all, I'm not a regular visitor, but I've been here on and off since 98 I think. Not certain of the year, but a good, long time. Quick introduction: I'm MTF, unfortunately pre-anything, Irish, live in Korea. I have a question for people here, as I think it's very important to my life.

I have come to realise that I mostly drink to accept myself and have the confidence to be OK with who I am to myself. It just helps me feel ok. It makes me feel that I can deal with this and get through things. It lets me release myself and be more of who I am. Even when I'm out, if I'm really drunk, I just say to myself, whatever and act as I feel. I'm sure that to many friends I come across as feminine, but my guard is down. That's how I want to be. Alcohol lets me have a temporary sense of not dying inside because of what I look like / how people perceive me.

Ive spoken with a therapist for the last 11 years, from time to time. He said, as I know, the alcohol will take you before anything else does. I know this. I'm so aware of this. I also want to be as healthy as possible to aid transitioning well. It's a war in my head of just getting through now, vs being a better me in the future.

So, in short, I'm sure I'm not the only one to go through this pattern of drinking. If anyone here can give any insight ways to cope, I'd be very appreciative.

P.S. I'm saving to transition in probably 2.5 years. I'll write another post about that, as I need some input about that as well. Thank you everyone!

[KathyLauren]

Hi, Sarah.

Have you talked to your therapist about being trans?  Has he said anything about transitioning?

You already know that drinking is not a healthy lifestyle.  One thing about transitioning is that you need to be healthy, both physically and mentally, to transition.  Many therapists and doctors might consider heavy drinking to be an impediment to transition.  HRT can be hard on the liver, and your is already stressed.

You say that you drink to cope, and I totally get that.  Dysphoria can drive anyone to drink.  In other words, you drink to deal with NOT transitioning.  Transitioning is more than coping: it is the cure for dysphoria. 

If you have a firm plan in mind for transitioning, and your therapist's committment to help you move forward with that plan, that might give you the strength you need to stop drinking before you transition.  AA and similar organizations can help with that part.

Good luck whatever you decide!

[Sarah_Faith]

Thank you, Kathy. I don't have a solid plan, but I have a decent idea how I can go forward. I actually just posted another thread relating to this a few minutes ago. Beimg trans is hard. Thank you for your kind words.

Sent from my LGM-V300K using Tapatalk

[Kylo]

 I used to drink monumentally when I was in my early twenties, as a way of dealing with anxiety and awkwardness. I liked who I was when I wasn't being tormented by anxiety. I never got to the point of hardcore alcoholism but it was definitely unhealthy to be putting away as much as I did and with the intent of getting absolutely blitzed every time and only to escape my raw nerves. 

I have to say that HRT on its own did for me what all that drinking was an attempt to do. It killed my anxiety almost completely. I rarely drink at this point because I no longer feel there's much of a need for it. Why not try some HRT and see if it helps. It's been better in my experience than any sedative or pick me up I've ever taken and it's so good to be able to live without them. As a side effect it's also made me a lot more comfortable with and within myself to the point that I barely worry about my body. I still transitioned of course, but the contentment from the HRT has been strong enough to allay most of my psychological body issues (or make them at least more bearable).

[Danielle Kristina]

Hi Sarah,
I too drank to escape.  I drank to the point of alcoholism.  Eventually I got help for my drinking and now I'm sober.  I didn't drink because of my gender dysphasia, or at least not consciously.  I was unhappy for many years of my life.  I wasn't comfortable in my own skin, felt that I didn't belong, etc.  I still have yet to transition, only recently discovering that I'm transgender.  Still, through help one day at a time I stay sober.

I don't know if my being transgender led me to drink in the first place, but if it were a cause I wouldn't be surprised.  Perhaps I had dysphasia and didn't know it.  I still don't know if I have dysphasia since I have not experienced many of the pains of dysphasia that others have felt.  In other words, I didn't choose to drink because I was born male but wanted to be female.  Again, at least not consciously.  As what was already stated, there is help out there.  If I can get help, then you can too.  I encourage you to have the courage to ask for that help if you need it.

Hugs!!


Danielle

[Janes Groove]

I'm an alcoholic.  I quite drinking in 1984 after I tried to kill myself.  Being transgender is a difficult journey as you know personally and by spending any time on this site.  Don't make it harder on yourself. 

My suggestion is to get to a meeting.  You don't have to say anything. Just sit and listen and absorb the healing energy of all the other alcoholics finding ways to live alcohol free. There are even LGBT meetings you can go to if you feel more comfortable there.  I have gone to lots of LBGT meetings myself and found the energy very welcoming.  I found in the end it's all about forgiving oneself.

Think of getting sober as a purification ritual. Preparing yourself for the day you start your transition.

[Maddie86]

how often do you drink? quitting alcohol was the best thing I've ever done for myself because it's what led me to my transition. I'll give you a brief history of my experience with alcohol...

I didn't start drinking until I was 20 years old. I had many friends who drank before that, but I thought alcohol made them look dumb and I actually hated being around it. Then I finally drank on new year's eve after I went over to a friend's house that I had a crush on and I saw a guy kiss her. I only drank a few more times between then and July when I turned 21. People used to tell me I was wayyyy too uptight and that I should drink because it would loosen me up. It did and I started to casually drink once in a while and I started to come out of my shell a little bit.

at age 23 I started drinking a little more often to deal with the job that I hated. at age 25 I got a new job but it didn't last very long and I got on unemployment and I would drink out of boredom and depression. At this point I still wasn't doing it every night, but then that changed around Christmas, there was a week where I drank every night and then I think it just became a habit that I couldn't get out of. I kept it going and drank every night until April when I had to quit for a week because I got my wisdom teeth out. Then I got back into it and drank just about every night until I was 30. The alcohol caught up with me and I got gout. I was forced to stop drinking because of the medication. I've had gender dysphoria since I was 6. it started out small but then got stronger over time. I think 2013 is when I seriously started considering transition, I was 27 at the time, which was about in the middle of my 5 year bender.

Sobriety sucked at first, but a month into it I had an epiphany. One day I realized I was thinking clearer than I have in a long time, it's like a haze had been lifted from me. I also realized that this gender dysphoria was NEVER going away and that if it was with me while I'm finally thinking clearly then it's with me for good and I had to do something about it. I started coming out to a few friends and I started seeing a therapist and started planning my transition, and now I'm almost at one full year of being on HRT!

things will get better! please talk to your therapist about your dysphoria and please consider giving up the alcohol!

[Kylo]

Giving it up is the best thing you can do, but you have to be careful with it. I have a friend who was alcoholic, became ill with something else and as a result quit the alcohol 'cold turkey' - which was a disaster. The alcohol caused him to develop epilepsy, he had a seizure and ended up nearly biting his own tongue off and had to be put on a ward for several weeks. The DTs he described to me sounded horrifying. So if you are looking to quit, I'd suggest joining a group devoted to that, or going to rehab or something, as it can be quite dangerous trying to quit on your own if you've been alcoholic for a long time and are also under stress.

[Charlie Nicki]

I also used to drink to cope... For the longest time I thought I was an alcoholic, went to the meetings and stopped drinking for almost a year. It's been 4 years since that happened, nowadays I drink occasionally and I don't consider myself an alcoholic anymore, I think all I was doing was trying to escape from my gender issues and discomfort. I didn't know that at the time, but I do now. My relationship with alcohol has changed tremendously as I matured and transitioned.

My advice is for you to talk to your therapist and try to find and less dangerous way to cope with your issues.

[Maddie86]

I also used to drink to cope... For the longest time I thought I was an alcoholic, went to the meetings and stopped drinking for almost a year. It's been 4 years since that happened, nowadays I drink occasionally and I don't consider myself an alcoholic anymore, I think all I was doing was trying to escape from my gender issues and discomfort. I didn't know that at the time, but I do now. My relationship with alcohol has changed tremendously as I matured and transitioned.

My advice is for you to talk to your therapist and try to find and less dangerous way to cope with your issues.

yes, this! Back then I totally denied being an alcoholic, and I wouldn't even admit to myself that the dysphoria was the cause of it, funny how oblivious I used to be! I still drink once in a while too, but I can't drink nearly as much as I used to. I had 3 beers last night with some friends who were in town for the 4th and those 3 beers got me pretty buzzed! I've become a lightweight lol

[MeTony]

I have been a heavy drinker. Started drinking at 15 yo. I stopped at 30. Started to visit AA meetings. I went there for several years until I felt I was good on my own. I realized at 30 I need to be true to myself. I wanted a change.

AA is for those who WANT to quit alcohol. You don't need to quit before you attend a meeting. You can start by visiting your local AA support group. Try being sober, if you are sober you may speak at the meeting. If you are not sober you may sit there and listen to the other people's stories.

AA is a world wide organization that works the same everywhere. You are always welcome.

A good thing to know is that what is said on a meeting, stays there. Anonymity is sacred. You don't tell anyone who is there, noone tells you are there.


There are open and closed meetings. Open meetings are open for family, students, anyone interested. Closed meetings are for people wanting to quit only.


Tony

[Ryuichi13]

My best friend is FTM and he also lives in South Korea. 

If you find any LGBT groups, transgender doctors or therapists, please feel free to message me with the information, as he sometimes also goes on a bender and drinks way too much.  I think he does it because he often feels like he's the only transgender person in Korea.  I don't think he drinks every night, but having another transgender friend would help him feel not so alone.  And it would also help you.  You two seem like you need to realize that you're not alone. 

I hope you get help with your drinking.  You're going to need your liver and other organs when you transition.  The less damaged they are, the better for your overall health.

Good luck and feel free to message me.

Ryuichi

[big kim]

I first got drunk at 13, been a regular drinker since then, I'm 61 in October. Dad was an alcoholic, it killed him at 86, mum was also a heavy drinker. I quit a couple of times, when I was 35  & about 14 years later I was straight edge for over a year. Last year I was out of control & cut back greatly after twice getting alcohol poisoning. I now have a glass of wine with meals or a beer or bourbon in the evening.

[LizK]

I was 12-13 the first time I got drunk and it was then I discovered all my doubts about wether I was a boy or a girl disappeared...so there we have it!! the answer to all my issues!!!...in the depth of my despair as a teenager I was getting drunk 2-3 times a week at least.

I was pretty sure I wanted to be a girl (which I knew was impossible) and I knew I was also some kind of "sicko" for feeling that way...this further encouraged me to continue to get drunk. In alcohol I found all the things I needed to be one of the guys..as I got older and booze got a tighter grip on me I found no matter how drunk I got my gender issues continues to haunt me. Each time I forced her back into the closet she came bursting back out at a later date more determined than ever...so much so that I would just give up and let her have her way...

In drinking I found a way to keep "her" at arms length or to be more honest it was more like at "bottles" length than arms length. In my waking sober hours I would feel guilty and remorseful and then the ever constant GD would start its merrygoround in my head


I nearly killed myself due to the nature of my drinking and in the end due to the shear volume I was left with a painful debilitating chronic disease...I tried then to deal with my gender issues but still did not succeed...it was not until I started my transition that my gender dysphoria finally began to abate.


I didn't use AA or any other treatment facility I simply went cold turkerey in the hospital and never drank again. That was 18 years ago.... If it wasn't for my illness I think I could probably have a drink and never have another but as the say, why prod the bear or in this case why prod the monkey!!! because once that monkey is on your back it's a devil of a job to get it off.

Take care

Liz

[Cindy]

Unfortunately alcohol abuse is very common in this community.

I too was a very heavy drinker and, as many others did, I used it to cope. Of course it doesn't help you cope.
In my case it almost certainly gave me something else.

Throat Cancer

If you are drinking get medical help. You should not be drinking more than one standard alcohol drink a day. If you are doing that every day you are at risk. If you can't stop doing that everyday please get help.

Maybe ask for help while you still have vocal cords to ask with?