Bad tempers and being transgender

[Danielle Kristina]

Have any if you been plagued with bad tempers but found yourselves in control of your anger only after you've transitioned?  The reason I ask is because I'm ill tempered.  When I lose my self-control I throw things, slam them around, and things get broken.  I'm not violent or physically abiusive, at least not to living beings.  But I've struggled with controlling my temper in moments of anger and have found little, if any success. 

Somewhere in the forum I read a post that said the original poster had drastically changed their control over their emotions for the better once they began to transition.  Before transitioning they had no control whatsoever.  I've tried prayer, self-will, and made promise after promise, but I still lose control.  I haven't begun to transition yet, but I have hope that maybe dysphoria is the underlying cause of my temper, to which transitioning will help alleviate.  I still don't know much about dysphoria or even if I have it at all, as I have not felt the pain and torment that others have shared about.  However, I'm wondering if perhaps I do have dysphasia and my bad temper is the result.  Controlling my temper is not why I want to transition.  I'm just hoping that transitioning will help. 

[AnonyMs]

It can be a result of stress and depression, and those typically go away when you transition.

[Deborah]

It may have been me that you read. Yes, HRT fixed my ability to control my temper. Beforehand I destroyed things many times. Since then it has never happened.  I still get mad about things but the anger now remains under my control rather than the other way around.


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[Maddie86]

like you, I used to break things once in a while when I got mad, but I never hit people. I used to not be able to control my anger very well and to be quite honest it was embarrassing. I started HRT almost a year ago and I can't even remember the last time I took my anger out on anything. The most I really do now is yell in my car if someone does something dumb while driving lol

[Kylo]

Oh yes. About two years ago it got quite bad. I refuse to get violent with people since I was brought up in a situation with that, but I'd never got violent to the point of trashing rooms in my 20s, and I was starting to do this. I think just out of sheer frustration of being cooped up in my body, this apartment, and the relationship I was in with no escape. I noticed a gradual shift from brooding kind of angry to developing a hair-trigger temper and taking it out on nearby objects when I was riled up (usually when trapped with a person who was deliberately and relentlessly pissing me off). This was before any testosterone HRT at all.

Since then I'd say things have improved 200%. I'm still technically in the exact same situation except for having transitioned, but now I can walk away from things much easier. They don't play on my mind and I don't care as much about the details. If you can't escape a stressful environment then at least the next best thing is to feel less affected by that environment. Which the HRT has definitely done for me.

The idea T makes a person into a raging bull is a myth, I discovered. I was like that before, probably because the estrogen was making me question every intonation of voice and every gesture and now I could care less. I suppose it is the same for people who are not designed to have T in their veins when they switch to estrogen.

[DawnOday]

It's a work in process. Two years ago I had a breakdown while visiting my sister. Sometimes words can have as much sting as a fist. I promised to seek counseling. However nobody really knew what my real problem was so when I reported I had therapy with a Gender Therapist it kind of threw everybody off. It really didn't take Kristy long to discover I am transgender and by the third visit I had permission to start HRt. The effects on my psych were almost immediate. Now my loved ones don't have to worry about me flying off the handle as I have finally gotten a grasp on my life long dilemma of just who I really am. The depression has diminished to the point of not having to turn in surveys when I go to the doctor. I have definitely mellowed out. Some things never change. I still hold grudges, but like I said. It's a work in progress.

[Charlie Nicki]

Yes. I was just like you before HRT. I think it was a combination of testosterone plus being unsatisfied with my life. I would have random outbursts over the smallest things sometimes...Those reactions are long gone and I'm mostly a big baby just crying all the time.

[krobinson103]

Before HRT I was just about always angry. Now I'm the opposite. I can't get angry without a lot of provocation and staying angry is hard.

[annaleaver]

Before HRT feeling dysphoric made me angry with myself and the world...Having been on HRT I only tend to get angry when really provoked. I probably swear more than I should, but that's the extent of it.

[Lady Sarah]

Transitioning by itself did not help me control my temper. It took quite a bit more than just that. I could probably write a book on everything I went through in order to control my rage.
Depending on just how bad your temper is, will have alot to do with how much transitioning can help. Just do not expect it to do all the work for you.

[StacyRenee]

The idea T makes a person into a raging bull is a myth, I discovered. I was like that before, probably because the estrogen was making me question every intonation of voice and every gesture and now I could care less. I suppose it is the same for people who are not designed to have T in their veins when they switch to estrogen.

I don't believe that this is a myth. Pre puberty I would cry if I was mad or angry. I hit puberty and I suddenly couldn't control my anger. I would destroy things at the drop of a hat. So much so that my sister was scared to be around me. After HRT, I'm back to crying when angry. (I still yell a lot.)

I do think that your brain gender effects how well you tolerate the testosterone. If you weren't meant to have it, it does wreak havoc. In your case Kylo, I think you're just better equipped to deal with the T.

[KathyLauren]

I never used to yell or throw things or punch holes in walls.  I was more the bottle-it-all-up-inside type.  I find that I do that a lot less now.  I can't really tell if it's because my life is less frustrating or because I process the frustrations better.  Probably a bit of both.

[Kylo]

I don't believe that this is a myth. Pre puberty I would cry if I was mad or angry. I hit puberty and I suddenly couldn't control my anger. I would destroy things at the drop of a hat. So much so that my sister was scared to be around me. After HRT, I'm back to crying when angry. (I still yell a lot.)

I do think that your brain gender effects how well you tolerate the testosterone. If you weren't meant to have it, it does wreak havoc. In your case Kylo, I think you're just better equipped to deal with the T.

Brain structure has more to do with it I reckon, yeah.

People were afraid that I would get 'worse' when I began HRT. I mean, they'd heard this idea T makes people violent and aggressive and they were genuinely spooked. I'd read stuff on bodybuilding forums as well where people were planning on a T cycle and were asking "will this send me over the edge?" and it seems it's not the T that exacerbates any violence on its own, it's that the person was already in a state primed for it - personality and situation matters in other words, among cis men. Now, me, I had a violent streak for sure, I used to fight with my siblings constantly, and with the local kids... probably because I was so unhappy, and I felt oppressed by them. But since T the opposite has occurred. I do think my brain was shaped that way because I have a big mouth and will stand up to people, I felt instinctively like I was in contention with people all my life, which is probably the lot of most males growing up - they do tend to get treated more harshly from the schoolyard onwards, physically. Probably not surprising if they come to expect it, or even think they have to learn to enjoy it, and that then gets built into the personality.

That said, I'll admit if someone is getting ratty I'm more likely now to tell them where they can stick it, rather than just eyeing them, but on the whole, estrogen seemed to raise my level of neurotic-ness while T lowered it. Puberty was horrible too, but I turned my anger on myself rather than outwards (not physically, but emotionally). I think I must have been horribly angry at that time, if my diary was anything to go by. I think a lot of people are, especially if they have unstable home lives.

[Danielle Kristina]

You have all clarified some of the before/after mysteries regarding transition.  While I don't know this for a fact, I'm starting to believe that much of the unhappiness in my life was caused, at least in part, of untreated dysphoria.  I have read many transgender stories of people who struggled with dysphoria from birth, and stories of people who were very unhappy throughout their lives but never knew why. 

I believe I fit into the second category.  While I've felt drawn to the feminine side since as far back as I can remember, I never felt dysphoric in the sense of some of the horror stories of dysphoria I have heard from others.  To me, my feminine identity was always a deep, dark secret - one that I even tried to hide from myself.  However, the more I discover my gender identity the more I believe that my general unhappiness is at least somewhat caused by dysphoria.  This conclusion has been drawn by both my own experiences and by the experiences of others who have bravely shared their stories.  I know that I'm happier than I used to be, but I still have unresolved issues to work out as well.