My first trans dream that was an absolute nightmare

[Tatiana 79]

Hello Dawn
It sounds like our careers were quite similar getting up at the same time and back pretty close because I had to drive, the  hundred thirty miles a day 6 days a week.
But the funny thing is I was able to do it then because I was sleeping okay, but sleep is so critical to our lives kind of like breathing but it just takes longer to feel the effects
I was just wondering if you're sleep improved or anyone else's has because I know mine is already getting better and I just started but it is the biggest priority in my life to try and cure right now
Thanks so much Dawn.
love you Tatiana

[Tatiana 79]

 just a little update I woke up this morning feeling wonderful with energy to burn and had Vivid wonderfully good dreams instead of the horrific nightmare from the day before. Plus it seems like I'm thinking a little more clear and the cloud that's been inhibiting my head seems to be dissipating, and it's almost like I have a sense of well-being now with energy to burn I'm certain to become a lot more functional.
I sure hope this continues because I can't imagine how good it's going to be.
love you all Tatiana

[Northern Star Girl]

Hello Dawn
It sounds like our careers were quite similar getting up at the same time and back pretty close because I had to drive, the  hundred thirty miles a day 6 days a week.
But the funny thing is I was able to do it then because I was sleeping okay, but sleep is so critical to our lives kind of like breathing but it just takes longer to feel the effects
I was just wondering if you're sleep improved or anyone else's has because I know mine is already getting better and I just started but it is the biggest priority in my life to try and cure right now
Thanks so much Dawn.
love you Tatiana

@Tatiana 79
Dear Tatiana:
It's interesting that you were wondering about others sleep habits improving lately....  your thread must be working!!!!   I have had a wonderful, mostly uninterrupted sleep the last two nights.... as you know, a good sleep is not only refreshing but the next day the result is evident... able to think clearly, not be as irritable, not be as emotional, etc..... everything that you just reported about your good night's rest.
.... oh and  @DawnOday ... I trust that you are getting your good night's rest lately too!!!
All of us girls can always use additional "beauty sleep" .... never enough of that.

just a little update I woke up this morning feeling wonderful with energy to burn and had Vivid wonderfully good dreams instead of the horrific nightmare from the day before. Plus it seems like I'm thinking a little more clear and the cloud that's been inhibiting my head seems to be dissipating, and it's almost like I have a sense of well-being now with energy to burn I'm certain to become a lot more functional.
I sure hope this continues because I can't imagine how good it's going to be.
love you all Tatiana

[Tatiana 79]

You truly are an inspiring person, as your first username here but you are in reality too my dear thanks so much for all your help and encouragement, I sure hope some of your attitudes contagious because I want a little. lol
Love Tatiana

[pamelatransuk]

Danielle

Congratulations on 2 good nights sleep.

Thank you for all your support to us all. You really are such a great motivator.


Tatiana

I am so happy you had good dreams last night and that you have so much energy due to restful sleeping.

I think that the HRT you recently started is showing the first effects: the gradual removal of the fog and the mind becoming clearer.

Hugs to you both

Pamela

[ErinWDK]

Tatiana,

It is good to hear you are getting better sleep -- without awful dreams.

I just got a message from a friend saying a drunk driver took out the street light in front of her house last night at midnight.  A full response to the incident kept her from sleep for two hours.  That wasn't really a nightmare, but in other ways it was!

Here's wishing you more peaceful sleep.


Erin

[Tatiana 79]

Thanks everyone something is definitely happening for the positive so far it's like every molecule of my body has wanted this and slowly it's getting it.
It's kind of like the sky just looks bluer or clouds or prettier, Birds sound better and hope much improved for the future.

And I'm so happy for you Danielle,
I know that you're not worrying about sleep which is wonderful and I have found it in my life it was kind of a Tipping Point and definitely a big red flag. file-this back in your brain, o
inspiring one.
Perhaps it might be of some use in the future with all the members you help.

and Pamela thank you for being there for me GF
Know that your kind hearted demeanor and soft-spoken insightful words are well received

And Erin
Thank you so much for your well wishes for me with peaceful sleep it seems to be occurring.
When I was sleep deprived and had to drive to work and other things it could have been someone like me that smashed into the pole by your friend's house but I believe for me those days are over.

Thank you all for your encouragement it's really helping me with my confidence

love you all Tatiana

[Sephirah]

I just wanted to share this with everyone before I lost it.
I usually never fall into REM sleep because I've only been averaging about an hour or maybe two asleep on night for an awfully long time.
But this dream was so vivid so colorful so powerful I actually woke up shaking after 7 hours of sleep.
In a nutshell it started off at a family gathering in a farmhouse similar to where I used to live but I had to run out of the house because everyone knew I was trans and really felt my first discrimination through this dream.
After running out of this house walking endlessly it seemed like to the first town and my phone was dead couldn't use GPS or anything and was completely lost. Then I entered a small town seeking help and everyone was against me and then formed up into kind of a Frankenstein mob as I ran out hiding in a cornfield with the mob approaching me I felt so completely alone and defenseless for the first time. But then I woke up with this mob almost upon me.
From what I've been reading here I know that my nightmare is reality for some members and I'm kind of glad I had it because it puts me in the shoes of those who have experienced this type of thing in real life. I don't see this as a precursor for my transition because I know it never would happen in my little Utopia up here where I live.
Still shaking love Tatiana

Okay I'm going to offer a different take on this. Because sometimes dreams don't mean what we think they mean. And sometimes it's about how you interpret them after they happen. It's about what things mean to people, and the associations we draw from them.

In a nutshell it started off at a family gathering in a farmhouse similar to where I used to live but I had to run out of the house because everyone knew I was trans and really felt my first discrimination through this dream.

What is a family home? It can be a place you feel safe. A place you don't feel any responsibility really for living your own life. A place where you don't have the chance to strike out on your own. Having to run out could mean that you felt at a point in your life where you had to do something for yourself. To make a change for yourself and start living your own life.

After running out of this house walking endlessly it seemed like to the first town and my phone was dead couldn't use GPS or anything and was completely lost.

This could mean that you had to rely on yourself and your own feelings. To judge where you wanted your life to go based on you, and you alone. With no one else able to tell you what path to take or where to go. The only frame of reference you have is how you feel.

Then I entered a small town seeking help and everyone was against me and then formed up into kind of a Frankenstein mob

This could mean that you were looking for answers somewhere, and didn't find what you were looking for. That you were aware of the weight of feeling around you of people who don't understand what you're going through. That perhaps the path in front of you might not be easy, and you might have opposition from people who don't understand how you feel.

as I ran out hiding in a cornfield with the mob approaching me I felt so completely alone and defenseless for the first time.

Look at where you were. A cornfield. A place full of nourishment and growth. A place full of life that reaches for the sun on a daily basis. And which, ultimately feeds us. Gives us strength. In the face of adversity you found yourself in a place which sustains.

But then I woke up with this mob almost upon me.

But then you woke up. That itself can be significant. A resolution of your thoughts and how you feel about yourself. And what you need to do. In the face of opposition and adversity... you woke up. You came back to the present. To who, and how you are. And what you need to do.

I'm not saying that's what it means, sweetie. That's one take on it. That would be my take on it. I've had no end of scary dreams in my life. Dreams of dying, dreams of the world ending... I have one recurring dream of this huge black tornado taking away everything I ever loved... but I don't think they mean what they seem to mean. They're the minds clumsy way of telling us things. In a way we don't immediately understand.

*extra big hug*

[Tatiana 79]

Hello Sephirah
Thank you very much for your bit by bit assessment of my nightmare I think it's just priceless for your insight.


I've been thinking about it more and more and actually realized it was my Godfather's Farm on the Michigan Ohio border where he grew a huge amount of corn and that's about all that was grown in that area. Very flat and very treeless much different to where I live now
And as far as the family home I remember knowing about half of the people but half Were Strangers. Then I remember ducking the few cars seeing the headlights into the corn wait until they pass by thinking they're chasing me.
It's true that the corn fields were very familiar to me and definitely nurturing but after I left the farm country and headed up to the northern boreal forest and have become as one to survive in it and the corn fields now seem completely alien to me.
I really appreciate you taking the time out for me, and very much respect your experienced opinion.
It's just my opinion on it I'm certainly no expert or have any experience being my first trans dream but I think it was my unawareness of the discrimination against us and reading some real horror stories here at Susan's in the few months I have been exposed to the trans scene coupled with my first REM sleep might have had something to do with this. At least I'm getting REM sleep now and sleeping much much better and I don't know if it's psychology or the start of HRT but I do notice something big time is changing in me for the better.  but when I woke up this morning I had six and a half hours of continuous sleep and had Vivid very good dreams.
I really hope this is the trend I actually feel a little more clear-headed and a general sense of well-being but I don't know if it's Placebo psychology or HRT starting but I don't care because it's all for the positive. And now have hope for the future where before I really had none.
Thanks for your advice on this thread and some of my other stuff and know that you're experience and wisdom has truly affected my life for the positive and you have truly set the bar extremely high with your caring loving attitude. love Tatiana