Honest to god terrified of hormones failing me

[jaybutterfly]

So Im not on HRT yet, but Im somewhat of a stocky build as you can probably see in some of my photos below. My current measurements are:

Height 5 foot 10.5 inches

Bust: 41

Waist: 35

Hip: 38

Weight: 87.2kg

(most recent of me, yes I am aware the beard is there, it wont be staying)



and a picture of me clean shaven:



Im carrying a little extra in terms of weight from being a competitive athlete and the strength and conditioning i worked up to and Im worried I will stay bulky. I know my hip measurements wont change too much since Im in my mid 20s (sadly, I really ALWAYS felt badly about that dysphorically speaking) but I'm also from a family of rather small breasts, and I fear I am going to look top heavy and too broad to pass, especially if I cant grow particularly well sized breasts.

Any advice from my fellow transwomen? Im no longer going to be getting on the judo mat to fight in tournaments anymore due to a loss of interest in the competition side of things, so I dont mind losing some mass before I go on HRT.

[Northern Star Girl]

@jaybutterfly  There are many members here that post HRT updates on a lot of the various threads on the forums.  Some, like yourself have not started HRT, some are just starting, and some are farther along in their HRT journey. 

Please do yourself a favor and take some time, perhaps a lot of time to look over the various threads that may address your concerns and your situation.  Many of the members threads have included before and after pictures and everything in between.  Some members post frequent updates about body changes and what they are experiencing.

HRT regimens are not a "one size fits all" solution.   Every body reacts to HRT differently.   What you read about others will most likely not be your experience.   Some bodies react with more significant changes more quickly and some bodies react with less significant changes at a slower pace.....  it is all up to your body and your genes.

To start HRT you will want to see and endocrinologist (transgender medical doctor) that will look at your blood test results frequently to determine how the HRT will be administered and from time to time with occasional dosage adjustments.

Patience is required, usually nothing happen very quickly with HRT... but changes will happen....
PATIENCE is required for sure.

So, again, look over the various threads here on the forums, there is a wealth of information that will be of interest to you.

Best wishes to you and please know that we will be looking for your updates.
Danielle

[Miss Clara]

HRT is rarely enough to erase the male secondary sex characteristic that occur during and following puberty.  This is especially true for facial hair, voice quality, and bone structure.  You may experience some loss of upper body muscle mass, some redistribution of fat, a relatively small amount of breast growth, and a reduction in body hair.  In general, I would not count on HRT alone to achieve a passable feminine appearance beyond puberty.  The more significant effect of estrogen is likely to be felt mentally.  In fact, estrogen therapy may be prescribed by your therapist/endo as a diagnostic tool to verify that what you are experiencing is indeed gender dysphoria rather than some other psychological condition.  Most trans women find that replacing testosterone with estrogen reduces the physiological component of their gender dysphoria (as distinguished from the social component) to a significant degree.  A short period of hormone therapy will not produce irreversible changes, so you can stop treatment at any time if the effect produces greater anxiety rather than less. 

[Dani]

Jaybutterfly,

It is really difficult to predict how HRT will affect any one person. Your appearance really depends on HRT and diet and exercise.

Since you are a competitive athlete, I am sure you know about aerobic exercise. This is one of the best ways to trim down to a more slender figure. Also pick a well balanced diet of enough calories to maintain your desired weight.

After several years on HRT, if you are not satisfied with the results, then consulting with a good plastic surgeon is a way to further feminize. Many of us older transitioners have shown dramatic results. Since you are starting in your mid 20's, I feel that you will be pleasantly surprised with your changes. 

[MissyMay2.0]

HRT is rarely enough to erase the male secondary sex characteristic that occur during and following puberty.  This is especially true for facial hair, voice quality, and bone structure.  You may experience some loss of upper body muscle mass, some redistribution of fat, a relatively small amount of breast growth, and a reduction in body hair.  In general, I would not count on HRT alone to achieve a passable feminine appearance beyond puberty. The more significant effect of estrogen is likely to be felt mentally.  In fact, estrogen therapy may be prescribed by your therapist/endo as a diagnostic tool to verify that what you are experiencing is indeed gender dysphoria rather than some other psychological condition.  Most trans women find that replacing testosterone with estrogen reduces the physiological component of their gender dysphoria (as distinguished from the social component) to a significant degree.  A short period of hormone therapy will not produce irreversible changes, so you can stop treatment at any time if the effect produces greater anxiety rather than less.

There are exceptions, but generally speaking, I think this is true.

There are a lot of positive benefits from HRT, but it does have limitations, and I feel it's important to be realistic.  I've been on HRT for 13 years, and during that time it has contributed a lot to my overall feminization (I've also had various feminizing surgeries), and has helped me feel a lot better about myself, because I feel like a whole person. 

[KathyLauren]

You can't do anything about your height, the width of your shoulders, or the size of your rib cage.  Everything else is up for grabs.  You can get a head start by losing any excess weight.  That is easier to do before starting HRT.  Also, get started on removing your facial hair.  Whether you do laser or electrolysis, it hurts less before you start HRT.  (Also, for electrolysis, you have to grow it out for three days before each treatment, which is really dysphoric after you start presenting as female!)

The one striking feature in your photos is your face.  In the clean-shaven photo, if you overlook the beard shadow, your face is already quite feminine.  I would say you have excellent potential for HRT to feminize your face further.

We often say "YMMV" (Your mileage may vary) when talking about HRT.  Nowhere is this more true than in breast growth.  If your family is small-breasted, you probably will be, too.  But, there are ways to deal with that.

I would say, don't let the fear of not passing hold you back.  This is about freeing your true self.

[ClaireXO]

From my perspective most likely cause I am young. I got a lot of positive changes, but I would say that HRT changes you more mentally then it does physically. This is my opinion.. I cried more and I felt so much more sensitive towards a lot more things. (I've always wanted to be sensitive) At this point I am super sensitive. YMMV.. I just recommend to prepare for the mental changes. Its amazing!

[Shellie Hart]

I am one of the oddballs here. I have been on HRT for well over two years. Eighty to ninety percent of my changes have been in exceptional breast growth. I am quite large in the chest now (after starting flat) and can't really hide (I am closeted outside home). After 22 months, though, I suddenly developed nice hips. I did get soft skin and my body odor changed. However, unfortunately for me, no changes to the face (that I can see). I really did want facial changes. I am early 40s. With HRT nothing is more true than YMMV....

[Kendra]

> Also, get started on removing your facial hair.  Whether you do laser or electrolysis, it hurts less before you start HRT.  (Also, for electrolysis, you have to grow it out for three days before each treatment, which is really dysphoric after you start presenting as female!)

What Kathy said is so important - if you can, get started soon as possible with permanent facial hair removal.  This can be done at any time but is easier right now for several reasons.  HRT reduces most areas of body hair but not facial hair.

If you proceed with everything I think you will be amazed at the changes. 

[jaybutterfly]

What Kathy said is so important - if you can, get started soon as possible with permanent facial hair removal.  This can be done at any time but is easier right now for several reasons.  HRT reduces most areas of body hair but not facial hair.

If you proceed with everything I think you will be amazed at the changes.

Ive been having laser hair removal already but it's dont very little to my body hair and the ones on my neck, even after complete courses.

TBF I dont think my face looks super masculine anyway int he clean shaven one, so Im hoping hormones will help that.

[Katie Jade]

Hi
Just have faith, you will change, and you will be your true self. The head rules after all.
Ive been on HRT for 6 months and my chest is needing to be 'controlled' when I go to work as I'm not out. Again I have a large/broad chest but that has started to reduce as I loose fat and muscle it seems.
Even now I have lost up to an inch in height and a shoe size already. I have a long way to go as I was a rugby second row for 25 years (not major clubs and then lower level sides). You have age on your side - Im 56....
Have faith and patience.
As to hair - my limited body leg and arm hair has slowed and softened, chest hair shrinking but I will need transplants on my head. That said my hair is growing thickly now already.
My mind is much clearer unless I get emotional then then not so clear.. cry too much as well. Unlike you I have 50 years of fear, embarrassment, anxiety and some depression. Make your decision and don't let those issues strike. You look good to me as I can see you will look really good, you just need the faith and patience to get there. Its not easy for any of us.
You will be fine as you have the chance nowadays to do this and be accepted at a young age. I do envy you somewhat. But cant change time for me, so I truly wish you every happiness. Go Girl 
Luv n Hugz
Katie

[Kendra]

Laser failed with my dark red beard - I quickly switched to electrolysis for that. 

Something I didn't realize until I spent quite a bit of time with electrolysis is how visible the hair roots are.  Up close every full size root forms a little crater and skin is somewhat transparent, so each active follicle changes the look of surrounding skin even if hair is perfectly shaved.  After completing electrolysis I stopped wearing foundation.  The only makeup I usually wear is eyes and lipstick.  Hair removal isn't easy, but it's permanent if done the right way.

[Pisces228]

I started hrt at 27 and was worried it would have minimum effect.  I have learned that time and patience is key.  Start electrolysis or laser now.  I have about 90 percent of my facial hair gone but the important part is I don't have a beard shadow or dark hairs anymore; a shadow will be more obvious than a small amount of controllable hair.  Weight loss helps as well.  I was much to thin before hrt and ended up gaining 54 pounds.  Gaining weight after your hormones are in the female range is helpful for some.  You might be surprised.  Hormones are powerful stuff.

BTW, your face is pretty feminine clean shaven already.

[Sleepykitty123]

Like many trans people have said before "HRT aint magic pills", sometimes they work, sometimes they dont, and sometimes theyre super effective, it all depends on many factors, your genes, HRT regimen, how well your body takes to the new found hormones, age, metabolism etc.

[pamelatransuk]

Hello again Jaybutterfly

I agree that you have a feminine face to start with (excluding beard shadow) which is an advantage as is your young age. If I were you, I would start HRT asap and continue Body Hair Removal.

HRT and BHR are what really feminises us and the former emotionally aswell as physically.

As you can I have been on HRT over 5 months and I am seeing similar results to Katie.

I waited till age 62 before taking action having known I was trans at 4. Please do not be put off by fear or embarrassment or you may become depressed for years like me.

I wish you every success and I am truly hopeful for you.

Hugs

Pamela

[jaybutterfly]

Hello again Jaybutterfly

I agree that you have a feminine face to start with (excluding beard shadow) which is an advantage as is your young age. If I were you, I would start HRT asap and continue Body Hair Removal.

HRT and BHR are what really feminises us and the former emotionally aswell as physically.

As you can I have been on HRT over 5 months and I am seeing similar results to Katie.

I waited till age 62 before taking action having known I was trans at 4. Please do not be put off by fear or embarrassment or you may become depressed for years like me.

I wish you every success and I am truly hopeful for you.

Hugs

Pamela

Only thing I want to do before then is store sperm, which i need to do privately so I need some money saved first

[Katie Jade]

Hi Hun,
Just checked what the cost is for that in the UK and one site says it ranges from £175 - £450 per year. No Idea what it is in the good old US of A.

You are saying the right things and planning - which is a very good idea.

Take care and shout if you need help or advice, someone is sure to have suggestions or RLE applicable to any questions you have.

Luv n Hugz

Katie