Accepting myself for who I am

[Danielle Kristina]

In my very first post on Susan's I stated some great fears of my possibly being transgender.  Looking back now I hope that it did not state anything offensive or demeaning to anyone because that was not my intent.  I was scared.  Very scared, like fear I haven't felt since I could remember.  However, I've been going to gender therapy with a wonderful lady who has been helping me become my real self and accept me for who I am.  I still have a lot of fear about coming out and transitioning, but not so much about being trans.  I am transgender and I accept that.  In fact, it feels good to know, accept, and love myself as such, like an enormous weight has been lifted off of me at last.

I haven't officially begun to transition yet, but in a way, I feel as if my transition has already started.  First through research, sharing on the forums, and therapy; next through self-love and acceptance; and recently I pierced my other ear (my left ear was pierced some 20 years ago though I seldom ever wore an earring.  I'm growing my hair out though it has a LONG way to go before it looks anything close to feminine.  Tonight, I ordered a trans pride flag shirt that I'll wear in public once I get it assuming I have the nerve to actually do it.  Maybe it can be a way of coming out without coming out, since I'm sure not everyone is aware of what the trans pride flag represents (of course we do and so do our allies).  Soon I'll buy a few more female items like women's jeans, a more androgynous shirt, and a pair of women's sneakers that I'll wear in public, and perhaps a makeup starter kit so I can begin learning how to apply it when I'm at home.  The more I embrace my true self, the more I want to embrace it.  The more I embrace, the better I feel about being me.

Besides my therapist I have no one I talk to about my transgender identity since I have yet to come out, so I pour my thoughts out here.  Thank you all for helping me find myself and teaching me to love me for who I am!

Love,

Danielle

[krobinson103]

I found Susan's to be an invaluable resource at the beginning and it continues to be a great support for me. The biggest lesson I learned was that you face one small problem at a time. One small fear, because each fear faced becomes a strength and can be used to support new and bigger challenges. The list of things to be done for transition is long, but eventually you find that the list is very short indeed and its all about waiting... a very common theme sadly!

It may seem like an impossible journey, I felt that way but eventually you realize that its not impossible. I suggest keeping a diary, noting the changes and reminding yourself on those dark days that you have come far.

[Madeline]

It's great that you're starting to feel happy about your transition!
Good luck on your journey!
X Maria

[Eryn T]

I'm very happy to hear about all the progress you've made, are making, and are planning to make, hun!

It is weird and wonderful to not be cis, but be trans.  I'm really glad you're finally getting to show yourself some love! Goodness knows we all need it!

For growing your hair out, couple tips I picked up.  Brushing daily, conditioner daily, only shampoo when you need(i do like every 3 days), and something that I felt like REALLY helped, but Im always so busy that I can't find time to do it. Is to lay on the edge of your bed with your head hanging over it, let the blood rush to your head and just hang out like that for a bit.  I only did it once, but I swear, it was the first time I felt like my hair had gotten any longer lol

But don't hurt yourself or get sick doing it!


Once again, so so happy for you hun! *hugs*

Much love,
Eryn

[Danielle Kristina]

I'm very happy to hear about all the progress you've made, are making, and are planning to make, hun!

It is weird and wonderful to not be cis, but be trans.  I'm really glad you're finally getting to show yourself some love! Goodness knows we all need it!

For growing your hair out, couple tips I picked up.  Brushing daily, conditioner daily, only shampoo when you need(i do like every 3 days), and something that I felt like REALLY helped, but Im always so busy that I can't find time to do it. Is to lay on the edge of your bed with your head hanging over it, let the blood rush to your head and just hang out like that for a bit.  I only did it once, but I swear, it was the first time I felt like my hair had gotten any longer lol

But don't hurt yourself or get sick doing it!


Once again, so so happy for you hun! *hugs*

Much love,
Eryn

Thank you Eryn,


It's weird becaue I've been trans my whole life, yet it is still so new to me.  Of course, I only recently began identifying as trans, but we're trans from birth nonetheless.  I was so scared that I might be trans and when I realized that fear was a reality, I had to love myself even more.  Two other things that acceptance of myself as a trans person has brough me is that I finally have the explanation of why I've felt so different from others (cisgender people) in regards to gender, and that I'm not alone in feeling this way as that there are other trans people like myself.  It's funny, because though I knew that transgender people existed, I still felt like I was the only one who felt the way I did.  I was ashamed of myself for wanting to be a woman my whole life, but now I know that these feminine feelings are just a part of who I am and there's nothing wrong with it.

Hugs!!!

Danielle

[pamelatransuk]

Hello again Danielle Kristina

I think you have now started transition as you are past the feeling of shock and now you accept yourself and you are planning.

I am so happy that you have reached acceptance and that you know you must love yourself (aswell as others).

I wish you every happiness on your journey.

Congratulations and Hugs

Pamela

[Danielle Kristina]

I'm very happy to hear about all the progress you've made, are making, and are planning to make, hun!

It is weird and wonderful to not be cis, but be trans.  I'm really glad you're finally getting to show yourself some love! Goodness knows we all need it!

For growing your hair out, couple tips I picked up.  Brushing daily, conditioner daily, only shampoo when you need(i do like every 3 days), and something that I felt like REALLY helped, but Im always so busy that I can't find time to do it. Is to lay on the edge of your bed with your head hanging over it, let the blood rush to your head and just hang out like that for a bit.  I only did it once, but I swear, it was the first time I felt like my hair had gotten any longer lol

But don't hurt yourself or get sick doing it!


Once again, so so happy for you hun! *hugs*

Much love,
Eryn

I meant to ask this before, but what shampoo and conditioner would you recommend?

[Danielle Kristina]

Hello again Danielle Kristina

I think you have now started transition as you are past the feeling of shock and now you accept yourself and you are planning.

I am so happy that you have reached acceptance and that you know you must love yourself (aswell as others).

I wish you every happiness on your journey.

Congratulations and Hugs

Pamela

Hi Pamela,

Thank you Pamela for all of your warm, loving support!  It's been a journey and it's far from over.


Hugs!!!


Danielle

[Danielle Kristina]

I found Susan's to be an invaluable resource at the beginning and it continues to be a great support for me. The biggest lesson I learned was that you face one small problem at a time. One small fear, because each fear faced becomes a strength and can be used to support new and bigger challenges. The list of things to be done for transition is long, but eventually you find that the list is very short indeed and its all about waiting... a very common theme sadly!

It may seem like an impossible journey, I felt that way but eventually you realize that its not impossible. I suggest keeping a diary, noting the changes and reminding yourself on those dark days that you have come far.

Thank you so much!  My therapist gave me a journal for my trans journey, and though I admit I don't write as often as I perhaps should, it has been a useful tool in my self-discovery.  And it has helped me to overcome some small fears.  It's also helped me put on paper what I want in my transition, which makes what's in my mind become more real.  This gives me direction, which is what I need.  It also helps me plan baby step after baby step, and I know one day all of those baby steps will add up to one great, long journey.