Things that make feel more feminine before coming out

[AprilJeane]

Hello everyone,

So I have just started my journey to the better me but I have not come out yet and I'm not sure when I will. But in the mean time I'm trying to find different ways to improve my selfesteem and feel more feminine but things that are not obvious to everyone. I started body shaping the best I can at the gym, focusing on my hips and butt, I shaved my chest and underarms, started using good moisturizer all over, and I really started focusing on taking care of my face. Is there anything anyone has done that you think might help. Thank you again.
V/R
April

[GordonG]

I hear you. I'm doing the same. I've taken to apply lotion all over too, and jojoba oil daily to my face after shaving.  Feels good right?

I'm a guy and will alway be one, however with a feminine bent. I don't wear a wig, actually my head is shaved. I'm built like a big football player so I'll never pass a female. I've been called Mr Clean a few times. Actually that would make a nice avatar.

However I do things to make myself feel girly. I've lost about 35 pounds so far, and I often wear a little foundation and eye makeup. Not a lot, very subtle. Most people wouldn't notice unless they got right up close. I also wear earrings, I have 3 piercings in each ear with graduated small hoops in them. And I get manicures with light color nail polish and pedicures too. Oh, I often wear a skirt too out and about. Usually a denim one.

I wish you well on your journey. Sounds like your doing well.

[HappyMoni]

April, how about undies? That helped me some.
Moni

[Sonja]

One of the first things I did with regularity was wearing women's socks - cute designs that were hidden when I was out in public (winter) and out and about around the house. Loved lying on the couch watching a movie and staring down at my feet now and then - put a smile on my face.

Sonja.

[Eryn T]

Hey April!

Before coming 'out' (Im still not on HRT yet, though) I also did the panties, shaving, lotion, and exercise, stuff. I see you mention body shaping with the gym, have you tried or do you recommend against things like waist cinchers or waist trainers?

I swear by mine(though I need a better, new one at this point, I think) when I first wore my female shirt, the proportions of my body was just awful, but with one it was much better, and for the most part my stomach has retained this shape even without the waist cinchers, on. That like 'immediate' results of having a more feminine figure did wonders to my self-esteem!

Sorry, the photos are at different angles >.< same clothes though.





Also, please don't mind the doctor's mask. I was using that to cover my face before I could figure out makeup, but I don't use the mask anymore! 

[Danielle Kristina]

Hi April,

I too have not come out yet nor have I begun HRT, though these may change very soon.  I still present as male outside the house, but I wear panties full time, shave my legs, chest, and underarms.  Two weeks ago I got my right ear pierced (my left was pierced about 20 years ago).  I started growing out my hair and even started conditioning and brushing it.  Soon I hope to have it styled and I'd also like to get my toenails painted.

You mentioned using moisturizer and exercise, both of which in need to start doing myself.  I plan to get a makeup starter kit, so I can begin practicing using makeup.  I believe by putting these things into practice that my transition has already begun, albeit very subtle.  I also find that transitioning does not happen as fast as I would like.  But I also try to make little baby steps, and eventually these baby steps will add up into one great, long journey.

Hugs!!!


Danielle

[Eryn T]

I also find that transitioning does not happen as fast as I would like.  But I also try to make little baby steps, and eventually these baby steps will add up into one great, long journey.

Hugs!!!


Danielle

Quoted for emphasis. I understand that many of us dream of just *snap*, waking up, fully cis-female, and all, but even if that happened, learning how to 'be' female from a society stand-point takes a lot of time, practice, research, and effort, too. 

The time you take to learn how to rest your arms, or your stance, to walk, to gesture, other body language things, get better at shaving(all over), tucking(if no SRS yet), speaking, makeup, and a slew of so many other things.  But that, too, is why I think it's important to keep daily records, to see how you've progressed- because the change is subtle and slow, those small increments can be hard to notice sometimes, but in truth the difference is HUGE! 

[VickyS]

Hi April,

Here's a quick list of what I have been doing.  Wife tolerates it but doesn't like it.  If I were single, I'd do a lot more.

Here's a quick list of what helps me:
1.  paint toenails which are hidden under socks and shoes.
2.  wear women's socks
3.  wear women's underwear
4.  remove all body hair (epilate, shave, creams, laser, whatever works)
5.  grow fingernails, shape and paint with clear varnish
6.  grow head hair out
7.  wear women's deoderant
8.  sit down to pee
9.  work on feminine mannerisms (not too much in a male environment).
10.  work on voice in private
11.  Drink spearmint tea (3 or 4 cups a day).  It's a mild anti-androgen supposed to help reduce body hair and soften skin.  I've noticed the softer skin although it does feel like I'm doing something, so it helps psychologically!
12.  Start electrolysis to remove facial hair (expensive).
13.  Buy something cheap but really feminine on eBay even if it doesn't get used.  Can be a real boost when feeling low.

Hope this helps.

Vicky x

[KathyLauren]

Hi, April.  Lots of good suggestions above.

If you are thinking that you will transition at some point, it is never too soon to start facial hair removal.  Most trans women need some electrolysis, and for many of us, it is amlost 100% electrolysis.  At one hour per week, it takes an average of two years to clear the face.  During that time, you have to grow your hair out for three days every week, which is much less dysphoric if you are still presenting as male.  Also, the skin is more sensitive once you start HRT, so it hurts less if you are still presenting as male.  Once you get far enough into the process that you can feel the difference (about a year and a half in), the smooth facial skin feels very feminine.

[Bari Jo]

Great list Vicky, I still do most of that daily.  I remember reading about the spearmint tea and I started that immediately.  Another thing I do, and I started early is wear perfume. Nobody notices that a perfume is overly femme, but you will know.  Whenever I feel dysphoric, I sniff my perfumed wrist and feel much better.  Also to do this right go to a big store that sells perfume.  There will be sales girls and they will want to help.  When one asked if I was buying for my girlfriend or wife, I said, nope I'm buying for me.  That little admission helped me on my way and is still a proud moment in my journey.  I encourage you to do the same,

Also most of us are used to purging our women's clothes many times before we accepted ourselves.  However starting to purge men's clothes is therapeutic.  Start with your underwear.  Every week, 1-2 men's underwear goes bye bye.  Eventually you will only have ladies underwear.  Then move to socks, shirts, jeans, etc.

Anyway, hope that helps.

Bari Jo

[heather3791]

One small thing I did a few weeks ago was to buy a couple new colored Apple Watch bands. (Got a hot pink one and a sand pink band.) then I changed the watch face to pink colors. Something small but makes you feel good when you look at your watch.

[AprilJeane]

Thank you all for the amazing advice so. Eryn, I have looked into waist clinchers and I think is something I will purchase here in the near future. Vicky great list, and thank you. I need to try the spearmint tea. Right now with I am in the same place as you with my wife. She is very supportive but I know there are things right now she is not ready for me to be doing and I don't want to rush her anymore then what she is prepared for as well.
Kathy, I wish I could start electrolysis but I can't let me hair grow out that long each week. I'm currently in the military and I have to shave every day. That is also one reason I am not fully transitioning yet. Right now I am in just in constant state of compromise which can get frustrating but I know April is going to win this war in the long run and it will be worth it. But right she has to play the long game.

V/R
April

[ErinAscending]

I wear a tuck most of the time and sit down to pee exclusively as my own little signals to myself.  Just constant reminders that I know who I am and no one can stop me!  Bwa Ha Ha Ha.  I also use a feminine voice (no where near perfect and deliberately toned down so as not to be a caricature) whether anyone likes it or not.  I've actually been working on that voice in private for 30 freakin years while still denying myself til recently.  Now it's public and it's not going back.  I think most people just assume I'm gay...  Don't mind if they do.  I have been working on posture, and mannerisms as well.

All while still presenting male...  Ick.

Other than that I do silly things sometimes just to make myself feel better when down.  I had to go get a blood draw this morning before work and was feeling like crap.  So the Phlebotomist takes my blood, removes the needle and staunches the site with cotton, reaches for a roll of blue first aid tape with little dark blue trucks on it.  He had a pile of these rolls of tape.  There was green with dinosaurs.  The blue one.  And yellow with some other design on it.  And a pink one with hearts.  I told him I wanted the pink one...  Silly I know.  But I walked out in a much better mood.

[christinej78]

I wear a tuck most of the time and sit down to pee exclusively as my own little signals to myself.  Just constant reminders that I know who I am and no one can stop me!  Bwa Ha Ha Ha.  I also use a feminine voice (no where near perfect and deliberately toned down so as not to be a caricature) whether anyone likes it or not.  I've actually been working on that voice in private for 30 freakin years while still denying myself til recently.  Now it's public and it's not going back.  I think most people just assume I'm gay...  Don't mind if they do.  I have been working on posture, and mannerisms as well.

All while still presenting male...  Ick.

Other than that I do silly things sometimes just to make myself feel better when down.  I had to go get a blood draw this morning before work and was feeling like crap.  So the Phlebotomist takes my blood, removes the needle and staunches the site with cotton, reaches for a roll of blue first aid tape with little dark blue trucks on it.  He had a pile of these rolls of tape.  There was green with dinosaurs.  The blue one.  And yellow with some other design on it.  And a pink one with hearts.  I told him I wanted the pink one...  Silly I know.  But I walked out in a much better mood.

Hi Erin,                     18 July 2018

I wear something PINK almost all the time, My Navy hat and pink sunglasses, pint T-shirts, pink Panties, pink socks and Pink sneakers. My next pair of jeans will be PINK.

Have fun and enjoy being whomever you want to be; it is after all, your life and you deserve to enjoy it.

Best Always, Love,
Christine

[christinej78]

Hi April,

Here's a quick list of what I have been doing.  Wife tolerates it but doesn't like it.  If I were single, I'd do a lot more.

Here's a quick list of what helps me:
1.  paint toenails which are hidden under socks and shoes.
2.  wear women's socks
3.  wear women's underwear
4.  remove all body hair (epilate, shave, creams, laser, whatever works)
5.  grow fingernails, shape and paint with clear varnish
6.  grow head hair out
7.  wear women's deoderant
8.  sit down to pee
9.  work on feminine mannerisms (not too much in a male environment).
10.  work on voice in private
11.  Drink spearmint tea (3 or 4 cups a day).  It's a mild anti-androgen supposed to help reduce body hair and soften skin.  I've noticed the softer skin although it does feel like I'm doing something, so it helps psychologically!
12.  Start electrolysis to remove facial hair (expensive).
13.  Buy something cheap but really feminine on eBay even if it doesn't get used.  Can be a real boost when feeling low.

Hope this helps.

Vicky x

Hi Vicky,                           18 July 2018

Here's my list made from your list:

1.  Having toenails surgically removed. Will have toes tattooed with pink toenails
2.  Wear women's socks
3.  Wear women's underwear
4.  Remove all body hair including head (Waxing, shave)
5.  Work I do makes fingernails dangerous
6.  Tried it, looks like moths got the best of it; shaved it off again.
7.  Wear women's deodorant and cologne.
8.  Sit to pee
9.  If I did someone might think I was a lesbian. Oh, I am a lesbian.
10. Nothing much to work with in this department
11. Spearmint Tea??? Too Yuppie for me.
12. Start electrolysis to remove facial hair. Tried with the pubes; they came back thicker than they were.
13. Don't buy on amazon. Is Kohl's ok?
14. Saved the best for last: Had my balls chopped off Friday 13 April 2018. They are now hanging from my trailer hitch. Why are they so small you ask? I used them up having self induced sexual gratification along with my pseudo lesbian relationships.

Hope you don't mind me stealing some of your stuff.

Best Always, Love,
Christine

[VickyS]

Hi Vicky,                           18 July 2018

Here's my list made from your list:

1.  Having toenails surgically removed. Will have toes tattooed with pink toenails
2.  Wear women's socks
3.  Wear women's underwear
4.  Remove all body hair including head (Waxing, shave)
5.  Work I do makes fingernails dangerous
6.  Tried it, looks like moths got the best of it; shaved it off again.
7.  Wear women's deodorant and cologne.
8.  Sit to pee
9.  If I did someone might think I was a lesbian. Oh, I am a lesbian.
10. Nothing much to work with in this department
11. Spearmint Tea??? Too Yuppie for me.
12. Start electrolysis to remove facial hair. Tried with the pubes; they came back thicker than they were.
13. Don't buy on amazon. Is Kohl's ok?
14. Saved the best for last: Had my balls chopped off Friday 13 April 2018. They are now hanging from my trailer hitch. Why are they so small you ask? I used them up having self induced sexual gratification along with my pseudo lesbian relationships.

Hope you don't mind me stealing some of your stuff.

Best Always, Love,
Christine

1. Sounds extremely painful!  And tricky if you want to change colour...
5.  Interesting!  I'm currently trying to alter my habits so I don't break nails.  I have found that the main reason some women handle things in such a feminine manner is to prevent nail damage as it's a lot less if I handle things in a more delicate feminine way rather than going at things like a bull in a china shop like a man would usually do (apoligies to all the men reading this but you do  )  Also, any chips or ridges that could catch on anything must be dealt with IMMEDIATELY! So, always have a nail file on hand.
6. Transplants?  Expensive and no doubt painful...
10.  It's apparently rare for voice training not to work.  Most people have the physical hardware, it just needs re-training, even if you have a voice like Frank Bruno gargling with gravel...
11.  lol. Love that!  I'm not a yuppie though, don't fit the Y part or the rest and I'm working class so just get some 
12.  Keep doing it till they are gone... eventually they won't come back and you will be as smooth as a cashmere codpiece!
13.  Anywhere, just eBay seems convenient for me and it keeps the Chinese traders happy...
14.  Eeeeek!  Just Eeeek!  Not saying anything else there. But seriously, congrats! 

And yes, please use and abuse anything I post to your heart's content! 

Vicky x

[AprilJeane]

Eryn, thank you for the video. It won't allow me to reply directly but i wanted to say thank you and really appreciate it.

V/R
April

[christinej78]

1. Sounds extremely painful!  And tricky if you want to change colour...
5.  Interesting!  I'm currently trying to alter my habits so I don't break nails.  I have found that the main reason some women handle things in such a feminine manner is to prevent nail damage as it's a lot less if I handle things in a more delicate feminine way rather than going at things like a bull in a china shop like a man would usually do (apoligies to all the men reading this but you do  )  Also, any chips or ridges that could catch on anything must be dealt with IMMEDIATELY! So, always have a nail file on hand.
6. Transplants?  Expensive and no doubt painful...
10.  It's apparently rare for voice training not to work.  Most people have the physical hardware, it just needs re-training, even if you have a voice like Frank Bruno gargling with gravel...
11.  lol. Love that!  I'm not a yuppie though, don't fit the Y part or the rest and I'm working class so just get some 
12.  Keep doing it till they are gone... eventually they won't come back and you will be as smooth as a cashmere codpiece!
13.  Anywhere, just eBay seems convenient for me and it keeps the Chinese traders happy...
14.  Eeeeek!  Just Eeeek!  Not saying anything else there. But seriously, congrats! 

And yes, please use and abuse anything I post to your heart's content! 

Vicky x

Hi Vicky,                 19 July 2018

Thank you; I think I'm going to reconsider the Spearmint Tea; I like that flavor in LifeSavers so I'll look for it the next trip to WallyWorld.

Number 14 was written for shock affect. Did have an Orchiectomy Friday 13 April 2018. It was a "Bilateral, Radical, Inguinal, Orchiectomy." Sounds rather extreme but in reality, it is the least traumatic of the three generally accepted methods. The "Simple Orchiectomy" will be quite traumatic, painful and slow to heal as they cut through the scrotum. With the Inguinal, they make a small, about 1.5 - 2 inch incision on each side over the inguinal canal. In less than a week my incisions had healed and there was little scaring. I had no pain, only a minor bit of discomfort which was handled very well with 6 Tylenol tablets over the first two days. The surgery took about 30 minutes; they put me to sleep using Propofol only, no benzodiazepine class drugs were administered. To anyone reading this, benzodiazepine drugs used for General Anesthesia are extremely dangerous and more so the older you are. You can find lots of info on the net about GA and the problems that are occurring because of the Benzos being administered during GA.

Didn't mean to steal your thread but do want to inform folks of the dangers associated with GA.

Best Always, Love,
Christine

[Danielle Kristina]

11.  Drink spearmint tea (3 or 4 cups a day).  It's a mild anti-androgen supposed to help reduce body hair and soften skin.  I've noticed the softer skin although it does feel like I'm doing something, so it helps psychologically!

Does this actually work?  If so, I'd definitely be willing to give it a try!

Danielle

[VickyS]

Does this actually work?  If so, I'd definitely be willing to give it a try!

Danielle

It does seem to. The hairs on my arms have become much finer but that may also be due to 6 months of epilating once a week so difficult to tell.  Skin definately feels softer and smoother.

One word of warning though it can worsen liver or kidney problems if you have that already but if you are healthy there should be no problem.  Have a search on here for spearmint tea. There is a HUGE thread on it from years ago.

V x

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